“The court marshal of Sergeant Jack Russell will presently convene."

             Everyone in the court room went silent.

             “Sergeant Russell, before we begin with these proceedings, are you prepared to plead guilty to the charges brought against you?'

             The rather shamefaced canine stood to address the gathering.

“I will your honor, and I will do so willingly, if only I might just tell you my story first. I think what I have to say will have a bearing on the disposition of my case."

“A confession then?"

“If you wish to call it that sir then yes. I prefer to think of it as the reasoning behind my actions."

“Go on then. Be quick about it."

“Well sir, I first laid eyes on her at the Rover Club. I was with my buddies – we had a three day pass – when this silky, sexy thing sashayed onstage and proceeded to sing for the crowd. I don't know which was sweeter; her sultry looks or her honeyed voice. Both were as smooth as Harlow gold."

One interrogator asked another, “Harlow gold?"

“I think that refers to the screen star, that Golden Retriever gal, you know…"

The other nodded.

                “Oh. I didn't know the color of her fur. I only know her from her films and those are in black and white."

The presiding judge shushed them with “Gentlemen, be quiet!"

He then turned to the defendant.

“Please continue."

“Yes your honor. Well you see, there we were at the club, getting some well deserved rest and relaxation. All of us are pretty lonely and all, and seeing this wonderful creature come out on stage, well, I  think I speak for all of us that she left us with our tongues hanging out."

“Yes I see." He turned to one of the other officers. “Do we have a photograph of this female?"

Someone opened a file box and handed over a standard sized picture frame. He sat for a few quiet minutes staring at it before he spoke.

“Yes I see. Very fetching. Dramatic eyes. Please go on with your story."

The photo was passed around and everyone quietly remarked on it. The female in repose on the bench was more than lovely, and her stare was beyond remarkable. One old hound gazed at it for the longest time before giving it up.

“I know I've seen these eyes before. If only I could remember where."

The defendant carried on despite the mild hubbub going on in the background.

“As you can see your honor, she's like every great movie star wrapped into one, she's like Garbo, Lamar, West…"

“Yes, yes. I can see that! Extraordinary thing she is."

“Well your honor, we watched her perform and there were times when my ears heard her sing but my mind would only take in what I saw. She moved with more grace than any bitch should be allowed to have. And all the while she seemed to have her eyes on me, burning me right down to my soul."

Sergeant Russell cleared his throat and adjusted his pants before presevering. He looked mildly embarrassed.

“Afterwards she walked through the crowded room and many eager paws reached out for her, hoping she'd settle into a chair at their table. She passed by them all to arrive at ours. Even then, she seemed to ignore everyone but me."

“Buy a girl a drink, she asked in a voice so dulcet you wanted to hear it again and again."

He cleared his voice once more.

“I had to swallow three times before I could answer her. Sure miss, anything you want!"

“Champagne please; a whole bottle. She turned back to me. I hope you like it."

“I told her that I would if she wanted me to."

The judge nodded. “Go on."

“She waved her tail in front of my face, fanning her scent and her heady perfume directly into my nose. Then realizing we were in mixed company she surveyed the table looking for something. I had no idea what it was. It turned out all the chairs were occupied by my buddies. So she hiked her dress up, turned and sat down on my lap. I don't think the court needs to hear about the reaction this caused in me."

“You are correct sergeant. Just tell us about this lady," he said a little too eagerly.

“I swear I didn't make any advances. I wasn't raised that way. But she turned and kissed me right on the lips! It was so unexpected." His voice grew dreamy. “Her lips are…"

He paused as he searched for the right words.

“Her lips are a sweet surprise, like trying a new exotic candy."

The judge licked his own lips.

“Go on!"

“Well your honor, with her on my lap, I couldn't quite figure out where to put my paws. I was raised to be a gentleman, so I never had to consider where my paws should be with a girl on my lap. She saved me the bother by having me wrap them around her waist, right above her hips."

“Yes, yes – go on!"

“Well sir, I am a gentleman, and to me she was as pure as New York snow. I'll admit I was wrong there; she knows just what it takes to make a crow blush and that's a fact."

“Come again son?"

“Oh, how do I say this nicely sir? Ummm; she's precocious?"

“Precocious? Can you be plainer in your description?"

“I can. The court will have to forgive me for it however. She'll let you take her home just to whet her appetite. She'll lay you on a throne; she'll take a tumble on you and roll you like you were dice."

“Son, I'm still not quite getting you."

The sergeant sighed.

“She'll make love to you until you come out blue – if you know what I mean."

There were concerned murmurs from the panel, though there were equally a number of excited whispers.

“Son, you are aware of the seriousness of this matter? It is believed that this lady, this bitch of whom you have admitted having an affair with; this woman is working for our enemy!"

The sergeant sat a little straighter, patting down a crease in his drab green uniform.

“With all respect your honor; please watch what you say unless you have proof of it. That bitch happens to now be my wife."

“WHAT!"

There were more murmurs as that news, totally unknown up to this point, hit the panel like a steamroller.

“Yes your honor. It seemed to be the right thing to do. Yes, I know you probably think it was brash, but when she turns the music on, you don't have to think twice. She has a way about her that's hard to describe. I mean, seriously; she has Greta Garbo's standoff sighs. And then there are her breasts and her curvaceous thighs…"

“Yes, yes son. We don't fault your taste. Not by any means. But did you ever once consider that your pals might have been right?"

“Right? You mean the fallacy that all of those boys were spreading around that she was a spy?"

“Yes son."

“No sir! I figure they're all just jealous. And why shouldn't they be?"

“Indeed. But they have raised some serious concerns over the fact of your position within the intelligence community. They feel that she might very well be tapping you for information."

The sergeant barked a little laugh before replying.

“No sir. No such thing. If anyone is doing any tapping, it's me and that's a fact."

The judge turned red with a touch of embarrassment and more than a little ire at this defendant's easy impudence.

“Careful now son. This is a hearing to determine your future."

“Sir, I understand that. But if you think you're going to scare me, let me just tell you that you've got nothing on her. She's ferocious. I mean like a lion. And she has the ability to give you just a little and make you think you've gotten a lot."

“How so son?"

“It's hard to describe sir. She'll snow you off of your feet with the crumbs she throws you. I don't think I have yet to have her give me everything she's got and maybe that's a good thing. She'll tease you and there are times when she'll unease you, which she says is all the better to please you, but I for one find her methods – at times – a little too exotic for me. But that doesn't mean I don't love her despite that."

“Love son? Are you sure of that?"

“Yes sir!"

The judge pulled out a parcel of papers.

“There are several sworn statements from various members of your barracks that claim that…"

“If I might your honor, may I list off the names of the men who made them? You don't need to say anything, but I believe that I can already tell you who made the charges against me."

“Go on."

“I know one of them was Berger Picard. The damn little Frenchie thought he was God's gift to the ladies. The fact that she didn't pay him any mind bothered him a great deal. And then there's that Swede Drever, who thought he was the best of the best. There were probably a few others who threw in their hats, but those two would be at the top of the list."

“Well son, it's as you say. But how can this tribunal be certain that in the future, you won't leak any information to the enemy?"

“Because I won't. I resigned my commission with the intelligence unit and asked to be put with the regular men."

“Son, that's a hefty pay cut."

“It is sir."

“And this woman is worth it?"

The sergeant went to answer but just that moment the doors to the room holding the proceedings were pushed wide open. In walked the most voluptuous Afghan hound imaginable. Her hair was indeed golden, and hung in long coils that obviously took time to coiffe.  Her walk was remarkable, with the mesmerizing way her hips swung like the pendulum of a clock. Her gait was deliberate, and every twitch was planned ahead of each step she took. All of the eyes in the room were on her. Panting broke out and tiny spatters of drool littered the floor.

She walked up to the table where the sergeant was sitting and leaned down to kiss him. She held the kiss for a long while, not intent so much on showing him feeling, but rather to give her an excuse to have her pert derriere exposed to the court.

Her move didn't go unnoticed. However, none of the males up there wished to be the first to complain. It was rather a wonderful sight. Thus, there was a brief stalemate.

She whispered to her hubby, “Hang on dear, I think I can settle this once and for all."

He stared into her singularly piercing eyes. “Whatever you say dear."

She smiled and turned towards the men in uniform who were holding the hearing.

“I'm ashamed of you! You prefer to deride my little lover-boy here just because I chose him over those other curs. I don't care about what you big tough dogs do; this war is stupid and anyone with a brain knows it. Let that sink in for a moment."

Her eyes flashed red as she spoke, her otherwise perfect face contorted with rage. She had all of the presence of an experienced stage actress.

“What would you rather be doing? Me; or your stupid war?"

The answer to that was rather obvious for they all remained silent.

“I thought as much! And you blame my little boy Jack for doing the only sensible thing?"

“Well ma'am, we are required to follow through on the charges brought against him."

Her eyes narrowed down to mere pinpricks.

“And what then are your findings?"

The men shifted uncomfortably as they had a discreet conversation. It lasted about five minutes before they went silent. The presiding judge spoke for all of them.

“We find the accused not guilty."

She relaxed and smiled at those who had just passed judgment. The difference in her face was the difference between a violent thunderstorm and a warm sunny day.

“Thank you good sirs. You have made the proper call. Now, if you don't mind, you have taken up too much of my precious little boy-toy's time. Before he has to go back on duty, I have a few errands for him to perform, if you know what I mean."

She blinked her eyes at them, fluttering her lashes with the practiced expertise of a vaudevillian thespian. She could have stepped right off the stage of the old West End of London, or off of New York City's Broadway venue. She gave them a smile, turned to her husband and motioned for him to stand.

Then, locked arm in arm, she walked him out of the room and away from the scene of his narrow escape. The presiding officers shook their heads in mild confusion at what had just happened. True, there was no real evidence of note against the sergeant, but they had abruptly concluded the court marshal without proper procedure. That female was much more than she seemed to be to have disconcerted such fine, upstanding canines such as themselves.

One officer, the old hound, remained seated as the others stood to leave. He was still muttering to himself about her appearance. One of his friends sat back down and tapped him on the shoulder.

“It's time to go. Nothing more to do here."

“Wait just a moment. I know I've seen those eyes somewhere before."

“Eyes? You mean her eyes?"

“Yes. I know I've seen them but I just don't remember where."

His friend stood back up and patted him on the shoulder.

“Oh that's an easy one. I've seen them before on the silver screen.  She's got Bette Davis eyes."

The old hound looked up at his companion and nodded in agreement. And then he smiled in remembrance of that fine little lady and how lucky the sergeant was to have her – whether she was a spy or not wasn't even part of the equation in his opinion. Love was always a far better thing than war.

Video   https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=EPOIS5taqA8

Lyrics

Her hair is Harlow gold
Her lips sweet surprise
Her hands are never cold
She's got Bette Davis eyes
She'll turn the music on you
You won't have to think twice
She's pure as New York snow
She got Bette Davis eyes

And she'll tease you
She'll unease you
All the better just to please you
She's precocious, and she knows just
What it takes to make a pro blush
She got Greta Garbo's standoff sighs
She's got Bette Davis eyes

She'll let you take her home
It whets her appetite
She'll lay you on the throne
She got Bette Davis eyes
She'll take a tumble on you
Roll you like you were dice
Until you come out blue
She's got Bette Davis eyes

She'll expose you, when she snows you
Off your feet with the crumbs she throws you
She's ferocious, and she knows just
What it takes to make a pro blush
All the boys think she's a spy
She's got Bette Davis eyes

And she'll tease you
She'll unease you
All the better just to please you
She's precocious, and she knows just
What it takes to make a pro blush
All the boys think she's a spy
She's got Bette Davis eyes

She'll tease you
She'll unease you
Just to please you
She's got Bette Davis eyes
She'll expose you
When she snows you
She knows you
She's got Bette Davis eyes