Octo stared at the empty plate in front of him. He hadn't been eating much lately, stressed about what happened with Tom and Kevin. Even his own cooking didn't really taste as good as they used to.

On one hand, Kevin seemed fine, though he planned to interrogate the red wolf—he shuddered—when he had the chance. Hopefully, Kevin would explain about the scar on his arm and three large slashes on his upper chest and some more on his back that was covered by his t-shirt. The panther froze in horror when he first saw them by accident when Kevin stayed over at his place a week ago. He asked Kevin about it—pushed him, even—but the wolf still didn't want to tell him and insisted that he was fine.

On the other hand…

“I can't afford a surgery."

When Tom said it, he immediately said, “Don't worry about the money. We'll handle it." Max stood with him and Tom could only nod. Tom only had a tier 1 SHS number, so the grey wolf must pay it in full. He could just upgrade to tier 3 right now, but the monthly cost would be too high. Sometimes, Octo forgot to be thankful for what he had, including a tier 4 SHS number.

Now, the panther was sure that he should step in and pay for the wolf's corneal surgery. He had the money in his account; maybe this was the time he put it into good use. He knew he could pay for it entirely and it would barely make a dent.

“You got any ideas?" Max asked him.

Octo sighed and pushed the empty plate forward. He did not want to tell them that. If anything, it would make Max and Tom feel they were indebted to him. Knowing what kind of person was Tom, he didn't want him to feel even more burdened. In addition, with how Max acted around Tom lately, he didn't want to anger the dog or make him think he couldn't help. “No. I… we could do a fundraising? The campus should allow us to do so." He said, choosing his words carefully. He really did not want to play words with his friends, but this time he had to.

“I've been thinking the same thing." Leaning on the table, Max scratched his ear. “But, you know, it's not like they know who Tom is."

Octo just hummed.

Max sipped his coffee. “I'm going to ask my head of study program to see if he could help. I mean, Tom took my major to a national event."

The panther nodded. “Good idea. But what if he can't help?"

“At least we tried."

“I doubt it would work, Max." He drank his chocolate smoothie and sighed. “How about for now, you just take care of Tom. I'll handle the cost."

Max looked up at him.

Before the dog could answer, Octo continued. “He needs someone by his side, Max. You're the best option for that. He needs you. Don't worry about the cost. I'll handle it."

“Right." Max reluctantly let out a sigh. “I'll do what I can."

The panther leant back on his chair and crossed his arms. At least he could do something for his little brother.

He looked up when he saw someone coming towards them. Kevin looked unkempt, his fluff covering the upper part of his for once baggy t-shirt and his expression rather tired. Still, the wolf managed to smile as he walked closer and pulled a chair from a neighbouring table and put it beside theirs. “Rough night, huh?" He said as he sat down.

“I can ask you that." Max said. “Also why are you here? Shouldn't you be keeping watch on Tom?"

“Hungry. Vilkas is still up there. He gotta leave soon, though."

The German Shepherd nodded.

“Also, seriously Max, what happened? I'm curious to death here. Why the hell is Tom in that condition?" Kevin asked him.

Octo shot him a look, but he too demanded to know what happened. He deserved to know this. Why was Tom suddenly on the verge of death? Was it a runaway accident?

Once again, Max simply looked away and said, “I don't want to talk about it." He shuddered. “Let's… let's just say an accident happened."

Both he and Kevin shot Max an accusing look. He couldn't do anything more, though. Seeing how Max reacted that night, he seemed to have been there at the time of the incident. Given the trauma, it was understandable that he didn't want to talk about it.

Octo kept staring at Max but eventually looked away. He couldn't do anything about that. As for Kevin, now that he was here, Octo wanted to try to ask him again. He only had to wait till they were alone. Those scars on his body were too suspicious to be ignored.

Kevin's food came and he dug right in. Octo looked with fondness and concern as he watched the wolf eat. Why did everyone suddenly become so secretive to him? What did he do wrong? Maybe it was his punishment for inheriting such an immoral operation?

After a long and uncomfortable silence, Kevin finally spoke up as his food was about to be finished. “By the way, Max, Vilkas gotta go soon."

“Right." The shepherd took a deep sigh before standing up and stretching his body, taking a deep sigh. “I'll go back there. If you wanna go home just text me."

“Sure."

“Aye, Max."

Now that they were alone, Octo continued to stare at Kevin. The wolf's ear twitched a few times, but he kept silent. If he knew he was being stared at, he didn't show it. Kevin did tell him that he was used to being stared at anyway.

Should he do it again? It might annoy the wolf again or even make him angry. But he also cared for him. At least he could stop them if Kevin really were… Red Wolf…

The panther shuddered a bit. He hoped that sentence stayed in the subjunctive form.

“Anyway, you planning to stay over with Max? I gotta go with Vilkas later when he comes down." Kevin asked him as he pushed his empty plate away.

“I have work tomorrow, so maybe I'll pass." He looked back at Kevin, at that scar on his arm that now was starting to be covered by his fur again. “Kevin,"

“Yeah?"

Octo took a deep sigh and asked him again for the umpteenth time. “I know this annoys you, but I really need to know. What happened that day again?"

Kevin's curious smirk turned into a scowl. “Really? Again, dude? You're making me angry on purpose or what?" He crossed his arms. “Can you fucking stop poking your nose up my ass?"

Ignoring the insult, Octo just looked straight at him, trying to look as harmless as possible. “I care for you, Kev, so please tell me?"

The wolf stared at him, then he huffed and threw his hands. “Fucking cats think they look cute with those big eyes, ugh."

Octo also ignored that blatantly speciesist remark because yes, he did just that.

“Why do you fucking care anyway? I'm right here right now if you're so worried."

“Let's just say I'm worried, okay?"

The wolf stared at him again, brows furrowing and tail waving rather audibly in anxiousness. Then after what seemed like hours, he clicked his tongue. “Tch, fine. Don't fuckin' tell anyone." He sighed and leant forward on the table, slumping a little. He let his tiredness be visible as he took a deep sigh. “I had a fight with thugs. Dunno, was just going home from shopping when they came. Got some slash marks but really, I'm fine." He huffed. “Now stop worrying like you're my mom."

Upon hearing that, Octo froze. He stared in stock at Kevin. Was he… no, please no…

“There was only a few of them, though, just 5 or 6 I think. Just your typical street fight." Kevin ended with a tired sigh. “Damn, sometimes I forgot bears also got sharp claws. Kinda rude of him to not make his though, I mean I know my own claws are sharp, so I make mine often. I'm not that rude."

…that was a… good thing?

So, um, it seemed like… Kevin wasn't fighting the mafia under his family. From what he remembered, the hyena he met there said there were about 15 people involved in the operation, so chances were Kevin wasn't the target despite having physical characteristics almost the same as “Red Wolf"—which he prejudiced based on his fur colour and nothing else anyway. The lack of data they had about Red Wolf was one thing they did wrong.

Octo sighed in slight relief. While that did alleviate some of his worries, he was still concerned. “Were they organised or something? Like, did they try to, y'know…"

“Those were old pals of mine, actually." Kevin chuckled a little, but it was dry. “Back then when I moved to this city, I might have made some enemies. We're just reliving the olden days."

“So… you fought… for fun?"

“Me? Kinda I think? Dude, I know I'm not your nicest neighbourhood wolf, no need to rub that on my face." The wolf looked up at him, looking annoyed. His expression turned to curiosity when he saw the horror on Octo's face. “Oct, you turned pale."

The panther shook his head, trying to cover his expression.

It wasn't working, though. Kevin then smirked and laughed loudly. That annoyed him, but then the wolf booped his nose with a wide grin. “You're actually worried about me. That's cute." He pulled his finger. “D'aww, but I'm fine. Strong wolf like me can handle some bad guys, y'know."

Octo took the wolf's finger and put it down on the table, annoyed but relieved. Kevin was still Kevin. “I'm sorry for being worried for you, then." He said sarcastically.

Kevin snickered. Octo held back a smile; such a quick turn of emotion, that was just Kevin. Now, he could scratch Kevin from the candidate list for Red Wolf. He still needed to ask that hyena about the result of the operation. Hopefully, it turned out to be a false alarm.

Vilkas went down a few minutes after that. The husky didn't join them, only coming to their table and excusing himself. Kevin smacked his arse and told him not to be such a stuck-up sometimes. Vilkas pulled the wolf's tail away and ignored Kevin's naughty remarks about pulling tails, then said “See you tomorrow, Oct." to him.

Watching them go, Octo breathed a huge sigh of relief. Kevin's problem was done. That left him with Tom.

The main hall was packed. He couldn't see his parents and siblings amongst the attendees, but he knew they were there. He felt a little bad for using Tom's invitation to let his sister in, but the wolf was okay with it. Besides, it wasn't like the wolf had someone to invite.

It wasn't like the wolf had someone to invite.

Just how did he live by himself all this time? Max wondered. That must've been very hard. Now, he understood better about Tom's independence and distrust of strangers. He was still worried about his mild psychopathy, though, but in the two years he'd known Tom, the wolf never acted strangely. He had emotions, empathy, and never used his friends. He did notice how Tom barely reacted to things that were too much for the others. Tom was a victim of his own thoughts.

“Go, mate. The ceremony's gonna start any minute."

He let out a sigh, then turned around. Octo, John, and Nathan were standing near the entrance. They were here just to enjoy the festival outside but decided to pay him a quick visit.

“Don't worry, Max, they won't push you to deliver a speech." Octo chuckled.

“Y-yeah." Before he walked away, he walked to Octo, then hugged the panther tightly.

“H-hey, Max?"

He let him go and smiled nervously. “I feel better now."

“Get your ass there before the ceremony begins." The panther blushed a bit but didn't look away. He heard Nathan and John laughing softly.

“Yeah." He waved at them, then walked away.

It was his graduation day, so why did he feel burdened, like there were things he still had to take care of?

…not something, someone. And he didn't feel burdened; he felt like it was his responsibility. Like how Tom taught him to do his homework, like how Octo took care of him when he was too inebriated. He put himself into this, on his own will. He wasn't complaining when he knew he was helping his best friend.

…best friend?

He joined his family on the seats. His parents were happy that he was finally graduating, even if his father didn't show it much. His brother, on the other hand…

“Why's it taking so long?! That diploma must make a good fish stick wrap!"

Max rolled his eyes. “Such a dog."

“Says the dog in the room." Hans put his arm around his neck.

He knew his brother was doing it to ease his nervousness, and for that he was thankful. He was nervous, after all.

Several minutes later, the procession started. After the opening by the MC, they sang the national anthem and the campus' anthem. The actual ceremony then started.

The campus rector and professors entered the hall. They sat down on the long table behind the podium. Some words were exchanged, then they symbolically gave two students the toga to mark their graduation from the university.

Just like that, it was over. Now to the more nerving part.

“Letters of appreciation to honoured students. Students with magna cum laude." The MC spoke almost monotonously.

Max gulped, any minute now. He was not one of the honoured students, but he was going to go up the podium in Tom's stead. He'd talked to the staff about it; as long as he obtained Tom's signature, he could take his diploma in his stead. For some reason, Tom was able to sign the paper despite his eyes being bandaged.

One by one, those with perfect GPA were called into the podium to be awarded their diploma and certificate of recognition. Some of them gave a short speech, some did not. He imagined Octo being there a year ago, taking his diploma and certificate of recognition with a big smile on his face.

“Students with praised academic or non-academic appreciation. Faculty of Humanities."

He let out a sigh to calm his nerves. One by one, the MC called the students alphabetically. He clapped as he watched some of his classmates walking to the podium. Any minute now.

“Robert Maximilian Kleinschmidt. GPA 3,60. Communications study programme."

Wait, wait, what?

“First place winner of Lower Ysenhalten Football Tournament. First place winner of the National University Football Championship. Winner of the International Student Exchange for Football Programme."

His mother hugged him while yelling something, but he was too dazed to notice. He was an honoured student?!

“Whatcha waiting for, dog?" Hans shoved him and gave him a proud smile. “Go get your diploma."

“Yes," he stood up, then put his face on his hands. “Yes!"

His parents hugged him tightly. “We're so proud of you, Rob!"

“That's amazing, big bro!"

“Thanks a lot, guys!" he laughed. “Thanks a lot!"

He let go of his parents, then turned to his brother. Hans was looking at him, his smile as bright as the sun. His brother then hugged him, almost crying. “I'm proud of you, Rob!"

“Yes! Thanks, Hans!"

Letting go of his brother, he walked to the podium with a bright smile on his eyes, his tail wagging the entire way. He heard some of the graduates yell “Max! Max! Max!" The dog just turned at them and waved, and many of the fangirls shrieked.

On the stage, Mr Leonard looked proud of him. He smiled at the lion, then stopped in front of his rector.

“Congratulations."

He exchanged a handshake with his rector, then took a step back. Mr Francese then gave him his certificate of appreciation while Ms Chen gave him his diploma.

His rector gestured at the microphone, but he only gave a short nod and stepped aside to descend from the podium.

“Thomas Luis Purnama. GPA: 3,85. Communications study programme. Second place winner of the Lower Ysenhalten Conference on Multiculturalism. First place winner of the Upper Ysenhalten Festival on Rhetoric. Third place winner of the National Conference on Scientific Research for University."

He looked behind; Mr Leonard was looking at him. Max then turned around and walked back towards the stairs. “I am here in Thomas Luis Purnama's stead." He said whilst reaching into his pocket and showed the letter from Tom before going back into the podium.

The dog bowed at Mr Francese again, whose face was one of confusion. The cheetah didn't ask him, though, only said, “Congratulations." He gave him Tom's certificate of appreciation followed by Ms Chen giving him the wolf's diploma.

When his rector gestured at the microphone, Max again shook his head before walking away. He then descended the podium, letting out a relieved sigh.

This was but a small favour for Tom.

What am I but a tiny speck of dust compared to the universe?

There was darkness everywhere. It reminded him of those documentaries about outer space. It seemed so… calming. All the eyes could see were only darkness spangled with small dots of stars in the far distance, maybe the occasional haze of nebulae. Here, it was peaceful and quiet.

The universe was simply great. One could throw words like exponential, inconceivable, gigantic, yet no mere mortal could comprehend its size, let alone make sense of it. Everything was great and slow, timeless, even. A hundred, a thousand years on Earth could go by yet that star over there would still be shining.

I mean not; the universe shall simply forget me as I go down upon these stepless stairs of empty space.

Tom closed his eyes. A star could shine and keep shining for ten million years, giving its light and warmth to the darkness. A planet could orbit its star in a slow but peaceful dance for ten million years, accompanying each other through the loneliness of space. A galaxy could rotate for ten million years and still give birth to new stars and planets.

Him? He would be so lucky to live until fifty years, let alone a hundred. Life might feel long to him, each passing day could sometimes feel like an eternity. A class of two or three hours could feel like a day had passed. That moment when he first stepped into university felt like a lifetime ago; that moment when he left his old life and started a new one.

But when he looked at the sky and at the stars, he realised just how laughably insignificant he was. How useless all those efforts were. How worthless all those worries were. He could enjoy life to the fullest one day and die the next day, and the universe would not even care. Heck, the universe would not even notice.

With darkness all over him, was he now dead?

Maybe. Possibly. He had been dreaming about death, wondering what would be at the other end of the stairs. There would be void, right? There would be indifference, there would be bliss. The wounds would be healed, the scars would disappear. Freedom. Nothing. Full and empty at the same time. Loneliness.

Loneliness.

He was not lonely anymore, was he? He had left that life behind. When he arrived at university, he had decided he would start fresh and leave everything behind. He would start again like a normal person. He would let go of those scars and cover them, forgive but never forget.

It was his first day. He came into the classroom nervously, almost shaking. There was a red fox who sat down next to him, greeted him, and started talking with him. He had been nervous, but the fox was not nervous at all and it in turn made him feel welcome. The professor then told them to make a group for an assignment, and he found himself making friends with the red fox, a tiger, and a cat. They were still friends until today.

Then, when it was his first day in the fifth semester, he met a German Shepherd.

Maybe it was because he was interested in him, maybe it was because they were simply strengthening their pragmatic relationship, but he found himself being attached to the dog. He was handsome, yes; he was sexually attractive, yes, but thanks to some weird luck or some kind of a twist of fate, they became closer.

Then he met another wolf. He was apprehensive at first because of the circumstances in which they met. The red wolf was looking for release, but he could not offer it, so he turned him down. After their initial meeting, it turned out that… the red wolf was simply looking for someone to lean on, just like him.

Then he met a panther. At first, the panther was frightening and intimidating, but day by day he found out that the panther was actually kind-hearted and gentle. He might look dangerous, but he knew where he stood and traced his path with surprising gentleness.

Now, he might start to call them 'family'.

He chuckled hollowly. Family, he repeated, family. The word tasted… distant. It was a foreign concept he sometimes struggled to understand. What did a mother's caress feel like? What did a father's strength feel like? What did a sibling's love feel like? Were they what had he been yearning for all this time?

These stepless stairs were getting steeper and steeper, but the darkness around them somehow became brighter and brighter.

What use is an orphaned child if they were worthless?

He looked up at the sky again. It was beautiful, inviting, yet the darkness below was also beautiful, inviting. There was no one else; he had been descending these stairs by himself. Was a family supposed to accompany him? Was he meant to descend by himself?

The stars were bright, and they made him wonder, what did all those questions mean? What use were they if in the end, everyone would die?

What use is life?

Surely there was something. There had to be a reason. Was it to please one's parents? To achieve the highest social status? Or maybe was it to obtain the most power? Maybe was it to become nice and support each other?

What was the point of it? How could anyone do something meaningful if they lived no longer than a blink in the vastness of time? How could anyone do something meaningful if they lived in a tiny floating rock no bigger than a speck of dust in the vastness of space? How could one even tell if something was 'meaningful'?

Wait, why was he alive again?

They were holding him, forcing him to watch. His stepmother didn't look up, despite his stepfather's plea to spare her. The shot went right to her head, the blood scattered all over the wall behind her. Tom didn't understand. What was it? Why was his stepfather crying? Why didn't she move after she was shot?

He had been crying, but then, he did not understand what was happening. The man in the mask then moved to his stepfather. His stepfather shook the chains, begging them to stop and spare Tom. Tom only blinked once, and there was blood on the wall again. All he remembered was his stepfather whispering 'run' to him. And run he did.

Maybe it was that moment when the universe decided he was worthy? He had just suddenly bereft of parents, after all. Maybe it was the reason he had learnt to murder in cold blood. Maybe it was the reason he turned into something so monstrous, so psychopathic. Bereavement was an inherited trait.

Tom stopped, then sat down on the stairs. There were a lot of ifs and maybes, and he could not distinguish between what was real and what was not. What was 'good'? What was 'bad'?

Not even the tallest of the tallest can touch the twinkling dots in the heavens.

They were twinkling, out of reach, as if offering him their deepest condolences for not being able to help. It was no use; reaching for the stars was of no use. Why would one reach for what one could not have? The stars themselves must come down and grace him with their presence and allow him to touch them. No way his hellfire-laced self would be allowed to touch the heavenly lights.

Was he dead? There was darkness everywhere. He noticed something missing, though, there used to be pain, but now, there was no pain.

An image then flashed itself in his mind. There was that German Shepherd again, this time holding his hand with a soft smile. He noticed the room he was in was white. White walls, white ceilings, white drapes. The German Shepherd called his name, then hugged him softly.

Was he dead? He stood up and continued descending the stairs. It would not matter, though, life and death were a constant. Everyone would die at some point, just as everyone was born. Even if he were dead, at least the last thing he saw was Max and his soft smile. The star he was trying to reach.

He walked towards the darkness, and it enveloped him, hugging him with its coldness. It felt cold, harsh, detached, all familiar feelings.

There was darkness everywhere.

Then there was light.

Blup blup I told you it's deep.