Tom put the cup of tea back down, letting out a sigh. Ah, yes, another episode.

He was used to this. This did not bother him much. However, this time, it was different. He had someone precious, someone whom he did not want to hurt.

There was a soft knock on the door, then Max opened the door and looked at him with a worried expression, not daring to come inside. “Tom, are you feeling better?"

He didn't look at him, still staring out the window. “No, Max."

“I-is there any—"

“Max, please." Tom said, finally looking at the shepherd. “Please, for our own safety, just leave me here for a while. Please." He looked down. “I don't want to hurt you."

Max wanted to say something, but he just gulped. Instead, the dog stepped inside the room cautiously, each step he took felt like a jab into his chest, a reminder that he could still be unstable at times. This was rare, maybe once or twice every year, but still, those dark, violent thoughts kept reappearing.

The third voice wanted to speak.

“Here's some food. You haven't eaten anything since I left for work."

He looked at the tray the dog put on the bed. It had two slices of cake and a glass of water.

“Is Lain there? Can you… uh… get behind and allow Lain to take over? Lain said you tended to do that at times like this." Max continued, still keeping his distance.

“No. We've been talking before, but it would be best if he stayed back." He looked up at the dog. “I'm really sorry, Max, but I don't want to hurt you. This is for our own sake."

The dog looked like he wanted to come closer and pull him into a hug. Instead, he just stayed there and nodded. “I understand. Please at least just eat something. I'll be in the living room if you need me."

“I will. Thanks, Max," Tom looked back down, giving a small sigh. “…for not leaving me."

Max gave him a small smile, then gently closed the door and went back to the living room.

This was really bothersome, but he couldn't do anything. Times like this, he usually let it all out as was the case with that incident that cost Rodrigo his boss and his own life, or he stepped back from everyone, locking himself in his own dark, twisted thoughts.

Here, he could let the thoughts out. He could let the cruel images and desires out without harming anyone. After that, the third voice would have enough to speak and go back inside with satisfaction, ready for another time.

For now, the wolf sipped his tea again, letting his thoughts roam wildly.

Opening the door to his flat, Octo gave a heavy sigh. He really wanted to slam the door, but he managed to hold back and close it gently. Taking his jacket off, he put it on the hanger before collapsing on the sofa. He stared at the ceilings, listening to the steady ticks of the clock above the television, slowly guiding his chaotic thoughts into clarity.

There were… too many thoughts, and when his tail swept against the zipper of his bag on the floor, his thoughts raced back into chaos.

He remembered that tea helped to ease himself, so he stood up and walked to the kitchen. Brewing a cup of tea and turning the timer on, he was forced to stare at it while not staring at it. The part he hated about making tea is brewing; often, he was forced to grapple with his thoughts when the reason he made tea itself was to calm his thoughts.

After the alarm rang, he gave a distressed whine as he closed his eyes and gave a deep breath. He reached for the sugar and put one spoonful into the tea. That done, he sipped from his cup with shaky hands, then… he waited.

It was 19. It was just after sunset, yet it felt like midnight. The city was still very much alive outside, the lights glistening like stars, captivating everyone who saw them. Not him, however. As he looked out the window and into the city, he could not see past the lights.

He sipped the tea again. Unfortunately, while the tea did make him feel calmer, it did not ease the increasingly overwhelming anxiousness inside him. The cup half empty, he decided to try to fight his thoughts again.

His father still expected him to continue the mafia operation and it was clashing with everything inside him. It was wrong and immoral, and he loathed it. That summer operation was also a failure. As he listened to the report, he could not help but see past the obedient words of Richard and the others that deep down they did not want to be a part of it anymore. That, like it or not, was his responsibility.

He was cornered towards the end of that party back home. That wretched weasel said that he was disappointed in him, that he was unfit to continue, that he was not the leader his father was. Despite the piece of mind that he also gave him, he could not deny that the weasel's words rang true. That was his responsibility.

In his workplace, he did not manage to complete the report on time. He had been so stressed about the operation and that party back home till he couldn't concentrate on the report. His supervisor was then forced to complete it while his boss was fuming. Some of his workmates pitied him, some angry at him. When his boss was back, he could see the disappointment in his eyes. That was his responsibility.

And then there was Kevin.

He put his face in his hands, no longer able to hold back his tears. It was all too much. He could not handle all of it. Everyone had been expecting a lot from him and he had always been keeping up with the expectations. He was a Zoccarato; everyone expected him to succeed. Now, today, on his twenty-fifth birthday, he felt like he failed.

He knew he did not fail. He knew that there would be another chance. But right now, the dam of emotion he had been holding for so long was slowly cracking. When he finally broke into tears and cried, it was broken.

People expected him to look and act strong. He had been keeping up with that for so long till he didn't remember the last time he let his emotions go. It could be last week, last month, or last year. Now, he felt weak. He felt incapable. He felt useless. He felt worthless.

He didn't tell anyone about his problems, not even Max. He felt sorry for his friends for not trusting them enough to be honest with them, but he knew they did not deserve to be burdened with his problems. His problems were different from theirs. He did not want them to worry. He had money, he had luxury, so he should be able to sort his problems by himself.

He did not know how long he cried on the kitchen floor. Curled up like this, he only wanted that no one saw him. All that he knew was he was slowly calming down and finishing the tea when his phone rang in the living room. After a few minutes of taking his breathing under control and recomposing himself, he finally dared say, “Hey Dory, r-read my n-notifications." Even his voice cracked.

“You have one unread message from Kevin Huntington."

At that, he gave a deep sigh as Kevin filled his mind. He was supposed to feel relieved. He was supposed to feel happy. Yet, when he looked back at their relationship now, it felt… artificial. It felt as if they weren't close enough, as if they were only using each other for sex…

The phone incident during the summer holiday made itself known.

Hugging his legs, Octo couldn't help but feel repulsed at his own self. That fight was the catalyst for him to realise the things wrong in their relationship. They did not trust each other and did not open up with each other enough. They only wanted pleasure; everything else was secondary. It seemed as if his perfectionism filtered only the things which he was sure he would excel at so he would not need to face imperfection.

…maybe Andres was right; he could sometimes be too focused on one thing and completely ignore all others.

The panther finished his tea. He should start treating Kevin as a boyfriend, not as a fuckmate anymore. He still had a chance to make things right. For a start, he should apologise to him. That was the first step to strengthening their relationship. While he was not one to reopen old wounds, this one was still fresh, so he should tackle it while he still can.

Finally calming down, Octo stood up. He put the empty cup of tea in the washtable before walking back to the living room and taking his phone. There were two messages from Kevin.

Kevin Huntington: “Hey babe, I'm omw to your place with a chocolate cake."

Kevin Huntington: “I ran into max en tom just now, were heading to your place rn. Looks like no sex on the sofa tonight DX"

He allowed himself a small smile. Then, he noticed that they were on their way to his apartment right now, so he needed to prepare some drinks. He took a deep breath, then took his bag still in front of the door. He needed to prepare something; maybe hot chocolate would be good.

After putting his bag in its place, the panther walked to the bathroom, taking his clothes off and putting them into the laundry basket. He washed his face, erasing the tears away. He then stared at the mirror, at the reflection who was staring back at him. He had come this far. It was still a long way, but he had come this far. One could not conquer the world with nothing on their back.

That reflection still looked too depressed. He washed his face again, then looked at the mirror again. When he felt he looked presentable, he wiped his face and returned to the bedroom, spraying some deodorant and changing into casual clothes.

Walking to the kitchen to prepare some hot chocolate for them, he let out a relieved sigh. He was really, really thankful to have them, Kevin, Tom, Max. They felt more than just friends to him. Barrowisle was his home now. Here, he could be honest. There were no hidden emotions nor an empty façade. He could be himself.

There was… a place for imperfection.

Here, he could be honest. He didn't have to put up a sickeningly sweet smile. He could joke and let go of the tiredness of dealing with those from Ausalt-on-Haye. Heck, it was one of the main reasons he chose to move to Barrowisle. Here he could start fresh as a regular person. He could open a restaurant and live happily with it…

When the hot chocolates were ready, he took out four plates and a cake knife, then sent a text back to Kevin. “I prepared some hot chocolates." He put the cups on the table in the living room, then turned the television on as he waited for them.

A few minutes after that, the bell rang. Octo stood up and opened the door, allowing a smiling and tail-wagging Kevin and amused Tom and Max to enter. “Hey there, panther!"

Max held back a chuckle while Tom crossed his arms and smiled fondly.

Octo just nodded at them with a smile and beckoned them to sit down. “Good evening, Kevin." Kevin lay down on the sofa. “Max, Tom. Hot chocolate."

Tom put the chocolate cake down. “Looks like Kevin wants some scratches." He said with a small laugh.

“Some 'scratches' indeed." Max added while holding back a laugh.

Kevin only gave a mrf without moving from his spot.

Octo sighed fondly. “Kevin, don't hog the sofa. We have guests."

“Aw." He sat up, allowing Octo to sit. “So, how's it goin', babe? I miss you and your second tail."

This time, Max laughed.

Octo shook his head gently. “Your horniness will be the end of you."

“Yeah but I know you also miss me!"

That might have some truth. He also missed the red wolf. For now, he turned to Max and Tom. “Max, Tom, you didn't say you were coming."

“Well, we actually weren't planning to." Tom scratched his nape. “But we were close by, so we decided to come for a bit. I was about to text you when we met Kevin."

“Y'know, I actually didn't want you to come 'cause we need some hot and spicy lov—"

Octo took some magazines under the table and put them on Kevin's lap before he could finish speaking, instantly shutting the wolf up from the surprise. “Thanks, you two. Now, let's pretend that Kevin and his horniness don't exist."

Tom and Max laughed.

He was right, he missed having them around. Octo only watched with a soft smile as Kevin cut the cake while talking to Max and Tom.

He probably would sleep late tonight.

He actually did sleep late last night.

Octo gripped his head and took a deep breath. Staring at the ceiling, he tried to remember what happened that night. There were Tom and Max, Kevin was being flirty, he forgot to buy more condoms, Kevin was being submissive, he was riding Kevin…

He stretched a bit and looked around. There was Kevin on the bed, his back to him. The red wolf was still deeply asleep. Oh, right, last night they had sex… wild, intense sex. The wolf really helped him with his horny remarks. He was also very cute when he blushed as Octo pushed him down onto the bed.

The panther smiled. Last night, Kevin really made him feel like he could do something, and that wasn't just fucking. Kevin made him feel like he mattered. He shifted closer to the sleeping wolf and pulled him into a hug, his scent filling his nose. His soft fluff was messy, but Octo did not care and buried his face deeper in it, taking the scent in. He hugged the wolf close, being thankful that he was here.

Kevin let out a small whine but did not move. Heh, for someone who kept lying that they did not like cuddling, the wolf was very comfortable to cuddle. Like a big, furry bolster.

His alarm then beeped and Octo groaned, blindly reaching for his phone on the nightstand. When he found it, he took it but slipped and it fell to the floor instead.

Fuck the alarm, he wanted to cuddle with his wolf.

A few minutes later, his second alarm rang. This time, he let out a huge sigh and rolled over, reaching for his phone on the floor. After turning the alarm off, he tried to sit up on the bed… only to be reminded of last night by the ache in his backside.

Oh well.

Still lying down, he unlocked his phone. There were several texts from his boss in the department group chat from last night. He adjusted his eyes, then tapped on the notification.

Mateus da Silva: “Sorry for texting this late and for such sudden notice, but tomorrow and the day after you won't really be needed in the office. There was a sudden network failure earlier tonight. The internet in the office won't work tomorrow and the day after whilst the IT department takes care of it."

Mateus da Silva: “You're welcome to come to work but you can also take the days off because there won't be much that we can do. Consider this as a surprise holiday :)"

Mateus da Silva: “Also @Octaviano whether you come to work or not, there're some files to be revised from RnD. They're going to be needed next week. I'll send the files via email when I receive them tomorrow."

Well, that was… something. The panther smiled at the messages. A surprise holiday, huh? It seemed he had two days off to spend with his wolf. He sent a reply, “Thanks for the notification. I'll take care of the files."

He wanted to add that he was sorry for the reports incident, but he just locked his phone and put it back on the nightstand. His boss wasn't someone to think of past mistakes, anyway. Besides, this file revision was a chance to apologise. He would do them well.

For now, the panther stayed on the bed. Kevin shifted and turned to lie on his back, his muzzle slightly open. Octo took the chance to observe his wolf. His fur was messy all over, but that made him even cuter. He ran his fingers on the wolf's torso, feeling the soft fur and the muscles underneath. Admittedly, all those boastings really held up; Kevin was as muscled as he liked to say. His hand held the pecs, then went down to the abs, following the muscle contour. Under that was…

The panther chuckled. Nah, he was too tired after last night.

Also, he needed to clean up after last night. His stomach rumbled, demanding breakfast. He only ate the cake last night—sugary food that he'd like to burn later in the gym.

Fighting the discomfort, the panther sat up and yawned, scratching his stomach. He had a four-day weekend this week, but that wasn't a reason to be unproductive. He'd go to the gym later today, then maybe he could spend the afternoon shopping with Kevin.

Oh right, last week it was announced that soon he was going to have a four-day work week. He had been hearing about it in the news, and after a few years of testing, South Iceland was going to apply a four-day work week for non-essential workers country-wide with a staged roll-out. His company would implement it starting next month.

For now, he needed to adjust his schedule, preferably to also fit more time with Kevin. He looked back at the sleeping wolf with a smile, giving his wolf a quick peck on the cheek, then stood up, doing his usual morning stretch. After that, he took a fresh pair of loose pants and a t-shirt… actually he only took the pair of pants, and walked to the bathroom.

The panther didn't spend much time in the shower. He washed his body quickly, wiping the dried cum on his front, back, and arse. That done, he applied the shampoo all over his body. After that, he spent time in the toilet for the water to drip as he did his morning business… how much did Kevin come inside him last night again? When he was finally done, he was halfway dry. He shook his body and fully dried himself with a towel while standing in front of the blower, then put the fresh pair of pants on and went to the kitchen.

Making his usual espresso, Octo smiled. Despite being of Italian descent himself, he was bested by Max in coffeemaking. The shepherd always made great coffee. He could make coffee the way Max made it, but he wasn't sure whether it was the beans or technique or machine, Max's coffees tasted better.

Eh, he still beat them in other dishes, anyway.

He drank the coffee quickly, then took some containers from the top shelf. Since he had only a small piece of bread and no pastry for breakfast, maybe steamed chicken would be good. He prepared the steaming pan and turned the cooker on. Taking the fresh chicken meat from the fridge, he began seasoning it. When the water was boiling, he put the chicken inside the pan.

Waiting for it to cook, he took what was left of yesterday's bread and cut it into two servings, pouring some sour cream on them. Vegs tasted great, but he knew he had to eat more meat. He had too many vegs and sugary food this week. He'd go to the gym later in the day, happy that he had one more day to go for that.

When the meat was done cooking, he took it from the pan, diced it, then put the diced pieces on two separate plates. He poured some more pepper on his piece of the meat, then at Kevin. Knowing Kevin, he put less on his plate. The wolf doesn't really like pepper; he said it made his stomach uncomfortably warm.

Finally done, he took his plate to the living room and turned the television on, munching his breakfast. Not long after that, Kevin came into the room and yawned, smiling sleepily with his fluff looking like a rainforest. He gave a light growl as a greeting.

Octo just chuckled. “Put some pants on first."

“Mrf…" He went back to the bedroom, then reappeared in a pair of pants. “Aw, you took shower already?"

“Go take a shower first. Wash the dried cum off your stomach."

“But I wanna smell you and smell like you all day." He grinned sleepily as he sat down next to him.

Octo shook his head softly. “Horny horndog."

“Eh, you're not going to work?"

“It's a day-off today. Anyway, your breakfast is in the kitchen."

“What do we have?"

“Steamed chicken."

The red wolf stood up and walked to the kitchen, then went back with his own plate. They ate in silence, just watching the television. It was just a silly cartoon. Octo found himself chuckling sometimes.

A few minutes later, Kevin put his empty plate on top of his. More awake now, the wolf stood up and went to the kitchen, taking the plates and returning with two cans of instant coffee from the refrigerator. “Here." He gave one to the panther before sitting down.

“I already had coffee." Octo said, only putting it on the coffee table.

Kevin cracked his can open and chuckled. “Doesn't mean you can have more."

Octo just huffed amusedly.

Ah, right. Kevin was here right now and there were only the two of them. Now was a good time to say what he wanted to say last night. Taking a deep breath, Octo called him, “Kevin."

“Mrf?" replied the wolf, not looking away from the television. He looked easy with his legs up on the coffee table, ear turning and tail twitching when Octo called him. Often, he envied the wolf to be able to be himself. He seemed… carefree, as if he was the person with the least problem in the world. As if he had nothing to bind him, nothing watching his every action.

“About that night, during the summer holiday," Octo started, making Kevin turn his head at him with furrowed brows. “I'm really sorry about that. I was really spoiled back there."

Kevin's brows were still furrowed.

“Yeah, it's your phone, it's your decision and I was overstepping your boundaries, so sorry for, well, sorry for getting angry at that."

Carefully, the wolf pulled his legs from the coffee table, still staring at the panther. Octo looked down, wanting the wolf to know that he really regretted what he did. Kevin's tail waved sharply, then he put it away and said, “Well, thanks—I mean, yeah, it's fine. Not a big deal. Don't worry about it."

He looked up at the wolf.

Kevin was looking at the television, but his ears were now down. Octo would say it was from embarrassment, but when the sharp waving of the wolf's tail was visible, he could tell that Kevin was suppressing his anger. So, he stayed silent.

Then, the wolf let out a deep breath. “Uh… well, thanks." He was still looking at the television, but there was now an honest smile on his face with his ears slowly going up. “I really appreciated that, dude."

That made Octo smile too.

He finally looked at the panther. “Just… uh… don't do it again, alright? Besides, why were you so angry, anyway?"

Well, it was better to come clean. “I felt like you trusted Tom more than you trusted me."

Kevin just leant back on the sofa more. “Well…"

“It's okay, Kev, you don't need to explain. I understand. Besides, I was angry mainly because I offered you my old phone, but you decided to go to Tom instead and buy your own. That was really selfish of me."

They went silent for a while before the wolf took another deep breath and sat up straight. “Y'know, I actually really wanted to take that offer at first. But we're just boyfriends, dude. A phone is too much, even more so the phone you were offering."

Well, he did at first offer the wolf his old phone. “I did say you can just use it or even have it."

“Yeah, but it cost like 1.500 euros or something. I just… I just can't."

“It's really—"

Kevin gave a mrf and turned back to the television. “You know what, let's not go back to this topic."

“Right, sorry." Octo took another deep breath. Kevin's tail was back to waving sharply now. Now that he managed to apologise, he wanted to bond back with the wolf. After waiting for the tail to calm down, he called him out. “Hey, here."

The wolf turned to look at him.

“Here, lie on me."

“Dude, that's gay."

“No that's not. Our balls aren't touching."

Kevin only gave an amused mrf at that, then moved to lie on top of the panther. Octo adjusted him a bit, effectively cuddling him as they lay on the sofa. The wolf didn't seem to mind that, and his tail was now wagging softly. “If this is your way of bribing me…"

“Bribing you what? I just wanted us to talk about our problems, you know. Didn't mean we can cuddle afterwards."

“Yeah, yeah."

They continued watching the cartoon. Thankfully, Kevin was in a much better mood now, even occasionally letting out small laughs. As the cartoon finished, Octo noticed Kevin didn't budge at all. Usually, he'd reach for the remote and switch to other channels. However, a soft whine made him smile.

His wolf was sleeping in his hold.

Octo adjusted the wolf gently, not wanting to wake him up. He reached for the remote and watched the news with lowered volume. That proved to just be background noise, though. His hands were instead rubbing the wolf's chest, stomach, and ears, enjoying his soft fur and relaxing warmth.

Kevin was so adorable like this, like a giant, very huggable bolster. Even his tail wagged in his sleep. Octo gave a contented rumble. He literally had the wolf by the ears. This was a nice way to start the day, being honest with each other, his boyfriend in his hug. A very nice birthday present indeed.

He looked down at the wolf and smiled. He really should start caring about Kevin more.