" You are beautiful. The uniform looks great on you. "

Fred agreed. He was also enjoying the fact that he was wearing one of Greg's jockstraps for the moment, his undies having been ripped in the heat of the moment.

" Let's go ? "

Greg's question called for no answer, Fred just nodded "yes" and left. He went down the three steps of the porch. In the street, two cars were waiting. Greg took the time to offer Fred a final kiss.

“ Tell me, Fred...

- Yes ? 

- I… Would you like to go to a restaurant ? One of those evenings ?

- Why not, yes ? It's been so long since we last saw each other. We must have tons of stories to tell.

- This pleases me. 

- But with the delay that I have, do not expect to be able to see me for two weeks. They don't mess around with discipline.

- I know something about it too. I think I can do with it...

- Really ?

- No. I... I would love to see you again, Fred.

- Me too... 

- Thanks again...

- Why ?

- For taking my collar off...

- You could have done it alone...

- No, only the person who puts it on has the right to remove it afterwards...

- It is true ?

- You still have things to learn...

- Will you teach me ?

- Of course.

- Thanks and... next time, can I try it ? Sounds good to me...

- It’s OK... "

The two men had to force themselves to separate to get into their respective taxis.

Fred was roused from his reverie by the taxi stopping in front of the airbase barrier. He took his wallet but the driver shook his head.

"You don't have to, sir. The fare has already been paid for by whoever ordered it. "

Fred bit his lip in surprise. Greg hadn't told him anything. He thanked the driver, got out and presented his badge to the guard in order to pass the barrier. He walked on the sidewalk, went to his barracks where he changed his clothes to work clothes before returning to the hangar. He greeted his men he passed, trying to ignore their smirks before going to his office where Karl was struggling with his usual paperwork.

« Hey, who's there ? Welcome chef ! "

Karl was also smirk. The day promised to be bad.

« No, don't sit down, chief, the captain orders you to go see her as soon as you arrive ! "

His master corporal's tone didn't bode well, Fred knew that. He felt like a calf going to the slaughterhouse. 

« Okay, see you later then, Karl." 

Fred walked over to the administration building where a cold and harsh "Come in !" » 

Greeted him.

Fred came in, came to attention. In front of him, the captain looked up from her newspaper. She closed it and patted her fingers on the desk. Fred felt his testicles move up into his stomach.

“ It confirms what I know about you. Sometimes you don't do anything the way you expect. "

Fred, still standing, understood even before Orlov showed him the "front page" he had already seen.

“ We always have to see the bright side of things. Maybe after this evening, our dear spin doctors will think twice before laying such absurd orders to us. "

Fred tried to speak, to defend himself. A gesture from the captain made him shut up.

“ Be aware of one thing. The three weeks of instructions that I am sticking to you are for your unjustified absence and your disobedience. Your orders were to chaperone your men, not to go in your friend's underpants. "

Fred was blushing. He couldn't protest, his boss was right. The captain folded the newspaper before throwing it in the trash.

“ The rest is private life. But I can't afford to play favoritism, which explains your punishment. Go now, I have more important things to do than make you blush like a junior high kid ! "

Fred didn't have to repeat it. He greeted his superior, punctuated by a "thank you" before going out, a little relieved. Well, he was taking himself three weeks of release deprivation. He thought back to what Greg had said in the morning. Fred again felt like a teenager being punished by his parents.

Back in his office, Fred couldn't miss the journal on Karl's, who was trying to hide a big smile. Fred tried to ignore the thing.

« Here, then, a ghost...

- How’s the day going, Karl ?

- As usual. Very well in the absence of the chef and less well since his return...

- What about yesterday's evening ?

- Ah, I prefer not to talk about it...

- Why ?

- We lost… 

- Ouch…

- By a landslide. I must also denounce myself, I had a beer.

- Against my orders ? 

- I admit it.

- Weren’t the children too painful ?

- No, they were pretty good. The others, on the other hand, did not hesitate to cheat. They only ordered English beers and we are not used to European beers, they are stronger, we saw nothing coming.

- The English are devious, the French have warned us enough about that...

- In addition there were Scots and Irish among them, we had no chance at the booze contest.

- Seriously, had no trouble with the boys ?

- No, they behaved well. With the girls anyway... "

Fred felt perfectly the spike sent with a smirk and discreet. He patted his desk, sensing the importance of it.

"Get the guys together, I'll give them their afternoon schedule. And put things right, too. "

It didn't take long for Karl Swift to reunite Fred's men. It took the latter even less time to give everyone their share of the work, and above all, to seriously refocus them.

They were at attention. Fred paced back and forth, approaching the faces of those who had the greatest difficulty keeping their seriousness. Fred was not vindictive, but he knew he was going to have to strengthen his authority. His voice was loud and powerful. He was forcing it a bit to make sure he was putting enough strength and authority into it. He would press on important words and bark some of them almost without being aggressive.

“ Guys, I'm not kidding myself. Everyone has seen the Sun of the day and read it over and over and across. You know I'm gay, it's never been a secret here. I also know that there is a big difference between knowing something and living it. You know me well. I'm not the type to complain or moan for nothing. I just want to clarify two or three points. First of all, what I do with my cock or my ass is only mine. Your comments, I don't care. I'm the same as you, I appreciate knowing who has a crush on whom and who's sleeping with whom. Not for the gritty side, but because it can affect the job and it's my job to know about potential problems before they happen. Second, I am your boss. "

Fred showed his stripes to each of his subordinates.

"Which means every word from me is an order, and you could be in big trouble if you had the crazy idea of questioning my decisions under the futile pretext of sucking cocks. I will be all the more uncompromising as these next three weeks, I will be forced to be here, with all that that implies in a bad mood on my part. Finally, I take this opportunity to give the opportunity to the one or those who have prepared a little surprise in my locker in connection with the evening of yesterday that they have an hour to remove everything, because I really am not in the mood to taste your humor today. That will be all, you're all dismissed and get back to work ! "

Fred had finished his speech a little sweaty. His subordinates who had smirked at the beginning no longer laughed at the end. As everyone went about their business, Karl approached Fred.

« Definitely, you will surprise me day by day.

- Thank you.

- How did you know about their « surprise" ?

- I did not know. Don't take it the wrong way, Karl, but you straight guys are very predictable in your behavior. And I will soon have 10 years of seniority on the subject, then by force...

- I saw what they prepared, it was not very mean...

- I believe you, but if I want to maintain my authority over them, I must not show any fault, Karl. You have to understand me, you are also used to field command.

- I understand you, yes. About this, I wanted to tell you ... "

Karl rubbed the back of his neck, embarrassed. The two men returned to the office. Fred seemed to have guessed.

« Does this have anything to do with your transfer request ? "

Karl looked at Fred, surprised.

« Hey, how do you know that, boss ?

- Pfff, your desk is a mess but this kind of paperwork can be recognized from afar. "

Karl was intimidated.

“ It's not against you, Chief, I want you to know that.

- I know it, Karl.

- It’s that ... It's not my place here.

- I also know. You are made for the field just as I am for here. "

Karl agreed.

« Give me your request. "

Karl took it and gave it to Fred, who reads it before sitting down and picking up a pen.

« You should have given it to me at some point anyway, I'm your boss after all. "

Fred wrote a few lines, giving his consent before signing and stamping the sheet. In doing so, he remembered his parents doing the same eight years earlier to allow him to leave early.

“ I hope it turns out well. Where do you think they'll send you ?

- I don't know, chief. Hopefully in the Philippines. "

It was most likely, yes. The Philippines front was even more important against the Islamist militias than the North African desert.

« I'll have to think about replacing you.

- I recommend Edwards then, she is good at it.

- I will take into account what you tell me.

- Thank you.

- I’ll miss you. Remember to give me some news.

- You will have some. I just hope it won't... I gave your name, so you would be warned, if that happened.

- It is... Nice of you. I'll just give you this order, then : don't get killed. I'm tired of burying my friends.

- I’ll do anything for, boss. »

-

The taxi dropped off Greg at the Adams Park. He validated his payment, thanked the driver and his sports gear in a bag in his hand, he walked, as a message had ordered him while he was on his way, towards the small red brick building that housed the administration center of the London Wasps. Greg wasn't surprised at this, his delay having consequences. It was no big deal. Players late for training, it sometimes happened and the culprit was left to be a simple replacement and have to play in the B team for a week or two.

However, he was not reassured. Deep inside, he had a bad feeling. Greg tried to ignore it because he remembered only too well when he had felt this last time. It was after his first time with Francis. When he had received this message from his father ordering him to return.

But it couldn't be that. What reason would his club have for wanting to get rid of him ? The team knew this when he joined their ranks. Besides, Greg hadn't been a teenager for a long time. He just had this bad memory in his head, that was all.

However, he could not feel his concern increase when he saw Frank waiting for him at the reception. He was wearing his training outfit, a little sweaty already. Greg tried to distract himself thinking that Frank would make a perfect lover if he wasn't straight.

Alas, even this falsely libidinous thought could not de-stress him. He came to meet her.

" Here you are at last ! Come on, the boss is waiting for us in his office. "

Greg felt his concern escalate. Why would the boss be involved ? And there was Frank's tone. Worried, sad for him.

« Why then Frank ? Is it that serious ? "

Frank could only nod "yes".

"I never imagined it would go so far, Greg, but you screwed up some hell. "

The two men walked along the corridor to reach the large double wooden door of the secretariat. At the end of the room, the luxurious wooden door leading to the study. Greg put his bag next to the door, worried like never before.

As he entered, Greg's stomach tightened even more. Behind the desk, eyes emerging from his crossed hands that carried his face, elbows on the desk, stood old Colin Farwall. The lion had led the team with an iron fist for ten years now. He was behind Greg's coming to the club. Next to him, Carlo Ponti, his trainer. The worried face. Across the desk, Greg saw young Tricia Chapman. The mare was responsible for marketing and communications. A friendly and very professional bay mare. Frank settled down on a nearby leather chair. Greg was persuaded to attend his trial and Colin now held the main evidence of the prosecution in his hands. That damn newspaper.

« Can you tell me what the fuck you did last night, Mr. Miller ?" The tone used by the president was not encouraging.

- I believe you already know, although the whole article is not to be taken at face value. "

Greg's voice was neutral.

« I suspect that the elbowing of this tea towel added some to sell this toilet paper. What I want to know is what went through your mind to kiss a US Army sergeant in the middle of the street, in front of a dozen paparazzi. 

- I… Didn't think about their presence anymore, sir. I am sorry for that. I hadn't seen my friend in years and totally forgot about them at the time.

- They haven't missed you anyway. 

- I know it. I was no longer paying attention to anything, I didn't even see that some of them had followed me.

- Which explains this view of your privacy. You have good curtains, you can congratulate your decorator. That being said, we have several issues to resolve. Your public outpourings weren't all happy, Mr. Miller, that's the whole point.

- I do not see who could shock this. My homosexuality is no secret since I started in Toulouse. "

Greg spoke with less and less difficulty. The others remained silent. The time for pleadings had not yet come.

" This is not entirely true. You are not unaware that the club is 40% owned by an American pension fund, the Southern Cross, based in Alabama. The main problem is that its current leader is Victor Cavil. He's 75, and he doesn't really like homosexuals.

- I think I can guess what's going on... You got a call from him.

- Four in fact. He wants to make sure that tonight you’ll be no longer in the team. "

Greg was shocked. He tried to find support on the faces of those present, but to his surprise, all of them sported closed faces.

Colin continued to speak, his voice sad.

“ I don't know what to do, Mr. Miller. I will speak to you frankly. I do not want to lose you. "

Greg pricked up his ears. He no longer expected this kind of phrase.

“ You are an excellent player, the team appreciates you despite your… Let's say often muddy humor. "

Carlo and Frank rolled their eyes in approval.

“ But despite my title of President, I do not have all the powers, far from it. I have to be accountable to the board of directors which is practically a puppet of the old fart. If I support you publicly, I lose my place, and my replacement will fire you without remorse. If I dismiss you, or if I encourage you to resign, I have all the gay associations in the country on my back, in addition to the press which will take advantage of it to do its business. You can't imagine the mess you made by kissing your childhood friend...

- I am sorry. I couldn't see anything wrong. Fred is a close friend and I thought I lost him for good not long ago.

- I myself was surprised when I received these calls. I knew the old Victor devout, but not to the point of having such a fit. You have to believe that the proximity of death does not help matters when you're so… Let's say square.

- So, how to do ?

- That’s why you're here with us, to find a solution. "

Greg looked at the faces around. All approved. He was so relieved, and so ashamed to have got them into trouble with him.

" I... I'm not here to be fired, then ?

- I’ll be frank. I thought about it when I saw the Sun this morning. But it was just a stupid reflex thought on my part. All of us here want you to stay.

- It is true ?

- Yes, Mr. Miller, Tricia interjected. We receive roughly two-thirds of positive emails and tweets following this morning's post. The first page of a daily is always a very good operation. Well, in general. I can say that we have broad support from our audience or rugby fans, although we have had many threats of terminations from some of our subscribers as well.

- Several of your colleagues have told me that they don't like to see you like this, but they respect you, Greg, the coach continued. The coming weeks won't be easy for you, but I think you've seen worse.

- I am Scottish by my mother and South African by my father, Greg. He died when I was eight, killed by a far-right militiaman. I know what it feels like to be hunted for who you are.

- I didn't know, Frank...

- It is a memory that I do not like to evoke. I dislike the way you left me stranded last night even less, but I want to be able to look my dad in the eyes when I’ll join him. There is no way I will let you down.

- I’ll owe you that.

- I should hope so !

- But that doesn't help us find a solution. I put the legal department on the spot but the legal possibilities seem limited. I don't really want to put my job in the balance, I think it's the best way to lose it ! "

Greg was breathing easier now. He had his eyes closed, to fight against the mixture of pleasure and happiness that overwhelmed him. The excruciating memory of his being ousted from the high school team faded. The situation seemed to be the same but this time he had the team and the management on his side. It alleviated his fears and his pain.

“I don't know what to say guys. I… "

Greg kept his eyes closed, one hand rubbing them, struggling not to cry. He was not succeeding. Greg took a deep breath to keep control of himself wiping his eyes.

« We have to find the parade then… Is that all ?"

- Yes Greg. "

Ponti had put a hand on his shoulder to comfort him. Greg felt the other now hold Frank's hand, his gaze determined.

"You're not going to tell me you're going to back down from an old prick with one foot in the grave, are you ? "

Greg shook his head.

« Certainly not… In the grave ?

- Cavil is no longer very young and has had two heart attacks this year. "

The lion spoke in an almost threatening voice.

“ But you can't count on luck. We must act on our own. "

Greg agreed. 

« Do you have any cigars ?

- Cigars ?

- And a sofa. My father taught me that. To think about a problem properly, you need cigars and a couch, nothing else. I put you, to my great regret, in a dirty story, it’s on me to get out of it. Alone. "

Looking at him curiously, old Colin opened his desk and took out a mahogany box and opened it. Greg looked at the contents. Only expensive cigars. He smiled, took one and ran it under his nose. He knew enough to recognize luxury tobacco. He also took the lighter. Colin took the opportunity to put things right.

« If my wife asks you the question ...

- You don't have anything like that in your office, I know… ”

Greg smiles.

“ I'll think about it a bit. Is the meeting room that door ? "

Colin confirmed it. Greg thanked the assembly and walked into the room. Precious parquet floors and light brown walls, wide curtains on the windows and above all, brown leather armchairs assembled in small intimate circles dotted the room. Greg took a seat on one of them. He looked around and stood up, reaching for an empty coffee cup. He resumed his seat and lit the cigar. The air around him carried a thin flagrance of cold tobacco. He knew he was neither the first nor the only one to defy this social ban. This posed no moral problem for him. He inhaled the smoke deeply, raising it from his nostrils, his eyes filled with determination.

In the president's office, only the latter remained while the others went about their business. Greg emerged from the room, his head shrouded in a rapidly dissipating gray cloud. He saw that Colin was alone now.

« Excuse me for disturbing you ... Do you have a copy of the club statutes ?" 

Colin rummaged in his drawers and took out a document of ten pages.

“ Do you think this can help ?

- Yes sir. In a match, the condition of the pitch is essential. Whoever knows it best has one more chance of winning. "

Greg took the document and returned to the living room. He got out an hour later, returning the document, thanking his boss, a big smile on his face.

" You found ?

- I think so. I'm not sure, but I think I know how to fight back. I must leave now sir, I have some phone calls to give.

- Can I find out what's on your mind ? "

Greg hesitated.

«  I'll tell you about it if I need it, sir." The fewer people in the know, the better. "

Colin understood this.

Once out of the office, Greg picked up his phone and texted Fred.

“Sorry Fred, I ran into a bone. I have to work on this. We will talk tomorrow ? "

Then he began to contact those who could help him.

—

Rubbing his stomach, satisfied to have filled it, Fred exited the mess and began his walk towards his barracks. The base was recent and was dotted with small blocks of houses. As a non-commissioned officer, he was entitled to a small dormitory where three other men shared the apartment which also included a kitchen and a bathroom when the troops had to be content to be stacked by six or eight in more large dormitories with even more scattered privacy. The weather was gray but dry and once again, Fred regretted the Saharan climate. He crossed the main door and went upstairs where he shared the room with three other non-commissioned officers, whom he nodded. The latter were grouped together in front of the television or agitated twenty two players in pursuit of the ball. Greg took advantage of their distraction to take his toiletries to take a relaxing and hot shower, trying to drive away the fatigue of the day. Once more or less dry, he put on underpants and a tank top before returning to the bedroom. He much preferred to stay naked and comfortable, but he didn't want to distress his straights bed neighbors either. On the screen, the match was playing and he answered in the negative when he was invited to join the group.

“ Sorry guys, I have a phone call to make. "

He focused on his phone screen, launching the appropriate software. Out of the question to disturb the spectators, and then in this way, Fred kept all the privacy of the conversation.

With his back propped up against the wall, Fred didn't wait a long time, seeing Greg logging in and joining the software's private room. He and Fred were tapping the screen fast enough to keep the conversation flowing.

" Hi.

- Hi.

- Problems then ?

- Yes. Many. "

Fred winced.

" You want to talk about it ?

- Now I can, I have done all I could, the rest will have to wait until Friday.

- What’s going on ?

- I almost got kicked out of the club.

- No ! » 

Fred bit his lip. It reminded him of that tragic moment when Greg lost his place on the high school team.

“Not because of the president or the other players, but the main shareholder. The guys at the club are behind me. It's the only cool thing, but it already is.

- I am sorry.

- And you ?

- What, me ?

- No problem ?

- Three weeks on the base, men who are careful to have their backs to the wall when I am near them… Nothing insurmountable, I have known worse. "

Fred was smiling, taking the thing philosophically. Greg was at home, sitting on his bed completely naked, one foot rubbing against his thigh, smiling to himself.

“So much the better.

- What happened then?

- The main shareholder is an old Catholic.

- No need to tell me more...

- He wants to take advantage of his position but I've found a way to counter him.

- What do you mean ?

- The club currently plays at Adams Park. It's a stadium in the great suburbs, we share it with a local football team, the Wanderers.

- I think my roommates are watching them right now...

- I doubt it, these are in the third division. You must confuse with another team. In short, the club wants to leave Adams Park to develop and build a new stadium near Bexley, in the eastern suburbs. But the project is very expensive and the vote not yet assured for the shareholder.

- The one who wants you fired ?

- Yes.

- What did you do then ? How did you find to defend yourself ?

- I did like him. I used his weapons. I bought the Wasps... "

“WHAT ??? "

Fred had let out a cry of surprise. His roommates looked at him, surprised. Fred waved to them that everything was fine and they returned to their game and Fred to his keyboard. Greg imagined his friend's surprise, smiling.

« What ???

- I bought 15% of the club's shares. I put in everything I earned in four years, plus a bank loan, pledged on my house in High Wycombe and also my residence in the Basque Country.

- This is madness ! Uh wait, do you have two houses ?

- Yes, I fell in love with the area when I was living in France. I go there on weekends when I'm not playing or on vacation. "

Fred could now imagine how well Greg had played and how successful he was. He was in admiration.

"But why buy shares of your team ?

- It’s strategy, Fred. With 15%, I have a blocking minority, the old jerk can't do anything without my consent.

- Did you put all your money in ?

- I’m not going to keep these shares forever. I will resell them once I am successful. Even if they won't say it publicly so as not to escalate the situation, the coach and almost all the players are on my side.

- It’s good.

- I was not wrong in choosing them four years ago when I left Toulouse.

- That’s why you didn't want to talk to me yesterday.

- Yes. Sorry if I hurt you, but I didn't want to miss my point. I still had to get my bank's approval.

- I am not mad at you.

- Thank you.

- And then ?

- Friday will be the next board of directors. Old Victor will not be there but there will be his representative. I will publicly oppose the stadium project. The old man will have to give up his homophobia crisis if he does not want to lose the millions already engaged in the project. 

- I did not imagine you also ... Devious.

- It was he who started it and I learned to hit where it hurts. I told you. "

Fred felt his testicles contract at the mention of the low blows Greg sometimes dealt.

“This is what we expose ourselves to when we leave the club on the stock market. Once I am sure to stay, I will sell my shares.

- It is only to you that such things happen.

- I believe. Even if beautiful things happen to me too.

- As ?

- You. "

Fred didn't know what to say. This remark made him very happy. He had always liked Greg, even though his desire for Francis obscured that feeling for a long time.

“It's nice to tell me that.

- You are... a handsome man, Fred.

- You are very handsome too, Greg. "

Fred smiles frankly, blushing a little. He moved a little to change his position. His face now showed his satisfaction at being in another man's thoughts, his smile sharpening. He had been happy to see him again, but now it seemed to him that having him close to him still would make him even more happy.

« It's a shame we can't see each other tonight.

- I also regret being locked up here.

- When can we meet again ?

- Next Friday. Well, not the next, the next. At the end of the month. I can't go out before.

- It will seem long to me.

- To me too. What would you want to do ?

- We had spoken of a restaurant to begin with.

- Of course, but what about the paparazzi ?

- I know the perfect place for it. "

Greg shifted to lie on his stomach, his feet rubbing against each other in the air. The screen didn't budge, Fred's next line was a bit slow to come.

Greg took advantage of the wait to remember their previous meeting, smiling, letting the need to see him again germinate.

The screen moved and the answer finally appeared.

“ You know dude, forget about it. I'm going to go hookers instead, just to see what it feels like to go with a woman. Wanna come ? "

Greg couldn't believe his eyes...

"??? "

It took another minute for the answer to appear. Greg wondered if Fred hadn't been drinking too much. And then this absurd answer, so far removed from what Fred was. He was quickly reassured.

"Sorry, my roommates took my phone, I just got it from them...

- Oh I see. How did you do it ?

- I took their sports channel subscription card as hostage. Since they have the same rank as me, I'll just have to kick their butt afterwards. :)

- Give them a few shots for me.

- I will not miss it. :)

- Shall I get back to you tomorrow ?

- Okay. I have to go to bed anyway.

- I’ll leave you then, have a good night. And don't forget my message to your roommates.

- They are great kids above all, I don't even blame them. Have a good night too. Oh wait...

- What ?

- They want tickets… 

-:)… I'll see what I can do... Tell me when and I'll send it to you.

- I would not miss it. I am going now. Good night.

- Good night. « 

Greg's smile faded as Fred logged out. He put the phone down and lay on the bed. He turned his head. He still thought he could see Fred's head crushing the bolster. He brought his nose up and smelled his friend's musk again. He closed his eyes, took the bolster and aligned it with his body, hugging it tightly. He still seemed to smell his scent. It made him hug the bolster with his legs and arms, his gaze fixed and lost as he started to gently bite down on the nape of the neck, a slight moan in his voice. Greg wanted him and that feeling only kept rising in him.

For his part, Fred opened his eyes. Fatigue was growing more and more and he cut the movie he had started on his phone, removing the headphones. His roommates were also starting to slide off to sleep in their beds. He got up, went to the bathroom for a final drain before sleeping. He opened his nightstand and swallowed two pills in order to guarantee himself a sleep without nuances and without nightmares. He slipped under the sheets, starting to sleep.

His last thought was to regret that his bed was so narrow.

And so empty.

——

With his shoes tied and shirt tightly closed, Fred left his apartment and instead of turning right to get to his office, he turned left. He did not have a long journey to make before reaching the building covered with white lime stamped with a huge red cross on each of its faces, including the roof. The infirmary had all of the small hospital, suitable for taking care of all the more or less serious problems that could happen to a troop. He went to the top floor where he took his place on the chair in the waiting room, opened by a large bay window on the outside and the civilian world. Fred saw Heathrow's first civilian hangars at the end of the runway, constantly flown over by the noria of international flights which fed the terminals of passengers tired and impatient to reach their destination. Fred automatically took a magazine to leaf through it while he waited. A four-year-old tabloid on which the star of the time appeared with his partner from whom he had now been divorced for a lease. The door opened the young lioness invited him to enter. Fred got up and after the customary greetings lay down on the couch, breathing faster. He thought a little of Greg, who had warned him of his departure for Italy to play his European Cup match. Fred felt an even greater sense of loneliness. The doctor's voice pulled him out of his reverie.

“ Mr. Kaplan...

- Yes doctor... "

Fred looked at attending physician, Doctor Francine Holmes, a lioness with a frank smile, who put so much frankness and professionalism in her smiles and her conclusions.

" How are you today ?

- Not too bad, thanks.

- It’s good news. Last week you weren't going strong.

- I sleep a little better. It must play on my mental state.

- Do not draw such conclusions, you spoil my pleasure.

- That’s right, sorry, doctor.

- If you can sleep better then I think we've found the right mix.

- I also think it doctor. But I wish I didn't need it anymore.

- I’m glad to hear you say that. We will consider reducing your doses soon. You have to go step by step but in my opinion you have taken the right path."

Dr Holmes took out her notebook and began to write it down. She sat sideways, keeping an eye out for both Fred's movements and his words.

« Can you tell me what you ate this lunch ?

- Fish and rice.

- No meat ?

- The mess offered coq au vin. I never liked this dish. But I know what you’re talking about, doctor.

- So ? "

Fred scowled a little, shifting, a little awkwardly on the couch. 

" I... I manage to cut bread. No doubt because it is bread. It does not have the same consistency.

- How long have you been doing it ?

- Since yesterday. I am aware that two months ago I couldn't see a knife without it did something to me. But I still have this feeling of treading water. To find me... Apologies to tell me that I am not moving forward when in all fairness, it seems to me that cutting bread is a big step for me, isn't it ?

- Indeed.

- But as I told you, I always have this feeling that I am not moving forward.

- Do you have this feeling in other areas of your life ?

- No, it is quite the opposite.

- Explain yourself.

- I have the impression...To start losing control of my existence, doctor. And that scares me. "

Francine smiles in her white blouse stamped with the caduceus and her name embroidered. His shoulders bore the three broad bands of the captaincy.

" An example ?

- I started to inquire about renting an apartment. My contract will end in about five months. I also started looking for work.

- This is usual for a boy your age.

- I imagine, yes. But...

- But ?

- These are things that I have no control over. I mean, it's not like I can settle down or want to, you understand me ?

- Yes I think.

- My future existence will depend on complete strangers. I know this is everyone's lot, but lately I've become more aware of it. For the first time, I'm hardly going to master anything, and that scares me.

- You are still young, it is a new experience for you. What about your love life ? "

Fred turned his head, blushing a little. The doctor smiles a little. It was a good sign. The master sergeant had experienced a situation for which every soldier had to be prepared, but each man reacted according to his inner nature. The damage he had suffered was serious but Francine knew it and saw it, it was largely repairable. She was sure Fred had been through such strong things before joining the military. It had touched him, but she was convinced, he had come out grown.

" I do not know.

- Don’t you know ?

- I think so, in fact, but again, it will not depend only on me.

- Did you meet someone ?

- It’s more of a reunion.

- When was the first time you met this woman, I mean ?

- That man.

- Sorry ?

- I’m talking about a man.

- Sorry, the force of habit, I forgot ...

- It does not matter. I met Greg almost nine years ago, I was in high school.

- Were you in the same class ?

- Of the same level. We had a few lessons together.

- It’s true, the English and American education systems are not the same. "

Francine noted how Fred rubbed his fingers between them, as if to polish them, to knot them.

“ The strangest thing is that the first time I saw him, he didn't do anything to me. I felt nothing for him. I had just arrived in my new high school almost at the end of the school year, we had just moved because my father had just opened his garage. To be frank, from day one I felt in love with another boy. It's a simple and complicated story at the same time.

- I’m here to hear it if it's your desire.

- The boy I felt in love with was Greg's target. At the time, he was a real idiot, even I could see it well. The athletic bully versus the too nice, fat boy, you see the picture.

- Yes.

- By a rather bizarre combination of circumstances, I found myself at his place with Greg. Francis had lost a bet and I took the opportunity to ask him to cook us food as a pledge, nothing too bad.

- There is worse. "

Greg felt a little more uncomfortable.

« Well, it's true, I also took his shirt off him so that he was shirtless.

- Why that ?

- I wanted to see it that way. It wasn't very glorious of me, I can see it now. For my part, I drank lots of beers to give myself the courage to openly flirt with him.

- Was that boy also homosexual too ?

- Yes, but I didn't know it at the time. I thought so because he had offered to do a dick contest. But it was without certainty.

- A dick contest ? "

Francine raised an eyebrow in surprise and disgust.

“ Who has the biggest. It's ridiculous when you think about it… 

- Indeed…

- In any case, I won and he was forced to honor his promise. I drank on my side, and theirs, I'm not sure how, they ended up fucking. I saw them sleeping together, and I photographed them.

- Why that ?

- I wanted Francis, and Greg had had him before me. I found it all the more unfair since Greg had been pissing him off for years at what I heard. I photographed Greg at the most… Intimate moment… And I sent the photos to his father to humiliate him. It worked. His father ordered him to go home immediately and the way being clear, I tried to pick up Francis. "

The doctor had stopped writing. What she heard was surprising, and did not match the personality of the Staff Sgt. He must have known a great evolution since that moment. What she heard was the feat of a complete asshole.

" It worked ?

- He didn't even looked at me, he was too worried about Greg. Seeing him go looking for him, I realized how much I screwed up. I followed Francis. I apologized to Greg and left. It wasn't until the next day that I learned that Greg had been kicked out of his home.

- The poor boy...

- You can tell. It all ended well, fortunately, he quickly found refuge with his uncle, who is also homosexual. He even became their adopted son.

- It’s a story that ends well, indeed.

- For me, I was getting absolutely murdered. I was so ashamed... I had done wrong, and yet Greg didn't blame me. He told me that he considered what had happened to him as a punishment for having himself behaved badly towards Francis.

- What did you do then ?

- I told my mother everything. I told her everything, including the fact that I was gay.

- You were looking to be punished.

- I know. I have been. But not the way I thought I would.

- What do you mean ? 

- I… I think I deserved to be kicked out of my home too for what I did, but that didn't happen. My mom suspected that I was gay and she was only angry about what I had done, not what I was.

- This is, I think, the basis of your worries.

- Do you think so ?

- Yes, Mr. Kaplan. You have done wrong, you are aware of it. And yet, you haven't been punished for your fault, is that it ?

- Yes. »

Fred sat down, finding himself more comfortable this way. He had his elbows on his knees, his chin in his fingers. Francine understood that he was trying to say something. He hesitated. A classic posture.

"Do you want to say something more ? "

Fred thinks. He was looking sideways. He didn't want to keep the doctor's gaze while looking for him.

"I don't know if I can talk about it...

- It’s your decision. This is what you are here for, and frankly you are doing a good job. I would be sorry to see you keep something that continues to hurt you. "

Fred agreed, but still hesitated.

« You… It's still confidential, right ?" 

- Of course. Although I will use your words for my meeting report. Unless there is agreement, nothing will come out from here. "

Fred still couldn't come to terms with the full confidence his doctor wanted him to bathe in. His voice was hesitant.

“ I will be leaving the army soon. It shouldn't matter anymore anyway… ”

Francine said nothing. Only Fred could express his anxieties.

“ You know, the army was my only chance to get an education. That's why I got enlisted. That's why I didn't say everything either.

- Did you lied when you signed up ?

- Yes doctor. I was not completely honest. I… "

Fred closed his eyes, letting the words come out suddenly.

“ I almost killed myself that day. "

Fred remained silent. Francine didn't say anything either, but her pen ran across the sheet. Her voice remained neutral, professional. But we could feel the surprise all the same. Fred thought it was normal to justify himself.

« Not that… No, I really almost did, Doctor. I was in agony because of what I had done. I didn't wanted to be in pain anymore. I was ready for anything. I have… "

Fred had laid back down, one foot dangling in the air, staring at the ceiling.

“ My mother had a gun. My father gave it to her the time for him to work in Central America. To protect herself. I knew where it was. I didn't knew it was empty. "

Francine was still writing.

“ I was so bad, doctor. For me it was the only way to feel better. To be punished for my fault. But I know it well now, doctor. I know this would have been one more mistake and I never could had fixed it. "

Fred's voice slowed down.

“ I almost killed myself and then said I had never attempted suicide. "

Francine nodded.

“ That would have probably left you out of the course. I am sure of it. "

Fred sat down again.

" You see. I ... I did everything to be successful, doctor. Including by lying. That never happened again, doctor. I never tried to kill myself afterwards. I understood the hell I almost plunged my parents into. I learned to think more about others and in all objectivity, I believe I have earned my current place through my work. But there is this cheating at the base. Who should have deprived me of it. I feel both deserve this and not be able to benefit from it… ”

The doctor put the pen down, looking at Fred.

"Nothing in your file indicates a marked suicidal tendency. You know your limits and you are careful not to cross them. You have never exhibited dangerous behavior.

- It was just the craziness of a moment. Nothing more.

- I’m sure of that too. Based on this fact, it confirms what I think. I think that you are afraid, by doing well, that you will not be rewarded, quite the contrary. 

- I…

- What did your punishment consist of ?

- I was grounded. 

- Only that ?

- Yes, doctor. I destroyed a family, and my punishment was not being able to have fun anymore.

- On the other hand, your friend Greg didn't lost lot. "

The lioness smirked.

“ This is the strangest. I couldn't feel good despite the fact that he forgave me. I don't remember how many times I've asked him to apologize, and he always has. He always used the pretext that his life with his uncle and the latter's husband was much better so as not to burden me morally.

- But you wanted it.

- Yes. Did I do wrong, and will I be rewarded for it ? Do you think that is fair, doctor ?

- No. But Mr. Kaplan, unfortunately that's how the world works.

- I’m afraid of it.

- Do you believe in God ? "

Fred looked at the doctor and thought for a moment.

" I think so. I never go to the synagogue because, in my opinion, the liturgy allows you to clear your conscience at little cost, and that encourages hypocrisy. But I believe in certain principles. Like a good deed is followed by a reward. And a bad one with a punishment.

- A principle that is not respected in your story.

- It is true.

- You told me that you were happy to find your friend.

- Greg ? Yes.

- Did you become friends quickly ?

- After that story, yes. He was in love with Francis and they lived together. They continued their relationship even after life separated them.

- They parted ?

- Francis went to study in California and Greg left for France to become a rugby player. I joined the army in order to be able to study engineering. It was only recently that they broke up. They stayed together for eight years.

- How do you feel for your two friends ?

- For Francis... Nothing. I quickly mourned the love I had for him because I knew it would never be shared, even if I slept with him once… ”

Francine sneered.

“ Having sex without loving, you are indeed men...

- We are no better. Just different.

- So Francis cheated on Greg ?

- No, I slept with Greg at the same time... It was during a small party to celebrate their coming out. For my first time, I had the right to a foursome… ”

Francine felt her smile freeze. She would have done better not to dig in that direction.

“ You have strange ways of celebrating events.

- We don't always fuck you know… But we don't miss an opportunity, it's true...

- What about Greg, then ?

- I don't know how I feel about him.

- Unless you know it, but are afraid that bad luck will happen to you, or worse, bad luck to him… 

- …

- That’s right ?

- Yes, doctor. I... I only saw him a few days ago, and straight away, I wanted him. Sexually, to begin with. And I spent a very good night with him...

- There’s more ? 

- I… Must say yes. I miss him. I don't necessarily want to sleep with him, I just want to be with him. These last days, my bed seems empty to me. I feel empty. And thinking of him, I feel like myself again. I don't know why, but seeing him again...

- Yes ? "

Fred sighed.

“ I want to be with him, doctor. But I wouldn't want it to be for the wrong reasons.

- As ?

- I came close to death. I want to be with Greg, but I don't want it to be because it's the aftermath of what I've been through. I behaved like a bastard to him once, I don't want to do it again, and I don't know if what I feel for him is genuine. I want it to be, doctor. How do you know if this is the case ?

- I’m afraid I don't have the answer to that question. I'm afraid no one has the answer to that question. Except you. Do you plan to see him again ?

- As soon as possible, normally.

- You know, Mr. Kaplan, a relationship is never one-sided. Do you know what his feelings are towards you ?

- He told me he loved me, but we were… at the time...

- It does not count, indeed... At least for men… ”

Francine's remark smacked of lived experience. Even Fred understood it.

" I know...

- I’ll tell you the bottom line, Mr. Kaplan. To me, it doesn't matter why you love Greg. The only important thing is that you just love him.

- Do you really mean it ?

- Yes. There is also no reason why you have been rewarded for doing wrong. Just as there will be no reason if you are punished for doing the right thing. Sad to say but... I know people who have done terrible things and who will never be punished. I know people who have done nothing and yet have spent ten years in prison. I asked you if you believe in God. To be honest, I am not. It is clear that the rules that we are encouraged to follow are not necessarily followed to the desired effects. Is it because we misread the rules ? Is it because God does not exist ? For me, it's just us, and chance.

- If this is true, then what is the meaning of our lives ?

- There may not be. Or the solution and the reason are so complex that we will never understand them, just as a bacterium will never be able to understand the concept of mathematics. Whatever the reason, do you like Greg ?

- Yes.

- So if your love is shared, offer it to him. Love him, and let him love you back. It doesn't matter if your story lasts a month or twenty years, or if it never ends. Love him. You are not a bad person. You just made bad choices, which you had the courage to recognize and regret. Believe me when I tell you that this is not the case for everyone. The man you love deserves to be happy too, right ? 

- Of course.

- Denying you to him, if he loves you, will not be doing him a favor.

- You are right.

- I see the time for the meeting is almost up.

- Already?

- We will continue to talk about it next week. You will tell me how it will be with him.

- It is promised doctor. And thank you again.

- You feel better ?

- No. But I think... I hope... To have found a way to be better, thanks to you. Even if that doesn't work, thanks again. »

—

With his usual determined step, Greg walked out of his cab towards the administration building in Adams Park. But this time around, he wasn't wearing his usual clothes, nor his training outfit. No. He had a dark blue suit adorned with his prickly wasp over a sky blue shirt, the patent shoes, his ring still shining on his nose and his right wrist dressed in his wide leather strap adorned with construction links. He looked, both amused and worried, at the expensive cars waiting in the private parking lot. Very luxury models which this time did not belong only to the players. He held a folder full of papers under his right arm, hoping he hadn't forgotten anything and made a good enough impression. It was the first time that he was going to integrate this unknown environment and which seemed to him even more dangerous than an aquarium full of hungry sharks. To be honest, such an aquarium would have been more welcoming to him. He entered the premises, greeted the switchboard operator and went upstairs, heading for the double door on the left. He opened the door without knocking and entered, staying a moment on the threshold, the time to make sure he was not mistaken. No. It was the right day and the right room.

The armchairs, once in clusters, were lined up along the wall and in the middle now stood a large wooden table set up the day before for today's meeting. It was covered with a thick light brown carpet. Armchairs circled it, glasses and small bottles of water indicated the places of the participants. Some of the guests were standing wondering who the new arrival could be. An obese short-breathed otter approached.

"Sir, you cannot stay, we will…"

Greg took his folder and opened it, pulling out a piece of paper which he gave to the practitioner. He read the page and nodded.

" Excuse me sir. Please take a seat. "

The otter then clapped his hands to get everyone's attention. Greg then noticed that among the 15 participants, there were no women.

“ Gentlemen, please take a seat, we'll start. "

Conversation then broke off and everyone went to their seats, as did Greg who was the center of attention.

Alistair Masters had a deep, slow voice, but one that exuded authority. The otter fixed its gaze on the participants.

“ Gentlemen, welcome to this monthly board of directors. "

Alistair felt that he was having a hard time establishing his presence, some of the shareholders are still watching Greg.

“ This is Mr. Miller. Some know him for his role in the first team.

- And without wanting to be rude, what is his presence among us worth to this gentleman ? "

The slender boar to Greg's right didn't even bother to look at him. It made Greg a little angry at such rudeness.

“ Mr. Bennet, Mr. Miller is here as a shareholder like all of us. "

The news brought by Masters surprised more than one. Greg gained more attention on him. He got up a little to bow politely and awkwardly.

“ Mr. Miller has acquired a total of 15 point 8 percent of the club's stock. His presence here could not be more legitimate. "

Greg smiles. The otter read the sheet he had kept in a neutral but authoritative voice. The others were talking to each other. Greg just smiled as he laid out his remaining papers.

“ Gentlemen… Thank you for your warm welcome. "

Greg was completely ironic, which was obvious to every one.

« I have read the first documents and I hope in your presence to show myself worthy of your ... Interest. "

Greg took turns looking at the participants. Only Masters inspired him with some sympathy. The others continued to look like conspirators. All knew that with his participation, Miller had power given to few of them. And everyone wondered why Greg had really come here.

Masters regained control of the room by presenting a zebra that Greg judged starving in front of him.

“ Due to his state of health, Mr. Cavil will be represented by Mr. Cottle here. "

The zebra nodded.

" Well. Since the social events are over, let's move on to the agenda. "

Greg tried to concentrate on the discussions, trying to take notes and trying to hide the fact that he was pretty much lost in the legal jargon that was being used. He hoped to deceive himself but feared he would not be able to give the change for long. Finally, the subject that was close to his heart came up to the discussion.

“ Now let's move on to the next point. The future of Adams Park. "

Bennet sneered.

“The best future I see in this hole is to become the beet field it was thirty years ago again. "

Greg could only agree.

“ It is understood that with a gauge of barely 10,000 spectators, this place has little future. The local Wanderers refuse to finance an expansion for lack of means and on our side, we want to have a permanent enclosure. Which leaves us with two options. "

Masters turned the page.

“ Three if we take into account a possible move to Glasgow. "

Bennet laughed.

“ Glasgow ? How about Coventry while we're at it ? "

The table filled with the hubbub in which Greg abstained from participating.

“ Come on gentlemen, calm down. It is true that our team has always played in the precincts of greater London. "

Greg winced. Their team ? These men dressed in gray and black were not the team.

“ From this perspective, the new enclosure planned for Bexley seems to me to be the best option. It got Mr. Cavil's favors, isn't it ? "

Cottle nodded, smiling slightly. Greg looked him in the eye. He was sure then that Greg was going to take action.

“ Let's take an informal tour de table on the issue. Those in favor of Bexley, raise your hand. "

Greg kept his hand on the table as others held it up. Masters counted in his head.

“ We have about 64% of the favorable vote. Those against it ? "

This time Greg held up his hand. Everyone understood what that meant. Sighs arose then. Cottle wasn't surprised.

« Mr. Miller, are you well aware of the importance of this ? "

Bennet looked bitter.

“ Yes sir… Bennet. I know that. But… "

Greg thinks quickly. He could not in good conscience oppose the project for his personal gain. Not publicly anyway.

“ Gentlemen… I am new to this table. I will not pretend to say that I understand everything with the level which is yours. "

Greg smiles to himself. A little lubricant never hurt ...

“ But the Bexley project seems to me… still unclear. "

Greg improvised, and was careful that it didn't show too much. He looked at Cottle, who understood the real reasons for Greg's opposition, and the reasons he was lying.

“ You are right on almost all points. Adams Park is too small and cannot be enlarged. When to go to Scotland, for me it is nonsense. The wasps were born in London and it makes sense to stay home to finally grow up and give the team the setting they deserve. "

Bennet jumped at the chance.

« So why are you opposing Bexley Stadium ? "

Greg wet his lips.

« I am not… opposed but it seems to me that the current plan is not… specific enough. Do you remember when Wembley was destroyed to be rebuilt ? "

The shareholders looked at each other.

“ You've probably been around from your positions. You know it's always like that. The proposed budget is never respected. "

Greg took a deep breath, convinced he had caught up with a strong branch.

“ I studied the file. The financing does not seem to me assured, the deadlines too tight and… how to say… ”

Greg looked at Cottle again. The latter took his phone in hand which had just vibrated.

“ I don't believe it. That's all. Not under these conditions, that's it. To grow, a team must be stable and have a solid foundation. You can't build anything if you… decide that a material doesn't seem appropriate when it is. It's as simple as that. One of the materials doesn't seem to suit the mason even though he is, just because he doesn't like this kind of concrete. "

Greg felt the situation slipping away from him. His analogy was now too obvious to him. Luck was still on his side, Cottle held up his hand.

“ Excuse me, gentlemen, but I suggest that we postpone this last point until later. "

Cottle looked crestfallen and his voice sounded sad.

“ I just got a message. Mr. Cavil has been hospitalized again and is in a coma. "

Around the table there were murmurs again. Masters stood up.

“ I'm sorry, Mr. Cottle. I propose to adjourn the meeting and resume it next week. "

Greg huffed, ashamed to find himself content to have such a chance.

-

" And so ? "

Greg smiled, letting his fork toss his salad mechanically. In front of him, Fred kept a slight smile.

« Well as you know, the old fart slammed the following Thursday, which again postponed the end of the meeting until the following Friday, time for the funeral and to let his daughter officially take possession of her heritage. "

Fred nodded, a plate lined with warm goat cheese encased in small puff pies.

“ It was an epic reunion anyway. Let me tell you… ”

o

Still wearing his club suit but this time wearing a light yellow shirt, Greg walked into the meeting room once again. With luck this time it would all be over. Greg remained standing, always on the sidelines of the other shareholders. He had only been able to bond with Alaister Masters. The latter, unlike the other shareholders, had a strong passion for rugby. Poor eyesight and an uncooperative heart had confined him in his youth to the benches of the public. For his part, he had developed a friendship for the rott with the pierced nose. He probably saw in him the male figure he had dreamed of becoming in his childhood and made a discreet tour of the participants with Greg.

“ You've already talked a bit with Bennet.

- Yeah, he doesn't seem overly friendly to me.

- With him, it depends on how much you have in the bank. Like many others too. He doesn't really like to take risks and will always limit himself to the decisions that bring the most safely. Him, it's Roberts. "

Masters pointed a discreet finger at the feline who pretended not to know that he had in his hands the fifth glass of alcohol of his short day.

“ A very sad man. He would be one of the greatest traders in this world if he did not drown in drink the death of his wife six years ago now. "

Greg nodded sadly.

“If he's sober enough though, listen to him. He has the gift of seeing the best shots before everyone else. "

Conversations stop when the only woman in the group enters. Her deep black mourning garments contrasted with her albino body. The mare gently thanking the messages of condolence she received. Greg noticed his slow and quiet approach, making sure he reached him in a natural way. She nodded politely, a thin smile on her lips.

« Mr. Miller I think ...

- Indeed, madam.

- The meeting will start soon. What if we went somewhere to a more ... discreet place ? "

Greg agreed. He then realized that her coming to him was quite voluntary. A few glances exchanged led them to a small adjoining lounge. In this room with a small window, only three armchairs adorned the place. Jessica Cavil looked at the chairs and authoritatively chose the one facing the only door. Greg hesitated, then moved to the chair shifted a bit to the left.

“ These meetings are always boring. Their only advantage is that they can settle things in a more discreet way. "

Greg nodded. He did not know the mature woman. But he felt in her a strong will and an unusual capacity to use others. Which put him on alert.

“ The only real negotiations possible can only take place away from the media and unwanted people. "

Greg came to like this woman. If she, too, considered the other shareholders to be parasites, that could only make her sympathetic. Her smile, however, was full of strength and will. She wanted something and she would have it. It's up to Greg to make the most of it.

“ You can dispense with giving me your condolences. I have only been receiving this for a week and it tires me to a point that you cannot imagine.

- He was your father anyway, right ?

- Genetically yes. On a practical level, Victor didn't really considered me until the day he learned that he could only father girls. I was his back-up plan, and he never hid it from me. "

Greg refrained from smiling despite his desire to do so.

“But I'm not going to judge him too harshly. He was old. He only expressed the values of a world that was long dead and partly disappeared with him.

- This is all of us.

- I know. No need to waste our time in unnecessary discussions. Things are changing, and we need to follow suit to stay in the race. It is a natural law.

- Are you talking about the move ? 

- Of course. This stadium is no longer big enough. Going to a new one is a natural consequence and you block that.

- Madam, I would have given anything not to have to do it.

- I understood it well. But I also have a hunch that you want to charge a high price for restarting the engine, right ?

- I want to be paid the right price, nothing more. I like this club. I want to be able to play here without fear.

- I have seen pictures of your talents. I don't know anything about sports but my knowledgeable advisors told me that you would have no difficulty finding another club. "

Greg fumed a little.

« Madam, it is out of the question for me to leave here with my tail between my legs ! "

Jessica was sitting cross-legged, her skirt showing Greg a skin that left him completely indifferent.

« I do not pretend to take the club as hostage, but for me it has become a matter of principle ! It is out of the question for me to get fired because the boss saw me kiss another man on the front page of a tabloid ! "

Greg stood up, pacing to vent his anger. Jessica was silent.

“ This must not matter any more ! It should never have mattered for anyone ! I lost my place on my high school team because of it ! I had not found any support except my parents ! It deprived me of the opportunity to go to college and be able to go pro ! It was only by changing sport and continent that I was able to achieve this and nothing and no one will deprive me of that ! "

Greg's voice carried all his rage, his resentment. His indignation. Jessica, she remained neutral but attentive.

« And how do you see the future of this game ? "

Greg caught his breath and considered. To his dismay, he realized that he didn't have a back-up plan and that Jessica probably had one.

“ You see Mr. Miller, I appreciate your will. I also like your strength of character. I like your raw-dark-mindless side a lot less. "

Her voice was soft and above all, Greg knew she was right.

“ Your luck is that I'm not like my father. Much of what he taught me slipped over me like water on a duck. This is your chance. "

Greg sat down.

“ I told you, I don't know anything about sport but I know how to recognize a situation where everyone loses. Do you know what I could do ? "

Jessica smiled, which didn't reassure Greg.

“ For me, the easiest solution is to request a capital increase. I think you put all your money into buying these shares. So, I mechanically lower your participation below 10 percent. Because I'm convinced you've run out of cash, right ? "

Greg winced. She was right.

“ And your blocking minority just disappears. I still like the fact that you had the guts to fight in uncharted territory. But you could only lose. Your only chance is that I'm not like my father. "

Jessica smiles, uncrossing her legs to circulate her blood.

« I know how to see a bad media situation happen and this one has all the shitty stick that we must avoid seizing on pain of losing.

- What do you suggest then ? "

Jessica smiles frankly.

“ Peace, quite simply. A ceasefire where everyone wins.

- My votes against my guaranteed presence ?

- Yes.

- But how do I know you'll keep your word ?

- I have already worked on the issue. "

Jessica pulled out her phone and selected an item before handing it to Greg.

He recognized the title of a financial newspaper as famous as it was illegible for him.

« The Southern Cross is starting to fund a series of associations helping young isolated homosexuals ..."

Jessica picked up her phone.

“ Take this as a gesture of goodwill. But let things be clear. If you no longer deserve your place on the pitch in the future ...

- So I will leave. Yes it's normal. You know, I never demand a pass. "

Jessica was satisfied with it.

" I can count on you ?

- Mmm that's tempting, but who tells me you won't cut the funds once the deal is signed ?

- Suspicious, eh? It's normal.

- I offer this to you. I abstain from the vote and I do not exercise my right of veto. Then I will sell my shares to you once my confidence in you is guaranteed. "

Jessica thinks.

«  And how will I know you'll keep your word ?"

- I can undertake before a notary to transfer my shares to you in, say, a year. That will give you the absolute majority, right ? "

Jessica thinks. Then she extended a firm hand that Greg squeezed so tightly.

“ Deal ! "

The two participants then stood up.

“ The good thing about boards of directors is that the place is swarming of lawyers. We can lay that down on paper as soon as the meeting is over. Smile, Mr. Miller. You are going to lay something down with a woman for the first time in your life ! "

Jessica was grinning widely as Greg tried to keep his seriousness.

o

If Greg had tried to keep his seriousness, Fred had shown himself unable to do so either, trying not to laugh too loudly inside the high-ranking restaurant they were in.

“ In short, we signed a lasting peace. However, I will keep one percent of my shares.

- Oh why ? "

Greg was facing Fred, in his official costume. Fred wore the fanciest polo shirt he had. He also had his shoes of his parade on his feet, trying to cut a good figure in the midst of famous and chic diners.

“ You know Fred, this case made me understand things. I'm a gifted athlete, but I don't know how long it will last. Even if I avoid serious injuries, time will catch up with me and within ten years I will have to start thinking about the rest. I have already seen too many former players become simple wardens or be ruined after a great career. Dad had told me about it too, but since I was 15 at the time, you can imagine that I didn't really listen ... "

Fred understood.

"What is the connection with your shares ?

- I also became aware of my weaknesses, Fred. I was pitiful at the first meeting. I don't know how to speak in public. It's a big flaw and I understand it now.

- What are you going to do then ?

- I’ll listen to my coach first. Talk more to the press. And hell, if they annoy me with their misplaced curiosity… It will teach me to speak better and to reply. Also to bamboozle too because I learned a lot in those meetings too.

- Really ?

- Yes. Besides the technical side, there is especially the appearance. Whoever hesitates loses votes and whoever shows his confidence wins and can win a crucial vote with nothing up his sleeve. Boards are a big part of bluff.

- I didn't see it like that.

- Neither do I. But like I said, I learned a lot.

- Is that what you want to do next ? Manage a club ?

- I don't know, Fred. But to stay in the race, yes. And then I'll have to do with men like that. To be successful, I have to get to know them and then direct them to where I want to go. "

o

The young gray leopard paused for a moment in front of the service entrance door, time for her to smooth out her pants. A futile but automatic gesture, the young woman always wanting to make a good impression upon entering. It was also important, considering where she was. The cobbled street was narrow but it was the one she went to work. Across the street, the Red Corner ostensibly displayed its luxury. Despite its name, the Red Corner did not occupy a street corner. Perhaps this had been the case before Great Georges Street was broken through and Parliament Park built. On the storefront, all the windows of the restaurant were opaque, and covered with a reflective filter, making them real mirrors that made it impossible to see the interior, a pledge of discretion for its customers and a real calling card of the place. appreciated by the happy few from the world of fashion, sport, the media and businessmen.

But if Jenny went there, it was to put on the white blouse, the red bow around her neck and the obligatory red skirt with the black heeled shoes that made up her waitress uniform. The work was basic but had to be done perfectly. Once inside, she greeted her friends and colleagues, trying to avoid the ursid bartender who was just finishing dressing to take her shift as well. Bad luck, Jenny had arrived a few tens of seconds too early to avoid his smile full of innuendo and coarse seduction. Jenny decided to take her side.

“ Hey Jenny ! "

She sighed.

“ Hey Marco. Do you have nothing else to do ?

- My shift starts in ten minutes. "

Marco the polar smiled at the young woman, the palm of his hand resting on the wall, weighing his weight on it, a broad smile on his lips, looking indirectly at the young woman in his traditional pose of seduction. Jenny was trying to ignore him.

« Do you know which sector I work today ?

- I saw the schedule. Tables in the business area. Your evening should be quiet, the room is half full. "

Marco was trying to have a soft and seductive voice. Jenny knew he had a crush on her, but on the other hand, he wasn't really her type. Too tall. She hoped that one day Marco would finally understand between the lines. The bear was polite and helpful, not the type to force a woman. She didn't want to hurt him.

" When do you finish ? "

Jenny sighed again.

" Around midnight. Then I go home and go to bed, I am on breakfast duty tomorrow. "

Marco nodded, leaving his position.

" Ah shame. Another time I hope. "

The bear then went into the room. Jenny was careful to follow him only from a distance. She grabbed a large quantity of menus and entered the room.

The place was divided into three levels. Near the front door, tables reserved for customers without special request. On the left, a short staircase led to the tables spaced out in order to respect the privacy of last minute negotiations. Finally, the staircase on the right led to separate cabins for dating between legitimate couples and others. The three platters were richly decorated and the halls wore a fine and racy mixture of gold and red. As the bartender had said, the room was half full. Jenny kept a few menus in hand and took her place behind the desk where she looked at the reservation status on the screen. That's when she saw the canine come in. Large and strong, with a frank walk, he wore a beautiful sky blue polo shirt with his black pants. Jenny bit the inside of her mouth to regain control of herself even when the young man addressed her.

" Hello Madam.

- Hello sir. You booked ? 

- I… No, but I am invited.

- Your host's name, as well as yours ?

- I am expected by Mr. Miller, my name is Fred Kaplan. "

Jenny quickly consulted the pad on a desk.

" Indeed. Mr. Miller has not arrived yet but I will install you.

- Thank you. "

Fred followed the smiling young woman.

“ First of all, do you have a device that works as a camera ?

- Um, yes...

- If you will give it to me for a moment... "

Fred hesitated, then he pulled out his smartphone. The waitress looked at the model and pulled a suitable cap out of a drawer.

“ We apologize for this little inconvenience, but our customers want to keep some form of peace.

- I think I can understand this.

- The Sun is one of our worst enemies... "

Fred understood what the waitress was referring to.

“ I'm not unhappy to have a little calm on this, indeed.

- You can leave the cap when you leave. This way please. "

The waitress guided Fred into the great room. Just before stepping through the desk, Fred's attention was caught by a fishing net hanging against the wall. Inside, were cameras of all models, film, memory cards, all broken. The last warning.

“ I see that doesn't deter some from trying...

- Unfortunately yes, sir. Their ingenuity is limitless. But we are quite efficient now, and the paparazzi prefer to wait for our customers in other more lax places. "

The waitress guided Fred to his table, prepared for two people. It was by a window and the view of Parliament Park was breathtaking. The filter darkened the view but the lighting was still satisfactory.

« I'm Jenny, by the way, I'll take care of you for the meal. Would you like an aperitif ?

- Thanks, but I'll wait for my friend.

- As you wish. Don't hesitate to press this button once you have made your choice.

- I would not miss it, I promise. "

Fred hesitated to take his cell phone out there, then decided it was wiser to leave it in his pocket. He just looked around the room vaguely while he waited for Greg to arrive. He soon realized that he was able to put a name on a lot of customers or their guests. Certain women present at the table of celebrities are not, moreover, the legitimate wife of their host. He was also getting stared a little. Normal, he was a bit of an intruder. Unless making the front page of The Sun with a "front line" is enough to give a little notoriety.

Returning to her desk, Jenny was all smiles. What a pretty guy. And in addition, his table was in the "business" sector. All her hopes were allowed.

Greg arrived ten minutes late. Its usual delay. He was wearing a yellow shirt with light brown pants and settled down at the table, a little sweaty.

“ Excuse me Fred, I had trouble finding a cab...

- Don’t you have a car ?

- Not here, not in England, I never got used to drive on the left side on the road. "

Fred stood up to reach out to his friend.

« Aren't you kissing me ?

- Here ?

- No one cares about what happens at the neighbor's table... "

Overcome by the argument, Fred kissed Greg on the mouth. A simple, affectionate kiss that Greg returned.

Greg pressed the button Jenny pointed out earlier. The latter did not take more than ten seconds to appear.

« Have these gentlemen decided to have an aperitif ? "

Jenny handed them each the daily menu.

“I'll take a Guinness... And you ?

- I do not know. What's this ?

- You’ve been in England for two months and you don't know what it is ?

- I haven't had much opportunity to go out to bars ...

- Two Guinness then. "

Jessica took the order. Greg looked Fred straight in the eye.

“ I'm glad to see you again. Especially here... We will be quiet.

- I thought I understood it. But, at the exit ?

- The restaurant has three different exits, fitted out from the ruins left by the last war. Most often, illegitimate couples exit through different doors. Needless to say, they don't arrive at the same time either... This leaves us the choice. "

Fred seemed satisfied. He looked at the map in his hands.

“ What worries me is that I can't find any prices on this menu...

- It is not us who pay, it is our companies or our clubs. The wasps have two tables reserved for the year... private invitations. Just book in advance and don't overdo it.

- Here, I'm afraid my pay won't be enough to pay me a glass of beer.

- It probably is. You better enjoy this meal. »

o

Jenny went to the bar, grabbing a tray and waiting for Marco to pull out the two glasses of requested beer. He smiled while working, but that smile was different, Jenny didn't know how to interpret it.

« From what I see, have you found that special someone ? "

The young woman smiles mischievously.

« Come on Marco, I'm at work…"

Jenny's tone said it was a fact she was ignoring. Marco looked at the two canines face to face questioningly. 

« I think I know who he is ...

- Really, who ?

- Not the guy you fell in love with. The guy in front of him. "

Marco looked to make sure the room manager was as far away as possible before grabbing his cell phone for a quick search. The two glasses of Guinness were on the set. His smile saddened, showing the screen to Jenny, keeping her eyes twinkling with mischief.

“ I was sure I had seen him before. The guy is a pro at rugby. Sorry Jenny, but you don't stand a chance with the other. "

The waitress sighed, seeing the screen. There was no doubt. It was the man, in uniform, hugging and kissing the other man on the front page of the newspaper. 

« Shit ..."

Annoyed, she took the tray and brought it to the customers. She had lost all her smile.

o

Greg paused for time for Jenny to bring the two glasses filled with a very cold dark beer. She left immediately, her face closed, colder. Fred noted it down.

« Looks like she got some bad news… Is that it ?"

- Yes.

- Wow, that's bitter...

- It is one of the most racy beers in the country. It’s Irish actually, but it’s almost naturalized English because of its popularity here. Avoid saying that in Dublin though, that's good advice...

- Mmm that's a pretty potent taste. I understand why my guys lost to you.

- It’s a change from the usual american donkey piss that we used to drink when we were teenagers... Me, apart from one or two exceptions, I only take European beers. They are infinitely more varied and tasty.

- The old continent still has lessons to teach us...

- Have you made your choice ?

- You’re in a hurry ?

- No, but I'm hungry. You can't imagine what a “first line” has to eat to compensate for their efforts. "

The couple ordered and they just had to wait for their dishes.

Jenny returned to the counter to leave the tray there. Marco tried not to smile too strongly so as not to humiliate the young woman more than she was. She looked at him, sighing.

“ I finish at midnight. Be here half an hour later. You bring the condoms and you don't stay afterwards, is that understood ? "

Her voice was strong and determined. Marco was all smiles.

« You better worth it or else it will be a one hour stand ! "

Once Jenny left to continue her service, Marco discreetly raised a victorious fist.

“ Yeah ! "

Fred had forgotten the view of Parliament Park. His gaze remained fixed on his friend as he mixed his minced meat with his greens. Greg had in front of him a Haggies which he swallowed with a good appetite.

« I'm so glad to see you again… Especially after these three crazy weeks.

- Me too, Greg... Eight years already...

- In addition, I have the pleasure of seeing a friend who I thought was dead again. You can't imagine how much I cried for you, Fred... Of sadness, then of joy.

- I had a little idea after seeing my parents again.

- It is true.

- How has it been since time ? 

- Well… You must have learned that it was over between Francis and me.

- I am sorry.

- I will always have affection for this boy, but eventually he found someone better for him.

- You seem to be taking it well.

- Ah, we had gotten away from each other lately. And we ended up working it out for the rest. It was a bit hectic but we finally parted ways on good terms. And you, have you found someone ? "

Fred knew that Greg was doing more than inquiring about his loves. The real question he asked was « available ? " . He took a deep breath, still a small smile on his face.

" I do not know. Over the past eight years, I have had to work very hard to get to where I am. I almost did like my father. Promote my work at the expense of my love life.

- It’s sad.

- It is a choice that must be made. Besides, I didn't see myself bonding with anyone until I was done with the army. Of course I do not count the… private parties on the base or outside… ”

It was Greg's turn to smile at that big hint.

« You told me you weren't sure you had someone… » 

Fred gave his friend a discreet little smile.

“ I'm not sure what to think of the guy I saw recently...

- I know him ?

- I think so... At first glance he is a nice boy, very perverse... He's everything I love. Muscular, strong, enduring, he is not afraid of his body or of what he can do with it...

- I think I will like him too...

- The only thing...

- Yes ? "

Fred breathed, time for him to think. Greg's smile gradually faded.

« It's just that I don't know how I feel about him exactly. With everything I've been through lately, I'm afraid I won't behave well with him. To not understand my own feelings, to cheat on myself and hurt him afterwards. I did it once, Greg. I don't want to start over.

- It is... All to your credit...

- What would help me, actually, is knowing how this person… feels about me. I want to know more. You know, I knew him eight years ago, and it wasn't the same between us. I had friendship for you, Greg. I don't know what happened for what I feel is now more powerful. And until I find out, I don't want to risk hurting you a second time. "

Greg didn't expect such a response. He put down his glass and looked Fred straight in the eye, searching his mind for the best possible answer.

“ I don't know what to say to you, Fred. I too have realized the change. You were a friend when we were in high school and now I see you differently. I won't be able to say why. Maybe because eight years have passed. We are no longer teenagers. We have matured. Have I always felt this way for you, and I didn't realize it because of the love I had for Francis ? Is it because I lost his love that I feel this way for you now ? 

- I… Wouldn't like that to be the case. I don't want my feelings for you to be just the result of what I've been through these last few months. I wouldn't like it either... To be a kind of consolation prize...

- Me neither, Fred. You deserve much better than that. The only thing I'm sure of...

- Yes ?

- When we saw each other again, outside the Nightshift, my first feeling was the joy of seeing you again. But at that time, I felt nothing else.

- Really ?

- Yes. You know, I've thought about this for a long time. I am sure. It was when we hugged that I started to feel something.

- And then you kissed me.

- On the cheek. I don't know what got into me, I just knew I had to.

- You can't imagine what that kiss did to me. It's as if... My heart had started to beat. For real. As if before, it was only doing it to fulfill its organic function. I didn't think about it and I kissed you on the mouth.

- At that point, Fred, I forgot everything. Where we were, the fact that we weren't alone, the fact that there were photographers, and that I have a sufficiently enviable position that the paparazzi could take a minimum of interest in me.

- From there to make the Sun’s front-page...

- Victoria can only blame herself... It gave her some ideas, now she's trying to make it look like she's a lesbian, she's trying to date Britney...

- I pity Britney...

- It all started with that kiss. Papa Mark told me so. Real things don't start when you sleep with someone, but when you kiss him. So I think I can tell you how I feel, Fred. It's ... More than friendship, of that I'm sure … 

-I… "

Fred tried to say how he felt too, but he couldn't. Greg watched him hesitate.

" I... "

Fred looked down. It was then that he realized he was holding Greg's hand in his. The two men hadn't even noticed. They didn't know who took the first step. Fred hadn't touched his knife all night. Maybe it had helped. Their fingers were crossed, hands flat on the table. Fred stood staring at their hands over each other for a moment, without it being possible to tell that one was holding the other. They held back each other. Greg noticed it. Fred withdrew his hand much to Greg's chagrin. He held it in his wrist, looking at it, a shy smile on his lips. He then looked out the window.

"I think I need to walk a bit ..."

Greg was in a bit of agony when he saw Fred slowly stand up and walk towards the exit. He stood up in his turn, took the time to sign the note before leaving the restaurant after having retrieved his jacket. Fred was walking on the sidewalk, straight ahead. His gaze was on the damp ground. Outside, he could feel the cold beginning to settle in the darkened night air. He paid little attention to the lighting that highlighted the opulent and ancient palaces of the district. He could see, behind the Parliament buildings, the Clock Tower still embedded in its protective brown fabric that dressed it during the renovation work. Behind, Greg followed him, worried.

He hadn't said anything bad, did he ?

But he feared that he had definitely damaged his relationship with this man so charming and so strong but now so fragile. He kept a reasonable distance from him. He didn't want to lose sight of him. Fred was heading for the river in a straight line, trying to avoid passers-by who thronged in the opposite direction most of the time.

He wanted to call him. Talk to him. Know. But he didn't dare. 

Fred didn't turn around once. He was lost. What he had heard was so simple, so pleasant… He had dreamed of hearing such a thing one day but now, having heard it, he was lost. His conversation with his shrink came back to him. He wanted to be happy. But he was afraid of what might come of it. For him, and for Greg. Not for a moment did he imagine the pain and fear he was inflicting on her. He only really reacted when he ran into the security fence that isolated the river. He put his hands on it, trying to catch his breath and sort out his thoughts. In front of him, the black river let its waters flow and sparkle the reflections of public lights and ships. A fine mist finished making the whole ghostly. He turned and saw Greg. He didn't know what to do with his hands, hesitating to approach. Fred looked to his side. Greg took it as an invitation and approached in front of him.

« Fred… I'm sorry… If I said or did…"

Greg hesitated, then took Fred by the arms, standing straight in front of him, gazing into his. He could only see his friend's cloudy eyes, his face contorted with hesitation, fear. He let go of his shoulders, keeping his arms at his sides. He couldn't speak anymore. It was Fred's turn to hug him, face to face. Greg grimaced, hesitating but closing his arms around his friend. The sidewalk was wide and passers-by were walking in turn, some watching the couple, others trying to ignore them. Fred breathing heavily into Greg's jacket.

" My... mind... I... Not sure of anything, Greg. My mind has been confused for months. I don't know if I will ever be able to find some form of peace again. "

Greg smiled a little, his eyes sparkling a little brighter. He was talking to him. This simple fact reassured him.

« I don't know how hurt you got, Fred… But I want you to know that… I want to help you… Either way… I want to have you by my side. Not because you're ... Broken. Please Fred. I don't want to see you like that. "

Fred swallowed back tears quickly, looking at Greg again. The latter continued.

" I want to help you. Because I have been your friend for a long time. Because… I know how to be more than that. "

Fred smiled a little, loosening his grip.

« I don't deserve you, Greg…"

The latter closed his eyes a little, looking a little at the ground.

“ I don't care, Fred. We are the same. We've both done terrible things. I was a monster to Francis for years. I will always be ashamed of it. But it will also allow me to be better. I started, Fred. And I dream of seeing you… With me. You are a good person who just made mistakes. Please Fred. Let me help you get better too. "

It was Greg's turn to have his face in Fred's chest. He spoke to him in a muffled voice. Fred put his hands on his sides, stroking him gently, smiling more and more, his cheeks slowly drying in the damp air of the London evening.

“ My mind has been loose for months. I don't know if I will ever get well. "

Fred put his face back into Greg's jacket, inhaling his presence, his grip on his sides growing stronger, his voice firming.

“ But my body is fine, I know that. So I will believe what he tells me. "

Fred looked Greg straight in the eye again.

“ I love you, Greg. "

He smiles shyly. Greg smiled back at him, hugging him even tighter.

“ I love you Fred. "

They were so close to each other. Their smiles grew stronger as their lips approached each other. They then felt a powerful vibration invade their joined bodies. It was ten  and the mighty bell of the tower was beginning to ring. Quickly each ringing pushed their lips harder against each other, following the rapid rhythm of the bell sounds, thinking of nothing else, entwined, sealing their mutual love, somewhat persuaded to have the sonorous approval of the Heavens.