Rusty leaned over Shadow, just outside the hatch. Burt and I shone flashlights on the wolf where he lay. Steve stood nearby. Unfortunately, Isaac and Bradley had accompanied them. Bradley was still set on staring at me, but I didn't care. A whimpering Shadow needed my focus. The wolf was in his boxers, and I was in my boxer briefs. The white roof membrane shone under the flashlights, while the light hardly seemed to touch my black wolf.

“I don't understand. He's clearly in distress.” The mouse looked lost.

“His bites!” I pointed desperately to the bite on his forearm.

Rusty leaned in closer as I held Shadow's arm up for inspection. Shadow whined and held his head with his free paw.

“It looks like it's hea-” Rusty broke off, eyes wide. “Is this what I think it is?” He touched the healing wound with a hesitant finger, then jerked back.

I met Rusty's eyes. I could see my own feelings reflected in them.

“Pass me my bag!” Rusty said, his voice squeaking.

“What's going on, doc?” asked Isaac, crossing his arms.

Rusty almost growled. “I'm not a doctor. I'm not even a nurse!” He cursed under his breath. “The bites are contaminated with... whatever that thing is. The Curtain!”

“What?!” came the shout from multiple muzzles.

“How can it become part of him? It only exists in the dead.” Isaac was quite clear on what he believed true.

Rusty grumbled, “I don't have enough medical school for this," before he replied to Isaac. “Only the dead as far as we've seen. It seems some... -thing- is passed on to the victim in the zombies' bites. It seems it's only in the bites, not the scratches.”

“What can we do?” I cried out. Shadow was moaning and needed help, not furs contemplating.

Rusty looked scared. “I don't-”

“Don't tell me you don't know!” I yelled. I bit my lip, “I'm sorry, Rusty. Just please.... Anything.”

Rusty opened an insulated lunch bag and rustled through supplies in the light of my flashlight. He muttered to himself. Turning to me, he asked, "All the bites?"

I nodded.  "Pretty sure."

Steve leaned over the hatch. “Calm down, folks. We have things under control here. No sense in more furs coming up.”

I could hear muffled voices.

Steve's clear voice called down to the hatch. “We'll let you know when we know. We're safe, nothing will happen. I suggest you go back to your bags and catch up in the morning.”

More voices came from below.

Steve replied, “Then stay, but I don't know how long it will be.”

Burt was staring down Isaac, standing between him and Rusty. A silent Bradley stood with his arms crossed, watching me.

“What can you do?” I whimpered, watching Shadow writhe with discomfort.

“The good thing is, there's no sign of infection,” Rusty muttered. “The body doesn't know what to do with it.” He sighed and rubbed his nose. “Maybe that's not a good thing, I don't know.” It wasn't an answer. Rusty held out his paw. “Shadow, I need you to take these pills. They'll help with the pain. We're going to cut the stuff out. I can't sedate you. I don't know how.”

“Just do it now!” yelped Shadow. “Get it out!”

Rusty looked down at Shadow, then glanced at me.

I shivered. “Shadow....”

“Please, no more. Just get it out,” Shadow whined.

“Take the pills first, Wulf. You'll be okay. I'm here.” I stroked his cheekfur, letting my eyes speak more for me. Shadow's dilated eyes calmed slightly. With a grunt, the wolf snatched the pills from Rusty and swallowed them straight, grimacing. His big head nodded. Rusty looked hesitant, very uncertain.

Burt knelt close to Rusty. “It's okay, mouse. You know your stuff enough to do what you can. You can't fail, you can only do your best.”

Rusty shuddered, then sighed. He wiggled his shoulders, loosening them from tension. “I can do this,” he whispered.

Burt nodded and set a reassuring hoof on Rusty's shoulder. “You can do as much as you can.”

“I can do this,” Rusty repeated in another whisper.

I nodded. Shadow nodded frantically.

“Steve,” Rusty's voice took control. “Keep those furs away. I don't need them distracting me. Burt... Isaac, Bradley, I need you to help hold him down.”

Isaac straightened. “Hah, like hells I-”

“Isaac!” Burt yelled with a loud grunt.

Isaac grumbled but came forward, Bradley right behind him.

I tensed. Any furs but these guys!

“Tyler,” Burt gave me a fierce look. “Shadow needs you. You need to cooperate, not let this stop him from getting help.”

I gulped hard and nodded, my eyes wide.

Burt moved to hold Shadow's legs down. With a grimace, Isaac held down Shadow's uninjured right arm, Bradley his left. It placed Bradley right next to me. When the honey badger settled, his eyes met mine, close up. His eyes were dark and completely steady. He stared at me, and his eyes slowly moved, taking in all the features of my face. I shivered.

“Tyler,” Rusty said, “please sit there by Shadow's head. Um... keep him as calm as you can. This is going to hurt. A lot.”

I shifted to Shadow's head and set the flashlight aside. He was looking calmer, knowing something would happen. Hopefully something helpful. I didn't like Isaac's and Bradley's unfriendly paws on my wolf, but I wasn't about to stop any chance Shadow had.

Rusty held up a sterilized knife with gloved paws, and I had to look away. Shadow's eyes glued to mine. Our locked gazes reflected our fear and worry between us. With a tiny smile, and not caring who saw, I leaned down and kissed him gently at the end of his muzzle. I thought I heard Isaac make a noise, but how could I care?

I withdrew and stroked his chin and throat.

“Shadow, can you feel this?” I heard Rusty ask.

“Not really,” Shadow replied with perfect calmness in his voice. He was resolute and steady.

Rusty passed a plastic rod to me. “Have Shadow put this in his muzzle, so he won't bite his tongue.”

A toilet paper rod? I inserted it between his jaws, trying to gaze a calmness I didn't feel into Shadow's wide eyes.

I knew when Rusty first used the knife, because Shadow tensed suddenly. His gaze didn't leave mine, but I saw tears in his eyes. He whined and jolted.

“Hold him steady,” Rusty shouted.

Shadow struggled, whining and grunting in pain.

“It's going to be okay, Shadow,” I said, trying to hold his gaze.

His eyes darted around, looking for escape, and I could feel him strain as he instinctively tried to get away. His eyes locked again to mine, a pained look. The torment I saw there made my heart clench. Shadow lost control and howled. I could feel his body jerk.

“Hold him, I almost got it!” Rusty yelled.

I knelt close, Shadow's head between my knees and leaned my muzzle next to his. He gasped for air and panted heavily.

“Got it!” Rusty triumphed. “That's the first one.”

Shadow was shaking. What could I do for him? I kissed his cheekfur and whispered into his ear - any encouragement I could think of. “You're a strong wolf, Shadow. A brave wolf. You're my Wulf. I'll never let you go. I'm here. I'll always be here for you.”

I felt a slight, desperate nod from him. He tensed again, grinding his teeth into the rod.

Rusty murmured, “Just stitching it up now, Shadow. It looks good.”

A moment of tension later, I heard Rusty get up.

“That's one... Two more.”

I shivered. I couldn't imagine the pain and distress. The black wolf panted heavily, whimpering. Shadow was clinging to his sanity. I felt his muzzle try to lick my ear as I continued to bend over him. Rusty moved next to Bradley, and I had to shift to the side a little. Rusty continued on his forearm. I could hear small sounds from the mouse as he worked.

Shadow was tense, and quickly lost control again, groaning and yelping in pain. I spread tears through his fur as I rubbed my nose into his good shoulder, nuzzling against him. I scratched his other cheek gently with my paw, trying what I could to give any comfort at all. Please, just let him be okay.

“That's two.” I heard through my own haze of distress.

I stroked his cheekfur. “One more, Shadow. Then you'll be free.” I tried to keep my voice steady, but it was difficult.

He nodded slightly, next to my muzzle.

Rusty settled next to me, and I could feel his furry leg against mine. “You're going to have to move a little,” the mouse said. “I need to get closer and have freedom to move.”

I wanted to get this over with, finish it. I slipped away from Shadow to the left side of his head.

When I leaned in and scoot in closer, I felt Bradley next to me. I jerked in shock. I didn't want this fur touching me. I didn't want him touching Shadow.

Shadow tensed as Rusty began one last time. The black wolf whimpered beneath me, and I clutched his fur in my paws. Bradley wouldn't, couldn't do anything to me. I could and would be here for Shadow.

I ignored the big honey badger. At least until I felt a large paw on my back. I jumped, and nearly bit my tongue as I held in a yelp. What was Bradley doing?

My back was bare, and I was dressed only in my boxer briefs. I had hurried out with Shadow. I wished I at least had a shirt on.

I clenched my eyes shut, forming a mantra in my mind, 'I'm here for Shadow. Shadow needs me. Bradley can do nothing.'

Shadow whined next to my muzzle. All my focus must be on Shadow. I tried a shrugging gesture to the large paw on my back, but it didn't move. Fine. Stay then.

I kissed Shadow's ear and whispered into it, “You're doing fine, Shadow. You're my Wulf. I'll watch your back. I'm here.” I stroked under his muzzle and felt him trying to relax between jerks and struggles of pain.

Bradley's body was alive and warm at my side; I could feel him. I could feel the heat and life from Shadow. My shadowy wolf. I could get him through this. Just moments more.

Rusty grunted, “This one's trying to be tricky.”

I shivered, knowing it was not over.

Bradley's paw moved on my back. He rubbed my back, slowly. Was it comfort, or was the fur trying to feel me up? It did feel a little comforting, but he was a strange fur I didn't trust.

Shadow. Shadow was my focus. I ignored the paw as much as I could. Shadow howled in pain and struggled.

“Hold him down!” Rusty shouted. “If he jerks too much, I might slice something important in his neck!”

Bradley's paw left my back, probably to hold the wolf down. I steadied Shadow's head and kissed him, feeling his panting breaths suck air from me. Constant tears streamed trails in his cheekfur, and mine weren't far behind, dripping to him from my muzzle. Shadow's teeth ground loudly into the rod, and his body tensed hard.

“It's out!” Rusty exclaimed. “Just have to stitch this last one up.”

Shadow winced and tensed as Rusty finished up. One last long, hopeless whine left him.

Rusty blew a long breath. “Whew. Really never want to do that again. I think he's going to be okay though.”

My head moved up in relief. “We're done, Shadow.”

Shadow released tension in a huge shudder, and as the three furs let him up, he sobbed. He spit out the rod, plastic bent, and curled into himself. His tail clung tightly between his legs as the wolf sobbed softly. “No more,” my Wulf whimpered. “Please no more. Let me go. Please, I'll do anything.”

I moved up to him. He was naked, boxers draped over his crotch. His black body had fresh bandages over the three bite wounds. His eyes were blank with fear and pain. My heart broke for him. I covered him with my black arms, stroking his head. “It's okay, Shadow. It's over.”

He yelped and jerked away. “Don't hurt me anymore! Please!”

My chest felt like it could break. I stayed still and steady until he stopped twitching in panic beneath me. I could hear and feel him taking in my scent as his breaths slowed.

Burt knelt next to me. “No one will harm you any more, Shadow. You're safe. Come here, pup.”

The big, black bull gathered the wolf I cared so much for and cradled him carefully. I nearly attached myself to Burt's arm as I clung to Shadow. The limp wolf sagged in Burt's hefty arms, whimpering and panting softly, eyes closed.

Rusty pressed a glass jar into my paw. “Good job keeping him calm. These are two of the, um, fleshy growths that we removed. I'm taking the third for Clovis and I to look at. I-I hope that's okay.”

I nodded vigorously, trying to give him at little of my focus. “Did it work?”

The gray mouse nodded with a gentle smile. “I think it did, pup. The stuff seemed to be growing within him, but not connected well with his nerves. The, um, growths appear to have come out, each as a whole piece.”

I sobbed in relief and gave Rusty a quick one-armed hug.

He grinned. “Well, just keep an eye on that brave pup of yours.” As I nodded, the mouse pressed a small bottle of pain pills into my other paw. “One every four to six hours as needed while he's in a lot of pain.”

I smiled in gratitude and turned back to Burt as Rusty gathered his stuff to leave. A quick rearrangement of Shadow's boxers into a more modest cover eased me.

“Back to the closet?” Burt asked.

I hesitated. “Please, can we just take him to the tent? He's more comfortable there.”

Burt glanced over my head, most likely to Rusty for approval. “Yes, I don't see why not.”

Steve walked up, “We'll come to bring him down before the Curtain tomorrow. You two need anything before then?”

I thought back to the supplies Burt had left us. “We should have food and water 'till then.”

Steve nodded, and behind him, I saw a few furs come out onto the dim roof. The moon had finally risen. A crescent moon. Furs came out of the hatch and looked around, but there wasn't much to see. Ruby came running up to us, followed by Clovis.

Ruby breathed, “We were awake when you called down for help, Tyler.”

Not for the first time, I was glad there were night-dwellers among us.

Clovis nodded. “The wolf appears to be stable. We heard screaming, though.”

I shuddered, but managed a nod.

“With luck, young pup,” Clovis gave me a little pat on the shoulder, “he won't remember much of this. The body and mind can be forgiving when one is suddenly in extreme pain.”

I felt fresh tears form. I nodded my thanks, hoping it would be true. Burt began walking us to the store front, where our little tent would finally allow us some privacy. Looking over my shoulder, I saw Bradley still watching.

Back at the tent, Burt lay Shadow in carefully. My Wulf pulled in my pillow close and whimpered into it. He looked to be asleep before I had my second footpaw inside.

“Tyler....” Burt looked like he didn't know what to say. “Do you want to stay up a bit? You look too unsettled to sleep. I can keep you company.”

I shrugged. “We'll be alright, I guess.” I looked down,thinking. “Actually, Burt, do you think there is really no help coming?”

Burt stood looking up. “The stars are so beautiful.... I think furs are resilient, and whatever help they can put together, they will.” He looked to me, “I guess we will find out eventually.”

If we survive, I thought with a little frown. “ 'Night, Burt.”

“ 'Night, pup. If anything happens, or you need anything, call down the hatch again.”

I zipped up the tent before he could see my tears of relief. I heard the clip-clop of his hooves as he left.

Shadow was dead asleep and didn't twitch as I curled up in front of him. He was the greatest thing in my life. I needed him. He seemed to need me. I never wanted him gone, never wanted our lives to blow out like a puff in the wind. I pulled the blanket over us, as the night air was chill. Finally, I flicked the flashlight off and snuggled in close, stroking his cheekfur until I fell asleep. Together.

***

>>>>[[NOTE:DAY 12]]<<<<

I pulled awake slowly. Shadow's black fur had a green tint from the morning light in my blinking eyes. My paw was curled around his middle, above the hip bandage. He was naked, from when they'd undressed him last night, and I was in my boxer briefs. What time was it? Definitely before noon, or we would be dead.

I could see the sun's brightness through the wall of the warming tent. The sun was very low. Well before noon.

I watched Shadow sleep. I could watch his rising and falling chest forever. Each breath was precious to me. This wolf was precious.

I brushed my fingers over his furry side. The fur thinned and was longer on his chest. The scars there were more visible. My fingertips trailed to his throat, where a tiny patch of lighter fur was.

I smiled to myself, feeling I'd discovered a great secret. I nudged my nose into the spot and kissed my shadowy wolf there.

When I looked up, I saw sleepy, golden eyes watching me.

"Hmmm, what a way to wake up," he said as he stretched. He winced.

"You okay?" I asked, slowly licking his cheekfur.

"Was... Did that... What happened last night?"

"What do you remember?" I was cautions. If he didn't remember much, I didn't want to remind him.

"I remember... The bites felt terrible. Rusty came to cut them out. You were there. I don't know. I remember parts, but it's vague."

"Like a dream?"

"Feels different than a dream, but faint."

"Good, because you were in a lot of pain." I felt relieved. He didn't remember much.

"Ugh, now I'm waking up, it hurts...."

I pulled out the small pill bottle and offered him one. He gave me a look that spoke of his dislike on many levels.

"You'll feel better. Promise." I knew I looked worried and concerned.

"I'll be fine." His lips pulled into a tiny smile. "Only for you. " He took the pill and downed it fast.

"Why don't you ever use water?"

"Too much time. Sometimes, I don't have anything to drink."

I nodded and stroked his big head with a relaxed paw. He smiled down at me and nibbled on my ear. He seemed lost in thought.

"What's on your mind, Wulf?"

"You," he stated, shifting closer with a wince.

I made a dismissive snort. But there was pain in his eyes, and for once he wasn't hard. I worried about how much pain he was really in.

"I mean it. I don't know enough about this little Foxy in my life." He grinned and bumped his nose into my brow, humming.

I shrugged. I wasn't an interesting fur. I was simply... Tyler. "Not much to tell."

Shadow didn't say anything, just gave me sad puppy eyes. I crumbled. He was too cute. Must have been the cutest puppy.

I snickered. “Fine, Wulfy. But you're eating these too.” I set an anti-biotic pill in my paw with a granola bar. When he took them from me, smiling expectantly, I asked, “What do you want to know?”

“Hmmm.” He popped the pill into his muzzle, swallowing it dry. “What were things like for you as a young pup?”

I smiled. “My favorite memory is a family picnic, long ago. Kaylee was so cute, so little. Dad still loved me, and Mom was happy. We all sat on a blanket in prickly grass right by a creek in the forest. The sun was so bright, the air so clear. My dad chased me around, and I remember laughing until I hurt.”

Shadow seemed to be imagining paradise by the wistful smile on his muzzle. “I don't have any memories with my family like that. I think there were warm times, but I was so young. It sounds amazing though.”

I grinned. “We can make our own amazing memories, you know.”

“Already have,” he whispered, giving me a peck on the lips.

I couldn't imagine the memories we had together was anywhere near 'amazing'. “Anyway, that's the only memory I have where my dad was happy. I know there were probably more. But any time I try to picture him, he's angry with me or frowning. Sometimes he would look so disgusted with me, I wanted to disappear.”

Shadow nodded and licked my cheekfur. His eyes were soft and kind through his pain. “When did it all change?”

“Dad was so concerned about my eyes not changing by the time I was 10, he took me to a doctor. The doc said it rarely happens as pups develop, but that my pup eyes were probably permanent. They don't know what causes it, but they suspect a genetic fault.

“My dad was distant for a while afterwards, and I saw him arguing with Mom more and more. It seemed it was all my fault. I took after my mom's side of the family. I was undersized and fine-featured. Dad kept saying he couldn't see any part of himself in me. He became more and more insistent on it. Eventually, he accused my mom of sleeping around. She denied it, of course. Her heart was completely his; he just couldn't see that.”

Shadow rubbed my back. It was a little upsetting, but I'd faced these memories before. Those memories were past. I wished he could have accepted me before... all chances had ended.

I took a deep breath, feeling on a roll. “Dad came home very late one night. He was drunk and shouted terrible things at Mom. She cried when he left in a rage. I shouldn't have been awake, but I'd gotten up to pee. He never came home to stay after that. He would come inside, pick up his mail, and leave.”

My big, black wolf gave a huffing breath and shook his head. He settled in and licked my ear with a slow rhythm.

“I know he was sleeping around. He came back, smelling of them. Reeking of sex. He wanted my Mom to know.”

Shadow paused above my head in his licking.

“His job changed somehow, and he traveled a lot, always coming home with a new female's scent on him. Years and years passed.... Recently, he and Mom had mended a few bridges. They did truly love each other. Nature and love pulled them back together. Kaylee was welcomed. But not me.”

Shadow growled under his breath, but continued on my ear without a word.

“At first, Dad would stare angrily at me during these longer visits. He would demand to know why I was there, interrupting 'family time'. Mom always insisted I come downstairs, and we could be together. I know she hoped he would welcome me again with time....

“But, he completely ignored me.  Stopped responding to anything I said. I hovered around the edges of 'family time'. It was warm, but I never felt the warmth. If I left the room, Mom and Dad would fight. If I got too close, he would whisk them away from me. I... didn't want to wreck what was left. I just existed on the fringe of my Dad's 'family'.”

Shadow was working his long, soft tongue over my brow. I knew he'd had his own family troubles. If anyone, he could understand.

“Kaylee... she didn't understand. She'd try to pull me into games with him. She cried, frustrated that she couldn't. I would use the time Dad came to do homework or read. At least I could tell her I was busy, and not just stare longingly.”

“I remember the last thing he said directly to me. He was leaving and he said, 'Watch after them'. I wanted to yell at him, 'Why don't you watch after them too', but I knew it was because of me. If I could become stronger, he might return.

“I worked to get stronger, but the gym at the high school was a place full of... well, many furs stronger than I. I was bullied until I gave up and tried to exercise at home. Mom told Dad I was trying to get stronger, and he shrugged it away, saying something like 'runts will never get strong'.”

I breathed a long sigh. “Maybe there was never any hope of redeeming myself with him.”

Shadow shifted where he lay. “He's gone, wandering out there. It's something that can never be solved. But know,” he brought up his firm paws to hold both my cheeks, looking me in the eyes, “you did nothing wrong.”

I dropped my gaze. “Why does it feel like I was responsible? That it was all my fault.”

He edged my muzzle upwards again, and those golden eyes caught me. “Know that anyone hearing your story would tell you your dad's a dumb-ass.”

I snickered. I couldn't help but think that Shadow's opinion was pretty biased, but I appreciated it. Maybe he wasn't too far off. I had begun to resent my dad and how he had treated us.

Shadow relaxed his paws on my jowls and pulled me in for a kiss. Warmth, like I'd always craved. When he pulled back, my lips tried to follow. He grinned down at me.

”What else did you want to know?” I would tell him anything he wanted. He could have all my meager collection of secrets.

He looked thoughtful. “When did you know you liked males?”

“Hmmm....”

“Don't try to avoid it, just tell me.” He bumped his black knuckles into my shoulder, smiling.

“Not avoiding it,” I grumbled. “I just don't know exactly when it was. Classmates in my early school years would ask which female I wanted, and I couldn't think of one. I didn't really understand what they were asking very well. They described having a crush, and I'd never felt it towards anyone.”

“When I got a little older, into high school, I noticed I was paying more attention to the males than the females. I was simply more... aware of them, their movements, and gestures. I admired them, but it was more than admiration. It was a fascination. I knew the daily habits of attractive males in my old high school. Females were good to look at and appreciate, but never held that level of focus.

“I did have a special interest for one high school classmate, a buck called Pierce Walsh. He looked great, but he was the biggest bully around. His self-confidence went to his head... and mine. I couldn't help but be fascinated with him. Well, until those wolves came. The ones I mentioned before.”

Shadow's brows raised, and his nose twitched.

“One of them - I never knew him or his cousin very well. But something about the hint of powerful muscles under all that fur....”

Shadow growled, “You have a thing for wolves?”

Is that what jealousy looked like? I smiled and held his gaze. “I have a thing for you. Doesn't matter that you're a wolf or not.”

“But?”

I tilted my head, like I was paused in thought, smiling. “Well, it's nice that the one fur I met in this whole mess and who saved my furry hide was a wolf.” I turned serious. “But I want more than the wolf. I want you.” I placed my paw over his heart, my fingers slipping through his fur to feel the excited beating.

He couldn't help a jaw-breaking grin as he held his paw over mine. Wolf lips pressed into mine with a sweet, firm presence. He pulled us tight together, even as I felt his pained flinch.

We lay for an eternity of morning light. He munched through his granola bar, and I had one too. I stroked his fur and he slowly pet the back of my head. Our eyes communicated far more in that time than any words could have.

Shadow picked at his fur; he needed a good brushing. I was sure I did too. I don't think I'd had a decent brush since all this mess began. I sat up and dug through the camp gear. Pulling out a folding brush, I grinned, turning to Shadow.

He watched me with hopeful eyes. “I do need a good brush... but maybe later. I'm too tired.”

“It's okay, Wulfy. I'll do it for you. Roll onto your stomach, please.”

He did and relaxed down into the sleeping bag, head propped on black arms. I unfolded the brush and started at his head, gently working through the soft fur there. I stroked my paw after the brush, soothing the area. Kaylee had liked that.

Shadow sighed.

“Everything good, Wulfy?”

After a slow nod, he murmured, “I really like it when you call me Wulf.” He paused before continuing slowly. “My name was perfectly acceptable in the wolf clan. After everything that happened there, I hated my name. I wanted to leave my past with my old name and become a shadow.”

I made a neutral hum and continued my brushing around his thick, furry neck.

“I used to hate my name. When it comes from you, it feels redeemed, like how I used to feel about it. I feel proud; I feel bright again.”

I pressed my lips into the smoothed fur on his head. “I'm so glad,” I whispered.

His ears twitched, and his tail thumped the bag between his legs. The tail calmed after a few moments as my brushing soothed his back. He breathed deeply and I thought him asleep until he spoke softly, “Tyler, are you happy?”

I paused my brushing and looked down at the black wolf back in front of me. Happy? I hadn't really thought about whether I was happy recently or not. It seemed a luxury beyond our time. “I haven't really thought about it. With everything that's happened, I'm as happy as I can be.”

Shadow grunted.

I smiled. “Actually, I feel very happy right now, with you. I'm content, warm, and happy. I could stay like this, in this tent with you, forever.”

“And outside this moment?”

“I feel safe when I'm around you. It doesn't feel dangerous. I don't want to be clingy, but I feel the best place in the world is with you.

He seemed deep in thought for some time as I continued to brush. I brushed him, finding uneven areas in his fur where he had scars. As I moved down to his hips and legs, I was being careful of his hip bandage. The last thing I wanted was to re-injure my wolf.

“Tyler?”

“Hmmm?”

“Are you glad you survived?”

I thought a moment as I worked on his relaxed tail. “Yes, very. I know it's selfish. But I'm so happy I met you and have been there for you. You've given me meaning as well.”

“Were you ever to the point where you wished you hadn't survived?” he asked and turned his head so he could watch me with intense eyes.

“I was upset, and didn't know what to do before I met you. I was at a point where I didn't know why I survived, and I couldn't stand being so alone. I think I would have become regretful about surviving if I hadn't met you. My family... I try to live the best life I can with what they've given me. You're right, they saved me that first day. You save me every day after.”

Shadow turned onto his back and grinned up at me.

“Why? Is it important to you?” I asked.

“Actually, yes.” He fingered his muzzle scar. “It is to me, personally. Also I promised your mom and sister.”

I gave a questioning look and gently brushed his fine chest fur.

 He shrugged and looked a little embarrassed. “When we were at your house, I took a moment to myself after you introduced me to tell them a little about myself. I promised I'd never let you regret surviving. It felt right.”

I nodded and pressed a kiss to his chest centerline. “I haven't regretted my time alive, especially with you.” I looked up at him. “Did you regret living?”

He sighed and looked up at the tent ceiling. “Yeah. When I was in the shed, I wanted to die. Then it seemed I was already dead. It seemed I didn't exist at all. In the stairwell, I couldn't understand why I was still alive. I wanted to die until I heard your car. The moment I saw you, I felt there might be something to live for. Now, I've accepted my past, and it's become a part of who I am, the wolf for you.”

I snickered. “The wolf for me, huh?”

He nodded in all seriousness.

I frowned. “Of course you should have more reason to live than just me. I mean... what happens if I die? I don't want you to just give up if that happens.”

“Could you live without me?” he asked.

“I would think you'd want me to live, find happiness.”

“I would.”

I folded the brush and set it aside. My own fur could wait. “Then I say the same. If I disappear or die, I don't want you to give up. You're a wolf who deserves the best happiness.”

“I've found my happiness in you.”

“Just … don't give up if I don't make it, okay?” I touched his nose with a finger and gazed into his golden yellow eyes. I wanted him to know it was important to me. I needed him to continue. I couldn't bear to think he would give up and die.

His eyes grew worried. “After the Curtain when you wouldn't wake up, I thought you had died for real, and it... tore me up. I didn't want to live, and I don't know if I could face that again if you really did....”

“Well, I won't. You know why?”

Shadow shook his head.

“Because you're with me. And I know I'll live with you. We'll just have to grow old together.”

He let out a little chuckle. “I think you would age well.”

“Handsome in my later years, huh?”

“Perfect already,” he reached up to my cheek with a paw.

I shook my head with a dismissive huff. “Like I'm anywhere near perfect.”

“Eye of the beholder?” Shadow grinned. “So you answered my questions. What do you want to know about me?”

What did I want to know? Everything I could. If I asked, he would tell me; I had no doubt. He had shared so much with me already. What had been on my mind....

“Okay Shadow, what's your attachment to the backpack?”

His brows shot up, and he pointed to it. “This one?”

“Yeah. You're all over it like it's the last security you have in the world. I've seen what's in it, all replaceable. So the bag itself is important.”

Shadow pulled it towards him from the tent wall. The beat-up thing sagged against him. His eyes were soft as he stared at it.

“Uh-huh,” I nodded. “So, what's the story?”

Shadow sat up, wincing slightly. He picked up the backpack and sniffed it. “I can't smell it anymore, but I remember how it smelled.” He fingered the worn seems along the top and sniffed it again. “Sometimes I think I can catch a faint scent of him from inside.”

My black wolf was silent, seeming to gather his thoughts. I didn't mind waiting.

When he spoke, his voice was slow and quiet. “It was probably four years after I escaped my clan. I had taken to hanging out in libraries. They were warm and quiet. Even if you were ragged, they wouldn't throw you out unless you caused problems. A tiger had been making sweet eyes at me. I took him to a nearby construction area to give him a blow and get some cash for food.”

I bit my tongue to keep from saying something. I didn't like that he'd had to resort to such things to survive. It bothered me, worried me, though he was here and safe.

“He was getting rough with me, and it looked like I was going to get raped. I started to slip away a bit. It had been getting better, but I could go numb and 'away' with enough stress. The tiger had me in a dark corner of the site, my pants down, and I was bent over a stack of beams.”

I shivered. Shadow's voice was steady. These occurrences had clearly been more common for him than I liked.

Shadow continued. “Suddenly, he was ripped away and tossed to the side. The tiger was a large fur, but this guy was even larger. A bison, and one of the largest furs I'd ever seen. He kicked the tiger away and approached me. All I could think of was that my pants were down, and there was a new fur to assault me.

“Instead, he pulled me up and yanked my pants up. He found out I was underage, and got even madder. I was terrified, but he took me to the site office and got me to calm down.”

I sighed in relief, noticing only then I'd been so tense.

“The bison said his name was Cade. He wanted to know why I was there and where I could go. Could he call anyone on my behalf? He didn't like me insisting there was no one. All I had to my name were my clothes and a plastic bag of stuff I kept tied to my belt loop.

“Cade took me to his home, saying we would sort things out in the morning. He lived alone; his wife had died years before. I took his couch. I almost left in the night, but I hadn't had a real place to sleep in so long, I fell right asleep.

“In the morning, I expected to be tossed out. Instead, Cade called around, seeing if any agency could come for me. They kept telling him they didn't deal in wolf pups, and he should hand me over to the police. The police said they had 'holding zones' for abandoned wolf pups. Neither of us liked that, so he said I could stay with him for a while.

“I made him very late to his job that day. Cade worked as a foreman at the construction site. He had called ahead and let them know, but I felt horrible I was endangering his job. I almost left again after he'd gone.” Shadow shrugged and grinned, “But I fell asleep watching his big TV, with a belly full of cereal.”

I grinned, imagining Shadow passed out from a food coma on a comfy couch.

“When Cade got back after work with some clothes for me, he seemed relieved I was still there. He told me he wanted me to stay a while. His wife had always wanted to help those in trouble, and he felt it would shame her to turn me out. I was thrilled, but scared. I spent a couple months at his place. He tolerated me, even seemed to grow fond of me.”

How could anyone who took the time to know my wolf not become fond of him? Helaina didn't count.

Shadow looked down, embarrassed. “I had no idea of how to interact with another fur without full submission or sex. He pulled me out of that and helped me become a bit more functional. He also didn't like that I kept a plastic bag with my few belongings. I always kept it with me on my belt loop, in case I ever had to disappear.

“When Cade found out it was my 20th birthday, he took me out for dinner and gave me his old 'lucky backpack'. Said it had saved him in many binds, and even helped him meet his wife. I didn't want to take anything so personal. If I ever had to disappear, I'd feel terrible he'd lost it. He said he had many ways to remember his wife, and he felt I could use all the luck I could get.

“I loved the old thing. It smelled of Cade, who had become my hero. I moved all my things into the backpack and always kept it with me.

“My new paradise shattered when I was out walking one day and saw a wolf from my old clan. I don't know if he saw me, but all I could think of was running. They'd found me, it seemed. I was blind in panic, thinking I smelled wolf everywhere. I ran and ran. Forgot Cade, forgot home, forgot his kindness and protection. I was blinded by panic. When I finally came back a bit, I was in Furnon, close to the Featherdom border. It had been three days. I didn't even remember how I'd gotten there.”

Shadow seemed unsettled at this point in his story. I worried about him.

Shadow frowned. “For weeks, I was distraught, not knowing what to do. I couldn't face Cade after disappearing like that. But when I was in a bad bind, I called up Cade's cell phone.

“He was so relieved, he cried. I never knew he valued me so much. He said he was in the hospital after a bad work accident. He wanted to come for me in a few weeks when they let him out. He contacted an old buddy of his, the landlord of the building with the stairwell. The guy wanted me to stay at his house, but after one look, his wife threw a fit. I said I didn't mind anywhere, so he gave me the stairwell of his office building. I know he felt bad about it, but it was a place to stay, a place to wait for Cade.

“When the world died, I knew Cade had died with it. All I wanted was to die and be with the few furs I cared about. I knew I'd be dead soon, too. That all changed when I met you.

“I didn't tell you in the closet because you were asking about why things were so bad for me. This was one of the few positive experiences I've ever had before meeting you. I didn't mean to hide anything.” He looked up at me, afraid of rebuke. Vulnerable.

“It's okay; I'm not mad. I'm even glad, since you found some peace. Just so happy to learn more about my Wulfy.” I knelt in front of him and stroked the top of his head smiling.

He immediately cheered. “Well, the backpack never used to leave my side. Since I met you, it felt I didn't need it with me all the time. I needed it less and less. It felt more important to take you with me. Is that bad or selfish? I know it's such an important thing to me, to Cade.”

I licked his brow and ears as he confessed his worries. “I hope Cade would be overjoyed you found me.”

Wolf jaws stretched into a huge yawn. “I don't know why I'm so tired again, I just woke up.”

“It's the pain pill, just let yourself relax.”

“But I don't want to lose a moment with you,” he whined with a immature petulance I'd never seen from him.

I chuckled. “I think you'll heal faster if you do sleep.”

Shadow lay back down on his right, so his injured left hip wasn't taking his weight. His yellow eyes gave long, sleepy blinks as I lay next to him.

“Don't worry, Wulf. I'm here to watch over you.”

Shadow pulled me in close. The tent was warming in the morning light, but we still had time before noon. For once in days, my own mind was quiet. Shadow's breathing lengthened, and he started to snore. I felt blessed to hear such a wonderful, personal sound from my Wulf.

He didn't stir as I stroked his brow. The fur on his head was so soft, I wanted to rub my face all over to feel the softness through my whiskers. I held myself back, though, not wanting to disturb this moment.

Shadow had trusted me with more of himself. I could have been jealous over him getting close to another fur, but I was honestly happy for anything easing his passage through life.

A black wolf slept in my arms, as I listened to him breathe and felt the life and warmth under my paws. I was happy, so wonderfully happy to survive and feel this. I knew Mom and Kaylee smiled at me in that moment.