One day, there was a dung beetle. He had found himself at a farm. Normally, he would just move on and roll someone else’s poo-poo for some reason, but this bug felt inclined to explore the place. Why? Well, rolling poop around till they are giant balls can get boring at points.

So, the beetle decided to walk around and take in his surroundings. He saw the barn, what appeared to be a pasture and a field. Then he saw a big house. Remembering some books that he had read, he thought this was a plantation.

Another thing the poo bug noticed was that there were some humans in the field, working on the crops and such. Since a plantation is big, he assumed that there were more humans in the house. While he was pondering this in his small brain, he noticed he stumbled into the pasture. There were cows. Obviously.

‘Hmm… This is a big plantation,’ the dung beetle thought. ‘There could be a lot of animals around here.’

Then… he smelled it. Poop. That… that… disgusting thing that all living matter does. POOP. So, the beetle thought it would be best to roll the feces into a ball for easy disposal. Or at least make it look more formal, if you call balls of scat formal.

The bug then decided to hell with it, and went deeper into the pasture, searching for the shit he smelled. He sniffed and found it, then began rolling it. He put so much concentration in rolling that big pile of excrement that he didn’t notice he was heading towards a bull, who was about to take a ‘devallin’.

The dung beetle, who was immersed in his ball of crap that he got a surprise when the bull’s poo-poo fell on him. This obviously got the poor insect angry, as he was dealing with another problem.

The little janitor bug (as those damn feminine ladybug guys called him) then started to crawl out of the pile of hot fecal matter. The smell was overwhelming and was a bit too much for the small guy, who felt desecrated for being shat upon by someone like the bull.

Just as soon as his head popped out, the beetle met another shower of scat. It was deeeessssgusting. The bug also had his mouth open. Blegh.

The small guy then burrowed his way out of the shitty problem he got himself in and shook the poop off of him. Then he tried to hit the bull.

The bull, who was busy doing nothing, felt the little tap that the tiny scat beetle thought was a punch. He looked down and blinked at him. And slowly said, “What the hell are you?”

The bug tried to growl and only achieved what appeared to be a choking sound. Which was what almost happened as he spat out shit. After that gruesome sight, the bug said in a steady voice, “I am a dung beetle. I roll around others poo for a living.”

The bull then decided he should show the same amount of generosity the bug had given him, replying with, “That’s disgusting.”

“No it’s not! Someone has to do it!” He said, flailing his tiny arms. Then he crossed them and added, “Besides, I was rolling the poo-poo-”

“It’s called shit. Or scat. Or-”

“I know!” the small creature shouted, sending the small pieces of poo (excuse me, shit/scat/poop/poo-poo/fecal matter) out of his mouth. “And you took a shit on me! I can’t believe you shitted on me! Why would you do that?”

The bull just blinked at him and frowned. Already can he tell this bug was annoying and probably self-centered from the way he was shouting at him just because the beetle was concentrating on the shit ball he was making. So, he decided to crush this small bug and get on with his day.

“Well? Are ya gonna apologize? I may be a dung beetle, but I don’t like to roll around in shit. I ROLL the shit.” He was tapping his foot. The bull then thought it would be better to do something other than killing the bugger.

He smiled and thought it would be a great way of getting this annoying thing off of his plantation.

“Why are you smiling?” The dung beetle said, whose pride was hurt. He huffed. ‘This bull is dumb,’ he thought.

The bovine then moved away from the insect and stared at it. “Sorry,” he said.

The bug nodded and accepted the apology.

Then the bull blew as hard as he could. The bug fell backwards and gave a gasp of surprise. The bull then walked calmly forward and sat down on the bug, the smell of the recent poo-poo still strong on the anus of the mammal.

The bug, still shocked at the sudden turn of events, laid there in shock. The smell was horrendous and disgusting. The bug then noticed he couldn’t breathe. Well, he could, but he could only breathe in the gruesome air known as fart.

He tried to move, but the weight of the bull was too much for him. Then he heard the brute say the following:

“I believe it is you who should apologize. You did walking into my shit after all. Ya coulda seen it coming. But no, you decided to roll others into a ball for no goddamn reason.”

The beetle, whose oxygen was depleting and was being crushed, tried to move away from the anus that was above him. Fear was starting to control the poor beast as it tried to get out of the treacherous trap known as a butt.

“And, for being so damn self-centered, I decided to try and see if you really do like shit.” To the poor bug, it seemed like the bull was being an ass and doing this for laughs. The tiny insect again tried in vain to escape the horrible fumes of the poop, but Just Could Not Get Out.

“Now, say this with me ya lil’ pile of crap. ‘I like shit and I like to roll it around.’ Say it with me, and you’d get out.”

The bull raised his haunches slightly above the bug, but only so far that the bug was still trapped between the ground and a stink place.

“I… NO!” The beetle decided to try and reason with the stupid oaf. Does he not know that he is in grave danger? The insect could die!

Then there came a fart. It was stink (what did you expect? Daisies?) and grossed the bug out. It was gross. It wasn’t right. There was no way in hell he would say he likes shit. No. Way.

“Listen to me ya dolt. I feel like crapping again. Those humans gave me these tasty food things and now my stomach is all messed up.”

Was that a smile upon his captors face? Was he that demented to take pleasure from TORTURING others? Goodness!

“I… Would NOT! Say that!” the dung beetle shouted, the smell of fart and… Musk? Was in the air. He struggled and tried to hold his breathe. It was useless. The bug was done for. He was suffocating. The damn bull is a bitch and a dick.

“Say it before ya go and get shat on again. Don’t tell me that you don’t like shit. You were rolling it around earlier.”

That made sense. He liked to roll it around. But this was different. The bug knew he didn’t like to get shat on. Though, from those words, and the situation, he knew he SORT OF liked it, but knew better than to admit. It was confusing now.

“I don’t like!” he shouted, but there was a hint of doubt in it.

“Really?” the bull replied. His smile was coy as ever, as if he knew it. The bug started to feel light headed. Was he enjoying this? The thought of escaping seemed to have flown out of his mind (because he was trapped and all and it was useless to try escape). So, he had to bend to the bull’s wishes.

This was a new low for the bug.*

Now the bug was starting to think. He did enjoy the feel of poo. But… this was different. Why would he enjoy the poo to be ON him? But… … … God, this is confusing for the poor bug. He likes it. But he can’t admit it. Or rather say to himself he ‘likes’ it. This was something he doesn’t want to say he does enjoy it. Though he does enjoy to move and feel the poo…

He sighs and just accepts it silently. His vision was turning black anyways. May as well just die. No one on this earth would love to be shat upon or play with scat.

So, the bug lays there for what seems like hours. Noticing how he wasn’t dead yet amazed him. He had been lying here for hours. Why was he alive? He opens his eyes and sees the sky of Dusk. His breath was heavy and seemed to be covered in… soil? He took a sniff. Poop. It was poop.

“I see you’re awake,” said a deep voice. His eyes went to the source of the sound, which was to his left. He saw that it was the same bull from that afternoon. The bovines face was smug.

“Ya blacked out. Got worried and just left ya for a bit. Anyways, how are ya?”

The poop bug felt a little taken aback by the sudden change in personality by the big bully. The bully seemed to have caught this and snorted.

“Ah, people have their kinks. Whether they like it or not. Besides, what you like don’t bother me not one bit.”

“But why did you go and sit on me?”

“To teach ya some manners,” the bigger creature said flatly. “You are a self-centered ass. The world can’t just apologize for being hard.”

The mammal shrugs. “Besides, you don’t belong on a farm.”

The bug then got up and nods. He feels a little better. With having air instead of methane filling his nostrils. And the fact that he had finally admitted that he likes others (or his) poo-poo.

“Just don’t go shouting you like shit, got it?”

The bug nodded and took his leave.

“Thank you!” was the last words the dung beetle said to the bull as he started to walk away from the farm.

The end.

*I feel like I sunk to a new low too. :p Oh well. I just went through this once. Meant to be a joke then turn out to become this. Xp