It was Friday evening, the end of the workday and the weekend a godsend. Coming home, Gideon pressed the button to call the elevator. Steps echoed in the marble entrance hallway of the apartment building as a crowd formed in front of the closed cabin doors.

When the doors opened, people flooded the elevator and pushed Gideon to the back, as if he did not exist.

“Hey, can someone press number 14 for me, please?"

A tenant at the button panel nodded and selected the right floor.

“Thank you."

The reek of sweat and body fumes built up in the cabin and Gideon shuffled around, feeling itchy. Eventually the elevator came to a stop on his floor. The doors opened, and he forced his way out.

On his way, he noticed the numbered apartment doors; lined up in bland rows, just like the last ten miserable years. On the way to number 1421, his muffled footsteps left no trail, and he wondered if by now the same was true for his life.

As soon as the door was unlocked, he threw his coat and briefcase onto the couch, with no care for where they landed. Today, loosening the tie and easing its grip felt like being taken down from the gallows; an execution delayed.

On a wall-calendar he wrote “Meeting with CEO and Board" into Tuesday and drew a big circle around it. Now he would not forget even if he wanted to. He turned the calendar around. Monday would be early enough to worry. This weekend was his.

The bathroom's cool floor tiles were a welcome sensation after a day in business shoes. A splash of cold water to the face washed away the grime and some of the day's exhaustion. In the mirror, a man with weary eyes and a rapidly receding hairline looked back at him.

He looked at himself. “As long as you feel young at heart, you are not old. That is what they say, right? What bullshit." 

After towel drying his face, he walked into the kitchen, the same old evening routine kicking in. When the smell of peppermint filled the air, tea was ready, and he went to his desk. The computer booted up in seconds, the usual five webpages already open in tabs.

There were a few new entries in his watch list, nothing spectacular. Likewise, there was no significant news from friends. The fandom was drifting away; it was changing and getting younger. The Fandom had been a welcoming place, but was that changing, too? Some posts suggested so. More often now the older Furries were labeled creeps for being just that: Older.

Maybe, to the Fandom, Gideon was like a foreign moon falling from the sky. He felt like a distant satellite; going around in circles, rapidly gaining altitude. 'Maybe I should get back into drawing....' he thought, but instead of pursuing the thought further, he shook his head.

The echo of what he saw in the mirror bounced around in his mind. Once he was like them; young and new. No different and grateful for a place to call home; not to be alone. It was a foolish thought that being Furry had a date of expiry. At least someone always pointed it out as absurd, but was that true?

In his mind, Gideon the Fox - his Fursona - began to look old, too. 'I guess we are both ready for the scrap heap, old friend.' He thought.

The smartphone on his desk buzzed. It was a message from Spartan: 'Hey sly one, you home? If you got time to spare, call me. I got my VR headset!'

Gideon smiled. He put on his headset right away and called Spartan on messenger. “Hey pack leader, what's up? So you finally joined the 21st century?"

“Not my fault. It took them long enough to ship it!"

“How are the wife and pups?"

“The puppies are in bed. Listen, Blue told me to take the evening to try out my new headset. Of course I thought of you."

Gideon felt appreciated. “That's nice of her and well, nice of you, too, of course."

“You need to make room for single activities, especially in marriage. Otherwise couples get sick of each other. I won't make that mistake twice."

“Yeah, I get that. I am glad to see it working out between you two."

“Believe me, if that weren't the case, then I would not have agreed to having kids." Spartan said.

“Understandable. So, what is the agenda for today? What do you want to do? I got into Beat Saber, have you tried that one?"

“Not yet. It is on my list, though. For today, I had something different in mind. There is this new virtual reality social app. Maybe you know it? You can pick an avatar, walk around worlds, meet and talk to people."

“Um, that is supposed to be fun?" Gideon asked. The thought of being sociable, even in a virtual world - maybe especially in a virtual world - sounded like anything but fun.

“Let's try it. It will be nice to meet you there. You know, something closer to meeting in person. Since the wife and I moved places, I can hardly see you."

Gideon knew his life alone had left him with a set of ever rusting social skills. Self-doubt gnawed at his mind. Over the years he began to believe he could be happy in solitude, but that started to feel like a lie.

He wondered if there was more to life than the pendulum that swings between work and just enough time to be on the internet. He had told Spartan about feeling alone. Maybe his friend wanted to help him open up.

A slow smile built at the thought. Spartan was a great friend, and the distraction welcomed.

“Alright, let's go!"

Registering an account and logging in was a matter of minutes. He put the VR headset on and while the client started kept on adjusting the straps.

The first world to load was a place called 'home'. There was some furniture, a mirror, and various portals to other worlds.

In the mirror an avatar - a generic robot - was visible. “Well, how charming… That must be the default avatar."

There was a pop-up, a friend request from a 'Spartan Wolffang'. He accepted and Spartan loaded in.

“Hey, Gideon, there you are!"

Gideon turned around and saw another robot. “So, this way you can visit me, that's neat. Somebody already took your name, eh?"

“Heh, just like yours, Mr. Gideon Foxbeans."

Gideon groaned. “Well… Okay, what shall we do about our appearance?"

“Over at the mirror are some standard avatars to pick from, but they are all rather boring. Shall we head right into exploring and find us some fitting ones?"

“You are not wasting time, aren't you?"

“Fair enough, if you want to spend more time looking at your stickman self in the mirror, I can wait." Spartan said.

“No, no, I am good. Do you have an idea where to go?"

“A friend recommended me a hub world for Furries. Sounds like a good place to start, if you ask me."

“Sounds like too many people, but fair enough. How do we get there?"

“Let me drop a portal. Follow me through, it will bring us to that world."

Spartan was doing something with his hands, and another portal appeared in Gideon's home. As he stepped through, the world froze. A loading screen appeared and soon a new world emerged with strangers scattered about in groups, talking, minding their own business, or just being outright silly.

“There we are. I think these pedestals over there at the walls are avatars." Spartan said.

Gideon followed Spartan over to a nearby pedestal. Spartan touched it, vanished and returned as an anthropomorphic dog. He looked himself over. “Hm, not what I was looking for."

“I don't know. You are married. The domesticated version of a wolf kinda suits you."

Spartan's avatar gave him a sour look. “Honestly, foxes are the worst. Crap everywhere, spread toxocariasis, leptospirosis…"

“Oh, crumbs, I had that when I was little, so I happen to be immune, actually."

“Best thing - put down a trap lined with newspaper, bit of sausage."

“Ha! That's what you think. Let me tell you something about foxes. We're famous for our … Ohh, is that today's Metro?" Gideon pointed.

Spartan lost it and was just laughing for a good ten seconds. “Okay, you win. Your Nelson-impersonations always get me. Seriously, we really have to watch Mongrels again."

“But, how did you make that sour face?"

“It's finger gestures. I heard most avatars support at least some. Look at my fingers when I make faces."

Gideon observed how Spartan's avatar made all kinds of facial expressions. An excellent feature, he thought. He tried to mimic his finger movements with little luck.

“That will need some practice."

“True, but as long as we have no face tracking, this is better than nothing." Spartan said.

They continued to look around and tried on different avatars. Spartan found a wolf, one that he was more or less satisfied with, while Gideon ended up with a fox that was too cartoony. He saved it.

“Well, better than- hey, my right hand is no longer working!" Gideon looked at the controller from under his headset.

“Everything alright?"

“No, my right controller turned off. The battery can't be empty, I charged both yesterday."

“If you want to look at it, I can go ahead and see if I can find us a nice place to hang out. In your menu you have a friends list where you can join me again."

“Thanks, I will do that. If I can't make it, then I will send you a message."

“Sounds good. See you in a bit, hopefully." 

Gideon logged off and got out of his VR headset. He looked at the controller that had failed and tried to turn it on again. Nothing. He took out his set of screwdrivers and opened the controller. Nothing looked broken, but he saw a possible cold solder joint and quickly tested it.

'Hmpf, at least it is an easy fix.' He thought.

He re-heated the joint with a soldering iron, put the controller back together and turned it on. It came to life with a familiar beep. “There we go!" 

He attached the wrist strap, lowered the visor and re-joined Spartan.

Gideon found himself in a recreation of a modern coffee bar with a tree growing up to a glass ceiling above. Ebony wood tables with chairs were loosely spaced around the room, filled with gathering patrons.

Spartan called him from a railing above. Gideon ascended the stairs besides the bar counter to a lounge area with more comfortable looking armchairs and low tables, where he took a seat opposite Spartan.

“That was quick. I see you got it fixed?" Spartan asked.

Gideon waved his right hand. “Yes, was a cold solder joint at the battery. Simple really."

“Heh, if you say so… By the way, Blue asked me to thank you for helping me fix my kids' RC car. You helped me make them happy."

“Don't mention it. You did the work, I just guided you via webcam."

“How is work, by the way?"

“Hmpf, meeting with the CEO and board next Tuesday." Gideon said.

“Trouble up ahead?"

He shrugged. “I don't really want to think about it. There is nothing I can do."

There was a brief silence.

“So… what do you think of this here so far?"

“This VR experience?"

“Yeah, how do you like it?" Spartan asked.

“I almost feel like I am sitting at a table with you for real. It's nice. I missed this."

“Not too many people yet?"

“It's fine, they are more like NPCs to-."

Somebody in a near group shouted, “God, I am so pissed! Remember that new premium console I got? The one that will launch in three months. I paid a premium for the very limited early edition. That bloody thing runs hot and turns off!"

“-to be ignored…" Gideon sighed.

“Something wrong?"

“It's loud here." He went into the options, turned down the voice volume for all, and turned Spartan back up. The voices had faded just enough while still being understandable. “Better".

“If only it was that easy in real life, eh?"

“Well, there are a lot of things I would love to tune out."

“Like what?"

“You noticed those posts about older folks on the fandom being creepy?"

“Yeah, I saw them, but I would not give them too much credit. By far not as many people as it seems think that way."

“Hopefully. But to be honest, it made me wonder when things went wrong?"

“Went wrong?"

“Feeling out of place. You know, you get into a full-time job and before you can count to three, five years have gone by. On the Fandom you become less and less active and you feel you are drifting away from this community."

“I know that feeling. Change is normal, but it does not look like it is for the better?"

“Pretty much." Gideon said.

“Let me guess, in recent years, a lot of what is happening in the Fandom just appears immature and silly to you?"

“Didn't want to phrase it like that, but yeah, pretty much."

“We are indeed getting older. We already left behind what a lot of the newcomers are going through now. Every rollercoaster gets stale after a few rides."

“It does. You see the drama, you know where it will go and you don't want to deal with the same trifles over and over again. Saying that now… these things were not minor matters to us when we first went through our own heartbreak and drama, right?"

“No, they certainly weren't." Spartan shook his head. “God knows they weren't. Just gotta remember that we all were at a similar point in the past. And, well, foolishness is not an exclusive trademark of one age group. I think I was in a similar spot like you now after my breakup. Meeting my wife was my big jackpot and my kids helped me find my inner child again."

“How did having kids bring back your inner child?"

“You have to meet kids on their level. When you play with them, you cannot keep a dignified appearance. You don't even think about it and do what is the best for them. If that means you have to be a goofball, so be it. It is a matter of letting go and just being yourself."

“Meeting people where they are and being authentic… I remember that lesson from leadership training. Curious that I never thought about applying it outside work." Gideon said.

“It's worth it. Who knows what you might find when you listen to your inner child."

“Speaking of authentic…"

“Yeah?"

“My choice of name is cringy, isn't it?"

Spartan chuckled. “Well, mine is too, I think."

“I will change my name again to something more mature. It does not feel authentic anymore. Just like using this stereotypical furry talk."

“Like 'pack leader' and 'puppies' instead of just saying 'kids'?"

“Yes, it feels like trying too hard." 

“You're right. I will change my name, too, and in future let's just talk normal." There was a pause and a faint voice in the back. “Oh, right now? Alright, I am sure he will understand. I will meet with him tomorrow evening again then. Sounds good, I will be there in a moment."

“Is Blue talking to you?"

“Yeah, sorry about that. She asked me if I would watch her favorite show with her. As a compromise, I will come online for an hour or two tomorrow to meet you again. 6pm, sounds fair?"

“Okay, 6pm it is. And hey, thanks for suggesting this. I think I will look around a little more, still gotta find a better avatar for myself."

“If you find a better wolf avatar, please save it for me."

“Will do."

“See you tomorrow." 

Gideon did not feel like staying at the cafe on his own. Instead he decided to go on a journey of exploration and so portal after portal, world after world came and went. As he travelled, he pondered his past and the path that led him here. Exploring like this, nostalgia nipped at his mind, a remembering and yearning for old times when his life was still whole and unbroken.

There were many worlds dedicated to offering public avatars, and none felt just right. There was one world he kept seeing. Protogen Plaza. 

He massaged his temples. 'Maybe there are other types of avatars there, too.' He thought.

It was a small world with a few pedestals on two sides. Clicking one, Gideon transformed and went to the nearest mirror. The face was a visor that showed basic emotions through digital facial expressions. The creature had black fur, fluffy ears, and thick furry legs.

The protogen on the other side of the mirror smiled at him. Gideon shook his head. The creature's ears flopped around. He sighed, then laughed. He eyed the creature and tried out different hand gestures. The protogen stuck his tongue out at him.

He face-palmed. This was silly, but he had to admit to himself that he kind of liked it. Would it be too immature? Gideon remembered what Spartan told him about listening to the inner child. It would at least end his avatar search for today. “Alright then, I will give you a chance."

With an avatar found and the night being still young Gideon had no intention of logging off just yet. He wanted to explore more. The list of worlds suggested a few games to try.

He stepped into a world that was a murder game. It took him a few rounds to understand how it worked. He either was looking for clues as a bystander, trying to find the murderer as the inspector or killing the other players one by one.

He explored other game worlds where he found board games, first-person shooters and horror games.

Back at his home he sat down in front of the mirror, the protogen looking back at him. Gideon enjoyed himself and he felt he was growing fond of this new avatar, but it was confusing. Part of him wanted to admit that he was having fun and that he liked the protogen he saw in the mirror; the other knew the whole thing was immature and he should leave all this behind. 

It was late and with an avatar found it was time to log off. After all these hours spent in the virtual world, his apartment felt foreign and empty. It was too silent. A part of him wanted to go back, but reason and heavy eyelids won out in the end.

Lying in a lonely bed, his thoughts were like butterflies, going around in erratic patterns. Another hour passed before night was victorious and dragged him into a vivid dream. 

Gideon saw faded photos on the walls of an old hallway. All the rooms were open but a single, white painted door at the far end of the hall. He followed a track of fading footprints across the weathered wooden floor through the dust.

He ran his finger over the frame of one of the pictures on the wall. It held the wreckage of a brown minivan with a covered body on the ground beside. Gideon's throat tightened, and he looked away. Happier scenes filled the next: Joyful times with family, Christmas, birthdays, first school days.

There was a noise behind the closed door. Somebody was in there. Like a silver string tugging at his heart, he felt the pull of yearning. He wanted to run, run against the direction of the footsteps, but could hardly move his legs.

“Are you alright?"

Gideon turned around. “Dad, I think I lost something."

“Is it important?"

“Yeah… yeah, I think it is."

His dad put a hand on his shoulder and smiled at him. “Then it is worth searching. Do you want me to help you look for it?"

“Yes dad, please."

“Okay, I will get my glasses and then we search together." His dad went into the near room.

Gideon waited, and when his father did not return, he walked over to the entrance of the room with great effort. Nobody was in there.

In his mind he heard a whisper, words from beyond the closed door at the end of the hall, words that he could hear, but not understand.

“I am afraid. I don't want to-" he coughed, the stench of smoke burning his nose. Gideon could hear the crackling of fire and felt the heat coming from the next room.

Again he heard something from beyond the door. A plea.

“But I want things to be different." Gideon slid to the floor, tears in his eyes. He felt gravity pulling him down toward the door at the end of the burning hallway, his body starting to slide through the dust as he grasped for anything to hold on to. He clung to the photo of the wreckage.

He felt he had nowhere to go and so badly he wanted to be with the voice that it hurt. He looked at the photo he held on to and felt torn between the wish to not let go and the wish to be with that voice. Suddenly, acceptance. A great calm overcame him and he let go.

Back first, past the fire, he fell down the hall of memories. The door flung open as he fell through.

He hit water. Engulfed and submerged in a wide, dark ocean, he sank away from the scattered light filtering through the surface. Fear crept up his spine.

“I don't want to be afraid."

Something embraced him from behind, and instead of sinking further, he rose. He felt something familiar. Calm, confidence, acceptance.

The surface came nearer, water stilled, and he saw his reflection; the protogen. Looking at his hands and body, he now was his reflection, was the protogen from the other side of the mirror.

Squinting through tears, he ran to the open door. He'd had enough. Gideon pushed through the fire. It could not touch him; the protogen like an armor keeping it away. Shoulder first, he smashed through a wall. It shattered, splinters flying everywhere, and he was free. 

When he woke the next day, it was just shy of noon. Out of habit he went to his computer, but this time did not sit down. Instead, he looked at the photos on a shelf next to his desk. Over the years these framed memories have turned into background noise he no longer consciously noticed, but this time he did.

One was a class photo from highschool. He knew all the faces well, but could not say what became of them. Some contacts broke right after graduation. Despite his efforts, others faded away over time and some he had to remove from his life.

“Shame." He said.

He put the photo back and looked at the next. A happy family with many people crammed into one frame. There he was in the picture; just a boy about to enter his rebellious phase. Next to him, an arm around his son and with a proud look on his face, his late father. Many years after his father had passed away, it became painfully clear that he was the one keeping the family together. He wondered if this was normal, bound to happen; just another stage in life. The natural end of childhood, maybe?

Instead of sitting down at his desk, he sat in his recliner, the framed picture still in hand.

Yesterday, he was with a close friend and surrounded by people, today the stark contrast felt all more pressing to him. He indeed thought that maybe he had not gotten used to solitude, but really only numb to how it felt. The family photo brought back memories from a time when he felt different. It made him remember what was in the wooden chest.

He put his mug down and pulled open a drawer. Inside, he found the familiar sight of his old comic books. Holding one awakened long buried away emotions he had felt when his dad first gifted it to him - as if the paper was soaked with time long gone. Gideon sat down and read.

It was Digimon Adventures V-Tamer 01, a manga his father had gifted him, because he knew how much Gideon liked the TV show. When he reached chapter nine, he had to smile.

“If only I were a little younger, I could fight that demon myself…" He read and wondered if not everybody had a demon in their life that could not be slain alone.

As he read on all the details he had forgotten came back, and with them forgotten memories and emotions. The feeling of being sheltered and part of a family that kept together, the lack of everyday worries outside of school and a basic trust in the world. There always was somebody to offer guidance and to help in times of need.

Usually it was difficult to focus for hours on one thing, like reading. Today he was not only reading, but sinking into old, fond sensations - feeling young again. Hours passed; a pile of comic books was read before he returned from this journey.

The room was getting dark with the sun setting. Warmth and calm radiated from his chest like it hasn't in decades.

Gideon wanted to see that protogen again and felt antsy to get back into the virtual world. After logging in he looked at himself for a while in the mirror, the protogen smiling back.

“Well… hello there. It's good to see you, too."

Spartan came online and joined him.

“Gideon? Is that really you?"

“Well, last I checked. So, what do you think?"

“I didn't expect you to show up as a protogen."

“To be honest, I do not yet understand it myself, but I feel a connection to this one."

“What sort of connection?"

“I felt I saw myself in the mirror as this protogen. I do not know where it comes from, though. Well, sorry that I can't put it into better words, but I guess it makes me happy."

“Then that is all that matters. So this is your new fursona now?" Spartan asked.

“I have not thought about it that way, but yes, I think it is."

“To be honest, I think it suits you. How does it feel to no longer be the fox you were for so long?"

Gideon thought for a moment. “Weird. Like bidding farewell to an old friend, but then again, I am just me. So maybe I should call it an evolution?"

“Hm, interesting way to put it. There is something familiar about your avatar. It reminds me of something."

“What would that be?"

“I don't know yet. I feel it sitting on the tip of my tongue."

“Well, now I am curious."

“If I remember I will tell you. But hey, our talk yesterday made me think."

“About what?"

“The Fandom. We have been here for decades and looking back I see a few things different now. Maybe some folks think that we older furs have no more place in the Fandom, but needless to say that is far from true. I think we have a lot to offer."

“Like what?"

Through the headset Gideon could hear Blue talking to Spartan.

“Oh, bummer. Sorry buddy, but the kids need me. It should not take long. Can I get back to you in about half an hour?"

“Of course, I will go ahead and explore a bit. Come join me when you get back."

“Sounds good." 

Gideon felt relieved. He was glad Spartan liked his new look. Yet he felt there was something deeper going on.

On the list of worlds there was one that resembled a beach with two moons in the sky. It felt like the right place to ponder a bit.

When he arrived, he was not alone, though. On the beach stood an odd couple: A tall and overly muscular man in green sci-fi looking armor, wearing a helmet, and a small, anthropomorphic, yellow dog in a skirt, whose head reminded Gideon of a bell. He heard the dog shouting. “You never listen to me!"

“My god, I have been listening to you all evening. I have a test tomorrow and feel not well prepared, but still here I am." The big guy said. She vanished moments later. “Oh great, amazing, just leave me standing here like an idiot."

It did not feel right to just leave now. Gideon thought he might as well offer an ear and without further hesitation approached the stranger.

“Hey, you alright?"

“Eh, what?"

“It sounded like you were fighting. I just teleported in and it was hard not to overhear. Sorry for that, but yeah, are you alright?"

“Hmpf, no. She is my girlfriend and always gives me this shit. She claims I do not listen, but I just spent an hour letting her chew off my ear. I don't get it."

Gideon had a hunch of what this was about, something Spartan once explained to him. “Hm, did she tell you about a problem she had?"

“Erm, yeah, actually she did. Why?"

“Well, did you just listen to her or did you try to help her find a solution to her problem?"

“Of course I tried to help her. I love her. What good is just talking when it does not lead to a solution?"

“Hm, I get you. Well, do you want my input on this?"

“I thought that's why we are talking?"

“Right. To her it may have been more important to share her emotions with you."

“What do you mean?"

“I guess when she told you about her problem, she was not interested in finding a solution, but that she wanted to share her emotions with you and feel comfortable being vulnerable with you. We tend to be different in that regard and want to find solutions to problems right away. You wanted to help her and tried to work on a solution with her? Maybe she could not see what you wanted to do for her?"

There was a prolonged pause, and Gideon just waited.

“That does make sense, actually. Oh blast, I can see now what you mean, it makes sense. So I was in the wrong."

“No, you two were simply not on the same page. There is no right or wrong here, just different ways of thinking."

“Okay? So how do you know all this?"

“Life experience? A friend of mine is married, and it pays to listen."

“It pays to listen, yeah well." The stranger sighed. “I am doomed anyway. I have a test tomorrow, and I postponed learning for her."

“Difficult topic?"

“Physics class. We are learning about electricity and that is so boring. I can't wrap my head around voltage, current and all that jazz. The formulas make little sense, and I am not good at just learning stuff by heart for the sake of it. I mix up the units and don't get what's what. It's all so dry and dull."

“It sounds like they did not teach the basics right. It is easy once you understand what electricity is."

“Is it now?"

“Yeah. Simple speaking imagine a water tank connected to a pipe. The amount of charge is the amount of water, and the pressure of the water is voltage. When the water is flowing, the flow rate or current is amperage and the resistance is the diameter of the pipe. So, a generator is like a water pump."

“Wait, wait, wait… really? Can you explain that a bit further?"

Gideon went on to give the stranger a more detailed explanation of how this water analogy related to the real physics of electricity with conductors, electrons and more real-world examples.

They went back and forth with questions and answers until the tall guy stopped him, thinking for a moment. “What the heck, it makes so much more sense now. We jumped right to joules and coulombs, being like one amp for one second without getting behind those units. Why don't they explain it like this in the first place?"

“Beats me, but hey, remember this: Energy is work. Just like a water pump has to turn to make water flow, a generator has to turn to make electrons flow. We transfer work, the movement of turning, into energy that flows through the power line and at the other end transforms into work again. This can be the rotation of a fan, for example. That is why we are doing all this."

“Look, I am really grateful, but why are you helping me? You came out of nowhere and spent all this time giving me relationship advice and explaining my school stuff to me."

“Because the world would be a better place if we all just helped each other in the small ways that we can. I guess I was lucky that I had something to share today, but hey, the Fandom needs some positive energy and to get energy, you need to put work into it."

“Alright, alright, I get it. Jeez, man, is everything electricity to you?"

“You ask that of a protogen?"

“Pff, lol, okay. Hey man, thanks so much, I really appreciate it, you may have saved my butt. I should leave now, though. I want to go over my books and let this sink in for the test tomorrow."

“Good idea, and it was my pleasure. Good luck for the test."

The stranger was waving his hands, working the invisible menu, but before he vanished, Gideon received a friend request from him.

'Guess I made a friend today.' He thought and accepted. 

Gideon thought about his own analogy, that energy is work. He had a feeling that a deeper truth lay in this simple explanation. Maybe even something that was true to life itself. Looking out onto the ocean, the haze in the distance hiding what lay beyond, he let his thoughts fish for this truth that he was trying to grasp.

“Hey Gideon." Spartan said.

Gideon turned around and saw his friend standing there. “Hey, good to have you back."

“Yeah, I am back for a while now. I saw you helping that guy and did not want to interrupt. You really made a difference there and honestly, I am glad to see you being so outgoing."

“Well, if you really think so, thanks, buddy. I did not feel that different, though."

“Trust me, you were, but in a good way. You hide your light too often."

It felt good to hear this from Spartan, but he did not know how to respond.Luckily, his friend continued the conversation. “You were looking out onto the ocean when I greeted you. Was something specific on your mind?"

“I have been thinking about what I just explained to that guy. I think I learned something about myself while doing so."

“Really? What would that be?"

“I think my life began to feel stagnant, because out of habit I tried to unwind when I felt overwhelmed. I thought I would need to ease the pressure once I got into the adult routine of working full time." Gideon shook his head. “This must sound so stupid, but doing this here now, I see I was adjusting the wrong parameter."

“No, it does not sound stupid. Go on, now I want to know the rest of it."

“Well… ah god, okay. Look, a system is built to certain specs to function. As I explained to that stranger, you cannot change the voltage, the pressure at will, and still have a device function. What is variable is the current and when I think about what this could be to me applied to my life, then it might be being productive; doing something with my life outside of work as an outlet.

Now I see how I let myself down by not doing much otherwise. So, if I increase the current, what I achieve with my time, then I could turn the pressure, that we as adults simply have to face every day, into power, energy. I think I would finally feel alive again. Helping that guy today certainly made me feel that way."

Spartan was silent for a moment. “You know, I think you might be onto something… Yes, Gideon, this is great, I can see you teaching. Maybe have your own channel on YouTube? You are not an expert for nothing, you've got to pass this knowledge on."

“Erm, easy there, I just took a bit of time to help a guy I happened to meet. What is so special about that?"

“It is, because not everybody has the knowledge and you explained it to him on eye level the way he needed it."

“But isn't that how it should be? We older ones should not look down upon younger folks and put them down. Instead, I feel we should help them overcome obstacles we bested already, by lifting them up; offer a helping hand whenever we can. I learned a lot from you, too, so give yourself some credit, if you think I did well today."

“Okay, okay, sharing the spoils, who am I to deny you that. But let me tell you that explaining adult life with the elements of electricity is indeed so protogen of you."

“Oh, come on."

“Hey, just saying your new self really suits you. Sadly, I have to head off again, observing your encounter with that stranger took most of the time I had left. I wanted to tell you, though, that I remembered what your avatar reminded me of."

“Oh? What is it?"

“That old TV show you loved back then, Digimon."

What Spartan just said rushed through Gideon's mind. “Huh, you are right. I can see what you mean."

Spartan was silent and this once Gideon wished he could see his actual face, for he bet his friend was smiling.

“I guess I have my moments. I am sorry that I have to head off now, but I look forward to talking to you more about all that is going on. Still, believe me this one bit: I am thrilled to see where you go from here." Spartan said.

“Thanks buddy and it's okay, I should do some thinking now, anyway." 

Without another word Spartan vanished, and Gideon was once more alone. He reloaded the world into a private instance where nobody would disturb him.

Memories of a birthday long ago surfaced. Out of all the supposed friends he had invited, none showed up. Some made up excuses, lied and even left him waiting in vain. It ended as one of the loneliest days of his life, betrayed and disappointed.

Then there was hope. One day he watched TV and saw a show called Digimon. How such unlike beings could be friends, be loyal and brave for each other, it was all that he had always wished for in life. An emotion warming and comforting, a source of calm and strength. As Gideon realized now, it was the same emotion that he felt when he saw himself as a protogen.

Every world here contained at least one mirror, and this was no exception. Looking in with a new understanding of what it meant to him, the hope it carried, he leaned in against the mirror, thinking. When did he lose this hope? He felt like talking to this being, vainly trying to put into words what was on his heart.

“What happened that I lost you? Or did I lock you away?" he tried to recall his path through life, retracing his steps. “When did it happen? I went through school and you were there. I attended university, and you were the wind in my sails. Then, my first job. You kept me afloat. It was stressful, so much pressure, and then-" Gideon stopped in his trail of thoughts. “Then dad died. It was too much for you, wasn't it? Or too much for me. You got hurt one too many times and hid from the world. Or did I hide you away so nobody could hurt you ever again?"

Not allowing any thought of how silly it may look, he made the motion of embracing this creature from the other side of the mirror. A feeling of once again being complete wrapped him in calm and he felt all the lighter, a weight falling off his heart.

“I always wished for this image of friendship to be true, to exist, and to be that way myself. Hopefully, I always showed Spartan how much I value him. I do not know, but from now on, as long as I have you with me, I can be that way with certainty. Please help me be the person for others that hardly anybody was for me." 

Gideon felt too excited and awake to go offline. Thousands of worlds lay at his feet, ready to be explored. Without the doubt and sadness weighing him down, world hopping was even more fun.

One after another he visited floating islands, traditional towns, futuristic games and many creative works.

After over an hour of traveling, he found himself in a world with wolf avatars on offer and remembered Spartan's request. Gideon tried them out and found two good candidates that he saved for his friend.

The night was perfect, now he even found something he was sure Spartan would love. 

Gideon wanted to change back into his protogen avatar. When he opened the panel with his saved avatars, panic rose within him. The avatar was not there.

'It must be a glitch.' He thought, a kind of bug in the client.

Frantically he searched his menus up and down until it dawned upon him.

'I never saved the avatar… I was so excited when I found it, that I forgot.' He thought.

All he had saved was his old, cartoony fox avatar and Spartan's wolves. So he became his old fox self again.

Gideon wondered: What if he would not find him again? 

It was in a public world that he had found the protogen, so he tried to retrace his steps. Where was he in the beginning, what world was it? A chase across the universe began, and for many more hours he jumped worlds in the hope to find that one place where his beloved protogen lived.

It did not help that he indeed felt like his old self again, the shame that this clumsiness carried whispering him thoughts that tore at his heart and pushed him down.

The search was in vain. After hours he had no more idea where to go and where his protogen may be. It was four in the morning and he logged off.

'This is so silly for a man of my age…' he thought, but interrupted himself. 'No, I won't go back to my old self, I have to find him.'

He searched the Internet for ways to find avatars. Maybe he had overlooked something. At some point he came across an on-line post that recommended installing a client modification to enable an avatar search.

The thought of modifying the client felt wrong, dangerous. There were warnings about such modifications in the loading screens, but he felt he already lost something dear and vital. Driven and desperate, he weighted the odds and installed the modification. Taking no risk for his protogen had felt like betrayal. 

It did not take long for the client to load. His home world appeared around him, the menu screen enhanced with new options, including an avatar search.

Gideon remembered the name of his avatar and typed it in.

The search results came up and he scrolled through them. Reddish, bluish Protogen with different emblems, some with fluffy tails, some with shark tails scrolled past. Silly ones, tiny ones, a wide selection. His protogen was not on page one, not on page two.

Gideon scrolled faster, nervous and panic trying to get the better of him. Page three, page four flew by and five was the last one. He looked carefully and thought he finally found him. He pressed load.

In the mirror his protogen smiled at him.

Eager to not lose him again, he immediately saved it.

Gideon sat on the floor and sighed. “Thank god. I thought I lost you."

He looked in the mirror, the protogen passively stared back. Then it began to dawn on him.

“What have I done… Why was I so impatient? Am I risking all this, risking you, because I could not wait to find you?"

A chill creeped up his spine, and he shivered; he could get banned for this.

He leaned in against the mirror, forehead to forehead with his reflection. “No… I don't want to lose you." He looked up into his own eyes. “It was only a few minutes, and I was only in my home. I did nothing but look for you… It will be fine, I will restore my client and never use a mod again."

Once he had removed all traces of the modification, he logged on again. Still, he could not shed this existential fear. Like sitting at the bedside of a dying friend, all he did was wait in his virtual home, cowered against the wall opposite the mirror.

“It will be fine." he told his reflection.

It was then that he realized how much he got sucked into this world. The last few days he lived more here than in the real world.

He crawled close to the mirror. Kneeling, he leaned in against his reflection, arms raised against the glass, looking for support. “I once saw a movie about the Lebanon war. The young soldiers had a hard time coping with the surrounding reality. One of them was a photographer. He only looked at the world through his camera and the lenses breaking the light of reality shielded him from the truth."

He looked up and almost believed to see sympathy in the eyes on the other side, and tears ran down from under his VR headset.

“When they came to a group of stables, the stench of death lay in the air. The poor horses were dead or dying, and it was then that the photographer's shield broke and reality hit him. His camera could no longer stand in between him and the truth."

“I am afraid now that all this here is a lie, that I fooled myself; that nothing changed. Will I wake up to find you never existed?"

He sobbed, and the protogen seemed to smile at him as if he cared.

“Thank you." He whispered.

That moment the world froze. A message popped up: “You are banned." 

He was in shock. It took him an unknown amount of time till he took his headset off and when he did, he knelt on the floor, alone in his apartment.

He went to bed. There was nothing else he could do, his mind was blank. Eventually he managed to get some sleep.

The next morning Gideon got up and stood in front of the mirror, tired, bloodshot eyes looking back at him.

He wanted it to be over. Better a fool for a weekend than to hold on to this for weeks. So he took a deep breath and listened to whatever there may be within his heart, expecting only the cold emptiness that a lie would leave behind.

Yet in his chest there was something. It took him a moment to realize, but the feeling he had when he looked in the mirror in this virtual world was not gone. Like a kindling fire it was still there, and he realized that all that he loved about his protogen came from within. All the values, all the hopes and dreams were still there. The avatar was the canvas he painted his own, once hidden self on. He began to daydream and imagination overlaid his reflection. He touched the mirror and smiled. 

“I see it now, you were always within me; my hopes and values. I got hurt often and back then I hid you away, to no longer get hurt. You were always there with me on my path through life. You are the foundation that I can draw guidance from, rely upon. Once I wanted to protect you; now it is you who protects my soul."

The last piece fell in place. The aspect he admired most about these creatures he saw on TV, the Digimon, was that with great effort they could evolve into a more powerful and better version of themselves, for themselves and for others. Could he maybe evolve, too? Was he already evolving? He felt renewed, a growing confidence within.

“No matter what happens now, all I need to know is that I have somebody to back me up. I need to be my own backup then I can be there for others, too."

“Backup…" He slapped his own forehead. “My backup…"

Gideon rushed to his computer. “That day I worked in home-office and the IP phone didn't work. The manager sent me the instructions via email and deleted them from the server again, but my backup was running." He checked the backup of that day.

The deleted emails were there, and a daring thought crossed his mind, a smile forming. “I got you now, you bastard."

A plan formed, and he made a call.

“Hey, Sarah, sorry to disturb you on a Sunday, but it is urgent. Can you get the other team leads together early on Monday? I have a plan. Yes, we will save this company."

The next day they all met in secret and came to an agreement. Gideon wrote up a proposal and made copies.

On Tuesday he marched to the gallows.

In the big meeting room the CEO, his manager and the board of the company were all present. The CEO opened the meeting. “I think I need not tell you why we are here. The limited editions of our new console are failing, and negative news is making the headlines." She addressed the manager. “We need an explanation."

“We are talking about a technical fault caused by the engineering team. I gave instructions to our senior electrical engineer here and I ask you forgiveness, because he is my responsibility. With your support, I will deal with the issue accordingly."

The CEO addressed Gideon “Do you have anything to say on this matter?"

“I have, substantially. Please pass these along and each take a copy." Gideon said and in addition to this proposal handed the CEO alone a copy of the e-mails from his manager overriding his recommendations to keep the cooling unit.

“What is this about?" His manager asked.

“Sir, you ordered me to remove the active cooling unit to cut costs. The consoles are powering off, because people put them in enclosed spaces against the advice in the manual. I talked to the other team leads and we have a proposal to fix the situation, saving the face of the company. Because the cooling unit was removed last minute, the case and hardware are still the same and built to house such a unit. All teams, including mine, agreed to do voluntary overtime to retrofit the limited run consoles in-house cutting costs to a minimum. Marketing suggests we paint this as a mistake we fix for our costumers for free."

Gideons manager looked like he was about to say something, but the CEO cut him off with a gesture and read through the document and e-mails.

The meeting was over fairly quick. She asked Gideon to stay while everybody left. Alone with the CEO, he wondered what would happen now. He had been unusually bold today.

“I wished you had told me earlier about the issues with your manager, but I also know how hard that can be. You already worked here under my father and pioneered our game console program. It is important to me, that you know you can always come to me with issues. You are not just an employee to this company, you are part of our foundation. Your plan is sound and I am sure it will work, thus I see no reason for any changes in personnel except for your manager. I will make sure you get somebody who listens better. That said, I have to admit I am glad to see how you showed teeth today. You never kick down and your team likes you, but please kick up more often. I cannot tell you 'good job' yet, but I will do so when this crisis is over, I am sure."

After the workday was over Gideon went home.

Once again he stepped into the same old elevator of his apartment building. People streamed into the elevator as he took his place by the buttons. Gideon wanted to press the button for the 14th floor, but this time decided differently. 

Higher up, all the way to the top, was where he wanted to go. While ascending he looked about, memorizing the different faces. One by one his neighbors got off on their floors and the cabin emptied until he was alone.

On the top floor he climbed the stairwell leading to the roof and opened the heavy door. A blast of fresh air met him as he opened it.

The sun was setting. He leaned onto the railing and let his gaze wander. The city was tinted in a hue of blue, red and purple.