I stare at the floor in front of me. “Hmmm. I can't help but feel it might be a bad idea to do it. But at the same time." I scratch my noggin.  I'm in a real pickle right now. I Had planned to start growing mushrooms I can use for medicine. “On one hand, this place is perfect for growing mushrooms. It's moist, dark, and humid, perfect for growing mushrooms. On the other hand, a lot of the ones I am growing are poisonous and I don't think I can sleep well at night with something that can kill me growing under my feet. `` 

I pace around the basement. I can possibly wall-off a part of the basement, but that might still not help me sleep at night. I feel a migraine forming. Well thinking myself to a migraine forms is not going to help me. Time to shelf this problem for today.

I head upstairs and into the kitchen. On the table is diagrams, notes, and whatever info I can find about raising and growing mushrooms at home. I sit at the table, “Maybe I am jumping too far ahead of myself this time. I haven't grown mushrooms since college." 

A few days ago, I went to the mountains close by and gathered herbs and mushrooms I use for medicine. But mushrooms need a different environment than herbs. I can't just put them in the greenhouse and expect them to grow.

Still, mushrooms and herbs aren't the only thing I found up there. Up there lived a person, or rather a real life minotaur. I saw him while I was on the mountain, even talked with him. He struck me as a shy and awkward guy who doesn't know how to act around people.

I hear a knock at my door.

Huh?

I hear the knock again.

I get up from my chair and head to the door.

Another knock, more heavy than the last.

“Settle down," I yell, “I'm coming." I turn the knob and pull the door open, “so how can I--" I drift off.

Before me was a giant, and I mean giant of a man. His whole frame seemed to block the view behind him. His body was covered in a grey worn-out cloak. His head and face covered by a hood and its shadow. 

“Ahhh," I stood there with my mouth open. “Oh sorry where are my manners? Can I help you?"

Y-yeah," the guy said in a meek but deep voice, “I was hoping for a check up."

It clicks who this guy is, “Asterius?"

At the mention of his name, he rushes in and slams the door behind him. He turns the light off and leans against the door. “Oh sorry." he turns around and removes his hood. His head is that of a cow, brown head long leading to a black snout. His ears leading away from his body along the length of his small horns. “I thought I heard something."

“Well, you are here quite late," I turn the lights back on. “So you just want a check up?"

“Y-yeah, since you offered," a human like hand slowly comes out from under his cloak. He is holding a plant, I think. “Here, your payment."

“Huh?" Why is he-- ohhhh. “Thanks." I take the plant. The poor plant is completely destroyed. I can't even figure out what plant it was. The stem is crushed and whatever petals it might have fallen off before he got here. I look back at Asterius, I see myself reflected in his big brown eyes. I put on a good customer service smile at him, “thanks for the plant, but what plant is it?"

“I uh it's um. I can't recall." Asterius looks disappointed, well disappointed as he can with a cow face.

I get behind him and pat his broad back, “Hey, it's okay. Besides check ups are free, I only charge you for the drugs if you need them."

“I don't think I need them," he says, “I doubt anything would actually work on me anyway."

“Well, I can still give you a check up." I lead him through the house. 

I open a door through the front office. “The check up area is just around the corner." we entered a small room I use for examinations. “You may want to lose a cloak. I need to get the paperwork I use to record the results."

“Okay."

I leave the room and head to the front desk. I open one of the drawers and pull out a blank sheet, a clipborad, and a pen. Running my own practice has left me having to do a lot of the clerical work myself. Honestly the worst part of it was developing a system from scratch that actually works for me.  

I return to the room. Asterius had undone the clasp around his neck and lay the cloak on the examination table beside him.  He had a chest that most people work towards, like that of a muscular human man covered in brown short fur. His arms are thick and covered with the same brown fur.

I open up one of the drawers, “So is there anything you need me to look at? Something bothering you?"

“No. I just don't remember the last time I had a doctor look over me. I'm not medically knowledgeable enough to keep an eye on my own health. "

I pull out the stethoscope, “Alright, I'm going to start with your heart rate." I put the eartips in and placed the Diaphragm to his chest. I listen to his heart rate. Twelve beats. “72 BPM, that's good." I write that down.

“It is?"

“Yeah, It's a healthy rate for an adult man to have." I move the stethoscope down to his stomach area. The nice sounds of a digestive tract filled my ears. “So what is your diet like?"

“I fish and hunt most of the time. I eat what I can find on the mountain and around town."

I hold my breath, “You don't go through people's trash do you?"

“What? No, I don't."

I felt relieved, “That's good. I wouldn't know what to do if you told me you did. So what about winter?"

Asterius glares at me. “I don't have to say."

“Okay, okay, I won't push the issue," I say. “But you still have regular bowel movement right? Taking a shit once a day at least?"

“Yeah," Asterius face seems to relax a bit.

I pull out the bulky automatic sphygmomanometer. “Next I am going to take your blood pressure. Stick your hand out with your palm up."

He sticks out his arm like I ask. I honestly feel envious of how thick his arm is. I wonder what he does to get arms that thick?

I wrap the pressure cuff around his upper arm and turn on the machine. It hums as the cuff slowly gets bigger, applying pressure to Asterius' arm. “120/80." I write that down.

“Is that good?"

“It's average. Can't complain about it." I undo the cuff, “So are you caught up on all your shots."

He tilts his head, “Shots?"

“Yeah. Flu shots, vaccines, that sort of stuff. I should ask but do you know your blood type?"

Asterius tilts his head again. “Vaccines? Blood type? What are you talking about?"

“Do you really not know what vaccines are?"

“Nope. What are they?"

I sigh. “Okay, a vaccine is a shot you take to help you fight certain diseases, like whooping cough or measles. You are telling me you never got a shot?"

“No, I have lived on the mountain for a long time. When I do come down from the mountain to scavenge, I don't talk to people."

“I see," I pinch the bridge of my nose and sigh. “Alright, I am going to order all the vaccines I can to make sure you are up to date on all your shots." I write that down on the sheet.

“Is there any need to?"

“Yes, a lot of vaccines are for preventable diseases that are contagious."

“I see."

“Anyway that's for another time. Let's continue the check up." I pull out the reflex hammer, “Next I am going to take a look at your reflexes." I get besides Asterius, “I am going to hit your knees with this, okay?"

“Yeah." 

I take a look at his legs. He is wearing shorts that cover the top of his legs, but boy are they big. They are just as muscular as his chest and covered in short brown fur. It all leads to his foot, that was hoof foot you might see on any old cow. I wonder how he walks upright with those feet? I start feeling around his leg looking for where the knee might be. Those muscles not only look built but feel like it too. I feel a particularly hard place under my fingertips, “Would you say this is the knee?"

Asterios nods.

I tap his knee. No response. I tap it again. The leg moves. “Good." I write that down.

“So, how much longer is this going to be?"

“Well I have a couple of things I need to test first and then get your weight."

“Are they necessary?"

“Sort of, I need to see if you are showing signs of cancer."

“What does crabs have to with my health?"

I stare at Asterius. That was so random, like what is he talking about? I get that he might not have any medical knowledge, but crabs. What the fuck? “Ah no. how to put it? Its when your cells divide uncontrollably and destroy your body tissue. Specifically I am looking for two types of cancer: testicular and prostate cancer."

“Well, how do you find them?"

“Well, for testicular cancer I will be touching your balls and trying to feel for anything abnormal, like a lump."

“That doesn't sound too bad."

“Well in simple terms. The prostate exam is when I put a finger up your butt to-."

Asterius instinctively grabs his ass. “No," he yells.

“Whoa calm down, calm down. We might not even do a prostate exam."

“But you said I need it to see if I have cancer!"

“Well there are other signs you might have prostate cancer. Having trouble with peeing or blood showing up are sure signs you have prostate cancer."

“Well I don't have those problems." Asterius is giving my a stink eye. No, I don't think that is accurate. I think he is ready to attack me if I set him off. Despite how awkward and shy he is, he has a strong built and could hurt me, possibly kill me, if he gets set off.I may have accidentally gave him a bad view on doctors.

“Sorry, if you aren't having those problems then I don't see the point in doing a prostate exam at this point of time."

Asterios shoulders drop a bit. Seems like he was relaxing his guard a bit. 

“Now do you still want me to examine your testicles, or do you not want me to?"

“Well, I don't think that's necessary either. What should I be looking for?"

“Lumps on either testical are easy signs any should find by themselves. Pain in the groin is another sign."

“Constant pain?"

“I think so. Is that what you are feeling right now?"

“N-no, I was just asking."

“Okay then, so all that is left is getting your weight."

“You're not going to touch me are you?"

“What? No, I am going to just have you step onto a scale." 

We exit the room and I turn on the scale next to the room. A small black rectangle connecting to a monitor to the wall. I make sure it says zero before I have him step on. The scale makes the customary noise when Asterius steps on the scale. Numbers show up on the screen on the wall, “256 pounds."

“Is that heavy?" Asterius asked.

“I seen smaller people that are heavier. Your weight is around what I expected for your height and build." I write down the weight, “And with that the check up should be done."

“Really?"

“Yeah, I don't see anything that might be wrong with you. Granted, I might not even find anything wrong with you in the first place since you're--"I stop myself.

“Since I am not human, right?" he says with a sad look on his face.

“Asterius, I am so sorry. I didn't--"

“It fine," he goes back into the examination room, “I know I am not human anymore so it doesn't bother me."

“Anymore? You were human once?"

“Yeah, a long time ago." he walks out of the exam room, his cloak back on, “I'm sorry for busting in like I did. I'll show myself out."

“Wait, Asterius."

He ignores me and passes me on his way out. In the distance I hear my door open and close.

Well, Alphonse, you really fucked up this time.