Here we are. My first foray into the fandom. Brought to you by the Telegram group Writing Corner, which provides a weekly prompt challenge of a 1000 word cap. The invitation is here! https://t.me/joinchat/CPoeZhclggenrOEh0yYwvg

The prompt for this week is "No matter how hard you try, some just can't be saved."

I could appreciate any and all feedback! Hope you enjoy!

I Just Want to Play a Video Game

The Marvelous Phantasm, Arshevieth Myvdiviev

     I got home, tossed my keys into the bowl, and kicked off my shoes. I flipped through my phone quickly and ordered pizza, because fuck those fishy-smelling burgers Marco tried to unload on me. Turning on the TV and console, I checked the downloads. Thank fuck. The Hero’s Journey: A Journey of a Hero finished installing. The reviews had better be right about this game. They need to be. Please.

     As the splash screens loaded, I unbuckled my belt and set my paws on the table. It blared some orchestral song as the opening took me through various people doing various things, as these fantasy games do. A scenic landscape here, some quaint townlife there, but none of it skipped with any button pushing. As these pretentious indie games do. Some supposedly climactic clash between the hero’s sword and the villain’s spell sparked into a white screen that just hung there for a moment. The song abruptly transitioned into another orchestral piece, a softer one this time, and a blue orb with wings fluttered on screen. “Oh, great hero, I am the Goddess Gaia. Before I give you form, I must create your soul.”

     Great. It’s one of those games.

     And then she threw a whole BuzzFur quiz at me. An entirely too long one. With questions like “what virtue do you honor most?” and “do you steal bread if you are starving and have not a single copper to your name?” It eventually got to the question, “The dragoness the king has tasked you to slay is guarding her egg. What do you do?” All of the questions up to this point only had three choices each, but this one had four. Only one interesting one, though. “Make a dragonette omelet in front of her!”

     The Goddess Gaia sent me forth into the world, and I landed right in front of a dragoness guarding her egg. No dialogue, just a roar from her and a battle transition. Of course. Judging from my stats, this is probably one of those story beginnings that I lose all of my powers afterwards. Got some cool sounding abilities, at least. I chose something called “Prism of Eternity,” and set my controller down to stretch. The dragoness screeched again and swung her claw at me. My HP bar started to trickle down. Alright, this scripted battle will probably last a few turns. 

     I yawned. And when I opened my eyes again, my HP bar kept inching to zero. The song rocked, at least. It’ll be nice to let it loop my next turn. Picking up my controller, I rubbed my eyes with my free paw. When is that pizza going to get here? I stifled the next yawn, only to see that my HP was still draining.

     All 9999 of them.

     It hit zero, and the game reset to the splash screens. What the fuck. Since when do scripted battles kick you to the intro again? Anyway, I sat through the unskippable movie, and the Great Goddess Gaia fluttered onto the screen again with her “Oh great hero” quiz again. This time I got to the dragon question and chose “I lay down my sword and befriend her.” It dropped me right into battle again, with a new option to lay my sword down. Which I did. And then the dragoness belted out again, with a dialogue box this time. “You deceptive human! Do you expect me to believe you after what you’ve planned to do to my child last time?!” She promptly torched me.

     Excuse the fuck out of this Undertale rip-off?

     This time, I chose all of the kindest sounding answers, and the dragoness’s third option – “Flee.” It didn’t drop me into battle immediately this time, but instead started running away. “Coward! How dare you show your face with your evil thoughts!”

     And in one fell swoop, she kicked me off the cliff.

     My teeth clenched to silence a snarl. Okay, fine. Maybe this artistic piece of shit is forcing me to go through all four options before proceeding. Intro again – why didn’t the devs let us skip subsequent viewings of the opening? Was that too good of an idea? – “Oh great hero” again, but no dragoness question. Instead, Gaia asked me, “Would you sacrifice one to save ten? Or sacrifice ten to save one?” Whatever hidden tally the game was keeping behind there already thought I was a cowardly sociopath. So it would probably benefit me to keep trying to rebalance that with the unambiguously morally good responses. It then asked me “who would you sacrifice?” Since that manager-seeking Yorkshire bitch from earlier today wasn’t an option, I chose “the priestess who has willingly trained herself for pilgrimage.”

     The screen faded in on a priestess-y looking girl in a forest. Finally. I can get somewhere with this game. She was picking herbs for some medicine and ritualistic incense and such, and she hiked back to her village. Humble forest village, of course. Rite of passage, blah blah blah, elders held a banquet for her pilgrimage, so-on and so-on, has to go pray to the mountain god for protection, etc. etc.

     Quick trip up the mountain trails, and a couple of cutscenes later, I find my priestess climbing the last trail up the peak. A modest monument in a beautiful clearing, given what I’ve seen from this game so far. I move her towards the carved out pillars. The dragoness crashed down and let loose a baleful shriek. Whose soundwaves blew the priestess off the cliff.

     The game over screen bled over.

     My phone rang. “I’m sorry. We’re out of pizza. Do you want something else instead?”

     I politely hung up. Lied face down into the cushions. Put a pillow over my head. And let out a baleful shriek of my own.