So, there I was, as Rik here so graciously explained, punched in the balls and rolled over on my side. Now, the badger had a decent punch, I’ll give him that, but he couldn’t jump all that well. His hit was enough to topple me, but not enough for me to black out

-Bullshit. – Rik interrupted the story. – Um…no offense Tarek

-Do you mind, Rik? You’re an awful listener – Bron answered with an over exaggerated tone of speech. – Honestly…do all gnolls lack manners or is it just you?

The bandits were silently staring at Rik. She crossed her hands and pouted.

-May I continue? – the orc asked, a grin stretching across his face

Rik motioned him to go on.

-Thank you, Rik. Anyway, where was?

-You just got punched in the balls! – Chety yelled out, voice horse and speech on the brink of unintelligible

Bron stared for a moment at the little kobold through half closed eyes

-Thank you, Chety…

There I was, on the ground after I got punched in the balls. Now, I won’t deny it, RIk might be right and there is a slight chance I could have blacked out…

-FROM GETTING PUNCHED IN THE BALLS!

-BY CHROM’S BEARD, CHETY! Tarek, take his rum! 

Tarek reached out to take Chety’s pint, who had enwrapped his entire body to protect it, like a mother bear protecting her cub.

-NOOO! – Chety yelled out, holding for dear drink as Tarek effortlessly eviscerated it from the tiny kobold.

-Please…go on…-Tarek spoke up with a reassuring voice.

Bron eyed the rest of his crew, scanning for any signs of objections and continued

I could have blacked out, I admit it, because the next thing I saw was RIk standing over the tiny badger. As I laid on the cobblestone, slowly regaining my senses, still unable to move, I saw the rodent reach out for a bottle as Rik jumped and was about to pounce on him. Now, I will be the first to admit that I don’t exactly…appreciate Rik’s company as much as you guys do, but I ain’t no backstabber. If you have an orc as a friend, you have a friend for life. That’s how we are. And if I could I would have done something. I tried to shout, but all I could muster was a meek yelp…

-BECAUSE YOU GOT…-Chaty screamed out and quickly stopped as Bron glared at him

In any case, I couldn’t do anything. Rik jumped and the badger lifted the bottle up. For a quick moment, I felt my body go numb as I thought the worst. Although we orcs might pride ourselves as warriors, I believe that we experience the death of a close one much more personally and strongly than most others. But what I thought was a death rattle, turns out was just her air being knocked out of her. The bottle didn’t shatter. Those badgers know how to make good glass and I’m pretty sure at that moment that guy cursed his superior glasssmithing abilities. I was relieved, as anyone would be. And then. Hehe, And then I saw her face. Eyes bulging, Checks inflated. It was like those rubber frog toys they sell at the market! You know the ones! When you squeeze them, their eyes pop out!

Tarek smiled and let out short, low chuckles as he usually would, while Chety burst laughing with in annoying, high pitched syncopated rattles. Although it remained unnoticed to the others, Bron noticed Rik grumble under her breathe from which he derived great pleasure.

And so. There they were, the rum badger stabbing lil RIk here with a blunt bottle. Now. What would anybody else do? One foe on the ground, the other practically defeated. You’d expect for the guy to sprint out with his life. He’d tell his buddies how he managed to beat two bandits in a fight, becoming somewhat of a hero, you know how it goes. But no. This guy. This guy has a fucking vendetta. The badger started bushing the bottle with all his might. And I’ll be damned if that fucking badger doesn’t have might. The badger managed to slowly lift Rik up, her feet barely touching the ground. And all the while hehe…all the while there this sound “whiizizzizzzzzz” coming out of her contorted mouth. Like a fucking balloon deflating!

-That’s not what happened. – Rik interjected

-I don’t know about that. It sounds quite like you to be frank – Tarek laughed

Chety tried to get in the conversation but all he could sputter were unintelligible noises. With a certain aura of smugness, known only to comedians and storytellers, Bron waited for the laughter to die down just enough so he could continue.

And so, the badger continues pushing, I swear he got a kick out of it, he continues pushing further and further! And Rik just flops! I kid you not! As she was grabbing the bottle, trying to push herself from it her arms just give up and dangle! And, and, I swear this is true, and she goes fucking cross eyed, her jaw flops down and she just lets out these guttural noises! It was fucking hilarious! By that time, the guy probably saw I was slowly trying to get up and he just threw Rik to one side like a dirty rag and jumped through the fucking window. I’ll be frank, in my condition I doubt I could have taken him on. I was still barely able to move and it took me a while till I could stand. But Rik. Oh Rik. This girl was laying on the ground in a ball, eyes gone white and and and this sound! Like inhaling! But it sounds like a whale with pneumonia! She’s just laying on the ground going “iiiiuhhhhhhhhh”.

Bron stopped his story, both from his inability to keep on going from his own laughter and the fact that he wouldn’t be heard by his comrades. Chety fell on the ground, while Tarek was slapping his knee. When he calmed down a bit, Bron grabbed his pint and stared at Rik with a reassured grin.

-What? – she finally asked

-I reckon that bottle pinned your gut button to your spine – he answered chuckling and took a swing at his drink.

-Come on now, guys! She’s a trooper! –Bron raised his pint.

Tarek and Chety gave him a toast, while Rik sulked, arms folded, her expression that of unease and tinge of vulnerability.

-You know, I’ve heard of glass jaws, but never of a glass gut! – Bron said as he drank

-Oh oh oh! I get it! It’s because she got glassed in the gut! HAAHAHAHA! – and again Chety fell on his side.

-Ugh…whatever! The badger just happened to catch me off guard. Happens to everyone.

-That’s right, Rik. Ain’t nothing to be ashamed by. But it sure was damn funny!  - Bron burst out laughing followed by the rest.

-Come on! He surprised me! The fight was mine! There was no reason to tense my abs, was there? Besides, who would have guessed a damn badger was jacked up like an ogre.

-Yeah…I guess you’re right. – Bron grabbed Rik and pulled her by his side – Relax. We are all friends here. Ain’t nothing much. Just joking around. Besides, it was just one little slip up…

-Too bad it ain’t one – Tarek stared at his drink while stirring it, a dope smile stretched on his face.

-Oh? – Bron immediately let go of the gnoll and leaned forward – Care to share?

-Nononono! – Chety yelled out, pushing himself from the ground and trying to climb back to his seat. – Me next! I have a doozy!

-I don’t mind, if you don’t – Tarek taking a drink

-I mind. – Rik spurred out

-You don’t count – Bron cut her off and turned towards the kobold – Please, Chety, my dear friend, what fable have you got for us tonight regarding our fellow gnoll.

Rik grit her teeth as she burrowed her claws into the log.

-Wellp – Chety took his pint and took a look in it. – Hey, Tarek, ol’ buddy…mind if you…

Tarek took his pint and started pouring more rum in it as Chety adjusted himself on his seat.

-Well, I think it was about a week ago…thanks, guy…I think it was about the week ago…

-When we got hired for that gang war? – Tarek asked rubbing his chin

-Nnnnooo…It was a few days after that. After the war. When we when we when we just decided to steal what we could from the treasury and ran off…yeah…when we skipped the country and went to that resort place…remember that?

-Oh, yeah…what happened to the whole gang war thing? – Bron asked, a bit of unease in his voice. – You think they’ll come for us?

-I doubt it. – Tarek spoke as he took a big gulp – Last I heard, they called in the regulars and slaughtered each and everyone. Even civilians. Pretty disgusting.

-Mmm…yeah…good thing we took off when we did, eh? – Bron let out a nervous laugh

-I thought orcs were all about fighting and honor. Ya turn from green to yellow? – Rik snickered, trying to regain her verbal dominance.

-Hey. There’s a reason I’m a bandit and not a tribe warrior.

-I thought you just flunked the warrior college.

-Firstly, there isn’t a warrior college. Its an academy. – Bron interjected -  And you’d be surprised how much they pay concentrate on non-practical stuff like philosophy and religion.

-Huh…so all the talk about orcs being meatheads is…

-Its just a stereotype. We have a ritch culture and history, with a lot of great thinkers. It’s just that most “civilized” species think of us as a bunch of barbarians.

-You know, I’d like to read some of the orcish teaching. – Tarek joined the discussion – What’s a good place to start?

-Oh, you won’t find any good books about it in the cities. Tell ya what, next week we’ll be passing by orc lands. If ya like, we can make a detour and we can get something.

-I’ll very much like that.

-You know. You got me interested.  – Rik leaned in with genuine curiosity – Do you have poets?

-Oh, tons! We have our own schools of poetry. True, some resemble the popular mainstream concepts, but there are some unique ones. You see, most orc poets strive to strike a balance between technique and content. I personally believe this comes from our heritage as  warriors. You have to have good technique while fighting, but at the same time your movements have to be gracious. Its not a very…whatcha call it…uti…uti…its not practical…but there is a certain art of war after all…

-Interesting…you really come from a proud and scholarly people, don’t you ? – Rik spoke solemnly as drank from her pint

-Yeah…indeed…so, Chety. You story about how Rik got punched in the belly. – Bron changed the subject in the most tactless way he could. – Oh, don’t look at me like that. You know it was coming. Now stay still and lets hear what the lizard has to say.

Chety finished his drink in one gulp and threw the pint behind him.

-Right then. Since you are done with your arizdoratik crap, lets get to it.