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Peppermint Bark
Leek was absolutely bored out of his mind, idly daydreaming as he stared at the clouds with a blank look in his eye. To say it had been a slow day was an understatement, not that that was anything unusual… The only trees he had the rights to pick from were the most sour, and bitter apples the man had ever eaten, so it's not like he ever expected much aside from his one morning regular visitor, an elderly lady who bought a single apple daily… But anyone manning a fruit stall for four hours straight with a single customer would be just as bored to be fair… It wasn't like his stall was in a prime location either though… The only available space at the far end of the town, near the back exit that led into the nearby forest that few people ever used… Leek wasn't such a bad businessman, he just had absolutely terrible luck… The bad luck traceable allllllll the way back to his childhood, when, by sheer fate, he was given the very, very awful name of Leek.
The human had been an orphan, something that perhaps had bothered him a long time ago, but not so much in his mid twenties. Sure, having parents could've meant he had been born with more harvesting rights from some local orchards… And it certainly would've spared him from getting tagged with the next available name at the registry being assigned to him. (Something he felt somebody should definitely lose their job over.) He had never been adopted, not that the man could blame anyone… For SOME reason… Nobody wanted to tell the sweet and touching tale of how they chose their adopted child… Of how they took the Leek at the orphanage… Yeah, the guy had really terrible luck, but he scraped by, always barely making it as he simply existed, repeating his same, boring task day after day, staring up at the same, boring clouds as he dreamed of being anyone else but same, boring Leek.
Maybe he could've been a knight? Like those that successfully repelled the dragon attack two years back… Yeah, those guys got all the action, and all the attention from the girls. They never had to worry about selling sour apples to old women just to buy a day old loaf of bread on the way back through the slums. Those guys really had the life in Leek's eyes… But perhaps it wouldn't be such a boring day after all, as a movement to his right caught his eyes. Just passed the empty village gate he was setup beside, stepping out of the wooded thicket nearby, was some kind of strange looking man heading his way.
The man instantly made the human curious, puzzled by what exactly he was looking at, noticing more and more about the strange visitor as the form came even closer to him. His movement was off… His steps seemed short and stubby, like he was barely dragging his feet. His body was covered by some kind of brown cloak, with tears in the fabric already visible to the fruit vendor. The man harshly leaned to his right all of a sudden, his lower half seemingly stumbling and chasing after his tipping top half before snapping back straight, taking a few steps to the left as the weird, covered figure came even closer. It wasn't much longer before it passed right through the gate, still stumbling just a bit every so often in the crusade. Leek was just staring wide-eyed, surely this was some kind of prank…
The man's feet actually were small and stubby… And covered in rougher brown scales that looked a bit like tree bark in the vendor's eyes. There was a tail about fourteen inches long poking out the back of the cloak, which the man now realized was a very ratty and long coat. Leek moved his gaze up a little bit, and examined the midsection a bit more closely. He almost didn't notice the light green snout poking through the opening in the front, the scales a color that reminded the human of a mint plant this time around. The hands of the man were even more puzzling… Just two sticks awkwardly jetting out through the arm holes, making the disguised man appear if he were holding his arms in the air at the sides. Finally, the vendor moved passed even this, and came to look the strange visitor directly in the eyes… At this point, he wasn't even surprised anymore. Certainly curious though.
Staring back at him with big, shiny, black eyes, was some strange looking lizard creature… This lizard had bright red scales, bringing the likeness of ripe red peppers to the human's mind. The circular shape of these scales much bigger than that of the green ones he had saw before. The strange creature had what appeared to be a dry rotted hat of some sorts plopped very crookedly over its head. The lizard thing simply kept on approaching, the vendor a bit too dumbfounded to actually consider if he could be in danger… There was just no way this was actually happening right? The humiliation of going around and introducing himself as Leek for the passed twenty-five years had clearly driven him insane… Insane or not, the lizard creature finally came to a stop, just in front of the fruit stand. The red faced visitor politely spoke a greeting for the vendor.
“GRAAK!" Leek only stared, his brow furrowed and his lips pursed a bit, absolutely certain he had gone mad as the realization settled in his mind…
'These… THESE ARE KOBOLDS!?! THE CREATURES THAT SERVE DRAGONS THEMSELVES?!? WHAT…WHY? Did… Did they think this would ever pass any kind of perception check… That they wouldn't be recognized… Because they put on a coat?' The red Kobold repeated his greeting, looking down at the apples and back up to the human quickly, almost like a twitch.
“GRAAK?" Leek slowly lowered his eyes, breaking contact with the red kobold at last as he looked down to the apples, and back up at the creature, his mind still trying to accept what was in front of him. The human paused to look around, hoping somebody else could tell him they were seeing this also… That he hadn't finally lost it… But the streets near the gate were as void as ever, the people all busy with their duties much deeper into town by that time of day. Leek slowly looked back to the kobold, eyeing the monster carefully this time. A clicking sound came from the green snout poking out of the center of the coat.
“Krik Krik?" The red kobold looked down at the green one, and answered in a bit of a yip.
“Kraak!" The creature turned its head back to the human, tilted it a bit, and tried one more time, looking back to the apples as it spoke out to him.
“GRAAK!" Leek finally managed to reel in his suspended belief, looking down at his pitiful wares closely. Surely not? They… They were pretending to be customers? Three Kobolds… In a terrible disguise? The human could only scoff, dumbfounded by it all. He raised his eyebrows a bit, looking off into the distance for a second before deciding.
“Screw it. Not like this happens every day." The vendor reached down, grabbed an apple, and held it up to the red kobold, offering the creature the bitter fruit. The red kobold sniffed at the apple a bit, and gleefully “spoke," down to the other two “hidden," ones, proudly announcing that the apples were up to standard. Both of the lower kobolds squawked back in glee. The red one reached forward with its mouth, and chomped lightly on the fruit, holding it in its maw carefully. It attempted to speak again, its cry muffled and distorted by the apple between its jaw.
“GRrk!" The kobold kept staring at the human. Leek finally realized what it was waiting for… There were three of them after all, and it wasn't like anyone else was buying those apples… The vendor grabbed two more, and placed them on the edge of his stand. The disguised kobolds bickered for a moment back and forth before the stick arms started moving, flailing a bit as their pilot failed miserably to make them work. After a short second of this, it dropped the left stick entirely. The red kobold looked down at the stick, and looked back at the human, a wide eyed look of panic evident… As if the missing stick arm of all things was going to give the disguise away. Leek could only blink in pure awe, dumbfounded by their sheer stupidity, but admirable of their dedication. The human simply nodded back to the apples, playing dumb, letting the kobold assume their cover was still safe.
The middle kobold slowly reached a green paw through the opening of the coat, abandoning the stick arm entirely as the stubby green appendage blindly felt around for the fruit. Another call down from the red one gave it some direction, and the short claws found the two apples, pulling the first in before reaching back out for the second one. The red kobold called out again, bringing its own hidden paws up to take the fruit from its mouth, pulling it out of sight into the coat as it did so. The brown kobold on bottom took the cue, and released their “payment," a handful of tiny yellow berries that appeared to look similar to the round golden coins used as currency in the kingdom. The vendor watched them scatter on the ground between the brown, stubby legs, and looked back to the red one, absolutely engrossed by what just happened.
The red one squawked a very polite farewell, “GRAAK," as the brown kobold had already turned to leave, the three kobolds stumbling away just as they had came, leaving the human behind with his bewilderment, and the golden colored berries on the ground. As soon as they crossed the gate, regardless of still being in CLEAR eyesight, the three dismounted, breaking their masterfully crafted illusion at last, celebrating their victory as they squawked, yipped, and mewled out, jumping up and down with the apples in hand. They gathered up both their disguise, and their well earned reward before trailing back off to disappear behind the trees. Leek could only watch, finally letting himself think it at last.
'Wow. They are really, really dumb… But kind of cute.' The human thought carefully about his visitors all day, knowing nobody would believe a word he said even if he DID tell them… It was just a few minutes before he closed up for the day, when he received one final unexpected customer, the King's baker, an angry, fatter man who always seemed to be stressing about something. Leek assumed feeding a king must be nerve wracking, so as the chef walked right passed his cart every day, he had always ignored the younger man. Today was almost no different, until suddenly, the chef stopped, his eyes going wide as he quickly turned, closing in on Leek's stand. The young vendor took a bit of a step back, feeling worried for the sudden approach. The chef had no interest in the young man though, but instead, was crouched and marveling over the nine, golden berries left as payment by the kobolds.
Leek had no idea what type of fruit they were, and certainly wasn't going to chance eating one… But he figured he may as well place them beside his other wares. The apples probably tasted more like poison than the berries had anyway. Leek had no idea how right he was.
“How much?" The vendor blinked, taken aback by the sudden inquiry. Even so, the vendor answered.
“These apples are only one copper each-“ The chef was shouting as he cut the vendor off in his excitement.
“No you fool! How much for the Dracaurus berries? I'll give you ten gold!" Leek's jaw about hit the floor! Ten gold was more than he made in a month! He repeated the chef, just to be certain he had heard him correctly.
“Ten gold?" The chef's eyes shot up to meet the vendor's own, a huge grin plastered over his face.
“You're right, much too low! This is the first I've seen in YEARS! I'll do thirty gold! Does that seem more fair?" Leek went quiet, barely able to manage the nod through his disbelief, the chef picked back up, beaming as he spoke.
“Wonderful! Ill take all nine! Reserve them for me while I fetch the gold! I'll give you an extra thirty for your trouble if you do! I simply don't carry that much around with me for obvious cause!" Leek needed to have a seat, making half a year's pay within a one minute transaction could do that to most people though. The chef was gone in a flash, off to get the payment. The vendor delicately and carefully packaged each berry, his very livelihood shaken upside down. When the chef returned around forty minutes later, he had with him two guards. The larger chef quickly asked to see the merchandise again, and the vendor happily obliged his new favorite customer. After feeling satisfied with his buy, the chef quickly instructed the guard to pay the vendor. The armored soldier took a step forward, and dropped a large bag of clinking gold coins on the vendor's stall. Leek simply stared, knowing that was a lot more than sixty gold. The chef spoke once more.
“You're welcome to count it if you like! Just as I said! Thirty gold a piece, and an extra thirty for the reservation, totaling out to three hundred gold coins." Leek was screaming inside, never realizing the chef had meant thirty for each berry, assuming he meant the lot instead. Even so, the vendor quickly picked up the heavy bag of coins, and bowed towards the chef in complete respect, using everything he had to keep his elation hidden, and his happy tears from giving him away
“I'll take your word on it." The chef was gone shortly after, tossing back the vendor some final parting words as he made his leave.
“If you find any more, I'll buy all you can get! I'll inform the guard to allow you access to the palace kitchens. Pleasure doing business with you!" Leek watched him leave, not daring to look away until he was gone, fearing that this entire day really had been some terrible trick. He slowly peered inside the bag, loosening the neck just enough to catch a glimpse of the glittering coin equaling out to more than his entire life's wages combined. He secured the knot back, tucked it away quickly into his shirt, and made his way home, leaving the rest of his wares still sitting out atop his humble fruit stand. Leek wasn't sure of many things amid the joyous thoughts bounding around in his head, but the young vendor was certain of one thing.
Those kobolds had just secured themselves a lifetime supply of bitter apples.
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