Unspoken

Tanith felt
dizzy opening her eyes, even the indirect light of the sun hurt her eyes and
her stomach was having a war of it’s own. She felt like a blanket was pressed
over her thoughts, making them slow and bulky. She could feel something was off
and that something was not right with her but she did not know what as most her
body was floating away from her brain. The concept of a body felt a fluffy
concept while her mind tried to process what was wrong with her.

She could
feel a presence next to her head. A small hand placed on the base of her horns.
A small rumble from someone snoring. She looked to the side to find Allen
sleeping next to her, he was wrapped in a blanket from the mission pack they
used to carry. He had placed himself sitting up right against two crates,
looking at her while sleeping.

She slowly
gained more control of her body, moving slowly about, feeling her muscles
respond lazily like each of them had to lift a thousand kilos before moving.
She could feel the pain of some of her old wounds coming to her and then an
pain worse then she ever felt when she tried to move her rear right leg. She
roared in pain feeling it shoot trough her body like lighting and partially
snapping awake. Her roar awoken Allen from his midday nap next to Tanith. He
was instantly ready to strike  and gazed
at Tanith with keen eyes. She tried her best to relax for a moment, not to fret
about in endless furry.

The pain
subsided when she hold her leg still. Her drowsy state returned with the ebbing
of the pain. She could feel a hand placed on her snout and rubbing it softly.

“Tanith
please take it easy” Allen cooed to her. “They have finished operating only a
few hours ago”

Tanith’s
mind was still slow to process the thoughts that rushed trough her mind. The
sun was shining but it couldn’t be the same day, but it must be the same day
when the doctors only stopped operating a few hours ago, or was it? She slowly
looked around. Some of the dragons where gone, no doubt on patrol. Caeruleum
was sitting in his nest looking rather worried at her. Allen looked worried at
her and slowly she felt that something was not right with her.

Her leg,
something was wrong with her leg. Allen gotten doctors for her leg. She slowly
turned her head to trace along her flank. The many fresh bandages on her flank
betrayed the spots of war. Down her hips, still nothing wrong, but then her
leg. She used to have rather large and strongly developed calves to jump. She
could see how the scales formed the start of one but then in the middle of the
calves she saw bandages wrapped tightly along her scales and the absence of
muscle trough the bandages. It looked like a crater had been blown into her
calve and a blanket had covered it. She realised the source of the pain when
she tried to move muscle that was no longer there.

If her mind
was not numbed she would have freaked out but now she just stared at her wound.
Slowly the realisation dawned on her, how would she walk now? What about
flight? If she couldn’t fly, she was useless and in the best of cases she would
be put to the breeding grounds, or was that the worst of cases? To lose Allen?
Her mind filled with worry and she began to fret, trough her movements send
shivers of pain trough her body.

Allen
placed a hand on below her jaw and pulled her head softly towards him, his
other hand rubbed across the top of her south. While he did not speak, his
presence and his touches calmed Tanith again. She placed her head down Infront
of her on some fresh straw. She looked at Allen smiling while she drifted into
a shallow slumber again.

Allen
watched her fall asleep again and sighed a relieved smile, she had finally
woken up. He smilled at the azure dragon.

“I think I
will be getting something to eat now”

He was
ravenously hungry  ever since the
surgeons started operating on Tanith he had not eaten. Even trough the conflict
he endured with them, he had not eaten. His stomach was empty beyond the point
he could feel the kind of hunger one would normally feel. Drowsy himself he
roamed trough the hallways trying to get to the officer’s room. He lost the
time but when he opened the door he saw the offers, captains and Admiral
sitting already eating lunch on the table. Allen looked at them and gave a
small nod before walking straight to the nearest coffee stand. He never gotten
the hang of coffee and before he wouldn’t really notice but now, it was a
welcome bitterness. He poured himself a cup and gotten plain toast to eat to
have at least something in his stomach. Deflated he placed himself next to the
admiral.

“Is she
awake Walker?” Admiral Evans could not help but to gazed slightly worried at
Allen. He looked like a zombie that had dragged himself from the grave.

Allen gave
a soft nod “She was ma’am, she gotten back to sleep to sleep the anastasis off”
He took a deep sip of the black bitter hot liquid. Feeling the caffeine slowly
rush trough his system.

The admiral
nodded in thoughts before talking again. “How soon you think you will be up and
running Captain”

Allen waved
slowly with his mug “After a few more of these. She roared when she woken up
and I was just about to sleep. It didn’t leave me with much time of rest.” He
received another nod from Admiral Evans.

“Walker, go
to your room after this, I will guard Tanith for you. Besides I have some plans
to discuss with Freya and a formation to form.”

“Ma’am,
Thank you Ma’am”

After his
plain lunch he headed to his captains quarters. His status had at least some
benefits he could privately enjoy. He closed a curtain over his port lite and
feel into a solemn sleep. Finally his mind at ease with the thought of Tanith.

Tanith
arisen from her slumber when she could see the sun setting from the orange glow
that emanated the dragon deck. Her eyes gazed along the dragon deck, trying to
find Allen however he was not by her side. Even his scent had disappeared from
her surroundings. What she could see was Freya and Admiral Evans sitting rather
close to her discussing things over chards and folders. Tanith moved to hear
what they where talking about but as soon as she moved Freya perked up.

“Tanith,
you are awake!” She
called happily, the lavender dragon moved her snout from the folders and gazed
at Tanith. Slowly Freya moved forwards to nuzzle at Tanith’s neck, a kind of
affection that send a shiver over Tanith’s spine.

“Where
is Allen?” Tanith
asked softly trying to avoid acknowledging the mix of feelings she in her still
dazed state felt.

“He is
back in his quarters asleep. Or at least he was last time we checked. “

Tanith gave
a soft growl, displeased that he had parted her.

“Tanith!” Freya responded to her growl with a
nudge against her neck. “Walker needs his sleep to function. He has stayed
awake during your whole operation. When the doctors couldn’t operate and help
anymore he took over patching up your leg. He made sure that the doctors
wouldn’t amputate your leg.”

Tanith
slowly moved to get herself comfortable, her head turned away from Freya to
partially block herself off from Freya’s touches and most importantly gaze.

Then she
felt a hand on her snout, trough the scent from the hand was not Allen’s scent
on the hand. Opening her eyes she saw admiral Evans bowed low towards her. She
had a small pained smile.

“Tanith”
she paused, feeling not comfortable with the subject on hand. Tanith looked up
in the admirals eyes while getting used to the hand of another on her snout. It
was not an unpleasant feeling trough she did not quite know if she enjoyed it.
At least it was not the jolt she fell when Freya touched her.

“I
understand that these few days will be hard but I need you and Allen both to be
strong. I understand your emotions but I would like to ask you not to show them
in public. Allen needs to count upon you being able to behave like a properly
tamed dragon. Yes I understand that doing such is hard and that you disagree
with the idea of taming. Now is not the right moment to try and push through.”

Tanith gave
a soft huff and pulled her head back, breaking the touch. She curled around
herself to lick her leg. She could slightly move her leg without having it
hurt, trough that was only thigh not her lower leg.  She took the small victory for what it was
and shut the other feelings out. She just wanted Allen to be with her again.

It was
after dark when Allen came to visit her. He looked better than this morning,
more rested. He wore a the clothing of a proper captain, complete with his
copper wings. “Feeling better Thanit?” Allen moved closer to her, trough
he could feel something was off with Tanith. A small anger within her building.

“No I don’t,
You want to know why?” Allen gave a soft nod but did not interjected her, allowing her to run
her rant.

“Don’t
you know why?” she
gazed at him, meeting his eyes he could see the anger in her eyes. It hurt him
a little. “I thought we could feel each other Allen! Dammit, you should know
why!”

Allen tried
to step forwards to rub across her snout but she withdrawn her head back into
the safety of her own scales. Allen could feel a nail being driven down right
into heart with the simple movement.

“Alright,
you want to know why? Because when I move my leg I almost faint because of the
pain. I am a dragon Allen, You know what they did to Maximius when he couldn’t
fly! And here I am, in the same boat, and you are about to embark on this
important mission as captain. What if you can’t ride on my back? Are we losing
each other forever!?”

Allen moved
into her and grabbed her by her head, pushing the roof of her head to his
chest. “My Tanith. I understand it’s hard, I feel your pain. But I will not
let the same happen to Maximius. Even if we are apart we have the tether.”

Tanith gave
a growl, while at first she allowed the hug she pulled away. “You still
don’t understand you stupid human” She looked at him with a pained look. “It’s
not about you! It’s about me losing the person I love.”

Allen felt
a strange feeling washing over him, he couldn’t quite place it at first. A kind
of light headedness that Tanith felt. Trough he reasoned it was because of the
pain and the medication she took.

“Tanith,
I love you too.”

“No
Allen not like that!” she growled “I love you.” She enforced again. Finally Allen
realised what she was trying to tell him. He was struck by the weight her words
suddenly bring and slowly he remembered moments where he felt odd with her
words. It now making sense.

“Tanith.”
He started softly,
not quite sure what to say about when a large dragon declares their love.

“Oh
please Allen don’t say you don’t know me…We are tethered you kno…”

“Tanith” Allen interrupted her “Can’t
you see the obviousness? Most humans around still think dragons are animals.
EVEN if most started to accept dragons are equals this moment, this is still
frowned up on.”

“So you
find the opinion of others more important?”

Allen
rubbed his temples, he knew he was not getting his point trough to her. She was
hearing without listening.

“TANITH!
God dammit dragon, IF I act up on this feeling you are feeling. In best case I
will be dishonourably discharged and we lose each other forever.  In the worse case you will be put to death and
I will rot in jail.”

He finally
noticed she stopped with the raging thoughts in her head, or at least they were
no longer pushing to her front.  Most
swirling in the background.

“But we
can hide it, don’t you feel the same?”

Tanith” He paused and just sat down in
front of her. His hands in his hair and groaning in trying think about the
situation. “What I am going to do with you now. Tanith how can I even return
those feelings? I never even realised this, this what you feel was even possible.
Tanith, you are the best thing ever happened to me, I feel how you feel now in
my mind. But with my mind and heart I can’t return this love you ask for. To
pretend I can return it, would be cruel for both you and me.”

“But
Allen” Tanith
started again, trying to convince him of something.

“No
Tanith, just no. Please don’t try to change my mind in this”

“Why
Allen?” When Allen
looked up at Tanith, he could see the hurt in her eyes. The pain of rejection
that was all just to familiar.

“Because
Tanith.” Allen
gazed directly into her eyes. “I fear that I cannot reject your advances for
long.” He could see the mood lighten in her eyes, a feeling of hope that he
had to cut short. “Tanith, if you love me, I ask you not to press this.”

Allen
wanted to say more, he wanted to shout the world apart but case in point he
just looked at Tanith and felt her pain. Every argument he wanted to say just
felt flat. How could he say anything to cheer her up, when the one thing she
wanted was impossible for him to give.

“Tanith”
He said to stop the
awkward silence between them. “Just what ever happens, I will be with you
and don’t you think that I forget the promise I made to you.” He stood up
and placed a hand on her neck, she moved a bit towards him, pushing against his
hand. Finally Allen could smile a little, trough he was still worried about
Tanith’s leg. He gazed at the crater in her leg.

“I will
hold you to that Allen” She rumbled and closed her eyes again, falling into a slumber again.
Allen felt for her, slowly stepping back from Tanith. Watching her sleep
peacefully.

Trough his
moment of piece was disrupted by Freya talking to him.

“Captain
Walker” she started
staying formal. “Might I could I ask something?”

Allen
turned around to face Freya. She looked worried and kept on gazing at Tanith.

“Sure, what
is on your mind”

“How is
Tanith doing?”

Allen shook
scratched his head slightly, sure she saw the emotions Tanith displayed but did
not know the reason for it. “She is a strong dragon, but is going to be tough
for her.” he started turning around to look with Freya to the sand coloured
dragon.

“Honestly
Freya, I don’t know how to help her situation, nothing I can do will make it
better. If she can never fly, I must be able to do something”

Freya
closed in on Tanith despites her chains that kept her somewhat restrained. She
pushed her nose against Tanith’s side and nosed her softly.

“Lets
hope she will be able to fly. Jane had an idea. And I don’t want to see her
shipped of to the breeding grounds.”

Allen
raised a eyebrow at Freya’s remark. He watched how she gently touched Tanith
like a lover would do.

“Freya” he
started “Anything special I need to know about”

“What
you mean Captain Walker?” she withdrew herself quickly from Tanith and curled back into her own
little spot.

“Nothing?
No special feelings” He could see Freya looking down at the hay and clawing the
ground under her.

“Maybe a
bit” She started
talking in a rather hushed mental voice. Trough most dragons where gone or
sleeping she feared, something. “Please promise me not to tell it to Tanith”

Allen took
a deep breath “Tanith and I are linked, I can’t promise you she will not find
it out trough the mental link but I will not tell her.”

It caused
Freya to wonder for a while, looking at Tanith then at Allen. Her eyes where
slightly worried and slightly embraced and withholding something. There was
this odd look he could not decipher what it was trough he saw the same look in
Tanith a couple of times when she looked at him with that odd feeling that…oh

“Freya, are
you in love?” he asked softly as not to embrace her with other dragons. He
hoped he was wrong, he could sense two problems arise and he was not sure what
he feared more to happen.

Freya just
nodded at him. “Yes I am” she withdrawn herself slightly. “And I am
in love with Tanith.”

Allen could
feel the ground becoming slightly unsteady. He did not have the guts to break
two hearts today. Trough he saw a possibility, perhaps he could make Tanith
fall in love with her, she would be happy with someone more acceptable. Trough
he did not know if it was possible for two dragonesses to share any relation.
At least not within war, trough after it?

“Captain
walker?” Freya
asked unsure after Allen did not say a thing after a long long time. She was
afraid to what the future might bring, trough this time her eyes also spoke of
fear. Allen was not able to tell what fear but he could guess it was something
to do with anger?

“I don’t
know what to say Freya, I know little of draconic relationships. Have you
talked with captain Evans about this?”

Freya shook
her head and moved to come closer to Allen. “She would not accept me.”
Freya’s face was close to Allen’s and he could feel the hot breath washing over
his face. The scent of fresh blood lingered on her breath like a warming to a
prey. Even though Freya did not realise, this position was rather intimidating.

“Why
wouldn’t she? She cares for you?”

“Would
you accept two women loving each other!? For you humans getting a child before
your so called marriage is forbidden! If I where human Allen, what I felt for
another women would be classed as immoral, illegal and sick.”

“But you
are a dragon Freya” Trough Allen regrated the words as soon as he said them.
Feeling his own wrong unfold before him.

“But I
am a dragon!? So you do hold dragons to a different level as humans? I am a
dragon so I am a slave to my desires so I can be excused? And until here I
thought you where different! To answer your question, no Jane would not accept
my feelings. Even trough she is loving and caring, she wouldn’t know what to do
with them. I have heart her speak about two male pilots who where discovered
together in bed. I know what she said and I know she will not accept this!”

Allen felt
slightly sick with the rage and the tone of Freya, he could see from the anger
that he hurt her by his words. Now he was just struck without words to say to
her.. He could feel himself digging a deeper hole with each passing second.,

“My
apologies Freya I spoke before I could think, I did not mean to insult you.”

“lose
tongues speaks truths Allen.” Freya growled, her stance tensed up and he felt like she was about to
pounce on him.

“It’s not
what it looks like Freya. I have more going on then jus this. Tanith needs
help, I still need help and every passing second…” he did not had the time to
finish his mind.

“Excuses,
just say it. Say you will not approve of my love of Tanith because you are as
stubborn and blind as every single human. Or are you now going to say you
approve of it out of shame”

“No I
cannot Freya, I can not judge for Tanith’s love! It’s more complica…” he was
interrupted again by Freya’s building rage.

“Just
say it dammit, at least then I know you are not a bloody hypocrite and are just
stupid”

“I can’t
dammit!” Allen swore threw his hands up in defeat. “you want a truth for a
truth. Tanith told me she wants me.” The last words where a hissed voice.
Sushed to make sure only Freya could hear and what followed was an unpleasant
silence with the human and the dragon looking at each other. Both in
discomfort. Both just starting with puzzling gazes what to do about it.
Allen however was the first to break the silence between them

“I keep
your secrete Freya, if you keep mine. Tanith, she loves me, the way a wife
would love her husband.” He could both see the pain and confusion in her eyes.

“but
that is?”

“Immoral?
Wrong? Illegal? Does that sound familiar. I had to break her heart Freya to
make sure that she would not drag us both into deep trouble. Yes what you feel
might not be right to human standards. But I will be put to death or worse if I
act on her feelings.”

Freya gazed
at Allen like he was a new enigma that was getting more and more complex. She
gazed at Tanith again with hurt but understanding forming in her eyes. Her face
moved to a more relaxed state, at least when she looked back at Allen that was.

“How do
you feel about that?”

Allen
wanted to say a good many words but just opened and closed his mouth without
sound. His emotions where a mix and he did no longer know what parts where from
him and what was from Tanith. “I don’t know” he finally stated.

“You
really don’t know Allen?”

“No, yes,
no. I care for her, sure. But love her? I don’t know.”

“is she
where human”

“yes.”
Allen simply said before his knees gave up under the tension he felt. He
collapsed on the soft hay that made up Tanith’s spot. He did not faint but kept
laying down, staring at the metal sealing above him. He could see Freya’s head
moving in to inspect him,

“Are you
alright?” she
worried.

“No I am
not alright. And yes I could see myself falling for Tanith if she where human.
Hell I would fall for her if she where not and kept pressing the issue” He
collected himself, standing up and whipping the dust from his cloths. “I am a
fucking disgrace of a human”

He walked
away without ceremony, without saying goodbye to Freya or giving Tanith a last
rub on her snout.