A Biography of a Human

Chapter Thirty-Two:

“Desolation”

-The Historian

Princess Selene, royal daughter of Imperial Alpha Wuffrim II. Born 3066 years after the Anarchy in the Autumn of the tenth year of the Marshal Dawning era. When she was fifteen years of age during the early rule of her brother, Alpha Ulric, her Uncle, Prime Beta Titus of Clan Wuji betrothed her to an equal-aged noble scion of Clan Fang, Count Koca and moved into his estate within the Eastern wards of Lupercal

“I am an Imperial Alpha’s Pup! How can I marry some nothing wolf!?” she stated when her Mother, Imperial Alpha Dowager Nu, told her of the plans she and her brother were thinking of.

She was proud and supercilious and thus did not take well to her Uncle’s decision and would often denigrate her mate, never spending any more time with him than was needed by her duty as his lawful mate. He, of course, could not complain for he was the lesser wolf in the union, thus any hint of such would be grounds for divorce or worse, which the Princess would be more than happy to oblige.

It was during the summer of year 3081 A.A, the 2^nd year of Eternal Concord, that the court was divided still. Jao had slithered back to some power due to his planting of the human consort Siao, who quickly became a favorite of young Alpha Ulric. Gernan of Clan Koff was dead, unable to resume his place as Prime Beta and thus Titus retained the position.

Selene thought herself smarter and equal in terms of politics to that of her seasoned Uncle despite her young age of fifteen. Titus, for his part, did not even view his royal niece as an entity in the court.

“That damn human, Siao! It won’t be long before Jao is back in the main palace!” she muttered aloud within the walls of her manor as dog servants scurried about. Memories of her brother must have come to mind for she said one word and after that her eyes lit up in a moment of self-convinced genius.

“Xander…” it was said that often the adolescent Alpha would mutter that name in his sleep and furthermore, when having nocturnal pollutions, his moans of that name would grow even more desperate.

“If I could get…yes…that just might work!” she was overheard before standing up from her seat, the abundant heaps of silk and jewels rattling and clinking, backed by the ambiance of murmurous fabric. The Princess was well known for her display of status in her dressings.

“I must speak with my Sister-in law! You, get the sedan chair, I want to visit the Great Den!” she ordered to one of the dog servants who bowed lowly and made off to do his royal mistresses’ bidding.

Her sister-in law, Imperial Mate Gao’ao over the past years had been chafing under the shame of being in her most noble place but still without a litter to call her own. She tried her best to hide her irregular heat cycles or the lack of them during some years but gossip still bled out into the court.

The two noble wolfesses did not see each other as friends in any way. Both looked down on the other: Selene seeing Gao’ao as some vain, noble cub; and Gao’ao seeing Selene as a mere half-royal, being born of a consort rather than the Imperial Mate, which Nu never was able to assume in the lifetime of Wuffrim II.

Still, the two kept such things to themselves and it was here that the Princess and Gao’ao spoke in private for an hour and a half. Gao’ao, having dismissed her maids, the record of what was discussed is not fully known in full other than it was a matter concerning the human, Iskander.

After that, Princess Selene left and Gao’ao talked about a desire to visit the Manor of Gernan, which was in the process of being turned into a temple by the free human Iskander Koff, in the name of a strange new faith that came with him in the form of white-clad canines and felines that were now preaching in the market places.

“I desire to give offering to this wise Lord Muni, I have heard his teachings are enlightening...”

My grief was immeasurable. Within my mentality I was in a total delirium fog that clouded me over, leaving me unsure of even the most basic of things. Color, direction, feelings and temperature, it was all everything and nothing at once.

The blinds across my bed were of changing hues in this, my mourning was so all-encompassing that its color, emerald green, shifted into scarlet red, or was this from my fall down the stairs? Maybe it was both but in those few days after they stole my Gernan away from me I could not think straight and I was left alone with only kind Yosef to keep me sane.

Yosef, him being here saved me, I know it! If he did not come and Gernan died I would have been alone completely! I think I would have taken my own life it that was how it unfolded. That's if I could even get the will to pull it off. I felt drained, I could not even leave the bed I was put in by Yosef after I injured myself from the fall.

I was in Pantaleon’s old room and I was resting on his old bed. Knowing that did not help me in this but how was Yosef to know this was once the room of another victim of the curse I was convinced I held in my form? I was accursed and everyone I cared for was doomed to die, leaving me alone and afraid!

That's why I refused all the invitations that came from the palace by Alpha Ulric.

…My little wolf…

I could not make him be another victim of the divine punishment that was placed upon my shoulders, he had to stay away from me for his own safety. I could not bear the thought of losing him like everyone else that was in my life.

He sent countless messengers and each time I turned them away to go back and fearfully tell the increasingly frustrated Ulric that I refused. Finally, I told one who was on the verge of crying at the thought of being the one to have to tell Ulric I turned him away, to send a message back that I was in deep sadness and could not stand to see him when I was in this state of mind. The meek wolf messenger left and no more summons came.

Poor Ulric. I was so excited to see him but now…I could not look into his face and not shriek out in fear that soon he would also die! What had I done to deserve this!? Who had I wronged? Was it due to me being so willing to accept wolven life as a human? Did I do something in a former life and now I was atoning for it? This and more filled my listless wandering mind as the hours drew into days and days into weeks…

The manor which Gernan had left me in his will. I opened up for the Muniist missionaries as a place to stay and when I finally got the will to get up from my state of un-moving, in due part to Yosef’s pushing and constant reminders to be alive, I found they were all sitting within the front hall, the same hall where I sat with the fox family and the others while the birth of Ulric and his sisters was occurring. The mass of mingled races from feline to canine did not at first notice me supported by Yosef in the door-frame. My body was still weak from my weeks-long lethargic state.

They were all seated around, talking lowly as masses of papers and opened books were strewn around them. The scent of fresh ink filled my dulled senses, returning me to the real world, the world of life. They were translating mantras and sutras into the wolven script with great difficulty as a mass of crunched up paper in the corner of the room hinted at.

One finally noticed me, a youthful lion monk, he got up and made his way to alert the others, who also stopped and put down their books and brushes.

“Brother Xander! Brother Xander! You are up! We have all been worried about you since the wolf Lord passed,” The lion spoke in lion speech and full of sincere concern which touched me and brought a warmth back to my sullen heart.

“Brother! I am well!” my voice was hardly there but I managed the words and even got out a genuine smile in response to all of this focus on my well-being after so many days locked up in bed lacking even the most basic desires to do anything in such an abject depression.

I felt warmth again within my body, my face flustered as blood returned to my face like newfound rain on scorched earth after a long drought. I was embarrassed, I had left the world like it was not my concern anymore.

“Gernan is dead,” the cloud of darkness came over again, blanketing me in its oppression as if to scold me for daring to feel even the slightest bit happy in such a moment! I turned away from this feeling and focused on the others and it was in this moment, seeing everyone like this working to translate the wisdom of Lord Muni, that I decided to make Gernan’s gift to me, his manor, a monastery.

The idea brought me back and I was feeling well, I was eating, walking and feeling alive, now convinced I had got over it all and though my life was not as happy as with Gernan, I felt I could at the least harness what was left of myself to spend my days in peace.

Peace in a temple in which I could live out my life meditating and praying until my time to depart this wretched world beckoned me and I would no longer feel the pain and suffering that always beset me without reprieve.

This all did not last though, the sense of darkness that clouded me came forth again in full force when I had to bury my Gernan. It brought me back to nothing and dashed the light of life that I felt before. What was there to live for now?

Nothing was what I felt as I watched the horse-drawn hearse pull away and I took place behind it, walking dressed in mourning colors, disavowing any desire to take a horse or ride in the funeral train’s carts. I would walk the miles to the home seat of the Koff Clan in the Northwest of the peninsula.

Gernan’s relations were there, they had survived the purge of the Clan by sheer luck and were not cast off to the wastelands but they looked impoverished. They may have lived but all their wealth was gone, still at least now they were restored to honor by the order of Alpha Ulric.

Even thinking about that order ruined me! He was meant to be Prime Beta! He had so many plans and ideas that would never see the light of being. Even Titus was not here! Was he not Gernan’s friend!?

Once I arrived in his clan’s homeland, I was shown a crypt that was prepared for him and was also resting place of his mate Yena. I saw relations of the Koff Clan there, they paid their dues and left. I stayed until only Yosef was left with me and once I felt alone and unwatched by strangers, I wept besides his coffin.

Later I would have Pantaleon’s body found and had him buried with Gernan as well in his crypt. He deserved it, for he was a loyal companion to Gernan and he died for that. Others might say it was due to some bond they had in more ways than one! I will not tarnish this by even bringing up such hearsay, that is false!

The funeral brought me back to the pits of darkness and I was again devoid of any desire to go on, I just returned to my bed and sat in silence for some time thinking as Yosef tried to get me to eat. I felt not hungry but his incessant pleading got me to finally give in and at least take a bite of a loaf of bread that sat beside a brown, lacquer bowl of steaming chicken stock which I also sipped meagerly to assure Yosef.

The self-torture was back in full force now and I was in the previous state of inaction, resting unendingly in bed, only moving to do functions my body demanded of me.

Yosef was beside himself, the worry was written all across his face and in the depths of his eyes I saw his fear of my impending death reflected in them. I must have looked like a wilting flower, deprived of water and sun, withering away into a desiccated husk.

During one of the nights, I laid in bed having not rested for some days and having only eaten a bite of something small. A cold sweat washed over my flesh and my gut within was tightening like a noose.

“Did I die to have you kill yourself like this!?”

A thundering voice shook the quiet of my room, I knew the voice, it was Gernan! But the room was empty, I looked around and no one was with me.

Just as I was about to pass this off and return to my previous state, it roared back into being shouting and raging with hot anger and a tint of sadness, “I did not raise you to end up like this!” I shot up, looking around and still seeing nothing.

“Gernan I can’t live without you!”

Nothing.

Then finally, it replied, this time calm and fatherly, the previous rage and anger it held long gone from its airy chords.

“Pup, did you not survive after you lost your family?”

“Yes, but I had you! You saved me from my pain,” I heard a light sigh before the phantom voice of my Gernan replied back.

“I know you can live, you must! You killing yourself like this will just make me, your parents and your Grandfather disappointed and saddened!” I started to get angry at this specter of Gernan, angered that he would say such a thing but I knew also deep inside it was the truth.

“But what do I have to live for!?” a long silence filled the room and for a moment I thought he had left me, then finally it came back.

“What are you saying, what do you have to live for!?” the voice paused then came forth again from wherever it was.

“Everything! You have everything to live for! Your life was not meant to end here and now, I did not die just to have you follow in my stead shortly after!”

“Is my death in vain!?” those words, they made me realize. What would my death like this accomplish? Nothing at all!

“You’re right…” I admitted, feeling quite selfish for trying to just die like that so I did not have to endure anything more.

“You are strong and you will live, Xander! Live for me and everyone you care about,” Gernan’s voice came forth and then the room felt void again. I was alone.

“Live,” those were also the words I heard from another specter, that of Grandfather back those many years ago and now Gernan was saying the same. I wondered if the two of them were working in unison now that Gernan was also gone. That is something I will only find out when I myself join them.

The presence left and I was now alone in the room left only with a serene knowingness of calm clarity.

I laid back in bed and closed my eyes, I was at peace for first time and I slept. When the dawn of next morning came and Yosef entered my room to wake me, I found my body full of life and rejuvenated as if I had taken a bite from the mystical fruit of immortality! I then remembered what Gernan said!

“Live!”

The idea which I had up to this point forgotten since burning Gernan returned to me, an object of focus for which I got to live on for. One which brought back to life all my motivation which I thought lost.

And so I decided I would turn the manor into a temple once more and I told Yosef, who was quite shocked seeing me returned to life and with a desire to do something. It was surely relief that I was at least coming around and trying to pull myself out of this.

My sense of time returned, sense of being as well and at last, a sense of will. I felt free from the self-torment which held me down in constant gloom and fear.

All the rooms were cleared with the exception of Gernan’s bedroom, that would always stay inviolate for all time as the home for Gernan’s spirit to dwell in. The main hall would be made into a prayer hall, the study into the library and translating room, the dining room an altar and the kitchen would be the same but be used for the making of food for all of us as well as offerings. It was all going to be perfect, I was sure of it.

Renewing my monastic vows, I had my head re-shaved. In the weeks when I was in my melancholia I had neglected it and it had grown into a stubble. With each pass of the flat blade. I felt my sorrow sliced with the hair. I would and will always hold the pain of losing my second Father Gernan in my heart but I would not have it weighed down on me.

Consulting with the others, it was decided to have the legendary First Wolf, who was also one of the Avatars, be prominent along with the lion Muni. It was best to have a canine be visible in front for the others in the city, as it would show that we were not some strange feline cult which would be something that the everyday wolf citizen would find unappealing.

It shows that this was a philosophy that values wolves and canines as a part of the grand scheme of things.

In the end, I was so taken up with this work that I had no idea I was the target of someone’s else plot to better their position and use me as a game piece in the most deadly of games.

Little did I know, that as I was praying away in the garden ancestor shrine in which I had moved the portrait of Gernan in his chainmail armor besides that of his mate Yena’s own, so that I could pay homage to both of their spirits, I was being discussed by figures who I had long forgotten or did not think much about…

I had been through a lot and I had wised up in many ways but I was still naive about the intents of those I felt I could trust…

Yosef rushed into the family alter, his face was that of utter disbelief and panic. “Xander! Xander! Xander!” he furiously chanted with anxious worry as he pulled at my stoically-held frame, still deep in my prayer and not too happy at being bothered like this, being too entranced with giving offering to Gernan’s and Yena’s Sprit tablets with fruits and incense.

“She’s here! She’s here!” Yosef panicked, having lost any idea of how to act which was surprising since him losing his cool was not something he often did and I should have paid heed to the moment he burst in like this, but I was more miffed than anything, finding such a disturbance to be quite an annoyance to me on this calm morning.

“The Imperial Mate!”

“She’s here! Right now!”

The moment I heard these two sentences come from the fellow human’s mouth in great stress I too lost my calm.

“WHAT!?” I half wondered if this was some idle dream of some deep-seated worry that had exploded onto my still slumbering mind but I knew all too well this was real life and this was no simple dream from which awakening would put an end to.

“Gao’ao!? What? Why is she here, is Yosef pulling a trick on me?” I knew this was not so, Yosef was not that good of an actor to muster up the panic he was showing now and I was well aware of it.

A shadow was cast from the open door of the shrine, which encompassed me and Yosef, then a low sound of a cough came forth from behind. Yosef and I both simultaneously turning our mutual heads to the direction thus came to face the figure of an all-too well-known wolf.

Female, who’s identity needed no furtherance for she wore it on her form and within her bearing. A wolf figured in a mass of scarlet silk marred with ribbons and bands of complementary colors and shades, holding her paws which sprouted from from the voluminous sheaves together at her breast in a lordly fashion.

Without even speaking a single word she gave her name and title.

The Alphate’s Mother, the Head of the Inner Den, the lawful mate of the Imperial Alpha….

The Imperial Mate, Gao’ao.

“Iskander…” she finally spoke, her voicing of my name long and drawn out, followed by an uneasy pause which established her power over the small room before finally nipping it in the bud with her next.

“It’s been much too long since I have seen you, how you have changed…” little did I know that she was bluffing it all and she had no clue about me, having forgotten me a long time ago, what was I to her but a nameless human in the court? I was nothing to her but now she saw in me something of use even though I was blissfully unaware of her mindset.

Already on my knees since praying to Gernan and Yena, I only had to shift around to face the new arrival and made my greetings which Yosef copied in suit.

“Salutations to the Imperial Mate,” we both recited and bowed before her feet as she walked closer until the hem of her robe was brushing against my forehead and her fine shoes were all my eyes could see.

She giggled and spoke forth again, “At peace! At peace! Please rise,” I did as she asked and was now face to muzzle with her. She was now just a bit taller than me and I did not have to crane my neck too greatly to gaze up at her but I held my head low despite this.

That was until I felt the smooth texture of her well-cared for finger pads and filed-down claws cup the bottom of my chin, forcing my head up to her gaze. Her slender face and dark eyes looked me over, honing in on every feature of my face while her shiny nose took in my scent.

I can now imagine what she must have been thinking about as she looked over my visage.

“So this is that Xan that Ulric fancies,” probably followed by a thought about how underwhelming I was in reality with a slight disbelief at why her Imperial spouse was so taken by thoughts of me. Having a monk’s shaved head must have not helped this much either.

She looked past me and was surely gazing at the portrait of Gernan that hung on the wall behind me. “Gernan Koff…my deepest sympathies to you for his passing,” these words put me at ease and filled me with a sense of trust.

“Thank you, your Highness, this lowly human is in deep appreciation of your words in honor of my departed Gernan,” the she-wolf cocked her head slyly, her eyes forming into a squinted smile as they cast themselves back onto me.

“I have heard you brought exotic wisdom from the deep South. A Lord Muni, I have heard him refereed to. I was quite interested in this and it compelled me to come and see what pearls of wisdom lurk within this sect,” the words betrayed the vapidness of the tone that carried them but being so awestruck by her so far, I did not even pick upon such subtle hints which should have been obvious, for such things were not her strong suit.

She should have stuck to admiring herself in the mirror and feeling proud of her noble lineage, one which did not help her in the slightest when things came down to it in the end. Nobility is only as good as the person who has the power to grant it and thus strip it away when its fitting to the person in power.

I invited her inside and Yosef prepared some ‘cha’ for us, it was quite stale since it was the same batch that was here from before the exile. It was passable for me but for her, the lordly wolfess, I could sense she was having a hard time with ingesting, its low quality being an offense to her highborn nature but she kept it within her for she had other more important matters than complaining about stale cha.

We had a simple chat as we drank the brewed drink, she spoke of her Uncle Galba and his high spot in the court, about her Mother recently getting a position in the government now that she was free of pup rearing, “I am quite cross with my Father recently…”

“Why?” she rolled her eyes while she fingered the rim of the cha bowl, agonizing over the slight thought over having to take another sip from the stale brew.

“Mother does not want to become with litter again, now that she is in the government she won’t allow Father to sleep in her bed when she is in heat and he has gone and taken up a human-” she stopped, looking quite nervous and realized what she was saying and who she was saying it too. I could just see her wanting to go back and redo this all but it was too late.

I, for one, did not mind this but I did find it a bit amusing seeing her squirm like this after having put on such airs only to slip up. This was what she was in life, not very good at such things and having loose lips.

“Your Mother, is she in the Beta’s Council?” I asked, passing off the previous remarks about her Father taking up a human after being given the cold shoulder by his career focused mate.

“Oh no, she is in the office of the Prime Gamma”

“Ah! She must be quite good at letters then?” Gao’ao was back to normal after her slip and she then went on to speak about how her Mother was always a voracious reader and had quite the skill for accounting documents.

“Uncle Galba is quite happy with seeing Mother in the government, he says it’s good to see other members of the Clan in different organs of the Alphate.”

After this, Yosef brought in some translated texts and sutras which I begun sharing with the imperial she-wolf. She tried her best to fake interest in everything I was showing her and she was really dying to say what she had come here to say.

Once she felt the time was right she sprung on me.

“Ulric misses you, you should speak with him,” thus her real motive was unveiled.

I did not know what to say, I was dumbstruck and fell silent as my mind felt like a whirlwind of awkward chaos. I found myself stuttering out jumbled-up words and before I could even get out a decent reply she took over and started again.

“Ulric needs you! He is in great danger right now! Jao has a human sliding into his bed and sinking his fingers into him! Jao needs to be stopped and I feel you are the only one that can save Ulric from falling victim to Jao.”

“I’m sorry…I can’t,” her face flared up with mild anger as if deeply offended that a human was daring to counter her like this

“You can’t!? How can you say that!? Jao killed Gernan and now you are wanting to abandon Ulric to Jao as well!?”

“What!?” the mention of Jao killing Gernan was new to me, it never once dawned on me but it made so much sense. Gao’ao sensed this and felt she found her mark to push deeper in, “Of course! What pirates have the audacity to dare raid a ship flying the imperial insignia!?” she paused and looked me straight in the eyes

“You and I both know who has the motive and the means to do such an action.”

“Jao,” I whispered quietly. Having all this hit me made me think solemnly before the regal she-wolf spoke up again.

“Now he is after my, no, our Ulric and you are saying you cannot help him!? Was Gernan’s death in vain!?” this really stung, I felt my fist bunch up and my heart fill with a raging desire to see that Jao suffer for what he had done. She must have caught that for she lightened up, feeling like she had got her aim.

“I understand you are deep in mourning but you must think of Ulric!” she fell into a pleading voice as I found myself deep in thought, I really wished Elyk was here to tell me what to do but the searches of him and the others were still coming to nothing.

“He speaks you name in his sleep...”

Darting my eyes up, I met hers and they seemed to ensnare me, “He…he does?”

She nodded her head, hiding a smugly pleased countenance. I felt I needed to do something while another part of me debated that I should refuse and avoid the outside world, after all, I still felt like I had a cursed effect on others and I was not going to curse Ulric with my kiss of death.

I was deeply troubled and it was written all over my face and Gao’ao no doubt picked that up from my scent. All I could do was look down at my hands as I curled my fingers.

“I shall leave you to ponder my words Xander, for it is getting late…” looking up, I saw her get up not once breaking contact with my eyes as scarlet silk flowed around her and trailed behind as she moved to leave the room.

Just as I thought she would be leaving, she stopped and raised her paw up in a gesture of wait and turned back to me.

“You should let your head fur grow back, you might be needing it soon,” she said, making a vague point which felt lost on me.

“Consider what I said…”

“Think about our Ulric…”

Thus she left, very much pleased with herself and certain I was just what she was hoping for, even though she vainly thought my lack of hair was quite off putting and I needed to grow it back as fast as was possible.

Meanwhile, as she headed off in the dusk of twilight full of confidence in her grand scheme, which was not even her own to begin with, I was left in a state of deep uncertainty! “What am I going to do?” was all my mind thought of as I sat on the floor. Not even Yosef was sure enough to give any sound advice but he did say that I should wait and see and that maybe nothing will come of this.

Unbeknownst to me, Gao’ao, once returned to the palace convinced of my use to her aims, visited Ulric in the Palace of the Reclining Lupine where he was reading up on affairs of state which were of course all already dealt with by his powerful Uncle, the documents sent to him were only a minor formality, but Ulric still felt the need to read up on things.

Dilian was there and he was the one that would later tell me of what occurred when Gao’ao arrived: she came in, bid Ulric a wifely greeting and was beckoned up by the adolescent wolf who got up and sat with her on a nearby couch.

She then told him about her visit and this perked his interest greatly. Then she suggested that Ulric also come and pay the temple I was creating a visit next time she went herself.

Ulric replied that “I do not wish to distress Xan…”

She countered with a sly remark about forgetting I was the same human, pretending to be out of the know about everything. Then she said how I was doing well which further made the young wolf excited.

“You saw him?! Tell me how he is faring!” this had to have made Gao’ao quite delighted.

“He is well, his spirits are low but he is enduring...”

“You should visit him! I think him seeing you would really help him…...”

“Imperial Alpha…please come with me when I return in a week… I plead you to think about it,” with that, she planted the seed in Ulric’s head and the two of us were set to encounter each other and I had not a clue about it.

She knew that me seeing Ulric would break my resolve and dispel any doubts I had about her offer. She was intelligent in that way, I must admit.

I was busy tending to the garden on my knees and tending to the plants that had become very overgrown in the many years since we last left.

The piles of leaves that covered the entire grounds upon first arrival to the manor were already cleared out in the past few days, it was from their composting that the lingering smell of death seemed to spread across the space and once it was removed clear air finally returned to the place.

Many of the ground plants had died but some of the more resistant native ones had endured and were in fact thriving, though they needed to be cut back and pruned in some areas. A plant needs constant pruning to ensure even balance and lack of issues later on.

My shaved head was cold in the outside air and so around my head was a tied cloth cap in light blue which matched the tone of my monkish habit. My fingernails were filled with dark soil and my shins also covered in it as well.

Getting up, happy with my duty, I dusted the dirt from my lap and turned around to make my way into the manor’s interiors once more.

“Xan...” a voice that was deep and unfamiliar but held within itself was a core of familiarity. It came forth like an echo of the past, it unleashed memories of a childish voice from long ago. This was the same voice but it was mature, deeper and more in command of itself but retaining some of the youthfulness from my memories.

I looked up knowing what I would see.

There, standing at the entrance to the garden was a male wolf, clad in a black silk kaftan with golden embroidered designs that crested and twirled like the wind and clouds all over its landscape, grounded to the earth by a wide belt fixed with plates of white stones that glimmered like the moon.

I met the wolf’s blue eyes that sat above a tapering muzzle, a blue that sent flashes of a face of a young pup with those same blue eyes. But these eyes where now encased by sleek fur of dark gray.

“Little wolf!” I dropped my basket and could only stand there in a moment that can only be described as akin to hearing a voice of the heavens!

My throat shivered, gulping as I felt tears start to swell in the niches of my eyes, my knees grew weak.

“Xan!” time came back as he rushed towards me and I fell forward, almost stumbling from the weakness of my legs and into the arms of the now-grown little wolf, who then wrapped his sleeved arms tightly around my waist, supporting me in my moment of lightness.

“Ulric! Little wolf!” I could barely even manage out words of any sense aside from those until my ability to speak returned after weeping for a good moment of time as the larger wolf, who now was a good half-head taller than me, cradled my head.

“I am so alone! How will I live!” cried all my anguish of the past years and recent months flooding out as I looked up to gaze into the wolf’s face above me.

He looked at my face with an intense gaze as if he wanted to burn it into his memory for all eternity, he too also had no words and could only clutch me into his chest tightly. He was thinking to himself that he would never let me go again.

Our tender scene had an audience of only one, that of Gao’ao, who watched this all unfold before her with accomplishment at how her new understudy and pawn was now, without a doubt of it, on her side.

I was to be her honey trap in the harem

Any resolve I may have had about wanting live out my life as a monk in daily prayer and meditation was dashed from this moment. When my eyes were laid upon the now-mature form of Ulric it was all gone and to the winds forever. In my heart, I knew I had to be with him. Our love was born and thought neither of us said it, we both wanted to be together and it was not needed to be stated.

I spent hours in his arms, we had moved indoors and into my room; all we could do was just be in each others presence. No words were spoken, we just held each other and found such peace in it for hours until finally we began speaking.

“Look,” he moved his paw under the flat opening of his robe that followed the side of his body, his paw venturing under it like some pocket until he found what he was looking for and withdrew it within his clutched fingers.

“I always kept this with me since you gave it to me those long years ago,” It was my handkerchief, the one I made in my spare time, the one which depicted Sarshu the human moon-binder. He handed it to me and for a brief moment my fingertips and his pads touched. A spark of pining seemed to bound from this small moment.

Looking at its childish stitching, I brought it close to my face and could smell the aroma of Ulric on it, “I always keep it on my body and near my heart,” he whispered as I could only shed a single tear in response.

“Is this a dream!? Is this a mere fantasy!?” Ulric asked, his voice shaking.

“A dance of hopeless delusions cast on me from longing.”

“Are you a vision to keep me from that darkness?” he ended, those blue eyes pining with a deep mourning, determined to never let me go.

“Little wolf! I love you!” I pulled myself up, leaning into his face and planting a supple peck on his soot-black nose which was wet and cold to my quivering lips.

We both, in our own minds, vowed from this moment on to never be apart. We would be bound together in union.

More hours were spent until evening came and he had to bid farewell, one which I felt scared to let happen but he promised to be here to tomorrow. I did not sleep that entire night, fearing this was all just a fancy of a desolate mind.

I got up from trying to sleep and cast my emotions to paper with brush and ink in the form of a stanza born out of pure and raw emotion.

“My heartache heeds no borders,”

“Within my teary-eyed sight, green becomes scarlet,”

“Look upon my clothing and lay witness to the stains of my tears,”

“Each drop filled with longing for your warmth.”

Each mark of the wolven logograms flowed with my emotion as though the brush was a mere extension of my state of mind and reflecting it in the waxing and waning of its stokes, marred only by drops of tears that fell from my eyes onto the white of the paper.

Ulric’s visits did not go unnoticed by others, Titus soon found out as well as Imperial Dowager Nu. It was not long before this came to Princess Selene who felt as if she pulled off a great feat of prowess and which made her view of her own talents grow so that she felt she was more than that of her Uncle who ran the government.

In the one day Ulric could not make a visit, Gao’ao sent over an enclosed palanquin along with their bearers who also brought a gift with them.

Three items: a small, carved stone seal bearing the impression for a talent-level human concubine, a head wrap of fine brocade to cover my still-short hair, and a breast-length chiffon kilt with shades of light blue which was to be worn over accompanying undergarments, a pair of white cotton trousers which laid under it.

It was very feminine, only the addition of the trousers to be worn under its frilly appearance gave some tiny sense of masculinity to any human who must wear such a thing. This was how humans were to be in this world, no matter the gender of the human we are all to be dainty and submissive.

I knew what this was, there was no need to tell me this was invitation to join the Harem of Alpha Ulric.

Also there was not even a need for superficial pretense to even debate the matter, I was going to take it. Yosef was there and he knew as well what I was going to do, he saw how I would pine for Ulric when he was gone and swore he would follow me into the harem.

While I was looking over the harem articles sent to me, full of certainty of what I was to do, a loud commotion was overheard outside, a rushing and a yelp followed by the violent swinging of doors bursting open behind me.

Jerking my head, it was a fox.

Elyk.