The prompt for this week was "Having fun was too much work." So of course I had to write a sequel. Poor thing can't catch a break, can they?

I would appreciate any and all feedback! Hope you enjoy!

The Hero’s Journey: A Journey of a Hero v1.01

The Marvelous Phantasm, Arshevieth Myvdiviev

            You’d think I would’ve learned my lesson from the other night, but Marco insisted I give that pretentious shit game another chance after their update. So for good measure, I invited him over. Just in case.

           “I asked you to bring the pizza and soda, Marco. Where is the pizza, Marco?”

            He yawned and stretched and reeked of weed. “My bad. Just woke up.”

            I coughed. “Fine, fine.” I whipped my phone out of my pocket and started scrolling through Uwuber Eats. “What do you want?”

            “Why not just call them?” he said, his tail swishing back and forth. Back and forth. Off the side of the couch.

            “Because, Marco.” Back and forth and going to knock the lamp off the end table and probably cause an electrical fire because of course. “What kind of pizza place runs out of pizza? The whole point of you going there was to watch them make it and-“

            His paw was suddenly on my head. Scratching behind my ears. Gently shushing me.

            “God damn it all.” I angled my head to maneuver his paw behind my other ear. “Be thankful you were off today.”

            “What happened?”

            I tossed my phone onto the chair. “That… That Karen.” I closed my eyes. “Came back today and demanded to speak with Aaron.”

            Marco muffled a small ruff. “Guess he wasn’t around.”

            I leaned into Marco’s ministrations. “No. Out negotiating with the supplier.”

            He slowed his petting and dug deeper into my scalp. It really would’ve been much better if Aaron were there. That raccoon was a natural predator to Karens. Sometimes I think he opened his place up less for his love of cooking and more for his love of verbally clawing Karens. Sometimes physically, too.

            “She…” Something hitched in my throat. “She threatened to call the health board. And she did.”

            Marco cursed under his breath. “Right in front of everyone?”

            I sighed. “And someone came.”

            “Wait. Really?” His paw froze.

            “Just waltzed into the kitchen and started waving his clipboard around.” I nudged my nuzzle at Marco’s paw. And he resumed the massaging. “Kept going on and on about how he’s going to cite stupid bullshit. Apparently the refrigerator was off by half a degree.”

            Marco just kept working his pawtips on my forehead.

            “Wouldn’t listen to a word I said. I kept trying to call Aaron. But only got his voicemail.” I nestled into the couch cushions. “Didn’t even come back until closing.”

            “Shit. What did he say?”

            “Nothing. Just tore up the report and went home.”

            Marco kept a growl quiet in his muzzle. “Hmph. Damn.”

            I reached for a pillow and tucked it behind my head. It really was nice that I was able to get that off my chest. I have no idea what’s going to happen next, how bad those citations were. Was Aaron going to have to shut down? I took a deep breath. There was no point in trying to figure that part out. Not yet, at least. If anything, he won’t let this issue get out of hand. He’d slash her tires next time. And probably try to speak with her manager. Yeah, it’ll be fine.

            Before I knew it, I heard a purr slip out. I smacked Marco’s hand away and sat back up. I rubbed my eyes before opening them. “No.” I extended my paw. “Hand me my phone. We need to order dinner.”

            The couch creaked as he shifted his weight. “Nah, man. I got it this time.”

            My neck snapped when I turned to glare him in the eyes. “I said-“

            He looked up from his phone, and glared at me. Well, perhaps not so much glared. He was looking back at me in his certain way. I don’t know. It was like he was glaring through my glare. And glaring at my thoughts. But not really in such a glaring way. More like a softer sort of expression. Like he wasn’t so much trying to unnerve me, but unnerve that Karen issue still rolling about. I don’t know how to describe it. It was a nice glare, almost. Maybe. Still unnerving, somehow.

            I waved my paw when I stood up. “Fine.”

            “Still want pizza?”

            “How about Thai instead?” I went to the TV and unplugged the controller from the charge USB.

            “Er, too spicy.”

            My neck wanted to whip around again to position my head at an optimal glaring angle, but at this point, I just wanted to boot up the game. And not deal with his… soft, not-a-glare… glare. Look. He already pet me behind the ears. He didn’t need to pet me with his eyes. Or do whatever he did with them to make me feel all weird. Weirdly nice? Like I wanted to feel soothed, so I’m imagining him being that nice? “Chinese, then?”

            “Mongolian Shrimp and egg rolls?”

            I tossed the controller on the couch. “Yeah.” I went to fetch my bottle of sriracha. Since he was going to be this way. Got a couple of beers while I was at it.

            “Half an hourish,” Marco said, already loading up the game.

            The Hero’s Journey: A Journey of a Hero’s logo sat there for a good minute before it said “Updating, please wait.” Huh. Could’ve sworn I already set it to update before I left today. I handed him his beer and made myself comfortable. “Did you finally make it past the dragon?”

            “Oh, no. I went with the priestess route.” He took a swig.

            “Wait, you can choose your route now?”

            “Yeah. They streamlined the intro.”

            The game finished updating, and that tedious tour of the villages and scenes with the rest of the opening cinematic started to play. But just as quickly, it faded out. “Oh thank fuck.” The title screen came on, and Marco created a new file. The great goddess Gaia flittered on screen and started her whole “Oh great hero” spiel. Marco started to read the text box out loud, but I quickly snatched the controller away. “Let’s see how streamlined this part really is.”

            Kept pressing the confirm button. The dialogue skipped just as fast. He said, “Since you’re choosing the first option for each question, you’ll get the warrior route.”

            “Yes. Good. Fine.” Gaia’s interrogation finally finished and the screen went blank. Sounds of crackling fires played out, then the camera faded into a smoke filled night sky. Village on fire. Great. At least that pretentious dragoness was nowhere to be found.

            Until the scene panned over to a lone swordman fighting a dragon. I snarled.

            For a mercy, there was no battle transition. Or even dialogue for that matter. She stretched her wings and shot more flames out of her mouth.

            And then she glared into the camera. Through the camera. That bitch had the audacity to still glare at me after all she put me through last time.

            And it wasn’t even as nice as Marco’s strange soft glare. This is entirely malicious. Just as malicious as the glare I’m sending her. What the fuck was this update? It couldn’t just wipe out all of the saved data? These developers were trying too damn hard to rip off Undertale.

            “Hm, weird,” Marco said as he re-snatched the controller. A soft snatch, like his weird glare. Almost polite. “It froze.”

            Oh.

            He rebooted the console and breezed through the opening sequence. The dragoness successfully took off this time, and the hero went on and on about how he swore revenge for his family and friends. Some trite inspirational speech about how his forefathers and grandforefathers and greatgrandforefathers founded this humble village and blah blah blah. Apparently I couldn’t skip this dialogue. Each letter was typed out painfully. Look at them trying to be dramatic.

            Marco was watching intently. “Come on,” I said. “Once you’ve heard one RPG main protagonist give excessive exposition, you’ve heard them all.”

            He sniffled like the soft weird dumb dog he is. “But they built that church with their bare hands.”

            “Riveting.” I rolled my eyes and took another sip of my beer. Which was warm by now.

            The scene faded out and brought us to some musty dungeon, with a bunch of hooded figures standing around a pentagram. Because of course there were mysterious hooded mages around a magic circle. They recanted some sort of spell, and with some bright flashy lights, the circle began to spin around and fluctuate through all kinds of 16-bit pixelated effects. The screen eventually flooded white.

            It hung like that. The music abruptly cut out. And the screen suddenly turned blue with text. “The Hero’s Journey: A Journey of a Hero has encountered an unexpected fatal error. Restarting PurrStation 4 in diagnostic mode.”

            And the screen blacked out. “What the fuck is this asinine bullshit, Marco?” I yeowled. I threw the controller at the wall off to the side of the TV. The TV did nothing wrong.

            He tapped away at his phone. “Dunno. Didn’t happen to me.”

            “I swear upon all of that bastard’s fathers that these fuckers designed this game specifically to spite me.” I leaned back, shoved the pillow in my face, and let out a long, exasperated groan.

            Marco’s little tap-tap-tapping was there. It was noticeably there. The only sound that emanated from anything was just the click-clacking from his soft clawtips onto his weird phone. God fuck it all I will shove Gaia up that Karen’s ass if she dares show up tomorrow.

            “Not really finding anything on their site or forums,” he said.

            The console beeped. I tossed the pillow away and took a deep breath. Alright, there has to be some sort of explanation for this. The troubleshooter would have found the problem. Egg rolls are on their way. Marco is here. Tonight can be salvaged.

            I rubbed my face and whiskers before opening my eyes. Another deep breath. A cleansing breath. I survived Karen today. I can survive this. I gently sat up and made myself comfortable and read the TV. “Hard disk drive firmware operating system data have been corrupted. Please contact PurrStation Support for support.”

            Alright. Massive disappointment. We can just watch TV and pig out. I will give him half of my rice and he will give me one of his egg rolls. I rubbed my whiskers and forced a smile. Yeah. It’ll be good. Still going to hang out with my friend. This day isn’t a total loss.

            My ears pulled towards the chime from Marco’s phone. “Uh… Hey, so, a little more bad news.”

            I maintained my smile. Whatever this is, we’ll get through it. I politely and calmly grabbed the phone from his paws. A message on the screen. “Hi, this is Skye from Uwuber Eats Support. I am sorry to inform you that your Uwuber driver had been pulled over and arrested for illegal possession of catnip. Please allow 3-5 business days for your refund to process. Have an Uwuber day!”

            My right whiskers twitched. I gently took Marco’s paw and placed his phone on it. I slowly stood up, finished the rest of my beer, and calmly, politely, threw the bottle against the front door. I shuffled to my bedroom and locked the door. I crawled into bed and reached for a pillow. I buried my face in it and screamed until I fell asleep.