There are certain disadvantages to being kitsune, one of the biggest disadvantages is in our shape-shifting ability, while this ability does allow us to hold forms that can keep us safe, practice on using the forms themselves often leads to forgetful minds. I've tried to keep up with this ability so as not to lose sight of what I really am, and have been teaching my twin... slowly... on the same aspects given that in recent days, he too has had a few mishaps when it came to them.

As we are getting older, our knowledge of the 'magic' that we have access to becomes broader, and far more experienced. While I know that because of the differences in our upbringing, Itsuki's skills will not be the same as my own (and I may not have any real idea how to teach him on using his), what I can say and think is that we share a common bond in certain aspects.

Gregori returned, I can't express how happy Itsuki has been because of it and while I am elated my twin has returned to his mate, some part of me holds bitter jealousy. Gregori has always been loyal to Itsuki, even when things looked their worst... and Itsuki has never given up hope on Gregori.

I can't say the same to my own bond... what happened to me was enough to drive a lesser kitsune mad with regret... and the scars on my arms are proof that I, almost did. But I am a child of the makai, Great-grandson of Emperor Enma, and the pride of the Yokai kingdom...

If I submitted myself to the loss of a mortal I would not only shame myself, but my family bloodline as a whole... furthermore I made a promise, ages ago. Looking through my life, and my treasure box to be rid of some old trash, I found a note I had nearly forgotten. This simple piece of paper had written upon it, words that reminded me that there was, at least one person, who loved me unconditionally, never questioned that love, and never found excuses in rejecting it.

The note was from Cody, it said:

Yuuhi,

You know, it's weird, but suddenly, it's hard to go to bed without you here. Would you attack me for saying that? I had to tell Matt about... my situation. Don't worry, I kept everything else a secret. I am going to return to the mainland for a few days, just to sort of... get a grip. Maybe you you wont understand that. Maybe you will... anyway.. your absence is felt...

-Cody

I remember sitting on my knees with this note in my grip and crying, it was the last piece of hard evidence that what I'd shared with him had been real. I miss him, terribly, more than that the knowledge that Cody had been my mate, my true mate, reminds me that everything following will only have part of my heart.

Cody took a fair touch of it with him, when he died. And a good part of myself too.

Despite the ache within my chest, there are people who have found a manner in filling the void. Itsuki's smiling face eases the ache of loss, and seeing him with Gregori, someone whom has been loyal and true since the beginning regardless of the bumps, trips and bruises along the way, makes me a bit proud to see him as a brother-in-law.

Satoshi-san, I still find myself uneasy with, but the warmth he offers me has been consistent and he provides a place that I can call my own, even when I've been hurt he has never shown anger or bitterness to the situation, merely silent neutrality and stability that I needed and a firm hold I can hide myself within when the world comes crashing down.

I feel undeserving of the family that took me in, Aiden has offered me comfort and support as well every time I've needed someone to at least talk to. I feel as if there isn't enough left of myself to give them, and that its not fair to them... so I try, I try to give them all of myself, but know that some part of my heart is still Cody's... and I hope they understand, you never forget your first love.

Time marches on to the beat of a new drum, where my fate and future lies from here on only the gods will know. Maybe I can convince Seiryu-kami to give me a hint on where my path awaits me... or maybe I will simply settle myself contentedly... to watch where my life will go.

Whatever the case may be, I know that for a good portion of my life, I will be on my own. But in those times that I need the support, the love and shelter of others to remind me that I don't /have/ to walk alone, I'm reminded that I share the best of both worlds...

My mother a princess of the Makai.
My father, a proud man, effectively a mortal.

I no longer doubt where I come from, and in the end?

I find myself proud, I've lived so long.

So now I dare to hold my head higher, to see the future with a steady gaze and a sheltered heart.

I love my family.

And I'm sorry it took so long for me to understand that love.

Itsu, Cody, Satoshi-san, Koukuen, Touya...

Totemo ni... Ashiteru.

Forever and always, I will love you.