Memoir of the Amazing Wolfman

By: Ash Cinder

            Victor Lupin, that’s what I’m known as today, but it wasn’t always like that. I didn’t used to be the famed werewolf actor I am today. Not everyone knows but I started out in a place you don’t hear a lot about in Hollywood, the circus, they called me “The Amazing Wolfman”.

            It was 1948, I was 16 then, a seemingly normal kid going to high school. But I started to feel like something was different for a few weeks after my birthday. I couldn’t explain it at the time, but looking back, it was as if something was changing within me. But it wasn’t until the night of the full moon that I knew exactly what it was.

            I made it home from a school dance one night, somehow not passing out from the pain that was growing inside me. My parents gathered around me, worried I’d come down with some kind of flu, as I was sweating profusely.

I looked down at my arms and gasped as I saw myself growing more hair, even under my bandages. I got up before stumbling over my own two feet. I looked down to see that my legs were changing as well, they were morphing into ones that were like a dog’s hind legs.

Panic started to set in as my parents looked on in horror. Then the pain grew worse, my skeleton felt like it was on fire as my bones began to reshape. My face felt like it had a rope tied around it somehow and was being pulled forward by a truck. I felt a pain in my lower spine as I could feel another appendage start to grow from my tailbone.

I continued to cry out for help as my body continued to shapeshift into that of a wolf. I couldn’t hear the my mom scream as she looked upon my new form, I couldn’t focus on anything except the pain and soreness in my body as the transformation began to enter its final stage.

I felt my ears grow longer and my teeth sharper. My body was now completely covered in grey fur and I no longer appeared human. I vomited on the living room floor once the transformation had finally completed.

I looked up to see my parents’ terrified faces looking aghast at what I’d become.

“Help me…” I muttered to them, reaching out a paw, only to see them all back away from me.

            And it all went downhill from there. I couldn’t go to school anymore after that, everyone was afraid of me. I could barely go outside at all because people would either run away or attack me. I thought at least my own parents would stand by me. That was until I woke up one fateful morning to find a lot of their belongings packed and the car gone. I never saw them again. I was able to stay in the house for a little while before I was kicked out by people who came to repossess it.

I was homeless after that. No one wanted me, tried to get jobs everywhere but it was always the same, they’d either scream and slam the door, or if I was lucky, politely tell me that I “wasn’t what they were looking for”. It went on like that for a while, that was until I met Mr. Lewanski.

Lewanski’s Circus was a traveling show that came to my small hometown every year. I’d visited it as a boy once before, had fond memories of all the performers and stunts that it showcased. I suppose it was fate that I ended up coming back to it again. I lurked around the woods outside of town, the circus set up just at the edge of the woods.

Once the show was over I decided to try looking through the trash to see if there were any food that could satisfy me until morning, a half-eaten hotdog, or bag of popcorn. I didn’t even hear Mr. Lewanski approach me while I raided the garbage outside the tent. I heard him clear his throat and my head darted in his direction.

            When our eyes met, I thought he would react just like everyone else did, I expected him to start screaming and smack me with his cane, ordering me to leave the area, but that’s not what happened. Instead he asked me my name…

            “V…Victor…” I answered, almost forgetting it as I hadn’t heard it in so long.

            “Well Victor,” he said with a sincere smile, “do you have a job?”

            I gave him a confused look, thinking that was a very silly question.

            “Uh, no…”

            “Did you see the show tonight?” He asked, taking a small step toward me.

            “No… I was just looking for food… I don’t have a place to stay,” I admitted.

            “Interesting,” He said, stroking his black beard a bit.

            “What’s interesting?” I asked.

            “I was just thinking, if you wanted, seeing as you don’t have anywhere to stay, you could join my little family here at Lewanski’s Circus of Oddities.”

            I continued to look at him like he was pulling my leg. He wanted me in his show?

            “I know it might not sound glamorous, but we’re a group of comrades that travel together. A lot of my performers have been rejected by society, but in my circus, society comes to see them.”

            Considering I’d been living like a literal feral animal for so long at that point, I would have been lying if I’d said that the offer didn’t sound tempting. I was a little nervous about what I might have to do to perform for the audience in the show, but the thought of having a place to stay and something to eat every day was very enticing.

            I stood up and walked closer to him.

            “I’m listening…” I said.

            He took me inside the tent and fed me, a turkey sandwich and some popcorn, nothing glamorous, but it was the best thing I’d eaten in a while. We’d past by the other performers when he brought me into the tent, none of them really reacted to me negatively, in fact hardly any of them looked twice in my direction. I guess when you’ve worked with the circus for so long, you’ve kind of seen everything.

            He explained to me that as long as I agreed to perform in the shows with everyone else that was in the show, I could stay with them and travel around with the circus. I wasn’t exactly sure what I could do to put on a show, but Lewanski assured me that we’d figure it out.

            That night I got to finally sleep in a real bed for the first time in about a year. I even got to meet two of the performers that I would be rooming with. One was Conrad, a 33-year-old man who was the very definition of a minotaur, he had the well-toned body of a man, but the head of a bull. The other was Jenna, or as she went by for the show “The Incredible Shrinking Woman”. She somehow was able to bigger or smaller in size, seemingly at will.

            Both gave me a warm welcome, happily introducing themselves and welcoming me as a new member of the circus.

            “I-I’m Victor,” I said nervously, shaking both their hands.

            “Nice to meet you Victor,” Conrad bellowed in a thick Romanian accent.

            “Likewise,” Jenna said cheerfully. “How old are you? Can’t really tell with all that fur.” She said with a giggle.

            I could feel my face heating up under it.

            “I’m 17… I think, it’s kind of been a while since I last celebrated my birthday,” I confessed. “I’ve been living on my own for so long that I’ve kind of lost track of the days.”

            “That’s terrible!” Jenna exclaimed.

            “Where’s your mother and father?”

            You would have probably expected tears to well up in my eyes, but a look of anger sprouted on my face instead as I remembered my parents, and how they’d abandoned me when I needed them most.

            “It doesn’t matter,” I growled simply.

            There was a silence between the three of us.

            “I see…” Conrad said.

            “Well, we hope that you’ll find comradery with us in the show.” Jenna said, trying to make the mood more cheerful again.

            “I don’t exactly know what my act will be though…” I said.

            “I’m sure Mr. Lewanski will help you think of something,” Conrad assured, “but even if not, someone like you would still be a good addition. People would come just for your appearance alone.”

            “My appearance usually makes people run in fear.” I said.

            “When you were out there, sweetie,” Jenna said, putting her arm over my shoulders, “when you’re here, people will flock to see you, and they’ll pay to do it!”

            “Whatever you thought about your condition before is going to change once you start performing with all of us, we’ll introduce you to the rest of the cast in the morning,” Conrad said, leading me over to an empty bed. “Until then, get some rest. Sounds like you’ve needed it for a while.”

            “Yeah, you can say that again,” I said with a yawn, feeling like months-worth of sleepless nights were finally catching up to me.

I woke up, a little confused, almost not remembering my little meeting with Mr. Lewanski last night. Then, I saw Jenna standing by a dresser doing her makeup, and everything immediately came back to me.

            “Morning sweetie,” she greeted.

            “H-Hi!” I said.

            “You sure slept late,” She said with a giggle.

            “What time is it?”

            She glanced over at the small clock on her dresser.

            “Almost 3:00.”

            “In the afternoon?!”

            “Mmhm,” She said, “you slept like a log. We already had the noon show.”

            “Aw man, I missed it?”

            “It’s okay, we still have to figure out what your act will be,” she said, putting on some eyeliner. “Conrad was chatting with me over breakfast and I think he’s got an idea.”

            “Really?”

            “Sure,” she said, giving her face one last touch up before turning around. “I think that about does it, now let’s go out and introduce you to everyone. We’re breaking for lunch now.”

            I followed her out of our trailer and led me over to some large picnic tables where the cast and crew of the circus were eating and conversing. Some of them looked over at us walking over.

            “Hey Jenna!” One of the few normal looking men greeted. “This the new guy that Lewanski was telling us about?”

            “Sure is, everyone meet Victor,” She said, patting me on the shoulder.

            “Nice to meet you Victor!” The man said. “I’m Henry, one of the trapeze artists for the show.”

            “You look like you’ll be a nice addition to the show!” Another man with a very flat head added.

            “You think so?” I asked.

            “Definitely!” A woman with strange moving hair agreed.

            “I’m a little nervous,” I confessed, “I’ve never really performed before…”

            “Don’t worry,” The flat-headed man said, “We’re here to help you think of one if you need us!”

            I sat down with them and had lunch and got to know everyone that I’d be working with. I met Elliot, a 10-year-old boy who was able to cut off and regenerate any of his limbs, though he never risked testing it on his head. He’d ran away from an abusive home life to join the circus when he was 8.

            There was Dimitri, a man who could insert metal hooks into his body and suspend himself in the air with them, doing all sorts of acrobatics. He claimed he couldn’t feel pain when they were inserted, though I could see him flinch slightly whenever they were.

            Donna, or as she went by on stage “Medusa”. She didn’t have snakes in her hair like the mythical character, but she could control her hair and make them act like them!

            Hiram, the Hammerhead as he was called on stage, was an interesting fellow. He had a flat-top skull unlike anyone else’s I’d seen. He insisted that he was born that way and that it wasn’t a metal plate in his head like most people would have thought. He often performed incredible feats where he’d break various objects with his seemingly indestructible head.

            We were the main attractions, as Lewanski liked to put it, with a few others around to do usual circus stuff, trapeze, acrobatics, sword swallowing, all that fun stuff!

            Once we were done, Jenna told me to go meet up with Conrad, to see what his idea for my act was. I walked over to the outside of his trailer to see him working out with a punching bag. I walked up to him and he looked over to me while continuing to punch it.

            “Hello Victor!” He greeted. “Met the cast yet?”

            “Yeah, I did, they all seem really nice. Anyway, Jenna told me that you had an idea what my act could be?” I asked the minotaur.

            “Yes! It will be me and you.” He said enthusiastically, continuing to punch the bag.

            “The both of us together?”

            “Yes, I think you would do good with a partner since it’s your first show.”

            “Well, what would we be doing?”

            “You and I are going to fight.”

            “Fight?” I asked, confused.

            “Well, more like friendly wrestling match. Don’t worry I’ll go easy on you.”

            “But I don’t really know how to fight, er, wrestle,” I confessed.

            “That is why I’ll go easy on you, as well as show you a few techniques before you start. Lewanski wants to have your first performance in a week.”

            “You think that gives us enough time for you to teach me?” I asked.

            “Don’t doubt my teaching skills, now let’s get started, we’ve got some time before the next show.”

            The training that Conrad gave me over the course of that week wasn’t as rigorous as I was dreading it was. He mainly taught me some ways to evade, some escape maneuvers and how to escape chokeholds and things like that. As for attacking he taught me a lot on how to throw relatively weak but convincing punches. The kind where if they did connect, you’d have maybe a minor bruise but nothing serious.

            After a week I was able to hold myself pretty well against Conrad. I’d gotten better at dodging his punches and even managed to land a few on him whenever I saw an opening.

            “I’d say you’re ready!” Conrad said happily.

            “You really think I am?” I asked.

            “Yes! You’ll do fine tonight!”

            “So, our show’s tonight?”

            “Yes, Lewanski made it clear to me that he wants us to go on tonight. He’s even been advertising you as a ‘special new performer’, he’s leaving it as a surprise, not revealing what you are until you show yourself.”

            “Oh wow…” I said, feeling a little nervous. “I guess I’d better make a good first impression.”

            “Don’t worry, I know you’ll do fine. We all have confidence in you. Remember, all of us had a first performance too, we all know how nervous you can get before your first show, but we’ll all be there to help you!”

            “Thanks,” I said, “I’m excited, but also really nervous.

            He put his hand on my shoulder.

            “Alright, let’s get ready for showtime.”

The first show I was ever apart of, how can I even describe it, it was just magical. I watched everyone else perform before us from backstage. Once the moment came, I took a deep breath and knew I was ready.

            “I do hope you’ve been enjoying the show so far,” Lewanski said, “because it’s time for the moment I’m sure you’ve all been waiting for. It’s time to reveal our main event! If you’ve seen the show before, I’m sure our first fighter needs no introduction. Half man, half bull, weighing in at over 400 pounds and horns that could pierce right through your car door, give a big welcome to Conrad the Minotaur!”

            The audience erupted into cheers and applause as Conrad came barreling through various obstacles like a literal bull in a china shop before leaping into the ring, letting out a triumphant roar, taking in his adulation.

            “Wonderful entrance as always, Conrad!” Lewanski said happily. “And now, let’s please welcome our newest cast member of our wonderful circus. Standing at 6 foot 11, with a mouth full of razor sharp fangs, and the strength of 5 men, give it up for Victor, the Amazing Wolf Man!”

I let out a loud howl before using my claws to slash through the curtain I was hiding behind and ran on all fours into the ring like a feral wolf. The crowd let out a collective gasp before clapping even louder than they had for Conrad as I looked around at them before letting out another howl of excitement.

My nervousness had quickly disappeared once I saw how the audience reacted to me. Before, people recoiled in horror at my appearance, now they were paying to see me in this show! I couldn’t believe it.

“Alright gentlemen,” Lewanski addressed us, “I want a good clean match, no low blows, not clawing each other’s eyes out, and no biting off limbs. You’re not like Elliot, remember.” He said with a chuckle.

            We both circled each other in the ring, pretending as if we were mortal enemies. I could see Conrad smiling at me though, indicating that he still knew it was just a friendly wrestling match like he said. Once Lewanski rang a bell, the match officially begun.

            Conrad stomped the ground and charged me, which I easily dodged. I growled and quickly leaped on his back, grabbing on and not letting go.

            “You’re doing good,” I heard him whisper to me as he struggled, “really convincing stuff!”

            I remember when the protests first started, it was only a couple of people at first, maybe about 10 holding signs outside the circus whenever it came to town and shouting about how inhumane it was that it put people like me and the others on display.

            “They’re wasting their time,” Conrad said, “like people are going to stop going to the circus.”

            “Besides,” I added, “they’re campaigning in the name of our well-being. People don’t care about how we’re treated, never have. We’re just entertainment to them.”

            “Yes,” Jenna agreed, “the circus isn’t going anywhere.”

            But wherever we traveled, the protests followed, and they always seemed to grow bigger each time. More and more people started to join the cause of banning circuses like ours that featured people like us.

            We still didn’t let them intimidate us and continued to perform, as the old saying goes “the show must go on.” But it seemed like the audience began to grow progressively smaller and smaller with each new show.

            No matter where we went, we were met with protests from humanitarian groups chanting about how anyone paying to see this show should be ashamed of themselves. And it seemed like as the protests grew in number, they took pieces of our audience with them.

            Eventually Lewanski had to gather us all together for an emergency meeting. He discussed our declining revenue and said that if we didn’t start getting butts into seats that it was looking like he would have to close the circus.

            “We can’t let that happen!” Jenna said.

            “Why isn’t anyone coming to see us anymore?” Elliot asked.

            “It’s those damned people that keep gathering in front of wherever we perform,” Lewanski said bitterly.

            “Maybe we need to tell our story,” Donna suggested, “let everyone know that we’re not just some spectacle to be mocked, but that we’re doing a job here and we like it.”

            “I’ve tried already, I’ve tried talking to those people picketing outside the circus, but they won’t listen!” Conrad said, gritting his teeth.

            “I’ve even gone to a local TV station who had me on to talk about it,” Donna explained, “but no one seems to believe us or take us seriously.”

            “What if they do end up getting rid of the circus?” Elliot asked fearfully.

            “We just have to keep our heads up and keep performing,” I said, trying to sound positive. “Come on people, we still have an audience, it’s just not as big as it used to be…”

            “Victor’s right, we can’t just give up,” Jenna touted. “We perform because we have passion behind it, we enjoy it. This just means we need to put on more shows! We can’t give up just because of this minor setback.”

            In the end everyone agreed that we should still do the show. The possibility that it could all be shut down just meant that we had to make the most of our time with it.

            We continued to perform, with people still showing up to see us, but it was still not enough. We were losing money with each show, and it looked like Lewanski was sprouting a new grey hair every day from all the stress this was causing him. The protesters continued to show up outside our shows too.

            Then one night it looked like a miracle was happening, there were tons of people coming to see the show that night. More people than we’d seen in a while. We were ready to celebrate. We didn’t know how or why but we were excited that we actually had as big an audience as we used to.

            But before the show, Lewanski called one last meeting to make the announcement we were all dreading he would have to make. We all gathered around him and he let out a deep sigh.

            “My friends, this is a sad, sad day. I’m sorry to announce that this will indeed be our last show. If we lose anymore money, I can’t guarantee I’ll have enough to give you when the circus shuts down…”

            We all let out collective gasps and looked around the table at each other.

            “I-Is that why the audience is so big tonight?” Donna asked.

            Lewanski just nodded.

            “This last show should bring in enough money to last us all a few days until we can think of something else to do,” Lewanski explained. “It’s been an honor working with you all, now let’s get out there and give the best damn farewell show those people will ever see in their lives!”

            We all couldn’t help but smile as we filed out to do the show. We really made that final show count. It was our longest and most elaborate show we’d ever put on. Even though our hearts were breaking knowing this was our final performance, our smiles stayed on as we looked at the audience enjoying themselves.

            For that hour-and-a-half we’d forgotten all about our troubles, just happy to be performing in front of a large audience. My acts had evolved during the time I spent working with the circus. I’d learned how to do acrobatics from Dimitri, and often incorporated it into my act.

            Hiram and Elliot had taught me to be a bit more daring and I’d often perform a few more high-risk stunts through flaming hoops and the like. The audiences always got a kick out of that.

            And Donna and Jenna helped me learn how to incorporate a little light-heartedness into my acts, didn’t have to play the part of the big scary werewolf predator all the time, right?

            We did all of that that night, not one of us did any act alone, we all incorporated each other into our acts. And the audience loved it, the whole show was like a party that no one wanted to end.

            Unfortunately, it had to at some point. Once we did the final act scheduled of the night, Lewanski stepped in the middle of the tent with the spotlight directed on him, the rest of us standing around him.

            “Good evening, ladies and gentlemen,” he said in a solemn tone. “Judging from all the applause you’ve given us throughout tonight’s show, I take it you enjoyed it.”

            Everyone responded with more roaring applause which we all paused to take in. Lewanski gave them a weak smile before continuing.

            “And because of that it’s with a heavy heart, as I’m sure most of you know, that this will be our last show.”

            There was a collective groan of disappointment from the audience.

            “I assure you that this is not the ideal path we want to take with our show, but due to feeling the effects of… recent events, I’m afraid that it’s just getting too expensive for us to continue.”

            It sounded like he was holding back tears as he spoke.

            “We’d all like to thank you for coming out to see our last performance ever. I hope you all have a safe drive home, and I hope you always have fond memories of our circus.”

            We all took a bow before walking out of the curtain to our trailers, bringing the show to its close.

All of us pretty much broke down once the show was over, we all hugged each and congratulated ourselves on a spectacular final show.

“You all did wonderful my friends,” Lewanski congratulated us. “You should all be very proud that we went out with a bang.”

We all just looked at him in silence, collectively feeling a sense of pride, but also uneasiness at what the future might hold.

            “S-So, what’s going to happen to us without the circus?” Elliot asked.

            Lewanski looked at him with a smile that looked like he was trying to be reassuring.

            “I don’t know, son…” He said simply.

            As I looked upon his face, I thought I saw a tear roll down his cheek before he turned and walked back to his trailer.

Once the circus closed down some of us stayed at the old fairground, living in the trailers for as long as we could. The ones that could still get jobs outside of the circus like Jenna and Donna left. Jenna took Elliot with her, so that the poor boy wouldn’t be alone.

            Eventually me and Conrad decided to leave together. I was basically back where I’d started before the circus found me, but at least I wasn’t alone this time. We went around from town to town looking for jobs, but no one would hire people that looked like us. Of course, they put us out of business because they “cared about our wellbeing” and then once we’re not in the circus anymore they let us fend for ourselves on the streets.

            We found a few places to live occasionally, usually a motel whose owner found it in his heart to let us stay a night or two, but we gave up on finding good fortune finding us and just did what we needed to survive. We stole food, money, anything we could to make sure we didn’t starve or die of thirst.

            We managed to take somewhat permanent residence in a condemned apartment building. We just had to make sure we were mindful of the possibility of it being torn down at some point. Conrad and I kept each other through it, I honestly probably would have taken the easy way out without him. We might have been on the streets with no future but at least we weren’t alone.

            But finally, good fortune found us when I lucked out one day at a bar. I was just sitting there, drinking my sorrows away like usual. Conrad was somewhere else, probably doing the same. I was about to start my 8^th drink when some guy came up to me.

            “Hey there,” he said.

            “I’m not buying anything.” I said in a drunken tone.

            “Uh, that’s not what I was going to ask you. My name is Rick Jett, I work for a movie studio that’s shooting nearby, and I couldn’t help but notice your… appearance.” He said, sounding like he was trying not to come off as rude.

            “Yeah, I know, I’m ‘horrific’ and an ‘abomination’ and all that shit,” I said in an annoyed tone. “Haven’t you people got anything better to do with your time?”

            “What? No, no, no, I’m here because I wanted to offer you a part in one of the pictures we intend to make.” He clarified.

            “Huh?” I asked, giving him a confused look. “Are you serious?”

            “Yes, you see we had an idea for a monster movie and if we had someone like you playing the part, we’d save a fortune on makeup and costumes!”

            “Heh, I mean I’ve never really acted before… but I used to be in a circus about a year ago.”

            “Hey, I’d count that as experience!” Rick said happily.

            “Hey, I’ve got a friend of mine that’s kind of like me. He used to be in the circus too, he’s a real minotaur, body of a man, head of a bull!” I said excitedly.

            “That’s incredible! We could definitely use someone like that! Where is he?”

            “Uh, I’m not sure, probably at another bar somewhere…” I said with a nervous chuckle.

            “Well, here’s my card,” Rick said, handing me a business card. “Give me a call when you track him down and we could discuss a time for you to come in.”

            “Th-Thanks!” I said, starting to get excited at this possibility of our luck changing.

            I headed out of the bar and excitedly hurried back to the condemned building. I waited a bit impatiently for Conrad to come home. He took a little longer than usual and I was worried I would have to go out looking for him, but at about nine in the morning he finally stumbled in, clearly having probably 5 too many that night.

            I waited a little for him to sober up enough to understand what I was saying and told him about the offer I nabbed us. He thought it was too good to be true, but I showed him the card and he instantly wanted to get to a payphone so we could seal the deal. He thankfully had some change on him and we dialed the number and Rick answered.

            “Hey there sir,” I said, “this is that wolf man guy you met at the bar last night.”

            “Oh right, what was your name again?”

            “It’s Victor, sir.”

            “Nice to hear back from you,” he said enthusiastically, “so, did you track that friend of yours down and tell him about my offer?”

            “I sure did sir, and we’d both like to come in and do whatever you need us to do.”

            “Perfect, we can set up an audition for you both later today if you’re available.”

            “Yeah, we’re available all day, we’ve got nothing going on!” I said, probably a little happier than it sounded like I should be saying that.

            “Uh, good to hear, how about you come by the address on the card at 3:00, we’ve got some scripts we could have you try out.”

            “We’ll be there sir!” I said, before hanging up the phone and turning back to my friend. “He said to be there at three!”

            “Wonderful!” He bellowed, wrapping me up in a tight hug. “You think our luck is changing?”

Indeed, that offer turned out to be the boost that we needed. We ended up finding our second calling. We were in tons of monster movies after that, started out in B-Movies, but eventually evolved into major horror pictures once word spread about our authenticity with no special effects or makeup needed. We became the faces of horror movies in the 50s and didn’t have to live on the streets anymore, though we still continued to live together, we’d stuck it out with each other this far, might as well keep going. I even changed my last name to Lupin, mostly because I couldn’t remember my birth one, I’d been living without it for so long.

            We’ve continued to get a lot of work playing movie monsters, and even a few one-off heroic roles, which are always appreciated. Though we’re happy with our new roles in life, both on screen and off screen, we’ll never forget our time in the circus and still consider it the best days of our lives. We don’t know whatever happened to the rest of the cast and crew of Lewanski’s Circus of Oddities, but we think about them almost every day and hope that they found success like we did after the closure of the circus. I may be known as Victor Lupin, but in my heart I’ll always be the Amazing Wolfman.