NIGHTWORLD

15: Second Heartbeat

          The warm afternoon sun washed over Jaro's face, the breeze plucking slightly at his ears and tail. A breath of relief escaped his lips as he felt the warmth soaking into him. It was reassuring, to know that despite Romulus waking his dark passenger, he was still mortal enough to enjoy the sun. He was closer to vampire than ever before now, his mortality wedged in the dusk of no man's land – not yet undead, but not quite alive.

What happens when you do finally turn? He was beginning to think there was no cure out here. After all, only a vampire could do it, and why would they? His transformation felt inevitable, like there was a bottomless ocean beneath him. You could swim try and forever, but eventually your legs would give out, and you'll sink.

In front of him was the flooded sinkhole where Steambreather once stood. At the far end of the quarry, the dam had finally crumbled completely, allowing the water to spill through into the factory grounds. Chunks of wood and metal debris floated across the surface, the churn leaving the water a foul greyish-brown colour. Jaro knew it didn't matter though, eventually everything would settle, the memories would fade, and a strangely square lake would be left. While the peaks of the gigantic pyramids still poked slightly over the surface, with the odd pipe or chimney resting askew, the message was clear;

Dracula's abattoir was gone, and his Lord of Blood ruled no more. 

Think that's how you'll die? He remembered Belisarius, trying to crawl back to the safety of his darkness, crumbling into ashes before them as the sun struck his body. All their strength, how little it took to destroy him in the end. 

If it got to that point, Jaro would walk into the light himself. 

“Oi!" Jaro's thoughts were interrupted as Frankie came striding over, two mugs of black coffee in her paws. Their supplies of powdered milk had run dry days ago. “Yous lot did good down there mate," the dingo said, stepping up beside him with a grin on her face. “Here, drink." 

He accepted the tin cup, sipping slowly. It tasted like nothing. 

“Isla'd be bloody pleased with herself if she saw this mess, huh?" 

Jaro sniffed. “I guess. Though it always seemed like nothing was ever good enough for her." 

“Oh, too right," Frankie said. She raised her mug at the watery depths. “Here's to you then, you angry old bitch!" They laughed, knocking back the coffee. “Kadir told me about Fyodor as well. The Iconoclast, fuck me." 

“Yeah. But we put a stop to that too."

“He also told me what he said, about foreign governments meddling in the program. Makes ya wonder, huh? I mean, where's the funding for all this shit even come from? Isla kept that tight under wraps, but I mean, guns, vehicles, that space-age crap keeping the Source open? Like I know, since September 11 every government has been writing military cheques like it's goin' outta style, but this shit still ain't cheap." 

“Frankie…" Jaro sighed. “How can you even think about that? Our world, the real world – it might as well not exist anymore. I don't think we're ever going back, so what does it matter?" 

The dingo scoffed. “Oh, I'm goin' back alright," she replied, raising fingers to count off. “First, I'm gonna stake that Dracula bastard right through his cunt heart. Then I'm gonna blow up his ugly bloody castle. And then I'm going somewhere warm. Bahamas, or maybe Egypt, I don't care, anywhere with a lotta sun. I mean Christ on the cross, this rain and cold and bloody darkness, absolutely miserable." She paused, glancing across. “And you too mate." 

“What?" Jaro stared at his feet, swirling the dregs of his coffee. 

“You're going back. Don't think you can just give up and bloody well die out here, drongo. That'd be too easy. You got a Dad back there, don't ya?"

“I…" Jaro blew air from his cheeks. “I guess I do." He tried to imagine Sandor, the old wolf lying stricken in a bed at some blacksite Isla set up. Kristian had told him where it was, but he could barely remember. Was it Prague? Jaro barely felt like his son anymore. He barely felt alive. 

Why did you come here? It felt difficult to be certain. Was it for himself, to cure his vampirism? If so, that ship had sailed. Kristian's serum could only do so much, and they'd seen no sign so far that it was even possible to remove the thing without killing the host. Had he really come to find a treatment for the venom ravaging his father's body? It had been so long, surely his father had either started to recover, or wasn't going to by now. And the last thing he heard you say, was how you couldn't bear to tell him you'd come home. How long until you do something he might actually be proud of?

“What do we even do next?" Jaro asked, throwing his paws up. “That's two different towns we've ruined now. The people of Brada will need to flee, Dracula won't be happy about what happened here and he'll take it out on them. Should we just find some more innocent people and fuck them up too? Frankie, I've done this kind of thing before, and I've lost people because of it. What the hell are we even doing? Do you have a plan? Cause Isla's dead, and right now I feel like we're just going forward because there's no other option." 

“Hey, hey, mate," she laid a big paw on his shoulder, squeezing. “Breathe. Alright? What we're doing is one thing at a time, yeah? Kadir told me how many bodies that thing churned through in a day," she gestured down at the ruins of Steambreather. “That's over now. We did that. And we killed one of their Lords. Where the fuck are they right now? Not here that's for sure, do you get it? Do you finally clue in to what Isla's been saying this whole time?" 

Jaro nodded, blinking as he forced air into his lungs. “They can die." 

“And they know it, hallelujah!" Frankie laughed, her orange fur bristling with excitement. “They're scared because these cunts can fuckin' die! Centuries spent as untouchable monsters and we put the fear of God into them! Look, Jaro, I saw that bitch walk through Cujac same as you. The Daybreaker, she looked invincible alright. But we're guerillas here. Imagine bein' alive for four hundred years, imagine how small a day would become to you then. Those bloodsucking leeches move slow, so slow, they can barely think about plans minute-to-minute.  We're agile. We're angry. And now we've had a taste for blood, you wanna give up now? Fuck off." 

Sheslapped his arm, stepping towards the edge of the cliff, and flipping the finger out towards the filthy water. “YOUS HEAR THAT?! FUCK RIGHT OFF!" She whooped, chuckling again as she turned back to Jaro. “Hey?" 

“It's a good pep-talk," he admitted. “But Isla's still dead, Frankie. And we didn't save any of Team One." 

“Bloody hell you're a downer," she shook her head at him, disappointed. “I know that, mate, I know. But one thing at a time, right?" 

He relented, a smile breaking on his muzzle. “Fine, fine, yes, one thing at a time." 

“And?" Frankie leaned in, cocking an eyebrow.

“And we did some good here. Even if it cost us." 

“Damn right," the dingo chuffed, stepping back from the edge and offering up her fist, which he bumped with his own. “Anyway, what I came to tell you was – I think that boy of yours is lookin' for ya. Maybe that will cheer you up, least." 

“T-the…?" Jaro felt his face flush as heat rushed to his ears. He didn't have to look to know she meant Kristian. “It's not… not like that." 

“Isn't it? All three of you lads are insufferable." Frankie leaned around him, whistling. “Oi, Devna! Tell Mister Tamasi here what you said about he and Kristian on the dam!" 

Jaro turned, shooting a sharp look at the snow leopard, who was busy disassembling her sniper rifle. She sighed, whiskers twitching around her sharp Nepalese accent. “Oh, goodness, the two of them! The little looks, the constant shy fumbling, agonising it is to watch! Only boys would find the time to be so foolish as to have a crush in such a place as this!" 

Tingles ran down the back of Jaro's neck, his hide prickling beneath his fur. He thought again of Romulus, sensing how Jaro thought of Kristian as 'his'. 

We did kiss, after all. He thought about his lips around the marten's dick, the taste of cum on his tongue. More than kiss.

“Fine, fine," he put his paws up, backing away. “I'll go talk to him." 

“Never let the bastards get you down," Frankie said, winking at him. 

“I'll try." 

He left the two women to their own devices, tracking back towards the forest where the team had stored their tents. Noah gave him a slight wave from the side, where the bear was camped out beneath a wilted tree, carving away at a stolen branch. 

Did Frankie say the 'three of you'? Jaro frowned, pushing through some brambles. Is that suppose to mean Kadir as well? The thought of the caracal gave him… weird emotions. A kind of guilty flutter in his stomach. But they seemed to do nothing but argue half the time, and hadn't Kadir also threatened to kill him more than once? No way someone who despised vampires that intensely could ever have feelings for someone halfway to becoming one. From where Jaro stood, it seemed half the time like Kadir hated him. He was such an angry man he seemed to hate basically everything he came into contact with. But did Romulus lie? He did say that Kadir thought of you as his, and he was telling the truth about you and Kristian.

Guilt gnawed at Jaro's stomach. Every time he thought about Kristian, the very next thought was Boz. The memories of Africa seemed like they would never leave, no matter how far he ran. Back to Hungary, now to Nightworld, the ghosts could follow anywhere.

You'll just let them down too. Kristian, Kadir, Isla, Boz, Dad… anyone that puts their trust in you gets disappointed. 

Then again, maybe Frankie had a point. 

“Just stand here and enjoy the fucking victory." That's what Kadir said after they watched Belisarius burn up. Jaro stopped, looking back at the newly formed lake. Really looked at it. That was a victory. Even if Isla died down there, she'd be glad of what they accomplished, she probably would have done it all the same again. That was something he could feel good about. 

He let out a breath. “Just suck it up already," he told himself, turning back towards Kristian's tent. 

Jaro's eyes widened as he approached closer, circling around the edge of the tent to see the marten sitting cross-legged on the ground before it, his back turned. The doctor had pulled his pants down to his ankles, and had his slender fingers poking and prodding at the small cage Romulus had put on him, still locked in place around his penis. Jaro cocked his head, his own crotch twitching as he saw a small bobby pin clenched in the marten's fingers. 

“Any luck there?" Jaro asked, and Kristian yelped, the bobby pin tumbling from his fingers as he jumped. The marten twisted back, blanching as he saw Jaro looking over at him, moving his paws to cover up the cage. 

“Why are you sneaking up on me?!" He demanded, pulling his shirt down to cover himself, hackles raised across his neck.

The wolf smirked, stepping around the tent. “Frankie said you were looking for me." 

“I haven't a clue why she might say that," Kristian said, smoothing his neck fur. “I was only attempting to get this damned thing off me." 

“Can I have a look?" 

The marten paused awkwardly, ears twitching as he mouthed a silent curse. “Er…" 

“C'mon, Kristian, surely we're past shyness by now." 

The marten relented, scoffing. “Very well." 

Jaro came around to his front as Kristian leaned back awkwardly, allowing the wolf to kneel in front of him and slide his trousers back down past his knees. Seeing his soft pink dick locked up tight was instantly arousing, and Jaro had to swallow the nervous excitement rising in his throat. “Pretty uh, tight, huh?" 

Kristian smacked his lips. “Quite." 

Moving gingerly, Jaro reached down and touched the cage, adjusting it slightly. It was secured with one strong padlock around the top, the rest of it grated with thin bars to prevent any access. The small chastity cage was made of concentric rings, secured around the base of Kristian's penis and balls. While his testicles were slightly squeezed, they hung mostly free, while his shaft was sealed inside the almost too-small cage. It was tight with him soft, Jaro could only imagine how it must feel when he had an erection. Kristian's pink dick stood out in the chrome, nestled amongst the creamier fur of his groin and waist. 

Jaro couldn't deny it, this wasn't something he'd ever really seen before, but he did like looking at it. Something about the cage just seemed so… humiliating and submissive. 

And apparently you enjoy that. The shame of it seemed to only make things more arousing.

“The bastard. I'm sorry he did that to us." 

“It wasn't your fault," Kristian replied. “Just how it is."

Jaro picked up the bobby pin. He'd never been any good at picking locks, but he owed it to Kristian to at least try. It was difficult to shake the feeling that all of this was somehow his own fault. Like he had brought it upon them.

Maybe you just feel bad for enjoying it. You should. His mind played back scenes from that night. Romulus deep into the marten's throat, looking on and watching Kadir thrust into his rear over and over.

“How do you think Kadir feels?" Jaro asked, hoping to distract them both as he tried to work the lock. “Angry, I suppose."

“When is that man not angry, after all," Kristian replied, sighing. “I am sure he doesn't hold any of it against us, even though he'd never admit that. As far as tortures the vampire could have inflicted on us… things could have been worse." 

“Oh?" Jaro's heart jerked in his chest. “Sexual slavery not depraved enough for you?"

“No, I mean… That is to say… what I mean is…" The marten stuttered to an awkward stop. “We could be missing limbs, or eyes. Not to mention we already… this wasn't entirely foreign territory for us." 

“Right. Our kiss. And… before." 

“Yes. That too. You and I are… you know." 

Are what, exactly? An awkward silence passed between them. Jaro couldn't stop imagining Kristian on his back, the cage shaking with his hard cock trapped inside it, Jaro's own knot buried deep in his ass. What is wrong with you? He sucked in a tight breath, trying to purge the thoughts and will away his hard-on. 

“Can you pee with this thing on?" 

Jaro glanced up and saw the marten covering his eyes, groaning quietly. “Is the shame of it not enough? Must you also interrogate me?" 

“Only making conversation." 

“If you have to know," Kristian replied, scoffing. “Then yes, I can. No issues so far. A bit more… um… caution… is required than usual but… eventually it goes fine. A bit messier, maybe." 

“Are you embarrassed by this situation, Doctor?" Deciding to abandon the lock, Jaro let his fingers drift down, lightly brushing against the fur of the marten's balls. 

“How perceptive of you. Are you making any progress?"

“Not sure," he lied. There was no getting the lock off and he could tell. But it was still enjoyable to hold. Kristian's penis was smaller than average, but in the squeezing confines of the cage it looked ready to burst. There was some clearance allowed, but not much. It made him look so submissive and trapped, vulnerable even. Jaro couldn't stop picturing how cramped it must be inside when Kristian got hard. 

Another moment passed. “Look," Kristian said, clearing his throat. “About… all those things Romulus made us say…" 

“Don't worry, you don't have to explain it." 

“No, I mean, I wanted to ask if what he said was true… about you thinking of me." 

Jaro froze, fingers going numb as shock ran through him. “Ah…" he began slowly. “Yeah, that." All three of you are insufferable. Was it that obvious to the others? Was he really so stupid as to fall for someone out here? Devna was right, he was an idiot.

“I mean, considering that we kissed and… you know… I was only questioning if that held any truth." The marten wouldn't meet his eyes. “Or if maybe what happened has changed things. It's alright if it did, we've been through a lot." 

Jaro sucked his teeth, thinking of Boz. 

Gonna let another man down?

“No, it hasn't changed things."

“Did you really enjoy what happened to us? Or did Romulus force you to say it?" It was an easy out, Kristian knew as well as Jaro the vampire could compel them to tell the truth, but the marten was giving him a liferaft. Trying not to make it awkward.

Jaro felt the world slipping away from him, his head reeling. He stared down at the cock cage still in his paws, hyper aware of the absurdity of their situation. How was he supposed to answer that? What the fuck? Did he? Did he really enjoy watching his friends have themselves forced on each other like that? Humiliated in front of him? The worst part was he already knew the answer, it was eating him up inside.

What is wrong with you?

“I… did you?" He squeaked, paws totally still, loosely cupping Kristian's caged genitals. He couldn't decide if it was more awkward to leave them there, or pull away. 

“N-no! Of course not!" He insisted. “But… I mean… perhaps if things had been a little bit different."

Jaro looked up, finally catching the marten's eyes. They were green, surrounded by short, scruffy brown fur and hidden behind narrow glasses. A small pink nose rested just beyond his patch of whiskers, jaw clenched. Jaro felt his chest tighten, like a great weight was pushing down on him. 

He shifted forward, his chest brushing against Kristian's as their lips met, not a soft shy kiss like before, but a heavy, overlapping embrace. Jaro grunted deep in his throat, one paw holding him up, the other slipping beneath Kristian's shirt, tracing across the side of his stomach. Their tongues brushed against one another, and he gently bit down on the doctor's bottom lip. 

Finally they pulled apart, breathing heavy. 

“I'll admit," Jaro said. “It could have been worse." 

Inside the metal contraption, Kristian's cock twitched, pressing harder against the grates. 

“And I like you." 

The marten gasped slightly. “I uh, like you too. But I must admit I don't really know what to do next. This… is new for me." 

The nervousness sent a tremor ricocheting up Jaro's body, dancing through his arms and shooting along his spine, right up to the tip of his wagging tail.

“We'll get this off you, somehow. Then we can do things properly," Jaro said, reaching down and grasping the cage. He pried at the soft furry skin by the edges, wondering if there was any chance of simply slipping it off. Unfortunately, Romulus had snapped it on tight. He chuckled, unable to help letting his fingers wander, tracing down around Kristian's tight balls, rubbing the crease where taint met thigh, feeling the soft fur there. “While we're admitting things, it's a shame we have to get this off so quick… I think it looks good on you." 

He looked up and saw the marten was wide eyed, ears flicked right back against his head. “Um, oh, er, uh… yes," he stammered, quickly averting his eyes. “What is this place doing to us?" Jaro only laughed again. The doctor was ordinarily so organised and cautious with his words, clearly the man wasn't used to being flustered like this.

“Extreme times like this," Jaro said, letting his paw run over Kristian's thigh. “You know, they do weird things to people I guess." 

Letting out a sigh, Jaro looked up past Kristian's tent, to where Kadir stood leaning against a tree, a pair of bolt-cutters dangling loose in one paw. 

“Been listening long?" He asked. 

The caracal only grunted, shoving off the bark and coming over. “Long enough."

Kristian's head snapped around, the marten letting out a small yip of surprise. He hastily pushed Jaro's paws off his legs, scrambling to tug his trousers back up. “Kadir, maybe consider announcing yourself in the future, huh?" 

The caracal shrugged, dropping to a squat next to the two of them. “Not sure why you're covering up, Doctor, think I've seen just about all there is to see."

Jaro snorted out a laugh. “That's what I said." 

“Tch," Kadir sneered, proffering the bolt-cutters. “Here. Thought you might wanna try these."

“Thank you." Jaro took the cutters, angling them down towards Kristian's crotch. After a brief glance between them both, and a heavy sigh, the marten once again slowly lowered his pants back to his knees. Jaro saw Kadir sniff sharply, but he didn't bother to look away. 

“Does it hurt?" The caracal asked. 

“Not really," Kristian said, swallowing as he saw the sharp cutters press up right next to his cock. “Although it's quite tight, uncomfortable, especially when uh… you know." 

Kadir chuffed. “Yeah, I bet." 

“Jaro, please be careful there."

“I will, don't worry. I am the team medic, after all," he replied, angling the bolt cutters. “I have experience with this kinda thing. Back in Libya once, one of our guys took a bullet through his scrote. Had to patch him up in the back of some springless jeep, he lost a ball but retained full use of his, uh, faculties."

“What the fuck kinda story is that?" Kadir asked. 

“It's not as reassuring as you think, Jaro," Kristian added. 

“I'm only saying," the wolf replied, squeezing the padlock in the cutters blades. Sucking in a short breath, he tried to clamp down, waiting for that satisfying squeal of metal being chewed through. There was a tiny squeak as the bits were grinded together, but no give. Jaro pushed until his arms strained, finally gasping as he relented. 

“No fucking use," he snarled, tossing the bolt cutters away. “Any harder and it'll slip and hurt you. Fucking vampire world." 

“Just calm down," Kadir said. “We'll find a way to get it off."

“Hopefully sooner rather than later," Kristian said, pulling his pants back up and redoing his belt. Jaro couldn't deny that he was disappointed to see it go. 

“Kadir, I'm sorry about everything that happened," he said, meeting the caracal's eyes. “I know that–"

“Don't," Kadir interrupted, holding a paw up to stop him. “I didn't realise you two were… maybe it was harder on you. Watching me like that." He gave Kristian a surprisingly soft look. “I hope I didn't hurt you, is all. I tried to be gentle…. But, you know." 

Jaro clicked his tongue as an awkward silence fell on them. Probably best not to tell Kadir just how hot he thought watching him breed Kristian had been. Maybe some other time. 

“I'm left at a loss here," Kadir said, turning away. “I don't know what we should be doing next. Instinct says we make for the Source, try to get the fuck out of this place and blow up the door behind us. But I don't know if it's even still open, Isla always said the gateway was unstable." 

“Even if it is," Kristian added, also climbing to his feet. “I imagine it's exactly what Dracula would expect. We were on his radar before, but now we'll be his priority. We killed one of his Lords, and destroyed his biggest piece of infrastructure. No doubt that abattoir has helped him hold power over the other vampires. If he really is the same Vlad the Impaler from our history, then he's not known for mercy and forgiveness." 

Jaro groaned. “Our only advantage is the time scaling, we need to be using guerilla tactics. Romulus seems to act the fastest, but maybe we got lucky and he was buried back in Steambreather. The others are too slow to react and we have to use that, Isla was right about that." Jaro only wished he knew how.

“The problem is once they do catch up," Kristian said. “Remember what happened in Cujac?"

“I wish I could forget," Kadir mumbled.

“I am certain however, that we cannot stay here. The other Lords will come, of that there is no doubt."

Jaro squeezed his eyes shut, trying to think. How was this his responsibility? Wasn't Kadir the new leader now?

“Isla never seemed unsure of herself," Kristian said. “Did she ever tell you what the plan was for after we stopped Steambreather? I mean, beyond 'find a way to go home'." 

“You knew her as well as I. What do you think, doctor?" 

“I am only trying to wonder what she might do, in this position."

“Damn it!" Kadir snarled suddenly, kicking at a fallen branch and sending the rotten wood exploding away from himself. “We need that stubborn bitch back." 

“I agree that we should be using guerilla tactics. We should do something drastic, and try to do it fast," Kristian said. “Hit again before they can properly organise. Once Dracula decides to start taking us seriously, life will become much harder." 

“Yeah but hit what?" Kadir snapped. “I'd love to kill every one of their Lords, Kristian, it's not that easy."

“Just stop, and take a fucking second alright?" Jaro cried, clamping his mouth shut as he realised that he'd shouted it out at them. The other two stared back at him with their eyes wide.

“S-sorry, I just… you guys kept overlapping."

Jaro slowly let the breath seep out of him. Was that me shouting? 

“You good?" Kadir asked. Jaro didn't miss his paw hovering near the gun at his waist.

I'm not a monster. Not yet. How long was it until the vrykolakas found its way into the driver's seat? He kept doubting every thought he had. Every violent impulse might be the parasite, every nightmare, every moment of hunger. It could all be that thing in his heart. Or it could be nothing.

One thing at a time. 

“What about the others?" Kadir asked, scratching his neck. “Think they have any ideas?" 

“I believe they're waiting for you to have one," Kristian said.

Jaro shrugged. “Frankie said her plan is to kill Dracula and go to Egypt, so make of that what you will."

“Typical."

“Look," he said, pointing back in the direction of Steambreather. “That only just happened. Kristian I think you're right, and that we're in danger here… but we also shouldn't rush into the next thing, we cannot afford to get sloppy."

“We're running low on supplies," Kadir said. “We stay here much longer and we'll be left eating dirt. I say we make a bee-line back to the Source, punch our way through whatever Dracula tries to throw at us, then when we're home we can finally do what Isla always wanted, and nuke this hellhole." 

An unsettling laugh passed between Kristian and Jaro, as they both hoped he was joking.

“I also want to go home," Kristian said, sniffing. “But we were ambushed the moment we set foot in Nightworld. The Cortège have an army of thralls at their disposal, and we slipped through once already. We'd be foolish to think Dracula hasn't tripled his defences there."

“The Source is an obvious trap," Jaro agreed. “We can't go there unless we pull all their attention somewhere else. Going back is what they want us to do, Dracula knows that all he needs to do is wait and we'll come to him."

Kadir reluctantly grunted his assent. 

“Look, I'm still exhausted," Jaro said. “I can't even think right now."

“How about we get everyone together, and see what we want to do?" Kristian suggested. “We don't have to decide now."

“You're right, but we also can't wait too long," Jaro added.

“If we get a vote, then you both know which way mine goes," Kadir said. “I have no interest in living off the land out here, slowly being picked off until we're too weak to even consider going back." After a glare from Jaro, he added. “But I acknowledge that perhaps it isn't the wisest course of action." He scoffed, jerking a chin back towards the Steambreather ruins. “Though if that doesn't get their attention, I don't know what will."

“Plus… you heard what Fyodor said," Kristian added quietly. “About turning Europe into a slaughterhouse. We can't just leave here, Kadir, the vampires are not a problem that's going to go away on its own. Dracula has to be stopped."

“Yes but how?" Jaro asked. “We could barely kill Fyodor, and only beat Belisarius because it was the right time of day. I still agree with you, but I don't see any way that it can be done." 

“With a nuke," Kadir said, chuckling.

“You have one spare?" Jaro asked. “One that won't also kill all the other innocents living here too?" 

“We are going in circles, here," Kristian said, raising his paws up to stop the bickering. “It is accomplishing nothing. I will gather the others, and we can discuss our options, including the idea of making back for the Source." 

Jaro sighed, but nodded. “Sure, thank you." 

The marten gave them both another concerned look, before turning on his heel and making his way back to the others.

“Hey. Are you alright?" Jaro asked, stepping up to Kadir. “You seem… less angry than usual." 

Kadir laughed, it looked weird on the caracal. “Just thinking about Isla. About how she handled things. Didn't realise maybe how much I relied on her, or maybe how much we relied on each other."

“Yeah, she was stubborn, but…" 

“But good at her job," Kadir finished for him. “I respect that. Tell you what, most of us here… we came to Nightworld for selfish reasons. To save ourselves, to get revenge, to hurt them like we've been hurt. Isla came here to save someone, to get her husband back. It's a shame, how Fyodor ended up." 

“I… yeah, I suppose you're right." Jaro paused. “Kadir, back in the factory you said something. I've done it before. I can do it again."

“That's right," he grunted, the mood instantly shifting. 

“And?" Jaro asked. “What do you mean by that, you've killed friends before?" 

“I…" The caracal hesitated, grinding his teeth. “Not just friends. It's the same story everyone has, Jaro, no secret. I was married. He turned into one of them." He looked at Jaro, as if considering something. “At first he tried to fight it, that's just how he was. We didn't know so much about vampires then, didn't know how the parasite twists you. Thought maybe I could save him. But it ended the same way it always does." Kadir inhaled deeply, closing his eyes. “Like I said, it's not a unique story. They come into our lives, they infect and kill and destroy and we're left to pick up the pieces. That's all there is to it. You'll turn eventually too, and then I'll kill you as well." 

He exhaled, a deep sense of finality clinging to his words. 

Following his instinct, Jaro reached out and squeezed Kadir's forearm. The caracal tensed under his grip, but didn't pull away. “We can deal with that, when it comes." 

“You have Kristian now, apparently," Kadir added. “Musta missed that. Be careful you don't let him down." 

Like you let everyone else down, Jaro thought to himself. 

“Yeah," Jaro said. “But… just because I… have Kristian," Which he didn't even know if that was strictly true. “Doesn't mean… well… things are different here. It doesn't have to be only Kristian, right?"

“I wish it was that simple, Jaro." 

Jaro leaned in, close enough now to smell the rough wooden scent of Kadir's orange-tan fur. He studied the black markings tracing around the caracal's eyes and ears. “It could be, if we let it."

Kadir let his gaze focus on Jaro's, an eyebrow raised. “I don't think so."

Jaro pushed in, raising a paw and laying it gently on Kadir's firm chest. He could feel the muscle beneath his shirt, like a brick wall. Where Kristian was slender and lithe, Kadir was hard and razor-edged. 

He leaned in even closer, breathing deep again of that rich smell, feeling his body light up. Kadir was so angry, but… Jaro lifted his lips, gently kissing the corner of the caracal's mouth, his whiskers tickling at the wolf's face. Jaro trusted him, and he knew Kadir trusted him right back. The attraction was there, it always had been. 

“Even before Steambreather, what Romulus made us do…" Kadir shook his head. “I don't know. You want that hanging over our head? Never able to shake the question of if this is some fake thing he put in our mind?"

Jaro felt his ears heating up, flattening down against the back of his head as the shame bubbled in his throat. “Would it be incredibly messed up to have enjoyed, I don't know, at least part of it?" He wanted to vomit at the admission, almost instantly regretting it. 

Kadir grunted again, but he didn't seem angry. “I didn't… I… that isn't what I mean. It's complicated. It's fucked up. Look fine, I'll tell you and only you… maybe I liked touching you that way, liked touching Kristian that way, and I think you liked watching it. In another world, maybe this could have been something. But I didn't enjoy the circumstances. And I don't know if I can let that go, if I can separate those things." Despite the nausea rising in him, Jaro's dick was hard in his trousers, straining against the fabric. Something about these confessions made him feel so vulnerable. Along with the knowledge that at least part of Kadir wanted him back. 

He liked it too. At least some of it. We're so close, don't let them stop it.

He nodded as Kadir pushed him back. “I understand." 

“Knew you would." 

“He said you thought of me as… yours," Jaro said, sucking his teeth. “Was that true?"

Kadir shook his head. “For fuck's sake Jaro."

Jaro shrugged, trying to swallow his disappointment. “Look, it was just a question, okay? I just want to know. I see what you're saying, but I also wouldn't wanna let that monster ruin something that could be good. I don't know how much longer we're gonna be here. I doubt we'll get back through the Source, and if we do I probably won't be a person anymore… Nightworld has fucked everything up so bad, I just wanna know if there was some good coming from it, you know?" 

“Yeah, look, if things were different, I don't know." Kadir paused, staring down at his shaking paw. “But they're not different. That fucking monster, this fucking place. I'm sick and tired of it. Yeah, I enjoyed fucking your new boyfriend in front of you, Jaro, that what you wanna hear? It doesn't mean we're in love, it just means we're losing our minds. It ain't real. Fuck this place. I should've let Isla blow it up like she wanted."

“Why won't you admit this?" Jaro scoffed, his disappointment suddenly jack-knifing into anger. Kadir had all but admitted his feelings, he'd even confessed to enjoying part of what they did. It'd be easier to take the rejection if he didn't pretend it was something it wasn't. At least accept what this is. It was all there, but yet again he had to be locked away and difficult. As usual. Was he lying? Was this some poor attempt at sparing Jaro's feelings? Oh, I care for you, but I can't bare to be with you. Jaro's paws bundled into fists.

It stung. Jaro knew he should just shut up and accept it. But he couldn't, and the words came tumbling from his mouth faster than he could stop them. 

“All you wanna do is argue with me! Damn it Kadir, can you just let down a wall and stop being so angry every single second? I don't even think you believe the stuff you're saying half the time, you're just so wrapped up in yourself you won't permit yourself to actually feel something. It's impossible with you, one minute you're trusting me and pulling me close, and the next you can't seem to stand the sight of me! Tell me, why is it you think you deserve to suffer so bad, huh? Because of your husband? That was a mercy, you don't need to pay penance for it."

“Watch your mouth, wolf." Kadir said, gesturing between them. “This is not real. It's just shared trauma, and if you think anything different you're dumber than I thought."

“No. I think you're afraid. Of telling me the truth and of admitting it to yourself."

“I think you're on thin fucking ice," Kadir growled, hackles raised. 

Jaro showed his teeth, hating how easy it was for this man to get a rise out of him. He stepped in, voice low. “Things might fail, yeah, you might get hurt, we might all fucking die, I might turn into one of them. But you won't get anything if you never try. Isla knew that when she decided to go into Steambreather, why can't you see it?" 

“Fuck off, Jaro." 

“Fuck yourself too, Kadir." 

Sneering, Jaro shoved past him, heading back for the others. As he went, he put a paw to his eyes, wiping off the tears.