Rain pattered on the roof, gray clouds reigning on the sky above. Even though it was a couple of hours past noon, the day was dark as night. A string of blue flashed far away followed by the rumble of thunder. I closed my eyes, my heart pounding in my chest. Don't think of it, don't think of it. No matter how strong I screamed it in my mind, the memories flooded my mind. The black sky cracked with golden light. The screech of tires. The horns blaring. The lack of gravity followed by spikes of pain.

I shook my head, my teeth biting my lips until I tasted blood. The sudden pain banished away the memories but not the cold that seeped into my bones. I pulled my jacket closer to myself, darting my eyes away from the large window. A quick look around the room confirmed what I already knew, there were windows in two of the other three walls. Another lighting struck the ground, making my hands dig into the fabric of my jacket while my stomach twisted in knots.

Calm yourself, you're safe. That's what they had said at the hospital. It'll be alright, you'll make it through this. But I never had, not after a month and certainly not after a year. I sunk deeper into the sofa, holding my body tight.

Shivers ran down my spine with the next thunder, cold sweat forming in the back of my neck. the thick scent of fear reached my nose, acrid and pungent. Weak. Unlike dad and mom, so unlike any of my brothers. My fingers ventured to my mouth, touching where the small nubs of my tusks where growing up. A month had passed since my milk tusks had fallen during a spar and still the new ones hadn't shown up.

“Weak. So weak." the thumder rumbled, as I buried my face in my hand, hiding away the forming tears.

Firm footfalls came my way, the wood creaking under the weight. A warm bony hand grasped my shoulder in a gentle orc. The scent of earth and rain filled my nose, along that of age and leather.

“There's nothing to be afraid Kael. They can't get you here." my grandma whispered, her voice powerful and soothing.

I held back a whine and my body tensed when she pulled me into a hug. The warmth of her body seeped into mine, her gentle rubs on my back soothed the tension of my muscles and, eventually, forced the sobs out of me. Tears ran down my face, hot and heavy, while a soft hum came from her chest.

“There, there Kael, it's okay, it's okay. You will be okay." she sang in my ear, her voice flowing like water.

Pressed against her, my body trembling like a leaf in the wind, I let my heart pour out all of its feelings: Sharp fear, acidic rage, cold solitude, soft relief, mellow sadness. They all came out in a flood, leaving behind only a tired mind and a numb heart. My grandmother never pushed me away, her caresses never stopped. Even though she always asked me for help now, even though she complained about her back all the time, she didn't let me go.

My eyes burned when I pushed her back, my tears having long run dry. Rough skin caressed my cheeks, gently wiping away the crystaline trails. I kept my eyes on her lap the whole time, shame weighting on my shoulders. Weak, coward. The pumpkins on the fabric were wrinkled, and I dare not look what damage I could have done to the rest of her black dress. Her favorite, good job champ.I held back a growl but nothing could stop the seething disgust that raged in my heart. One bony finger lifted up my  chin, forcing me to meet her yellow-green eyes-

“Now, now, why are you hiding those sweet onyx eyes from me? Are you afraid I'm going to steal them?" she said with a light tone, a small smile curving her lips.

“No, grandma, that's not. That0s not it."

“Then, is it the thunder?"

“Yeah, a bit, just, it's, it's hard." I said with a strained voice, fighting the urge to whine.

The old orc let out a soft hum, one green finger playing with the tip of a cracked tusk.“I see. It must be really hard to get you wound up like that my little boar."

“I don't think so."

“Hmm? And why do you say that?"

Her eyes glinted like a wolf's as a brow rose in question. I gulped loudly, knowing I had said too much. The strength of her gaze forced the words out of me, coming out in a junble“Dad said I had to face my fears, like a true orc. True orcs don't cry, they don't crumble. They don't go running to their grandmas for comfort."

“And what would that man know?! True orc my tusks, hah! That man was quite the scaredy cat growing up."

“He was? But, but he's never afraid, he always stands up  when someone challenges him." I couldn't believe my ears, but the certainty in her voice was clear.

“That's not true. When you had that accident and you were taken in for surgery,"her voice grew somber, her scent souring with the sour aroma of pain and regret, “he was afraid, so very afraid Kael. He though he would lose you and he cried like an *baby pig* when they told him you were alright."

“He did? But he never said--"

“Of course he woudln't, he's a proud orc," my grand,a interrupted me, her voice clad with the easy command of an elder,“he'd first eat his own tusks than admit it."

“That does sound more like Dad."

Her bony fingers softly caressed my cheeks, her voice full of love as she said, “but he would also willingly give them up for you and your brothers."

“But I'm not like Dad, he can cry, but he's not a coward." I grumbled, the painful truth stabbing at my heart.

“He wasn't always like that. I still remember how he used to hide behind my skirt, and all the trouble he would get from the other kids."

“Them...what changed? How did he become like this?"

Yellow-green eyes met mine, compassion shining in them. My throat closed up, my hands tightened into fist at my side.

“He grew up, fought a few things he loved more than he feared the world. Things like you my little boar." she said with a sad edge to her voice, a stale smell mixing with her scent. Nostalgia.

“You, you aren't making this up are you grandma?" I asked after a few seconds. I didn't want to question her but something inside me pushed me to ask. It needed to know. I needed to know if this was a truth I could hold on to.

“I wouldn't lie to you my little boar, never to you."she planted a kiss on my brow, her cracked tusks tickling my skin. “But if you don't believe me, we can bring out the old albums. The very old ones, you'll get your answer there."

“Thanks, grandma, really, thanks." I said, her words freeing me from the weight on my shoulders.

“That's more like it."She stood up slowly, her bones popping as she went. “Now, come on. The cocoa should have cooled off by now and I can't drink it all on my own."

“Do you have sweet bread and cheese?"

“Is there any other way of having hot cocoa?"  She offered me a hand then, her tusks framing a gentle smile.