The little bird's head was staring at the glass. Eyes glued to us as he stood perched on the wall. All I wanted was a sign from him, something to tell me that Damien was still in there. But instead, all I saw was a small animal, wondering what I was yelling about.
A hand rested on my shoulder. It was Jeremy's hand, and once I looked at him, he shook his head. His shoulders slumped as he pulled his hand off me. Looking back into the enclosure, I saw the bird jump off the wall and glide to a branch. Upon landing, he began to preen his wings.
"Did you know him personally?" She asked as she removed her jacket. "Was he able to communicate last time you saw him?"
Jeremy slowly nodded.
"We all spoke with him the night he finished," I told her.
She walked up closer to the glass to stand next to me. We watched as the little bird carefully ran each feather through his beak. Afterward, he stretched and brought his wings close to his sides. Jess landed next to him and lowered her head to him, and he began to dig into her feathers with his beak.
"I didn't tell you this," She said aloud. "But he's a weird little guy. He is quiet and only tries to interject with her when she initiates." She turned to face me. "Just a little different from how these breeding programs usually go."
We watched the two woodpeckers as they stood together. I'm not sure why, but I felt an odd mix of sadness and relief. Sad for missing Damien and seeing him so different from what I knew him as. Relief as I knew he was safe and seemed almost happy. If he is still in there, it seems he accepted the change. If he isn't, then at least he's safe and maybe even oblivious to the situation.
I turned to leave the room. As I did, she tried to stop me.
"Hawk!" She said, "Stop for a second."
I thought about stopping but kept walking into the hall and out the door. Once it shut, I was standing alone in the middle of the exhibits. A handful of people looked into the enclosures, but no one noticed me. I walked down the path and passed the same enclosures we had looked at before. I stopped at the Osprey and watched as he tore into a fish lying on the ground.
His motions were quick and deliberate. He would hold the fish with one foot and tear it with his beak. Darren's life was now reduced to living in a twenty-foot by twenty-foot enclosure, eating raw fish off the ground. His only interactions were with strangers watching him and his handlers caring for him—no way of speaking with anyone. I would be afraid of living that way if my mind was intact.
"Hawk!" She yelled out as she opened the door. She was walking in a direct line toward me.
"Lyall," I said, "My name is Lyall. Wait a few months. Then you can call me hawk."
She stopped directly in front of me. "Lyall, I know it isn't what you probably wanted to see. But, it's not what you think it is." Looking at her, she had a small badge previously covered by her jacket.
"Heather N.
Rehab Assistant"
"Heather, Doesn't it seem odd that you have three attractions here that were only a few years ago, humans?" I asked loudly.
"Maybe you didn't get the picture here. They all agreed to this. Hell, Darren asked for it!" Heather snapped back. "Just because you can't accept this does not mean they didn't."
I took a deep breath, realizing the fool I was making of myself. I looked back to the Osprey enclosure to see Darren perched on the stand, and his eyes were watching Heather and I as we argued.
"If he could speak and say he wanted to leave. Would he be able to?" I asked her.
"Darren?" Heather asked, "If he could speak or express that desire, he'd be out in a heartbeat. It's not a prison here, and the changed are free to leave if they please."
I sat down on the bench in front of the Osprey cage. It seemed as though Darren was watching me just as much as I was watching him. Heather sat down beside me and stared in at Darren.
"Do you think he's still in there?" She asked with a sigh.
"I don't know. I came here wanting to find that out." I told her, "But I don't even know if I want to know. Would you rather be a prisoner in your mind or a prisoner in a cage?"
"I don't know about Damien." She replied, "But I can say he's the oddest Osprey I've ever met."
"Did you know him before?" I asked her, still looking at the Osprey.
She kicked her feet out before replying, "I met him once before. He was pretty far along, more like your friend inside. He supposedly talked to Gavin, the owner, a few weeks prior about it. He came in with an envelope for Gav and never said a word."
"Do you know what it was about? The envelope?"
"It was a date and time. Gavin told us to come in late that day. When I came in, Darren was here." She said, "I banded him and signed off the paperwork."
He planned his day to finish. No fanfare or announcement. Thinking of how I forced my change forward a few weeks ago, nothing stops anyone from just completing if they wanted to.
"So what's it like?" Heather asked me.
"Huh?"
"You know," She said, gesturing to my body, "This, changing, what's it like?" She asked again. "I never got to ask Darren."
I looked down at my legs. "Not all that much fun, if I have to say," I said, looking up to her. "Whether it's knocking stuff over with the tail or walking around partially naked. It's always something new."
She smiled and nodded. "You know, I spent my entire life admiring birds. Now to think that some people get to experiment with it first hand, and it's just wild to imagine."
"I guess it's all perspective," I said to her.
We sat quietly as the few visitors walked around us. Some of the folks would try to keep from staring at me. As if to pretend they don't notice how different I look. But pretending I don't stick out is laughable, especially when I am only a hundred feet from an actual hawk.
Most patrons began to exit the small gate near the entrance. It's getting late, and it has to be getting close to closing time. Jeremy found his way out of the building and over to our bench. He held up his arm and tapped on his wrist.
"Yeah, we need to get going," I said, standing up and stretching. In doing so, my tail flared, then settled back to its normal 'closed' state.
Heather chuckled to herself. "You stretch just like her."
"Probably not the only thing we have in common now." I joked back.
We passed a few of the enclosures as we walked towards the exit. I'm still on the fence about my feelings about them. But I guess for many of the birds here, life here is better than the death some of them would have had. But for Darren, did he know what he was getting into here?
We made it to the gate, and it creaked open. Jeremy passed through and was toward his car. As I went to pass through the gate, Heather spoke from behind.
"If you ever need to see him. Just find me. But please, don't tell anyone. Ok?" She said quietly.
"Yeah, I'll keep quiet for you," I said
I started to follow Jeremy, but he was already twenty feet ahead of me. He seemed to be walking quickly and with an unusual gait. It looked almost as if he was having issues with chafing, and I figured it was probably too private to ask him and quietly followed.
Once in the car, we pulled from our parking spot and down the driveway to the road. Not long after we started, the sun began to set. With the darkening outside, I was pretty much blind, and moving objects appeared more like blobs than anything else.
"You think we should stop for the night?" I asked Jeremy.
Not being able to see his response and his refusal to make any sound made communicating more complicated than usual. After a few moments of silence, I spoke up.
"I can't see a thing. You're gonna need to give me some sort of yes or no," I said, waiting for him to do something. "How about one sound for no and two for yes?"
"Errh Errh," He chittered.
"Ok, find a hotel or something. We can leave first thing tomorrow," I said.
After a few more minutes of driving, we pulled up to a typical chain-style hotel. The street lamps in the parking lot help me be able to see my way in the door at least. Jeremy led the way to the doors and up to the front desk.
"Can I help you?" The man at the desk asked Jeremy.
I stepped in and said back, "We need a room."
"Ok, a king or two queens," He asked
"Oh uhh, two queens if you have them," I said, only to hear Jeremy half chuckle and half chitter.
"Alright, and are you both able to control yourselves?" He asked.
"Control myself?" I asked. Did he think we were some wild animals?
"You know, no accidents, feral stuff." He said back.
The way he said it just seemed too ordinary. Was that supposed to be an insult or an actual question? Maybe it's my lack of interaction with unchanged people, but Jeremy made a grunting sound. Turning to look at him, he had a single thumb stuck up to the man.
He continued to type away at his computer when he asked me to pay and handed me a small sleeve with two room keys. I swiped my card and signed the line.
"Breakfast is from seven to nine. Your room is on the third floor to the right of the elevator," He said, pointing to the hallway.
Jeremy started walking, and I stood in place, still trying to decide if he was trying to be mean or just asking questions. Jeremy grabbed my arm and led me to the elevator. We stepped in, the door shut, and Jeremy pressed the faded third-floor button.
"Is it normal to ask that?" I asked.
Jeremy cocked his head to the side in confusion.
"You know, asking if you can control yourself. Is that like a thing people deal with?" I asked in more detail.
Jeremy shrugged his shoulders. He then moved his left hand to scratch at his pant leg. Once he saw I was watching, he quickly stopped. I reached my hand up to scratch at the feathers on my cheeks, which would take some time to get used to.
The elevator door opened to a dimly lit hallway. On the wall was a sign pointing to the third-floor rooms. We took a right and walked down to room 337. I pulled out a card and swiped it on the door lock. With a loud clunk, the door opened. To me, it was a black void with no details. I stepped aside for Jeremy to walk in. He stepped into the void and disappeared. A few moments later, the room lit up, and I could see Jeremy standing with his hand on the switch.
I walked into the room, kicked off my shoes, and immediately jumped onto the bed. I looked over to see Jeremy carefully taking his shoes off while sitting at the end of his bed. After removing his shoes, he began to itch his pant leg again.
"So what changed on you?" I asked him. "Legs?"
He looked surprised and quickly held his hand up to his chest. He shook his head and looked away from me.
"Come on, dude. You know I did, and I saw you watching that bird in the aviary." I said to him. "No shame in what we did."
Jeremy sighed and stood up. He unbuckled his pants and dropped them to the floor. Beneath were black boxers covering white feathers on his thighs. Starting at about his knees was dark, almost dry-looking skin. He reached down and scratched at the boxers. He lacked a tail, and his legs were still shaped like regular humans, just with a different skin.
"Jeremy, if they are bothering you, just ditch 'em," I said to him as I laid back down on the bed. "You've seen what I've seen."
Jeremy laughed in his chattering sound again. But after a few moments, he slowly slipped his boxers off and quickly slid under his blankets. Trying to make him feel better, I kicked off my socks and removed my shirt. I was now lying on the bed nude. Which being covered in feathers kept anything from being visible.
Laying down, I decided that I should take inventory to make sure nothing unexpected changed. But after a quick once over, I didn't see anything new. Feeling my face, I could tell there was no hiding my facial changes. I rose from the bed and walked into the bathroom. Looking in the mirror, I could immediately see golden-brown feathers across my cheeks. They ran from the front of my face to the back of my neck. From there, they ran down towards the base of my neck. If I relaxed my face, I could get them to lift, making it look much more prominent, maybe even 'fluffy.'
Looking over it again, I knew I wouldn't be able to hide this one. With that, I walked back into the room and sat on the bed. I looked down, pretending to look at the small notepad left on the bedside table. Jeremy slowly crawled out under the covers and quickly moved to the bathroom. From what I could see in the corners of my eye, Jeremy's feathers ran up to his hips. His hand was held over any private parts.
I slid the small notepad back into the drawer and closed it. I opened my phone and checked my messages. Again I came across the photo from Kole and his questioning of his new anatomy. But below that photo was a new message.
"Deer are weird man." It read along with another photo of his crotch; this time, it was just his small skin pouch.
I replied, asking him to please stop sending unrequested crotch shots in a joking manner. He answered a few moments later.
"But its weird right" it read.
"Yes but your not the only one haha" I sent back.
Jeremy walked out of the bathroom with his hands covering himself. Jeremy covering himself gave me an idea. If Kole thought his changes were weird, what if I sent him pics of my changes. Maybe then he would stop with the nudes?
"Jeremy, I have a big favor to ask."
Jeremy looked at me, still using both hands to cover himself. I stood up from the bed and walked closer to him, holding my phone out. I think Jeremy could understand the joke in all of this, and he saw firsthand the original text.
"I need you to take a few photos of me." I said to him, and he reached one hand up, but before he could grab my phone, I said, "I need you to promise me that you never tell a soul. Ok?"
He hesitated but nodded his head. He grabbed the phone with one hand and held it up. I posed facing him, and he took a photo. I then turned around to face him sideways. Again Jeremy took the picture. I turned my back to him, and I heard the fake shutter sound of the phone.
"Ok, now for this next one. Don't think about it." I said, looking back at him, "Just take it and forget you ever did, ok?"
Jeremy cocked his head to the side. I immediately bent over and lifted my tail upwards. I didn't hear a sound, but I could feel the cool air on my newly exposed skin.
"Take it. I'll explain later!" I said, lifting my tail higher.
I heard the fake shutter sound. As soon as it stopped, I stood straight and reached back for my phone. He handed me the phone, and I immediately locked it without looking at the screen. Turning to look at Jeremy, he had a slightly horrified look, or at least as horrified of a look as a half-bird half-man's face could can.
"Remember that photo my friend sent me?" I asked Jeremy. "This is my revenge on him, so just don't think about it, yeah?"
After a moment of silence, Jeremy started laughing. But unlike before, he drug this one out. It sounded less like a laugh and more like the bird in the aviary. While he continued to 'laugh,' I sent the photo to Kole. No context, no text at all, just pure bird butt. I put my phone down as we awaited the response. I couldn't help but laugh myself.
I laid on the bed, waiting to hear my phone go off. My eyes shut, and I could hear Jeremy walking around the room and the rustling of the covers as he climbed under his blankets.
*BRRR* *BRRR*
I opened my eyes at the sound of my phone shanking itself across the nightstand. But with my eyes open, I couldn't see anything. Everything was a black space. Reaching over to the nightstand, I tried to find the lamp switch. Instead, I knocked a few things off the bedside table and onto the floor. Finally finding the button, I clicked it on.
My phone, now lying on the ground, was screen side down. Picking it up, I saw two groups of messages—one from Kole and another from Matthew. Kole's was a simple "what the shuck" followed by "duck" and a final message "you know what I mean".
Matthew's was a different story. "Are you with Jeremy? Need you both back here tomorrow, need to talk about some things," The text read. After was another text, "urgently."
I received that text shortly after midnight. The clock on my phone read 1:18 am, and replying this late was probably pointless. Looking over at Jeremy, he was sleeping but now laying face up on the blankets. He probably can't stand sleeping under the blankets with the feathers on his legs. I know I ran into that issue myself.
I set my phone back on the table, and with a click, the room was pitch black again. Only the quiet hum of the heater and the occasional breathing sound from the other bed interrupted the silence.
"We have to get going, Lyall," I heard Jeremy say. I opened my eyes to see it was now daytime. The room was bright with sunlight. I sat up from the bed to see Jeremy putting his clothes on, his pants pulling up to meet with a long feathered tail. Its feathers were blue with black and white bars running its length.
"Jeremy? Did your tail change last night?" I asked him.
"Yeah, but it's not a big deal." He said as he turned to face me. "We have to get back to Damien."
Whatever was happening, it must be a big deal for him not even to mention the tail. I stood up to follow him, but my legs felt unsteady like I was walking in water. I tried to push my legs to step further, but I never seemed able to get closer than a few feet from Jeremy. He reached forward and opened the door.
Following him through the door, we stepped out into the facility, surrounded by the enclosures full of large birds. I tried to follow Jeremy but continued to fall behind no matter how fast I tried to walk. I saw him enter through the screen door into the aviary. By the time I reached the door, he was nowhere to be found. Stepping into the aviary, I looked for Jeremy.
"Jeremy? I can't keep up! You have to slow down." I yelled out.
There was no response. Looking down the raised wooden path, I saw a small blue and white bird resting on the railing. Its eyes locked on mine. I tried to walk closer to it, but each step was small, and my legs did not want to move forward. A second landed next to it as I inched towards the bird. Both are identical to the one we saw yesterday. Blue body, white belly, and an orange line across its chest.
"Jeremy!" I yelled out again, still unable to see anything besides the two birds in front of me.
I waited to listen for a response. Looking down, one bird was still watching me intently. As far as I could tell, its eyes never left me. Its beak opened, but I heard a voice instead of a typical sound.
"Don't run." It said, "You can't run from it."
The voice was the same as Jeremy's. I watched as its eyes stared at mine. I tried to take a step back but still felt unable. It was like my legs were bound together and my feet glued to the ground.
The tiny bird looked down towards the ground. "It's too late anyways," It spoke. "You're too far gone already."
I turned my head to see what it was looking at. Looking down, I saw not my feet but two yellow bird feet with their black talons dug into the wooden boards. When I tried to lift my foot, the yellow-scaled foot would lift, but the black tips dug deeper into the wood.
"Don't think about it." The tiny bird said, "Just let it happen, don't fight it."
Panicked, I reached down to try and pull my talons free. Doing so, I began to fall backward. Just as I felt my body begin to swing backward, I saw the dimly lit hotel room.
I swung upwards to an upright position and, doing this, pulled on my tail feathers. The pain caused me to rotate my body, accidentally throwing myself onto the floor. Looking to see why my legs did not meet the ground first, I saw the decorative fabric wrapped around my feet from the end of the bed. I reached for the material and pulled a leg free. But I did not see the yellow claws I expected. Instead, I saw my usual human feet.
My heart was still racing as I lay down on the floor. I tried to calm myself as the reality set in that what I saw wasn't reality at all. It had been a long time since I could remember having any kind of dream when I slept. But I can't remember feeling anything quite as real as that.
Laying on the ground, I brought my breathing under control. Listening, I still only heard the sound of the heater fan and the shower. I stood up, looking around to see that Jeremy's bed was empty, his clothes lying in a pile near the foot of the bed. I walked towards the door and opened it, seeing the now slightly brighter hallway of the hotel. Stepping back in, I could hear the water in the bathroom running.
"Jeremy?" I asked before remembering that he could not respond.
I walked over to pick up my phone, but the screen did not light up as I brought it up to look at it. Holding the side button brought up a small icon of an empty battery. I'll just charge it in the car when we leave. I looked around for a clock but couldn't see one in the room. The alarm clock was unplugged, and connecting it to power flashed midnight. Looking out the window, it seemed to be very early in the morning, but it can be tricky to tell this late into the year.
While standing, thinking of what to do, I felt it. The sudden urge told me I had a very, very short amount of time. I rushed to the bathroom door and attempted to rotate the handle, which would move only a tiny amount before stopping. Of all the times for this to happen, it picked what could be the worst. I rapped my hand against the door.
"Jeremy! I need you to open up!" I yelled.
I still heard the water running, followed by a loud sound from Jeremy.
"Come on, dude! I can't wait. Just let me in!" I yelled again. But no response from him.
Knowing how short I was on time, I decided that a break to the hallway was my best option. Maybe it was just thinking in a rush, but usually, hotels have restrooms in the lobby, on the first floor and not the third floor. I rushed out the door running down the hall. The room's heavy door closed with a loud thud and a metallic latching sound. I ran to the elevators and saw nothing but the two elevator doors and the red door to the stairs. I kept running down the hallway further to the small room with an ice machine and a standard vending machine.
With no options, I began to run back down the hallway, and I saw a group of room doors propped open and a single cleaning cart parked in front of them. I barreled my way towards the first open door, but it was too late as I stepped through the door. My legs stopped, and I could not get myself to step any further. In my line of sight was the entrance to the bathroom. I dared not look down and look at what I had just done. I ran out of the room and back down the hallway towards my room.
Once I reached the door, I pulled the handle. It turned, but the door stayed shut. I went to reach for my pocket. Missing my pocket, I brushed my hands against my legs. Stuck outside the room with no key and no phone, I started hitting my hand against the door.
"Jeremy! Let me in!" I yelled.
The door opened slightly, and I could see Jeremy's face looking through the crack. I pushed the door, but the chain lock caught it. I could hear Jeremy giggling as he closed the door and unhooked the chain. Once the door opened, I barged in.
"Dude. We have to leave now!" I said as I grabbed my shoes and shirt.
Jeremy stared at me as I rushed. Looking up at him, I saw he was still wearing nothing with his hands covering himself. He brought one hand up to make an eating motion.
"No time, we can't stay here," I said, throwing him his clothes. I grabbed my phone and tucked it into my shirt pocket. I peeked out the door and down the hall. I saw a blanket and some sheets thrown into the hallway from the farthest room.
Jeremy came up and made a sound behind me. I didn't want to waste time, so I ran toward the elevator. Looking back, I saw Jeremy in tow. Once we got to the elevator, I frantically pressed the down button. The door opened, and we stepped in.
As the door closed, I could hear a female voice yell out. "What the hell!?" The door shut, and the elevator began to descend. Jeremy looked over at me and pointed at my chest, and I nodded back to him.
We reached the ground floor and quickly walked out the door and into Jeremy's car. As soon as we made it to the car, we were gone. I plugged my phone in and checked the clock on Jeremy's car.
"If anyone asks, we left at 7:30," I said, looking at the clock, which read 8:15.
Jeremy began laughing to himself. I let a deep breath out and leaned back into the seat. The trip was almost over, but to say it was uneventful would be a lie. Jeremy looked over to me, held a hand palm up, and shrugged.
"I don't think you want to know," I said to him.
His head quickly turned to look at me, and he nodded in the slowest, most dramatic way he could.
As I tried to tell him what had happened, my phone booted up and was immediately bombarded with missed phone calls. I unlocked it to see who they were from and saw they were all from Matthew. Among the missed calls was a single text.
"Call me ASAP."
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