There was a soft knock at the door. Tom looked up from his laptop, wondering who’d come at this time in the night. It was still a bit past 20, but tomorrow was Monday. “Wonder who’s that.”

“Open the door.” Lain replied.

There was another knock. He stood up, put his eyepatch on as he walked to the door, then opened it.

Max was on the other side of the door, smiling at him. “Good evening. Am I with Mr. Thomas Luis Purnama here?” The dog said, looking like he was holding back laughter.

“Ow, it’s him.”

“You…” Tom chuckled, relieved that the dog was taking the initiative after what happened two days ago. It looked like Max had resolved his problem. He smiled back at Max, feeling happy. He wanted to hug the dog, but he held back. “What’s with the formality?”

“My big scary eye-patched wolfo just moved here.”

Lain laughed and Tom couldn’t help but laugh along. “Ridiculous. Now get in already!” he opened the door to let the big dog come inside.

Laughing a bit, Max went inside and took his scarf off. “It’s cozy here.”

Tom closed the door, looking at Max with a smile on his face.

“You want me to leave you two alone?”

“Well, sure. That’d be nice.”

Lain chuffed amusedly. “Don’t wanna disturb the lovedogs, eh? Howl if you need me.”

“Hey, Tom, is it only me or is it larger here?”

“I did some more rearrangement with Octo yesterday.” The wolf smiled. He was afraid that the dog would ghost him again after that, but he was here now, looking happy. He beckoned the dog to sit on the sofa. “Make yourself at home… wait, you should be, this is our future home, after all.” Tom finished, then looked away while grinning to himself like an idiot.

The dog looked at him incredulously, then guffawed and shoved the wolf’s back as he sat down. “Gotta love those pickup lines. Who are you trying to impress? Me?”

“You.” He reddened a bit, even more so when he saw Max’s ears go down in embarrassment. He knew that the dog knew that he was just joking but even until now, no matter how bad and cheesy and gay his lines sounded like, the dog still responded positively. “So, how do I sound?”

Max didn’t reply right away, but he then laughed. “Like you’ve brought ten girls here just in a week. Seriously, your lines are fucking cheesy but good thing they’re not outright horrible like Kevin’s.”

Tom laughed. Too bad he wasn’t interested in bringing girls here… except for Lucy and Ellie, maybe, and not because of what the dog thought.

Max looked especially nice tonight. Not super sexy, but still handsome with a leather jacket and a white t-shirt that was neither too tight nor loose, just enough to show what he had while not exposing much. His head fur had grown a bit more; maybe he should call it hair from now.

“Oh, right, uh… what happened two days ago…” The shepherd looked away and scratched his nape. Tom tilted his head to try masking his panicking. “Sorry for that. I was a dick.”

The wolf sighed in relief again. “It’s okay. No harm done.” He put his laptop into hibernation and closed it. “Though, what made you angry with Kevin, anyway? I know he can be annoying sometimes but you looked like you were really angry.”

Max went red and clicked his tongue, as if not wanting to say it but at the same time wanting to say it. He then grunted, “I don’t like it when Kevin gets too close with you.” He growled softly. “And everyone else… but Octo deserves an exception.”

That… made Tom blush like crazy. That was… possessive. He knew that the shepherd had been protective of him since that day in the dorm, but this was outright possessive. Max getting angry at Kevin because he flirted with Tom was understandable, but Max getting angry at Octo just because they were close was a clear indication of him being possessive.

“But sorry, I was acting like an asshole.” Max continued after he let out a sigh. He looked at Tom and scratched the back of his ear. “I was really having a bad day. Sorry to take it out on you and Kevin.”

The wolf just nodded nervously. Then, Max put his hand on the wolf’s thigh, smiling at him, and instantly all his worries melted away.

Tom refused to blush and decided to accept the dog’s affection. He looked back at Max and smiled. “It’s okay, mate. Kevin wasn’t angry, and I’m not, either.” He then put his hand on top of the dog’s own. “How about some drink? Black coffee sounds about right?”

“Sure.” The dog said without hesitation.

For a moment, neither of them moved. Tom then finally, reluctantly, pulled his hand away and stood up, walking to the kitchen with Max following him. The wolf let out a sigh; Max’s hand felt sturdy.

They walked into the kitchen. Max looked around a bit, then back at the wolf. “How do you make your tea?”

Tom took a container of tea from the upper shelf. He put two pinches of it into a cup and filled it with hot water. “Like this.”

“No sugar or milk?”

“Sometimes sih, but I prefer like this more. It’s simple.” He then put it aside, not wanting to ponder about it much.

“Whoa, you have a coffee machine?”

Tom looked at where the dog was pointing. “Oh, that. It’s a gift. Vilkas gave me that yesterday, but honestly I don’t know how to use it.” He chuckled a little. “I also make my coffee the old-fashioned way.”

He took a bag of coffee from the upper shelf, then took half a spoonful of it and poured it into a small kettle and filled it with water. He put the kettle on the cooker and boiled it with medium fire for a bit. “I hope you don’t mind what I found some people say ‘mud coffee’.” He scratched his ear nervously.

“Nah, it’s actually how I made my first cup too.” Max leant on the counter next to the wolf. “My dad made many kinds of coffee, crazy ones sometimes, but this is the most basic one. It’s also what I learned first.” He smiled at the memories. “Guess making tea is not that complicated, huh?”

It turned out he had to ponder about it anyway. “Well… actually, yeah. I just put dried tea leaves in a glass, add hot water, and leave it for a minute or two. Sometimes, I add sugar, or milk, or ice, or all of them. If I wanted to get adventurous, I’d add lemon, jasmine, rose, even coffee and avocado. But even then, the plain, bitter taste of simple tea is what I always look forward to.” He smiled, almost as bitter as the cup of tea at which he was staring fondly. “Sometimes, simple things are what we long for.”

“No matter how bitter they may taste, right?”

“No matter how bitter they may taste.”

They went quiet, a comfortable and fond silence around them. Tom looked down and smiled. He noticed his hand was just next to Max’s on the counter. Max’s hands were big, warm, and gentle. Despite his size, Max was really careful like Octo. He always carried himself with an easy yet confident air. His fingers were long and rather slim compared to his build. His claws were always made.

Blushing a bit, Tom’s hand scooted too close to the dog’s until they touched each other. Max noticed that by the twitching of his ear, but no one pulled back.

No one pulled back.

“Guess we both have learned to appreciate the bitterness of life.” Max said with a fond sigh.

Tom’s blush dissipated, replaced by a smile. “Few can take the bitterness.”

The soft ring of the kettle took their attention. Reluctantly, Tom moved away and turned the cooker off, then poured the coffee into another cup. He took two small plates and put the cups on them, then gave the cup of coffee to the dog. “Here.”

“Thanks.”

“How about we talk on the balcony? I like to sit there and just watch the sky.”

“Sounds good.”

The beverages warmed them as they sat down on the floor on the balcony, watching the sky. The air was still cool, but somehow, it felt warm. Tom sipped his tea next to Max. He was well-used to the cold, but even he appreciated the warmth.

He looked down at the cup in his hands. The tea tasted just like that first cup he drank that day, in that dark room under the light shower when he forced his thoughts to calm down. What had been a bitter, appalling taste had now turned into something that he now knew was like truth. Bitter realisation. An illusion of power that meant nothing if not properly appreciated. Time had its ways.

And time had its ways, indeed. Now, he wished to all the stars in the universe, to all higher beings existed, and to whomever who gave him life that they let Max be his. Ignorant might he be, stupid might he be, one could still wish, right? Love was illogical, so why settle for the logical?

It was foolish of him to think that he loved Max just because the dog was in his mind all the time; no, love did not work like that. He loved Max because whatever happened, he wanted the dog to be happy. Even if he had to sacrifice himself.

See? Illogical.

He looked at the dog next to him, and yet again, he felt content when he saw a content smile on his face.

“It’s beautiful here.” Max said as he sipped his coffee.

Tom looked away. “Yeah.”

“Aren’t you cold, though? You’re just wearing a t-shirt.”

“It’s fine. I’m used to it anyway.”

Max chuckled a little. “Used to the coldness or the bitterness of life?”

“Yes.” He sipped his tea. They had come a very, very long way to be able to talk openly like this. “But hey, it’s that bitterness that makes us cherish every sweet moment we have no matter how small is it, right?”

“Yeah. Yeah, it is.” Max shifted closer to him. “Honestly I think it’s the exposure to the… less convenient parts of life that makes you realize just how lucky you are. If you never felt hunger or thirst, then you’re doing life wrong.”

“You’re absolutely right, mate.” Tom sipped his tea. “It’s amazing to know how many life lessons can be learnt from simple things. We just have to look for it.” He chuckled. “And probably burn our brain first to understand it.”

He remembered that time when he felt really tired and worn down after classes. The café was crowded, too, so he had no other choice other than to endure the obnoxious voices. However, that smile the barista gave him made his day a bit more bearable. A simple smile could go a long way to brighten someone’s day.

Sometimes, it was the simple things that counted.

“For people who speak of reality, we’re not very realistic ourselves, eh? An unlikely pair in an unlikely story.”

“I always wonder how we became so close, but it’s not like I mind or anything.”

“Maybe because of my good looks?” Tom joked.

Max retorted with a smile. “My good looks, dude.”

They laughed. Well, you’re not completely wrong, Max. The first time we met, it was your good looks that made me interested in you.

Maybe, just maybe, he had a chance.

“Hey, Max, if… uh… say, a guy asked you out properly, what would you answer?” he asked the dog carefully.

Max sipped his coffee and looked at the sky, pondering. For a moment, Tom feared he asked the dog something he shouldn’t. “Funny you ask that. John asked me more or less the same question.” He hummed, looking a bit distraught but quickly covered it with a shrug. “But I don’t know, maybe… I don’t know. I mean, it depends on the person, I guess.”

Tom looked at him in curiosity.

“If they’re assholes, I’ll punch ‘em, but if they’re nice, well…” Max trailed off.

To Tom, the following silence felt awkward. He wanted the dog to continue, to give him the answer whether he could keep holding onto the small sliver of hope or he should let it go slowly. It might be small, but he wasn't strong enough to keep holding it.

Instead, Max took a deep sigh and looked at him. “Why do you ask that, Tom?”

Tom almost choked on his drink. “W-well, no reason, really. Just curious.” He scratched his ear to cover his embarrassment. “Since you and Kevin seem close and Kevin seems to… you know, be Kevin.”

Max snorted. “Fucking horny wolf, he is. Trust me, Octo is keeping him in a leash.”

“He is?”

“Kevin’s a nice person, I think, but sometimes it’s kinda hard to see behind all that fuckboy attitude.”

Tom sipped his beverage, a bit flustered at the memories of what happened two days ago. “Just to let you know, sometimes he still calls me cute stuff. Even I struggle to see the cute part of me.”

That made Max chuckle. “I think that’s just the way he’s wired—unfortunately. By the way, he sometimes also calls me hot stuff. Like, dude, you don’t need to call anyone that.” Max sipped his coffee again. “I almost can’t forgive myself to think that he’s just like my brother because, well, the similarities are just on the surface.”

“Your brother?”

“Yeah, didn’t you meet him?” he looked at the wolf.

Tom shook his head.

“Oh, right, you’re not in the football club.” Max said. “When we were in the Nat-Champ final, our families attended the match. But my brother stuck with us for a week on the campus.”

“Cool. How’s your brother like?”

“I think he’s just a bigger me with a darker fur. Well, not really bigger now. Believe it or not, we look pretty much alike.”

Imagine having two Maxes. The sun would be challenged.

Tom sipped his tea to hide his reddening cheeks. Sometimes his imagination needed to be taught some limits. The image of two Maxes in a bed did not help him at all. Like, at all.

“He’s easy-going and all, like Kevin, but an asshole sometimes.” Max let out a fond sigh. “I don’t know where I’d be if it wasn’t for him.”

“He plays football too?” The wolf asked.

“Yeah, sometimes. He’s not really a sports guy. He knows how to play football and basketball but he’s more like a science guy. Believe it or not, he’s on his way to become a doctor now.”

“Huh, seriously?”

“Yep. I can’t believe it myself too.” Max chuckled. “I posted a pic with him during winter holiday.”

Oh, so that was his brother. The wolf looked away. He thought it was just his friend or something. “Oh, that.”

Max sipped his coffee. “Also, he likes anime, so I call him hentai doctor.”

That image of two Maxes in a bed intensified. Specifically, in a hospital berth with one of them wearing doctor’s clothes.

Tom shook his head. “Anyway, now I understand that inside joke Octo said.”

“What inside joke?”

“‘I’d take Max any day more than his brother. Want to know his brother? See Kevin.’ or something along that line.”

Max laughed. “The gall of that kitty!”

Tom chuckled. “That’s the first time I heard someone refer to him as a kitty.”

“Dude, everyone in the football club has a silly nickname. Octo is bad kitty, Andy is horny kitty, John is good doggo, and I’m pupper.” He grinned, then laughed. “Wait, no! I regret telling you that!”

“Too late, pupper. Or maybe puppy.” Tom snickered. “Wait, what’s Nathan’s nickname?”

“Originally oversized lizard, but now just fat lizard.”

They laughed.

“I think the only one with a decent nickname—kinda—is only Octo. Like, bad kitty suits him very well.” The dog sipped his coffee. “I think you can tell just how cute he actually is.”

The wolf let out a chuckle. “Yeah. I’ve seen that first-hand.”

“Also, don’t think you’re safe, bad wolf.”

Tom looked up. Max was grinning at him.

“I don’t think that’s a silly nickname. I like it.”

Max groaned. “But you’re supposed to hate it!”

He only chuckled.

The dog shook his head fondly, then stood up. “Your cup, I’ll get a refill.”

“Sure.” He gave him his cup.

Like this, he could imagine that they were actually something. That they were in a relationship or something. Max was nice, and despite all his bad qualities like his tendency to get overly excited, walk out of a problem he couldn’t solve, or even outright growl at Kevin when he was close with Tom, Tom still considered him nice.

He looked up to the sky. He… didn’t want to ruin whatever relationship they had now.

A few minutes after, the dog came back and gave him his cup. The wolf nodded as he received it, enjoying the warmth it gave. Things were not as simple as they seemed, but that was just the by-product of people. Nothing was ever simple.

“Tom,” Max started with a cautious tone, making him turn to look at the dog at the change of tone. “Uh, well, we never really got to know each other. I also uh… never saw you with your family, like, er… you never talked about them. If it’s okay for me to ask, why is that?”

The wolf let out a sigh as he looked down at his tea. He knew sooner or later he would have to explain it to his friends. All those holidays he spent alone in the dorms; that bound to raise some questions. Coupled with his tendency to keep his personal life as far away from prying eyes as possible and his reluctance to talk about his past, that was basically a huge red flag.

But Max deserved to know at least a part of it. The dog had done things for him, helping him stand back up on his feet. That made him deserve to know.

“Tom, wait, you don’t have to tell him.”

“No, Lain, I should. It’s Max.” Tom sipped the tea and let out another sigh as his ears went down. “Truthfully, Max, or maybe to put it lightly,” he said, picking his words carefully. He didn’t want to scare the dog away. “I have been dealing with… uh… depression and PTSD since… well… since pretty much in middle school, I think. I have since gone through the… um… more unpleasant stages. What I am to people now is not what I was to people in middle or high school. Looking back, actually I think I was a completely different person.” He let out a bitter chuckle, almost as bitter as the drink in his hands.

Looking down at the cup, he continued. “I just realised that I have depression towards the end of the twelfth grade. By then, I have learnt enough about basic psychology to know that I was not… like the others. My family…” he trailed off. “…is of no help at all. They were pretty much non-existent at this point.”

The night then seemed to feel colder. Those nightmares, they came again into his mind. He had been hopeless to avoid them, sometimes even forced to stay up for days just to keep himself sane. Those repeating scenes of hunger and thirst and rejection and cold and blood lingered for a long time in his mind and for a high schooler, anything was welcome to erase them from his mind.

He had never been chained to the wall and locked down in a dark room to count his days. No, this was a worse punishment. This was even worse to endure than that. He could walk out, he could talk to people, but he would never feel free. He was chained to himself.

“But, at least now the call of the void has gotten faint.” He then looked up, forcing himself to smile to wash those thoughts away.

“Jesus, Thomas, you should’ve told me!” Max shouted in panic when Tom turned and smiled at him. Tom’s smile faltered. “God, Thomas, why?!”

Those words hurt, they hurt him badly. However, it was equally hurtful to do otherwise. “Because…” he looked away, ears going down. “Because it’s hard to talk about it when it reminds you of…” he sipped from his cup with shaky hands, to distract his mind from his next words. “of those repeating scenes of violence.”

Times like this, he was glad he had tea.

“Besides, it’s just depression and PTSD.” He chuckled hollowly. “It’s not a big deal. I’m not the only one who has them.”

“It’s not ‘just depression and PTSD’, Tom! Don’t fucking look at it like it’s a regular thing to have!” Max’s arms wrapped themself around his shoulder and slowly pulled him closer to the dog. “Thanks for telling me this, Tom. I… I’m really sorry.” He said softly.

“Please don’t be sorry, i-it’s not your fault.” Tom let himself be pulled closer and closer to the dog’s comforting warmth. “And you were there when I felt like shit, so thank you.”

“If only you told me sooner…” the dog sighed.

“No, Max, it’s fine. You’ve been helping me whether you know it or not. You stayed with me during those nights, even holding me close when I feel like the world trashed me.”

Even the mere thought of you kept me going.

Tom closed his eyes, realising just how far his wish was. Of course no one would make it true, not even himself. He had done too much, had hurt too many people to deserve kindness and compassion. The wolf could only whisper softly into Max’s hold, holding tightly onto his one-sided love, the star he was never meant to reach. “What I would do for you.”

Max stroked the wolf’s shoulder, making him sigh. Max was here. Max was close to him. “I’m here, Tom. Please tell me if anything happens, alright?” Max was warm.

“Thanks, Max. I really appreciate that.” He sighed. “Now, though, I know I have you, I have friends, and I finally have a home.”

Max’s paws stroked his ear. “What do you mean you finally have a home?”

“I never had a home. This is my first one. House, maybe, but not home.”

And now I have people I consider family.

What else could he want without being selfish?

The wolf sighed, realising just how big was the emptiness in his heart. Fate had forcibly put apathy into him. For the better or worse? He didn’t know. What he now knew, though, was when he looked back at his past, he felt… things. The grey patchworks of emotions began to colour again.

The wolf closed his eyes and leant closer to Max. He was starting to be able to feel again.

I hope you understand why I named these two chapters “Home Sweet Home”. There’s more to Tom than what he tells Max in this chapter, but he’ll tell him everything in later chapters.