It’s a cold winter morning, something like 3 Degrees Celsius, mum says in her stories, I’m not sure how true that was but you know what parents are like, I huff, obviously doubting the details. I’ve heard the stories about that day a thousand times, I remember them vividly, I could tell she was excited, who wouldn’t be? I was her first pup. I’d be excited too!

I don’t remember too much from my puppyhood… I had two siblings, I never really had a good relationship with them, I wanted to be a lone wolf! A lot was forgotten from my puppyhood for reasons that I’d prefer not to remember… trauma things, right?! My parents and I had our fair share of fights but what can I say, I was a pup learning how to be an adult wolf, things were bound to happen. We got over our differences and moved on with the day usually, there’s nothing quite like extending your claws and showing a little aggression every now and then right? Oh how wrong I was!

The local area was beautiful, a beautiful little town named after a local cliff, Howlers Ridge. I spent a lot of free time there… it was a sharp cliff with a dangerous ledge, a wet moss covered the rocks most of the year, even in summer it was an unusual thing but navigating it on four paws wasn’t a hassle at all, humans would’ve struggled. Over the edge was a stunning view of the local area, a valley surrounded by a mountain range and a pine forest leading up to the cliffs, the air had a perpetual dampness to it, the sunlight barely touched the forest floor, there was a thick layer of debris covering the forest floor, the smells emerging from it were beautiful, a mix of pine, the smell of petrichor and the occasional other animal I picked up in the distance, there was something about it, it attracted wolves, in a town with mostly humans and a few other species, this place freaked them out, there were tales of brutal attacks from unknown creatures but nothing like that happened while I was in town, I heard it was cryptid like creatures but you know the things people make up, I shrug while swishing my tail calmly.

School was difficult, I never really spoke to anyone, they all treated me as though I was different, maybe I was… I was soon to find out I guess. I got through most of school without being noticed, except the occasional homophobic slur… (if only they knew I was actually gay!) I never did exceptionally well in school, I was always barely passing through classes. I hated the structured nature of schooling but I loved to find something quiet to do in my lunch breaks, yeah… I was alone but there’s peace in solitude right?! I got really into gaming, a great way for a wolf to vent frustration really and I got hooked on a novel or two every now and then, a peaceful afternoon never went unappreciated, nothing changed there.

I was reasonably behaved in school, I had to be if I wanted to blend in, I only ever had a couple of incidents one of which happened when I was on the phone with some random, I can’t remember who it was now but they tackled me, absolutely no reason… all I heard was “Hey Frostbyte” and then bang, I was on the floor, I thought it was a fur, it isn’t… humans didn’t know what they were messing with, the claws came out, something about me changed, things hurt for a moment before I turned into a larger wolf, a lot larger! I only got about 3 decent swipes in before he passed out… I was shocked but I didn’t care I guess, I left him on the grass and went back to doing my own thing, still in werewolf form, people ran… as they would. I got suspended from school for a whole 7 days and that night mum lost her shit! It was self-defense but that didn’t matter. I should’ve controlled myself a little better… that was the day I discovered if I’m provoked I can rapidly turn into a larger version of myself, not this small little helpless puppy I always present as, even now! Mum was shocked but understanding and explained that werewolf genes ran deep in the pack, that explained my reaction but now that’s something I needed to control, immediately. Mum always supported me internally for defending myself but she couldn’t encourage that behaviour, I couldn’t have that happen again. It was strange enough being a furry in a school full of normies, there was only a few of us but I was one of the only wolves so being known as a werewolf would’ve made things a lot more interesting, it was already awkward enough for me on a full moon, I had a tendency to feel things, my senses got stronger, I could smell everything for kilometers… every individual scent I could make out, the people the other furries, the few wolves in town with their distinctive scent, you name it. My hearing, just as intense. It was insane, I already had heightened senses but this was a new level, it was somehow linked to my werewolf form, it activated with the change too!

When I wasn’t at school or out in the wild, I had a job… a simple bakery job, making pastries and bread… yes they actually trusted a wolf to do this! Honestly they loved me, I don’t know why. I guess wolves had a different kind of work ethic but it was also weird being the only wolf in a team of humans, let’s just say they got me to do a lot of the things they were too soft to do! Ew, right?! Oh well, it was brilliant income! What can I say, I was 16! I had more important steaks to buy and for $900 or so a week, I had all the meat a wolf could desire! Keep your mind out of the gutter, I said what I said! I say with a playful growl.

I didn’t have much of an attachment with my pack members, I was there but don’t belong there either by what I felt but lost my grandfather when I was 17, you could call him the pack alpha… he certainly had the wisdom for it. I was devastated but life has it’s moments, pack members pass away, there’s no doubt about that but with death comes life, there’s always someone to fill the hole in the pack and life moves on, their spirit will always live on through the pack and it did, his words, his actions defined who I am, the words he spoke will never leave my mind.

I got through most of high school without incident and had a motivation to leave, to explore, to place my paws on a different packs land, as scary as that sounded to me. I wanted a change! When I turned 18, I uprooted myself from my family pack and moved to the city in search of something bigger! So, it turns out there’s a lot of different packs here and they’re all just hiding amongst the humans, furries everywhere! You wouldn’t be able to tell if your neighbours were actually a pack of wolves, well unless you knocked or ran into them in the hallway… or they howled and damn us wolves can howl a lot. I pause for a moment thinking about it… maybe they do know after all!

The smells, there’s that many even I’m getting confused! The sights? Concrete. A lot of it,  massive buildings everywhere, humans and werewolves alike roaming the city, I’m not even joking… these guys were fully transformed and just wandering amongst them! A stark contrast from the small little town I was from, but a welcome change nonetheless. That and the 50 thousand other species and I was in awe, standing there, holding my baggage, simply stunned. “How could this be?” I asked myself. I couldn’t answer myself, I really couldn’t. After a while of standing there I got over my fears and left the safety of the station stepping into the bustling city walkways, slightly fearful and overwhelmed by the sheer amount of humans.

I caught a train to a new suburb, why they’d named the same city different names beat me but whatever! I walked down  busy road to a pretty run down looking house, the lawns were overgrown, the front porch squeaked heavily with every movement of my paw and the front door looked like it was from 1921, I unlocked the front door after struggling with the lock for a few long minutes finding myself staring blankly into an empty room, the only thing in there was a depressing looking bed and the weirdly strong musky smell that the previous tenants somehow left behind. “Well this is it I guess” I muttered to myself closing the door quietly behind me. This is how I start my life? It can’t be.

Moving on, a few weeks later I started to venture out and meet people… after sorting myself out of course! By people I mean other furries, people freak me out… I met a small group, all from different packs, somehow, they found each other and would meet beside the river. The water looked brown, sludge filled and uninviting but there was the most beautiful riverbank and park across the road. Showing up you heard the chatter of different creatures all mingling and catching up and the smells of the meat on the bbq, you’ve won me with the BBQ, I’m a wolf! Except for the socializing part, I loved every minute of those meets!

I met my mate at one of those meets! He was standing there, minding his own business, we’d talked briefly online before but I never thought I’d run into him here, What was the chance of that?! There he was in all his wolf glory! Sun shining against his dark fur, I had an interest in him but I don’t know if he knew that at that time. We started talking and by talking I mean a lot! One thing led to another and we ended up moving in together, this was a long way from that cold empty apartment I had when I first moved there! It had warmth, love and someone to break the silence!

A few years passed without anything overly eventful, I was kinda thankful for that… everyone has problems and I had my fair share of those but nothing worth howling about! Until one day I got homesick and by homesick I meant it, I was desperate to get home, back to where I belonged, back to where my pack roots are, away from the rat race they called a city, I wanted the simple life again, my mountains, the very cliff I hung out at as a pup, I needed it or I was going to lose control. That very night, I was booked on the first train back to Howlers Ridge, standing at the station… the smell of diesel exhaust cancelling out every other scent of the city, I took a deep breath, my mate standing by my side, I boarded the train with him watched the doors close and felt a sigh of relief as the buildings got smaller in the distance, the scenery changing to one I was all too familiar with, my territory you could call it.

I was home, finally. I stepped off the train eagerly, a little confused as to what to do next, I found a quaint little house in a quiet area and moved in after a few days of waiting for an approval, they really don’t like wolves renting houses, especially when we shed our winter coats. But they liked me I guess!

A few years later as I sit here and tell this story, I’m sitting in my car overlooking the very spot where I used to sit as a pup, smelling the very pine trees that started this story, Typing on a laptop that’s very slowly running out of battery, perplexed as to what my next moves are? Do we continue to stay in a familiar place or venture out into the wilderness and live a little?!

Well, I guess those are adventures to explore with my new pack!

I carefully put my laptop down and turn the keys hanging in the ignition before slowly pulling out of the reserve, without an idea as to where to head next! I guess, I’ll follow my nose!