Stork Inc.

By Horatio Husky

Trade with Billy Collie

    The following is the first draft in an attempt to write a story in an intentionally 'looney tunes' themed narrative. This is a literary experiment and open to feedback on refinement and continual ideas. 

    Plumes of white smoke were being pumped out by several spires, bouncing up and down as they vivaciously pushed out the benign emissions. 

    Soaring in the sky flying to and from the facility in the sky was a barrage of storks, babies of various species bouncing merrily in the clothes hanging from the stork's beaks. 

    A particular stork was standing in line, an expression of bemused confidence plastered across his face as he stepped exaggerated forward.

    A grumpy look gopher was violently stamping paper that was being presented in front of him by a nervous looking rabbit. Each time the gopher pounded the piece of paper with a resounding, 'WHUMPF!' he threw the paper behind him without a care in the world.

    With the sound of a violin gently creaking in a downwards tone the paper drifted lazily downwards towards its appropriate stack, each and every single document landing neatly and perfectly in their designated place in contrast to the gopher's violent and careless handling.

    “NEXT!"

    Without glancing up, the gopher exaggerated bombarded the piece of paper in front of him with stamps and yelled without looking up. 

    “Aisle 14a on the left, grab yer bab and get out!"

    Graciously the stork nodded, moving aside and prancing gracefully over to the aisles filled with various babies cooing and wriggling around in various bouncers.

    The dug its feet into the ground with the sound of screeching tires as an expression of panic crossed its face, as its prancing motion forward had almost taken him past the puppy he was assigned to.

    He looked down at the puppy, and exaggerated expressions of disbelief adorning his face stink lines rose threateningly above the adorable looking border collie pup. 

    Pinching his two now grossly oversized nostrils on his beak, the stork two his other two feathery fingers and picked up the puppy by his stinky diapered back.

    Reaching over to grab a spare diaper the pelican disappeared in a cloud of smoke as he and the puppy engaged in a tussle of trying to get the border collie's diaper changed.

    Pacifiers, feathers, and giggles flew from the cloud of chaos as the pelican exclaimed various phrases such as.

    “Don't put that there!"

    “No!"

    “That doesn't go in your mouth!"

    “No no no now you're upside down!"

    “Why you once I get you I'll!"

    “Stop your squirming you little bugger!"

    Suddenly the cloud cleared, and an expression of satisfaction appeared on the stork's face as he held one cleanly diapered puppy in his beak.

    The puppy giggled, poking a finger into its cheek and showing off a singular tooth in an expression of absurd innocence. 

The little diapered dog swinging from his diaper, tail wagging madly was carried off by the stork into the air, waving cheerily behind at the still very annoyed looking gopher. 

    The stork resumed its confident gait as it flew merrily in the air, souring from side to side as a sigh escaped his lips. 

    He glanced down to check on his precious package. His previously confident gazed changed sharply to an expression of abject horror, as he gasped exaggeratedly and stopp mid air, the sound of breaks on tires once again resounding through the air.

    Beneath him tumbled the puppy of the day, giggling madly as he waved bye bye towards the stork while plummeting towards the ground.

    The stork dived downwards, the sound of jet engines pounding the air as he flapped his wings madly.

    A spark of fire appeared around the silhouette of the puppy as he continued to giggle, plummeting through the atmosphere at a ridiculous speed.

    The stork pumped its wings, panting like a marathon runner as the sound of engines grew louder and louder.

    The stork snagged the puppy's diaper back as the puppy hovered a few inches above the ground, their divebomb towards the earth stopping as soon as it started.

    “Phew!"

    The stork wiped its brow, rivulets of sweat appearing and being swept off as he flapped once more into the sky.

    Appearing exhausted and a little worn, the stork continued to fly through the air with a little less ease in his appearance than before.

    The puppy wriggled, and began to crawl all over the stork as the bird continued to fly unphased.

    Growing bored, the puppy grasped the eyelids of the stork and pulled back as hard as he could, giggling excitedly and shouting.

    “Giddy up horsey! Go!"

    The whites of his eyes now clearly stretched back like silly putty, the stork looked back with uncontained fury in his eyes back at the puppy.

    “DO YOU MIND, KIDDO?"

    He shouted as he looked forward and narrow avoided an incoming airplane, panting wildly with feathers falling off of him as he did so.

    The puppy began to sniffle, tears welling up in his eyes until with a mighty, “WAAAAAAH!" he burst into uncontained sobs.

    While continuing to fly through the air, the stork stood up on nothing and took an umbrella out from beneath his wings, just in time to stop the torrent of tears falling from the puppy's eyes. 

    Throwing the umbrella aside the stork switched positions suddenly and began to rock the puppy to no avail.

    Switching as suddenly the stork placed the baby in a cradle that floated in the air, shaking a rattle above the puppy while making silly faces at the puppy.

    For a second it seemed like the puppy was entertained by this, and gently grasped the rattle. As suddenly as the stork switched positions the puppy's paw in view flung the rattle at the storks face.

    Miniature storks carrying white bundles and flying circles around the stork's head appeared as a large lump formed on the stork's head. 

    The puppy giggled, peering innocently above the cradle and poking his cheek once more.

    The stork shook its head, looking down at the kid with a raised eyebrow.

    The puppy sniffled and began to cry once again, drenching the stork in an untapped deluge of water.

    The stork put a feathery finger underneath his beak, rolling his eyes upwards deep in thought as a flock of geese passed them by.

    Suddenly a lightbulb appeared above his head, and he withdrew a hammer from beneath his wings once more.

    Closing his eyes and bracing himself, he hit himself on the head with the oversized wooden hammer.

    BONK!

    The stork staggered through the air, tongue stuck out before stopping and trilling his lip with a feathery finger and appearing generally silly.

    The puppy clapped his paws, giggling and grabbing hands at the hammer.

    The stork obliged, looking pleased with himself as he assumed the puppy wanted to hold the hammer as well.

    Suddenly standing outside of the crib, the puppy lifted himself into the air as he drew the hammer back and hurled it as hard as he could onto the stork's head. 

    The lump that had stood only a few inches grew several inches taller as stars circled the stork's head, several horse shoes appearing out of nowhere and spinning on the lump in quick succession. 

    The stork shook his head once again, holding a sign towards the viewer with the caption, “Eh, kids these days."

    A second later the stork resumed his previous position, puppy switching merrily from the cloth he was contained in as the stork continued to fly proudly.

    Beneath them appearing out of the cloud cover appeared a comfortable little suburb, cozy little homes with green lawns stretching out in front. 

    The stork suddenly dive bombed downwards, the puppy's lips and eyelids being peeled back and flapping as the stork slapped on a pair of aeronaut goggles.

    Slopper flew from the puppy's mouth as the stork continued to pick up speed, the sound of the sound barrier ricocheting outwards and obliterating all of the glass windows of the suburb below.

    As suddenly as the stork picked up speed, the stork landed softly on the ground. Not a single blade of grass was disturbed as the stork hopped forward, and gently deposited the puppy on the front doorstep of one of the houses.

    His legs growing suddenly much longer than normal with the sound of a flute going upwards in pitch, the stork rang the doorbell with his beak.

    Just before he left, he looked around sneakily with a pair of devil's horns growing on his head.

    As the puppy began to idly suck on one of his toes, the stork drew back with a hammer appearing in one of his feathery hands and slapped it down onto the puppy's head.

    The door of the house opened, revealing the stork nowhere to be found and a puppy with a flock of storks flying around his little head.

    The female collie that opened the door swooned, clasping her paws together and exclaiming in excitement.

    “Awww! Coochie coochie coo! What an adorable little baby I've got!"

    She turned back her expression turning from motherly affection to angry malice.

    “HAROLD! YOU LAZY OLD COOT THE BABY IS HERE, GO PREPARE HIS BOTTLE!"

    Switching back to her previous gentle expression as suddenly as before she gently picked the puppy up, booping him on the nose and closing the door with a soft click behind her.