The night felt cold, even more so than usual.

Kevin stared at the ceilings, at that hole he always promised to fix when he had the money. It was late in the night; the clock showed that it was 23.45. No matter how much he shifted around on the bed, he couldn't fall asleep. He missed holding his panther close on the bed.

He… missed the warmth.

He turned again to lay on his side. The lamps were off, the drapes closed, and he was left alone with his thoughts. It had been three days since he broke up with Octo. The wound was still fresh. He still remembered it, every detail of it. What he said, what Octo said, they were still fresh.

Right now, though, he wasn't sure what to think, his break-up with Octo, his mother's failing condition, his miserable financial status, or his less-than-good mental health. There were too many things to think about. He wanted to just… be done with it and move on.

Huffing as he turned to lie on his back again, the wolf couldn't help but feel like an arsehole. No, this time not just because of this problem, but because he was an arsehole in general. Like it or not, he realised he had slowly been turning into his father, the very one he loathed with all his heart. He even might have used his friends, but of course he couldn't tell. All this time he could've been using Vilkas or Octo or anyone else and he couldn't tell.

He did not want that. He promised himself to be better, to help his mother, to be a better wolf than his father.

He did not want to continue being haunted by the shadow of his father and what he had done to him. He circled his wrists. The scars had since long gone, but somehow, he could still feel his father's grip on them. His hand went up to his upper arm. The fur had since long regrown, but somehow, he could still trace the darker red tint of blood running through his fur. His hand went up to his muzzle. The teeth had since long recovered, but… some were now numb.

He had to move on. The first steps were the hardest, Tom told him when he explained how he got together with Max. Kevin didn't know at the time and maybe Tom too, but the grey wolf was teaching him life lessons. Tom might be lucky to grow up alone where he had no father to hurt him, but Tom was also unlucky enough to not have a mother to care for him.

Kevin let out a sigh and closed his eyes, arms lying limp beside him. He… had to start over. He had to start by admitting his mistakes.

As much as he hated to admit, it was his fault that he and Octo broke up. He knew he shouldn't do it, but he did it nonetheless. He knew the consequences, but he did it nonetheless. That was the stupid decision that cost him Octo. He wanted to deny it, that Octo was instead the one at fault. The panther left him alone, acting as if they were just friends with benefits.

However, the wolf knew that was not the case. He also shared the blame. He did not trust the panther, first. He did not ask for his help when he knew Octo could and would help just because he wanted to stay independent, second. He also treated Octo the same, three. Instead of getting better, he turned whatever small sliver of growing trust between them and threw it away by fucking with someone else, whatever the motive was.

When he had his first male client back then, he thought it was thrilling. Having sex with a total stranger, sometimes several strangers, was already fun and satisfying, but doing this for money? The stakes were higher, and he felt like he had to do his best at something he liked to do, like beating his own high score in a game. To be honest, he still feels that way now. It felt like he was good at something, that he could do something, that he was not worthless like his father was.

Yet, he wasn't really sure why he continued it aside from mainly the money. For validation? To prove his masculinity? What was it? He did not know, and frankly, that was stupid. Maybe that should be his new motto: “I do things but I don't know why".

Now, he was alone, poor, and dumb. He already sent Shaun the money Vilkas gave him. It left him with no choice. His unemployment application was also rejected, and he felt too defeated to try and register again. Yesterday, the landlord came and asked for the rent. He could only look down, give her last month's rent, and say that he was still looking for ways to make money. She smiled at him, but also warned that if he still couldn't pay it three months in a row, he was to be evicted as the contract said.

He knew that well, which was why he swallowed his pride and borrowed money from Vilkas.

Kevin gripped his head. Everything seemed so sudden. He still needed a new job and he had to find it before next month, but his money would only last till next week, and his mother still needed more money for her recovery. It was as if someone conspired to turn the wheels and make him even more miserable than he already was.

He wanted to talk, but he wasn't sure if he could do that. Besides, to whom could he talk? Octo was a big no; they did not even have any contact since that day. Vilkas was also no; he was not sure he could even show his face to Vilkas. That left him with Tom and Max. Max was also a no since they didn't know each other that well.

That left him with Tom.

Maybe it's really the best choice, he thought as he reached for his phone. Maybe he really needed someone to talk to. Not only were he and Tom close, but Tom was also another wolf so he might be able to see his problems the way he saw them.

“Hey Tom can u do me a favor?", he typed.

No, not that.

“Hey wolf can we talk?"

Too serious.

“Hey Tom u mind if I come over to your place this Friday after work?"

That should work. Kevin sent the text and sighed, putting the phone down. He felt powerless; maybe this really was “the power of reality" Vilkas often joked about. Reality tended to throw bricks at someone's face in the most unfortunate of moments.

His phone then buzzed. Kevin glanced at the display, showing a new text from Tom.

He's not sleeping? he thought as he opened the message.

Tom Wolf: “Ya cuy, just come over :) You're not sleeping? It's almost midnight"

He typed his reply. “Can't sleep. Also ur not sleeping?"

Tom Wolf: “Someone next door's baby is crying and I wake up easily Dx"

Kevin let out a small sigh. “That's a weird superpower"

Tom Wolf: “Yeah."

Tom Wolf: “Reckon I'll try to go back to sleep now. You can just come over, or you want to meet somewhere?"

He typed his reply. “How bout walkirie station"

Tom Wolf: “Sure. Text me when you're there. I get off work at 17"

Tom Wolf: “Wait on Friday I get off work at 16"

“Sure sure. Txs wolf ????"

Locking his phone, he put it back down. Back to trying to sleep, maybe. However, it buzzed again.

Kevin took it again. This time, there was a text from Shaun.

Shaun: “I dunno if ur asleep or not but I just wanna give u an update. Moms being transferred to ICU. A few hours ago she had more seizures. Doctor said thats just her body rejecting the medication, so she needs to be stabilized first. Don't worry, shes fine now"

The red wolf panicked a little but quickly calmed down. His mother was stable, that was the most important.

Shaun: “I just got off from work pulling double shifts cuz one of my coworkers resigned ffs I didnt even have dinenr"

Shaun: “*dinner"

Wait, did Shaun just say…?

“Thanks for the update man. Wait you said one of your coworkers resigned?"

Shaun: “Yeah he resigned yesterday, wdya?"

“Is the position open rn?"

Shaun: “Yea but dunno about that, they say its open but looks like someones gonna be transferred here instead"

Shaun: “Wait u wanna apply?"

That would mean he had to go home and work with Shaun. That seemed like a bad idea until he remembered that he'd have a job there, not worry about rent too much, and be close to his mother.

Shaun: “Fuck off fag dont u dare"

“Stfu straight u wanna pay rent all by yourself or what"

He locked his phone, ignoring the next messages. That might be the best option for now, but that would mean he was to leave Barrowisle.

He weighed his options. Even though he didn't really want to live in Ausalt-on-Haye anymore and wanted to live here in Barrowisle instead, there was an urgent vacancy and he'd also pay less rent, not to mention he could be near his mother if this really were her final days…

No! Fuck! No!

Yes, he was going back to Ausalt-on-Haye. He would stay there till he had enough money to buy a house in Barrowisle. Mike said that houses here were not very expensive. He could easily get a big enough house in a newly-built neighbourhood for just five thousand euros as a down payment.

That might be the best option. He really had to start moving now. No more slacking off. Time was running out. Reality had been punching him, now it was his time to punch back. Her mother was waiting on the hospital berth.

For now, he rolled to his side and let out a sigh, staring at the clock. He missed Octo, and he could only wish for one more night with him. He loved his mother, and he could only wish to spend her remaining days together. He cared for Shaun, and he could only wish for their relationship to get better. He… loved himself, and he could only wish to stop hating himself and give himself a chance.

With the clock showing that it was midnight, he could only utter with a sad smile, “Happy fucking 25th birthday, Kevin."

“Fuck, I hate windy days."

Next to him, Tom laughed. “Because you know you look cute in it but too scared to admit it?"

“Fuck off. I'm not cute." Kevin threw an end of his scarf behind as they went inside Tom's flat building. “Besides, the wind turns my fluff into a disaster."

Tom beamed. “It makes your fluffy fluff fluffier!"

The bigger wolf looked at the smaller wolf. Tom's fluff was even messier than him, but he didn't seem to care. He had to admit, though, Tom looked even fluffier. Giving a grunt, Kevin just looked away and climbed the stairs. “You look fluffy."

Tom just laughed.

Going inside Tom's flat, he let Tom take his shoes and jacket off first before doing the same. The flat looked tidy as usual, he noticed as he took his scarf off and went inside. Sitting down on the sofa, he gave a sigh. He plucked some of the furs on his arm. “Ugh, sometimes I wish my fur was all red or something. White fur is fuckin' hard to clean."

“Same. My inner fur is light grey but still hard to clean off." Tom said as he went into the bedroom. “Eh, just come to the bedroom."

Kevin huffed, standing up to move there. Inside, Tom was changing his clothes. His mind was too occupied to care, though. When the grey wolf noticed him coming inside, he blushed and tried to cover his body. “Nice dick, bro." Kevin said as he sat down on the bed and leant on the backrest, still plucking the fur on his arm.

“I'm still wearing pants!"

“Yeah, yeah." He replied, then began combing his fluff with his fingers to at least make it not look like a disaster. “You got any comb?"

“Top drawer in the nightstand. Eh, want to brush?"

Kevin shrugged and took the comb. “Sure."

“Wait, I'll get us some drinks."

He gave a mrf. When he was combing his fluff, Max came into the room, still fully clothed in his work uniform. Kevin just looked at him briefly, still combing his fluff.

Max walked to the closet. “What are you doing here?"

“Just wanna talk with my bro." He sighed. “Things've been rough lately."

He noticed that Max sounded rather suspicious, but when he continued, he sounded concerned. “Really? You okay, Kev?" asked the shepherd as he took the uniform off.

Kevin shrugged, still not looking at him. “Feels like I fell from a ladder and the ladder hit me in the face, so yeah, I wanna borrow Tom for a while if you don't mind."

Max sprayed some deodorant on himself. “Just don't do anything weird to him, okay?"

“Yeah. Don't want a brick falling on my face, thanks."

“Eh, yeah Max, sorry about this but yeah, we want to talk for a bit." Tom said as he went inside, a tray of watermelon, a jug of water, and two glasses in his hands. “Also, please don't come inside, ya?"

Said dog looked curious. “What? You're his alpha or something, Tom? Interesting." Max chuckled and put some fresh clothes on. Kevin only reddened at that. “Teach him well, okay?"

“Will do."

The shepherd turned to Kevin. “Don't try anything funny, Kev. And you done with that comb?"

“Yeah, yeah." He threw the comb to the dog who caught it.

Max exited the room and closed the door. Tom put the tray down and beckoned Kevin to come. Kevin moved to sit on the rug on the floor and took his t-shirt and trousers off. “Where's the brush?"

Tom did the same. “Nightstand, middle drawer."

Kevin straightened his pants and took the brush.

“Lemme brush you first." Tom said. “Give me your back."

Feeling the grey wolf's soft touches, Kevin let out a sigh. This felt good, a lot better than when he was doing it himself. Tom's touches were soft and precise. He would miss this.

“Your fur is really falling off. Your last shedding wasn't as bad as this."

“Yeah…"

“So, want to talk about it?" Tom asked as they got comfortable. “Are you okay, Kev? You've been looking stressed since in the station."

Kevin gave another sigh. This was it. He was here. He should open himself up. Tom would be understanding. Tom would not shove him off and tell him that he was weak. “Lately, I've been… uh… stressed." He scratched his cheek, feeling ashamed and sad. “Octo and I, we broke up."

“Really? You two broke up?" Tom asked, surprise in his voice. “Sorry to hear that, Kev. What happened?"

He took one slice of the watermelon, swallowing it as well as his pride. “Basically, he saw me 'bout to fuck someone else." He gulped. “But I wasn't cheating, I fucked him because I… I…"

“You…?"

After a long pause, he finally answered. “I needed money."

Tom's hands brushed his back more softly. Don't pity me, he wanted to say to the smaller wolf. “I… uh… I'm really sorry to hear that, Kev." Tom sighed and stopped brushing. “I'm really sorry."

He wanted to growl but held back. Tom sounded sincere. Accepting pity was not something not masculine. “Thanks, Tom." He instead said, his shoulders sagging. He put the slice of watermelon down and continued, “But yeah, we were gonna fuck 'cause I needed the money. But then Octo saw us and it went downhill from there. We broke up that night, a few days ago."

The grey wolf continued brushing him. “Did you… uh… get your money?"

“'Course not. Now I'm alone, poor, and dumb." He laughed dryly. “I almost missed two months of rent, my mother is sick, damn, doesn't life really like me?"

“You almost missed two months of rent? And your mother… I hope she gets well soon."

“Thanks, wolf."

“Do you… need any help with that?"

He gulped and turned around to look at the grey wolf. “Actually, yeah… uh… do you have six hundred euros I could borrow? I want to pay the rent and go back home."

“Wait, you're going back home? To Ausalt-on-Haye?"

He slumped. “…yeah. I don't have any choice. My brother said there's an opening where he works, so I wanna try there. Besides, I wanna take care of my mom."

Tom looked away, taking the information in. He looked… sad. Kevin wished the floor would swallow him now. He wasn't sure just how low he was in front of Tom, his… big brother. Somehow, he felt like… he had failed him, too. “So, this is a goodbye, then?" said the smaller wolf, looking at him.

“Tch, don't make it sound depressing, wolf. It's not that I'll be gone forever. I'll go back here when I have enough money. Living in Ausalt-on-Haye sucks, you know?"

“Do you… want a hug?"

“Fuck off." Kevin told him and looked away, maybe a bit more forceful than necessary. This already cost him his pride. He did not want to throw what was left of it. Yet, he didn't do anything when Tom put his hands on his arms, only saying, “Tom… get off…" whilst still looking away. Tom gently pulled him closer, and he had to close his eyes as tears began to form.

“I'm sorry, Kevin." Tom said softly, stroking his back.

With those words, his resolve crumbled. He let the smaller wolf hug him, then slowly hugged him back. He hid his face in the crook of Tom's neck, sobbing softly, glad for his packmate's compassion. No one had ever done this to him before, not since his mother. Tom did not say anything, just stroking his fluff softly.

For the first time in so long, he allowed himself to cry and let his emotions go.