I shut the gray door to the gray room. Shadow and Burt sat on the gray bed, looking up at me with differing worries in their eyes.

“Tyler, now may not be a good time to-"

“No, Burt. I feel fine now. It's been long enough I've held out on what's going on. There never seemed to be a good chance to- well I have some things I need to say. To make clear."

“I understand, Tyler," Shadow said. “I know you've been hiding something again. I haven't wanted to push the matter, since there really was no good moment. But how important could it be?"

“Ah…" I sighed, rubbing my muzzle with two paws, deciding to lean against the narrow dresser. Shadow accepted my offered paw from where he sat nearest me on the bed, and Burt crowded the bed towards the door.

The two watched me expectantly. I had not planned this; I didn't know where to begin! The two were staring, friendly-like, but staring. I had to start somewhere. “I- I don't know where to begin?" I admitted.

“From the beginning?" suggested Burt.

Shadow met my eyes. “Maybe from where things changed more? I think Burt and I are both aware you hear the Curtain and whistle the tune. Start there."

“Start there," I agreed.

I opened my muzzle to begin. At their attentive stares and expectations, I felt my tail curling between my legs, very visible to the others in the cramped room.

“Slow down there, little tod," chuckled Burt. “You're not under a deadline, there's no rush. Take the time you need."

“All the time," agreed Shadow, gazing up at me with adoration and worry in his golden eyes.

I closed my blue eyes, breathing even, slow breaths. Just start.

I drew my breath. “I hear the Curtain. It started weeks ago. I thought it was a little bit of a song I'd hear just vaguely. Then I could hear it better and better. Then there was the sense the Curtain was looking for something or searching-"

Burt leaned forward, rumbling, “What's the something that-"

“Hold on, Burt," I said with a raised paw. “If I don't get this out, I'll get too muddled or nervous."

Burt nodded, and Shadow's tightening paw and small grin gave me a chance to smile and continue the rolling pattern of what I needed to say.

“It might be looking? I don't even know. There's a… thing in the Curtain. I don't know what it is. At first it seemed like a thing, something from a horror movie, but it's changed, just like the Curtain, just like the zombies. It's changed too. Still changing. It started as an impression of something so… foreign, so strange, I rejected it. Now it's changed into something with awareness, actual being. This last time… it even called my name!"

Burt stood up, huffing great disturbed breaths. “No-no-no-no. It's a thing. An occurrence in space somewhere. It's not living, not a – a person!"

“You don't believe me?" I asked, my heart feeling cold and heavy, like it might sink to my ankles. No, I wouldn't cry.

Burt sighed, rubbing a large horn. “Tyler. I believe you think… stuff. You think the Curtain is – what – alive somehow? It's impossible. Nothing alive would do all this."

My eyes burned in suppressed tears, gaze fixed on the bull. Shadow's voice growled nearby.

“I believe you Tyler. I believe that you believe. But think about it. You've been through a lot of trauma: physical, mental, emotional. No one would be clear-headed in a situation like this. But this is wishful thinking. It's nothing to be reasoned with; it's an occurrence to stop."

“But Burt-" I said, biting back a sob.

“Tyler, I'm sorry. But what are we to do? Ask it to go away? It's here. The scientists will fix it."

“I want it fixed too," I sobbed. “But I need to understand it before-"

Burt stood. “What is there to understand!? It's killing us and must be stopped by any means necessary."

“Even at the cost of my life?" I whispered.

“What?" huffed Burt.

“But with-" I drew in a shuddering breath, “...Michelle and Maggie-"

“Are struggling," Burt rumbled, clenching his hooves. “I didn't want you to worry. Michelle's not making enough milk because of the stress and bad diet. Maggie's doing better with the Curtains, but with everything, she's weakening."

I rubbed my eyes. “I understand, Burt. I need time-"

“We all need time. But time doesn't wait. We need to fix this thing with the Curtain regardless of what we sacrifice!"

I bowed my head and ears, sobbing quietly into my clenched paws. I managed a few breaths in the sudden quiet. “I know where you stand, then. I'll catch up with you later."

Burt hesitated, eyes softening. “It's okay Tyler. I got worked up but I'll listen if you have more. I'm frustrated-"

“It's okay, Burt. Just go," I said, waving to the door, holding everything inside. I didn't look up, but heard Burt hesitate again before closing the door behind him.

Shadow pulled me over his lap, my knees straddling him on the bed as I clutched to his shoulders, sobbing. My body shuddered in sobs, and tears made deep trenches in my cheekfur.

“Why?" I sobbed, so overwhelmed. “Why is it always so hard? It would be easier to have died with my mom!"

“Please don't say that," Shadow whined. “We wouldn't have met. I wouldn't have known the wonders of having a mate, the fulfillment I have when I hold you like this. We wouldn't be together and have had all the adventures-"

“Adventures!?" I spat through tears. “More like horrors with no way out."

“Tyler. The world is always a scary place, only with how much you're willing and able to recognize. Sure the Curtain made things worse, but seems the most bad stuff is still between furs. So the rest is an adventure, right?"

His hesitant, weak smile had me look at him with weepy consternation. How did that make sense!?

“And through it we've been together," he pointed out clutching me closer and tucking my head over his shoulder. “Every step of the way I've had you with me. You've had me, and we watch each other's backs. We soothe each other, fight together, rejoice together. Isn't that a wonderful thing?"

I huffed, shaking off a few tears from the end of my muzzle. “Wulf, you are sooo weird."

“Don't I know it," he said. He lowered his head and licked at my ear. Soothing, comforting licks, showing me how much he cared, rumbling his content in his chest. “Why don't you tell me the rest you didn't get to? I'm sure we can figure out what to do. Come to terms with what worries you and what we need to do. Together."

I felt my throat clench and tears form for another reason. “I love you, Shadow," I admitted, emphatically like it was my first time.

He grinned back, a large, toothy smile with flashing whites. “I love you too, Mate."

We held to each other, basking in the glow of our hearts. Time didn't pass in any way to be measured. Time that did pass was the time of our hearts, an eternity of togetherness and acceptance.

“Better than sex," Shadow admitted, breaking the mood.

“What?" I cackled, smacking him lightly on the shoulder.

“This is better than sex. Holding you and feeling us connected. I feel the bond most right now."

“I thought it was just during sex, you could feel something?"

“Nope. If it were true, wolves would never stop having sex," he said, snickering like a pup.

I snickered too. Imagining it - they would be considered even more primitive by fur culture, but secretly envied by all!

I nuzzled my muzzle into Shadow's warm chest, breathing in his scent. He snuggled me closer on his lap with the best imitation of a wolfy purr I'd ever heard. He nibbled at the line of flesh below my ear, humming in pure pleasure.

“Do you feel what I feel?" Shadow asked, pausing with his nose still in my neckfur. “Do you feel the same content and rightness I feel when I hold you?"

“Hmmm, I guess all the time, but more when we hold each other?" I responded, unsure. “What does it feel like to you?"

“Like I'm drawn to be with you, to touch you in any way. And only in those moments do I feel whole."

“I don't know if it's the same, but I enjoy that too," I said. “I feel complete when you hold me, when we're together. It may not be the same, but I feel attached and drawn to you like no one else."

He hummed his satisfaction. I felt his warmth, his paws, his self all around me. It felt right like nothing else in the world. Maybe it was different for wolves, but I couldn't see us being too different in this.

Others I felt comfortable with, and trusted them, but didn't feel the draw I felt with my Bardawulf. No one could come close to what I felt for Shadow. But I held dearly those I knew and valued.

“It scares me," I admitted aloud. “I've never seen Burt upset with me."

“Burt will be okay," Shadow said. “He's upset and scared."

I shrugged. “It was hard to see him like that. Kinda scary. I know he's not mad at me; I know he's upset. But seeing him angry, all I can think of is my father- is Mr. Evans."

Shadow frowned. “Burt's not at all like him."

“I know. But the reaction I had, seeing that put me right back on the family room floor, looking up at an angry fox father. The words and the anger…."

“Well, we can forgive Burt for having a temper, right? Especially when it comes to family."

I nodded. “I wish I could have gotten to the parts I needed to ask about. He would have helped. I know he would have."

“You still have me. Am I not enough for you to talk to?" Shadow pouted handsomely, trying to hold back a grin.

I smooched my lips deep in his cheekfur. “Of course! My hero Wulf will show me the way to justice and happiness!"

“Yes," he said, suddenly sober and serious. “Yes, I will."

“Then let's get to it," I said, managing to find my own grin.

“Okay!" he said, grinning. “So there's this nightmarish thing in the Curtain, which seemingly only you are aware of. What do you know of it?"

I tapped my finger to my muzzle, thinking. “It feels vast... like a powerful mind that's just forming. But it's thoughts wouldn't be like any feather, fur, or fin's thoughts. But… it's… trying to learn, trying to adapt and change. What if it's trying to find some middle ground, some way of communicating? We could-"

“It could be taunting you or intending to slaughter every lifeform. There's no way to know."

I nodded. “And no time to mull over more weeks of whatever interactions we might have. It can't go on."

“I agree," Shadow said. “Others are dying. No matter its intentions, the thing you mentioned is too strong, too wild, too unpredictable."

I hesitated. “It needs to be stopped? Just like that? Driven back to wherever it came from?"

“Ordinarily yes. But with you, I don't know if I want you risking your life and leaving me alone. Call me selfish, but I feel torn on the matter too. I want you with me always, and I want us to live in a safe world again. I don't know if it's achievable. If not, we can't take the risk."

I frowned, narrowing my eyes in his general direction. “You're not helping."

“I wish there were someone else, someone else they can risk. I know I'm selfish, but I want to succeed in it all. Having you, beating the Curtain, making the world safe… I want it all. Fuzzy balls, am I selfish or what?" Shadow's chuckle hid a hint of hysteria.

“Sooo?" I drawled. “I'm confused. What do you think we should do?"

“You're worth too much for me to lose. I can't imagine living without you. I want you to live."

“And the only way to mostly guarantee it is to quit these tests," I said, sagging. “Given enough time, they might find someone else,"

Shadow's golden yellow eyes gave me a pointed look. “That would be my opinion. You need to find yours, find what to do. The scientists and military won't be of any help; they want to close the thing without questioning the morality."

I looked up. “You think even Tehma-?"

“I think especially him. For some reason, he's more driven than any fur here. I can sense it, and I don't know why he's like that. It's like he has more at stake than anyone else here."

I huffed, “As if we don't need the Curtain to end, too."

“I agree, just… be careful if you decide to bring this up with Tehma. I'll be there if and when you choose to talk with him. Just be wary of his answer."

***

The little gray bedroom was dark, with only a sliver of light coming in under the door. Wolfy arms circled me, holding me against a gently snoring chest. The night slipped by in lengthy seconds, unhurried by my worries. How long had I been kept awake, listening to those treasured snores? Much longer than I'd intended.

I pulled Shadow's paw closer to my chest, and his fingers twitched in slumbered response. Feeling him close, I realized I had much to be thankful for, much to protect.

I must protect him and others from the Curtain. But what could I do? Whistle at a space phenomenon, hoping to mend some rift in space-time? Here might be my only chance.

Shadow shifted when I gritted my teeth and growled softly. All night I'd needed to remind myself to remain still, not disturb Shadow's content slumber.

Did the Curtain… Thing ever sleep? Probably not. It beamed the Curtain to whatever side of the world it could shine on. The Curtain was always somewhere, wrecking havoc.

I rubbed my muzzle with both paws. I had to sleep, had to care for myself and Shadow. The question plagued my thoughts. To try, or to leave?

I might never have all the information I needed to make the right decision. Did I stay, try to close the Curtain, leaving the hatching entity to whatever loneliness it'd had before? If it could feel loneliness. Did I refuse to participate for my own safety?

I blinked into the open darkness, staring at the dim walls, the faint curve of the ceiling light. My heart wouldn't settle, thumping in my tight chest. Relax, Tyler.

I closed my eyes and gathered my inner questions. If I were the Curtain… I might be alone in a vast universe, or another plane of existence with no one else to interact with.

Was it seeking, reaching for any bond? Or was it driven from a horrible place into our plane of existence, angry and lashing out? Either was pitiable, but left concerns for any creature of the planet it ravaged.

Furs in the refugee camps were struggling. Even those who were able to remain in their homes would be without water, electricity, and probably much food. Oh yeah, and no flushing toilets without hauled water.

Clovis' species might be functionally extinct. Other species could be on the brink.

Furs were hit hard in Furdom. Feathers were reportedly hit harder. Fins… who knew?

I bit my lower lip, worrying the flesh, my mind muddling questions. The Curtain was a thing, including some entity – perhaps lonely – involved in the devastation of a whole world. The world was in upheaval, struggling to survive the Curtain.

The other Furshopper furs were struggling above ground, dealing with whatever chaos was in the refugee camps. Time was sensitive; the more the situation continued, the harder it would be to re-establish Furdom in any sense.

It couldn't continue; one way or another, it had to stop. But how? Who was I to make the decision?

I might need to make the decision alone, or I might find help in others. My mind was too much a mess, tired and drifting away into sleep.

***


>>>>[[[[NOTE: DAY 28]]]]<<<<

I didn't want to wake up. Really, I didn't. Everything beyond sleep was too intimidating, too hard, too scary. But my awareness came together, pulling me further and further from slumber. Nothing but more sleep would do, but something wet nuzzled into my nape, huffing there.

Awareness slid in, even while I tried to hold onto sleep. There was awareness of a warm, wolfy presence all along my back, spooning me gently, paw stroking my side. There was another, hotter pressure under my tail, pressing along my rear cheeks.

Of course. Hard? More like velvet-sheathed steel.

He nibbled at my neck and held me close to him, all along his length, not letting go even when I stretched out my fingers and toes. He mumbled things into my nape, words I couldn't make out, but were full of affection.

I moaned my appreciation and bumped my hips back into him, showing my willingness for more, but he chose to keep his affections light. When he started to lick on my ears I melted, humming my content through relaxed lips. I was awake, but my eyelids drooped in the darkness of the gray room.

“Shadow?" I asked.

He answered with a hum in the fur below my ear, giving me a pleasant shiver.

“I have the day off from their tests, right?"

Shadow hummed his agreement, nibbling on my neck.

“I want to talk to some furs today. And Tehma."

Shadow stilled a moment before continuing to nuzzle his nose into my nape. “Why?"

“You said Tehma has more motivation than anyone else to finish this thing. I'm torn. I know the Curtain needs to end, to be closed. Isn't there someone else who can do it? I don't want you to have to continue without me. We're to survive together."

Shadow nipped my nape. “That's right, Tyler. We survive together, not aim to die together."

I nodded, feeling my firming resolve. Sitting up, away from a protesting wolf, I pulled on base-issued gray clothes and was almost out the door before Shadow had hauled his butt from the bed.

This was my day to prepare. I needed answers. I needed the decision I could feel wavering in my heart. This day would decide my fate, Shadow's fate, and the Curtain's fate. Tomorrow would be the day of action.

The commons room was largely deserted. With it being late morning, most were preparing whatever mad experiment they each had to set up since yesterday's failure.

Shadow and I gathered plates of food, wolfing and foxing them up, respectively. The large room grew even quieter as more moved on to their jobs, and I felt nervous. It felt too large without the activity around us. How safe from the Curtain was it in such a deep place? Could such a large space even-

A sloppy kiss to my cheek had me laughingly swat away an amused wolf. His eyes sparkled like he wanted to start in dark seclusion with many, many kisses. I tapped a finger to his cold, wet nose.

Trying to ignore his cheeky smile, I said, “Later Wulf."

“Now, 'cause you're so Foxy," he said with a dirty smirk, something steamy on his mind.

“Hi, Guys!" were the words interrupting our building moment.

I looked over my shoulder to see a female rabbit bounce our way with a buck-toothed grin. “I thought I might find you in here. You know we're supposed to be in the Playroom during the Event."

“Why..?" I asked, raising an eyebrow, recognizing Daisy.

“Silly!" Daisy snickered. “They must not have told you. Probably Kedders, the old grump. They need us in the Playroom for observation. I don't know what they expect us to do, speak ancient tongues with our eyes rolled back?"

I shook my head, agreeing with the sarcasm. Shadow frowned.

“What if we don't want to be there?" my Wulf gruffed.

“Well, I wouldn't want to find out, honestly," Daisy said, flicking her ear repeatedly with a manicured finger. “It's required, and I know they won't be happy if you skip…."

“Fine," I said, raising my paw to block Shadow's protest. “Thank you for telling us."

“No prob, little sugar. You're so sweet, like strawberries and cream."

I blushed, trying to ignore Shadow's low growl. I grabbed the wolf's paw and turned to Daisy with a neutral smile, “Lead the way."

The bunny bounced ahead of us, chattering nonsense gossip about furs in her life I'd never even heard of. This uncle did this, her sister did that. It was annoying and random and scattered.

A guard by the Playroom door scowled at us, mumbling foul things under his breath as I pulled Shadow behind me. The few colors of the Playroom were a relief from the standard gray of the base.

“About time," said Terri, blinking her cloudy eyes our direction. “Are we playing this or not?"

The squirrel was sitting right in front of the large TV, and Daisy bounced over, plopping her fluffy tail to a nearby floor cushion. With a shrug, I followed, pulling Shadow behind me. The wolf's paw was tense in mine, resistant before relenting.

Ultimately, it was confusing and fruitless. Terri could make out few details on the large screen, Daisy was a proficient player, Shadow clutched the controller like he'd never touched one before, and I fumbled around, attempting to keep up with Daisy's energy.

After a bit of playing, I scratched the back of my head. It felt funny. Actually I'd felt strange for minutes. I looked over at Shadow, but he was looking around as if he'd missed someone walk by.

“Don't mind it," chirped Daisy. “It's the Event light passing overhead. This your first time dealing with it down here?"

I shrugged, my eyes wide. “I was getting tests…."

“Ah that explains it," said Daisy. “Unless you're under some test where they transmit whatever from the Event, you almost don't feel it. Awesome, right!?"

I frowned and tried to pay attention in the game. Daisy handily led, and Terri lagged at the back, taking her time. Shadow seemed confused, hitting random buttons and somehow making progress, but my unfocused mind had me playing badly.

I lowered my controller with a sigh. “If it's so easy to take down here, why aren't there more furs down here? They're all up there suffering, and not everyone makes it safe each day…."

“Can you imagine it?" asked Terri, sparing myopic concentration from the game. “This place couldn't handle it. Not enough food or space or even air circulation for them all. And how would we choose who to let in? We have good stuff in here, but in limited quantities. Think there's enough of those steaks in freezers for all those furs?"

“We could let in some…?" I offered. “It would help some few."

“And if word of those 'some few' got out, what would public reaction be?" snapped Terri, still focused on the game. “You want furs to get singled out from others. I've lived most of my life barely able to see. You think it's easy getting singled out?"

The cheetah paused the game to Daisy's protests, turning to me with eyes unable to focus. “Yes I can see; I'm not completely blind. Where do you think I fit in most places? I don't fit in with blind communities, and I can't see enough to do activities with other kids."

“Sorry-" I started.

“Don't be. You're just another apologizer. I don't need apologies. I need equal treatment." The cheetah nodded to herself with a huff and continued the game.

“Okay…" I mumbled, feeling a bit intimidated by the young cheetah's sudden forcefulness.

“Give the fox a break," said Daisy, grinning and making excellent, skilled maneuvers on her controller. “He's so full of ideas! Don't know how to make them work, do ya?"

“No," I admitted, “I don't even know where to start."

“Start with the simplest, smallest part of your biggest problem," Daisy said, mashing buttons with perfect coordination.

My biggest problem? Definitely the Curtain entity. Smallest part? Ummm… naming it? George?

So, George was being bad, rampaging the world, and I was to punish him for-

I shook my head. Nonsense.

Too much at once? George existed. George may not be aware of what it was doing? I could tell George during Curtain? And how would I do that…?

I sighed and put the controller on the floor. Shadow immediately gave up his with a sheepish look. Terri and Daisy ignored us while our characters died, chattering back and forth to each other about which game character had the best attacks. I pulled Shadow up with me, and we went to sit at one of the four Playroom tables.

I fidgeted in the seat, and Shadow pulled his gray plastic chair closer to mine. I rested my muzzle in my paws, gazing into the distance while Shadow stared at me.

“Everything okay?" he asked. “Something you want to talk about?"

“There is," I admitted. “I don't know how to approach it."

“I'll listen if you want. Start at the basics, then."

I snickered. “I was just thinking that."

Shadow grinned and raised his eyebrows expectantly, reaching for my paw, to soothe my nerves with a kiss to my fuzzy fingers.

“Thanks, Wulf," I said, bringing the joined paws to my own muzzle and kissing his fuzzy fingers too. “I'm trying to decide what to do with the Curtain."

“What do you mean?" Shadow asked. “What options are there?"

“Whether to let it be and stop helping the scientists, or help the scientists and lock it away, possibly killing it dead. Whatever will happen to it once it's back where it came from."

“It might die?" Shadow asked, his head tilting to one side.

“I don't think it's exactly alive, not like us. I never got the sense… or whatever." I cleared my throat. “Okay, so we have 'George' – the Curtain thing."

Shadow gave me an incredulous look, one which wordlessly yelled, “Really, Tyler?"

“Okay," I jumped in before he could speak. “So George may not know what… it's doing, right? So maybe we ask it to stop?"

“I don't think it's that easy, not if what you describe of it is true." Shadow looked down at our joined paws, where my muzzle rested on them. “You said it's searching, and I don't think it's found whatever it  thinks it wants."

“But what if contact is what it wants? Wouldn't each…  George want to find another George?" I asked, letting go Shadow's paw to wave mine around. “It could be looking for connections. For acceptance."

It was like me. I wished for acceptance and connection. I'd found that and more in Shadow. Now Shadow was my mate, and we'd spend our lives together. George would be alone…

“...unless it finds someone… something." I continued aloud. How much had I said aloud?

“It might not even want that. Even so," Shadow said, leaning back and stretching out his arms above his head.

I frowned. “Even so, George lives in the Curtain, and the Curtain is destroying Furdom."

“And Featherdom and Findom," added Shadow, dropping his furry, black arms.

“What if it could, um, connect without the Curtain?" I thought aloud.

“I don't know if that's possible," said Shadow, staring at the table. “It's only shown up at the height of the Curtain, right? Can you communicate with it now?"

“Umm…." I closed my eyes and concentrated on the feeling, the feeling of the– of George. Opening my eyes with a frown, I mumbled, “Maybe above ground?"

Shadow shook his head. “I don't think so, or you'd have noticed it other times."

“Okay, say you're right, Wulf. What do I do?"

Shadow shrugged. “I know I'd stop it. But what do you want to do? Just you."

How was I supposed to choose? How could I choose for a whole planet? Or choose for a whole unique entity?

“I should stop it…" I mused aloud.

“But," Shadow prompted with an expectant nod.

“I know what it's like…? I felt the aloneness, especially after the first Curtain. But also maybe before? I couldn't be a full part of my family because of my dad. Even when he wasn't there, I felt guilty…."

“So you think you know what it's going through?"

I shook my head. “I think it's been alone a very, very long time. Maybe it discovered after all that time it was alone. And it didn't realize it…." I shook my head. That might not even be its motivation.

“But in a way, Tyler, you've never been alone. You've always had someone there. Even after the first Curtain, your house and your family's ghosts were maybe there with you? I don't know." Shadow rubbed hard at his muzzle with both paws. “You know what I think? Screw these guys and their plans, let's get out of here. I can't risk you. You might have another seizure, or worse."

I looked to the side with a mumbled, “But…."

Shadow huffed a hard breath. “But you feel you can help. You feel responsible somehow. I don't get it, Tyler. You could die."

“I won't die," I said. “But," I mumbled, “even if I did-"

“It would never be okay!" Shadow snapped.

I flinched in my hard, plastic seat. Clutching the gray plastic next to my hips, I looked away with remorse burning in my heart.

The game had stopped, and the two females were staring at us from across the room. Terri whispered something, and Daisy whispered back, close to her ear. Terri's eyes went wide, but didn't meet mine, only vaguely looked my direction.

“Wulf," I whined softly.

“No, Tyler. It will never be okay. I won't let you sacrifice yourself. They can find another way." He stood up, not meeting my yearning eyes. “I won't lose my mate. I'll only ever have one, have you."

“But they need me-"

“I need you!" Shadow yelled, flinging up his paws into the solitary air. “I won't allow it. And you always told me you hated it when someone sacrificed themselves to save everyone else. It's selfish!"

My eyes burned with building tears. “Shadow. Someone-"

“It doesn't have to be you!" he yelled, flinging up his arms.

I sucked in a breath, then another breath, trying to keep my tears in. They could find someone else? Hadn't they already been trying? Didn't it show the scientists and military's desperation that they'd bent over backwards for me?

A tear loosed, even as I fought it to stay. Dammit. I hated where this was leading. I was the only one available. If Pekkins, that porcupine didn't show them magic today, I'd be in the hot seat again tomorrow. It would be me again.

Unless I refused.

And the consequences? Deaths, despair, destruction, chaos, and everything that came with the Curtain. Oh yeah. Extinction of countless species, intelligent and even feral?

I shook my head, another tear made a new track down my muzzle. “It will be me. I can't say no," I muttered.

“Of course you can say no. Everyone has a choice."

“And do what, Wulf? Watch everyone die, knowing I could have stopped this!?"

“You don't even know if it'll work. It's not worth your life!"

“Than what is!?"

Shadow shook his head. “I can't lose you. You're all I have. All I have in the world."

I bowed my head. “You'll find-"

“It will never be the same! Holding you- no. Even touching your paw fills me, makes me whole. Without you, I'll always be empty!"

“Wulf-" I sobbed.

“No. You're not doing this."

“But-"

“No Buts, Tyler. You're worth more than the world. You're worth more than these idiots running all over this base."

“I'm- I'm sorry-"

“No you're not sorry. You're not doing this. You're not leaving; I won't let you."

“Wulf-"

“Don't 'Wulf' me! I left that long ago. I'm Shadow!" he yelled, choking on a sob. “No one else matters. Just you."

My head spun, and I dropped my muzzle into my paws, sobbing. Shadow hesitated, taking a half step towards me before stopping himself. With gritted teeth and clenched paws, he muttered under his breath and stomped out of the room.

My head felt light and strange; tears flowed down my muzzle. I wanted privacy, as it was embarrassing to be crying in front of the other furs. Shadow would have gone to our room, and I didn't have anywhere to go.

No. There was one place which guaranteed privacy. I stood and stumbled out of the Playroom. Down the hall and to the right, I found the doorway I desired, slipping my way into the bathroom. Sitting on the toilet, I let myself break apart, sobbing and wailing into my fist.

It hurt. The image-memories of Shadow yelling at me, flinging his arms up in anger, struck my mind. My chest burned with deep inner pain, my cold gut churning. I clenched my fists at my muzzle, sobbing into the tight space. Tears flowed into my paws.

We'd never had such a fight before. It was scary, unnerving to my mind. I'd seen Shadow in all sorts of moods, but never so very angry. It shook my whole perception of him, shifting in my mind to an angry, volatile fur, and I hated how much I believed it.

A few furs came and went, doing their best to pretend I wasn't there. It didn't matter what they assumed, no one came to check on me, and I wanted it that way. I was both grateful and hurt by their dismissal. I could be crying for any reason, and it must be assumed to be a petty reason.

Petty?

My heart was shattering. Would the world die of my neglect? Would Burt be calm and steady again? Would Shadow and I be okay?

I wanted to believe, had to believe, but my insecurities and upset were stuck, re-imagining Shadow's angry face. It was hard to see past it to any of his other, caring expressions. No expression of his happiness could stabilize in my mind, always turning into an angry one.

He couldn't be angry enough to leave me for good, right? His care and my care would draw us back together as a mated pair.

I took a long breath, resolving to focus. Shadow cared for me, as I cared for him. We'd come back. This was a momentary collapse of my nerves, crying from being so overwhelmed.

I nodded, reminding myself of truth, but everything seemed upsetting. I'd lost and buried my family. My life and patterns had been flipped upside down. I'd encountered a whole slew of new furs. And Shadow… Shadow had become my life, as much as I'd become his.

I focused on those memories again. Don't think about the anger. Feel the love inside those warm, sunny memories. Shadow grinning at me from my car's passenger seat. The two of us playing in the creek on my birthday. The times snuggling together. The feeling when we kissed. Even goofing off in the rugged, military car, enjoying the sunset on our way to the bunker.

I calmed, finding I could breathe again. There was the underlying upset, and I knew it could take me over again. But I focused on my breathing.

Breathe like you're calm, Tyler. Know the peace inside, Shadow is my peace. Shadow is my life.

I would give my life for Shadow. If I helped the scientists, in effect, I was saving Shadow as well as everyone else. Shadow would no longer be at risk. He would live each day. If I survived, we'd be together. If I didn't survive-

I shook my head clear of those terrible thoughts. Picturing Shadow, scared to live without me, scared to connect again. I couldn't.

I must survive. I really did hate those stories where one fur dies, saving everyone. Ensure survival. For that, I needed answers. It was time to find answers.