Eleven year old Brady let his legs swing, and since they weren’t quite long enough to reach the ground it was easy. The lobby he was sitting in with his mum was decorated with muted colours, the carpet a soft forest green, walls non-offensively blue. In the corner was a pile of picture books and puzzles, but those were for little kids. His mum looked nervous, furtively glancing around, avoiding the gaze of the other parent that was seated in the room. They had their own quiet child seated with them, who was swinging their own legs. Brady jealously glared at the tiger kit’s Nintendo handheld that was gripped between his paws. He prayed the other kid would see him looking, and offer a go, but it never happened. They sat for a little while longer, quietly waiting before a tall, lean fox with glasses appeared in the doorway.

“Brady Carter?” He asked, glancing between the two young furs. Lilly nudged her son to get up, and Brady obeyed. Suddenly shy, he stood up slowly, paws clasped in front of his waist, staring at his feet. “Hey there, you want to come through with me buddy?” The fox asked gently. Brady cautiously checked with his mum, who nodded, before following the tall fur. They walked down a short hallway, before the fox opened the door to a small office, gesturing for Brady to come in and sit down. It felt like he was at the doctors, except there was no special bed, no models of the body or posters about different fur species’ anatomy. There was a desk in the corner, with a small laptop, and two comfy couches that faced each other. Brady sat down in one, and the fox sat opposite him. “Okay. My name is Doctor Kenneth Shaw, Brady. It’s great to finally meet you.” The fox said, beaming at the young fur.

“Oh, right. Uh…thanks.” The wolf replied, still nervous and blushing.

“You can just call me Kenny, if that’s alright. It’s easier for both of us I think.” Brady nodded, wringing his paws together anxiously. Why was he here? What did this weird “doctor” want? “So I’ve been having some conversations with your mum, and she says that you’ve been having nightmares recently? Is that right?” Brady’s eyes opened, that’s what he was here for? But they were just dreams…they didn’t really matter. He didn’t…

“Um, I guess.” He replied meekly. “But I mean…they aren’t like…that bad or anything.” Kenny nodded, writing something down in his notebook. Brady couldn’t help but feel like he was being graded on something.

“Okay. She said that you’ve been waking up in the night, crying out? She told me you’re often sweaty and sometimes struggling to breathe? Can you tell me about that? There’s nothing to be worried or ashamed about, I promise.”

“Um…okay.” Since that day two years ago, when he and Oliver went to find the dead body, Brady couldn’t get the image out of his head. They had never told anyone what they found, and eventually the body was found by some random grown-ups. The dreams had gotten worse then, Brady having constant nightly wars with himself, imagining first that he was the one hanging from the tree. Then later he started dreaming that he was the one to make the goat do that to himself. “They’re…really scary, I guess.” He admitted, squirming in his seat.

“Right. Do you want to tell me what happens in the dreams? It’s okay if you don’t.” Kenny said, patiently waiting. Brady got the sense that the fox would wait all day if need be.

“Dying.” He said eventually, quietly, avoiding the doctor’s eyes.

“Dying? Who’s dying in your dreams? Is it you? Or…someone in your family? A friend maybe?” The fox spoke softly, gently. It was a nice voice, something Brady felt he could trust.

“Me. Usually.”

“Hmm. Okay.” Kenny responded, nodding and making some notes. “Do you ever get nervous, Brady?” He asked next, crossing his legs.

“Uh…yeah, I…I mean I guess so.” The wolf answered. He wasn’t sure what kind of answer Kenny wanted to hear. The fox smiled a little, exhaling slightly in amusement.

“Brady…there’s no right or wrong answer, okay? You can say whatever you want to say to me. If you don’t want me to tell your mum, that’s okay too. It’s called doctor-patient confidentiality, and it means your secrets are my secrets. Alright?” He explained. Brady felt a little reassured, he swallowed lightly, nodding.

“Okay, that makes sense.” He replied.

“So. Do you ever get nervous?” Kenny asked again.

“Yeah. Sometimes I get really nervous. So nervous I can’t even move. It’s scary. That’s what the dreams are like…you know?” Kenny nodded. “Like I can’t do anything, it just happens, the pain, I can’t breathe and I just…” He stopped, realising he was shaking a little. He smiled, running a paw back through the fur on his head.

“That’s okay, really. I’m glad you told me. Now we can get to work on finding out why.”

Brady sipped his milkshake, staring around at the passing crowd. He was drinking chocolate; Jake had chosen strawberry. Their mother had to do some shopping ‘In Town’ and asked if the brothers wanted to come. They both wanted to get out of the house, and were happy to accept the offer. For the folks of Brady’s home town, going ‘In Town’ just meant taking the forty-minute trip to the next town over. It was bigger than their own, and had a few extra pleasant amenities, such as a cinema and swimming pool. Lilly had gone off to do some shopping, and left the boys with some money for lunch and fun. Technically Brady had his own money, but he wasn’t against accepting some extra every now and then. Jake was happily flicking around on his phone, drinking his own milkshake with his free hand. Brady found himself somewhat amused at how…teenage the kid looked. Shaking his head and chuckling internally, the wolf turned his head to watch the crowd. The weather was nice, and the shoppers were out in droves; ergo, there were plenty of cute guys to stare at. One of the disappointing things about coming home for holidays was the severe lack of fur variety, just another reason to go ‘In Town’. Even better, due to the warmth plenty of well-built, athletic types were wandering in nothing more than shorts and sandals. Brady finished off his milkshake, trying to low-key stare at the strangers, before turning back to his clueless brother.

“So then.” He said with an air of finality, placing his empty cup on the table with a resounding thud. “What’s her name then eh?” He asked his brother. The younger wolf looked up, already blushing beneath his soft grey fur. He stared for a moment, before sighing and slipping his phone back into a pocket.

“What…uh, what do you mean by that?” He asked, trying (And failing) to play it cool. He just looked at his older brother, sipping his milkshake, despite the fact that it sounded empty. Brady could read the teen like a book.

“Don’t even…don’t make me play this game. You’re a horrifically poor liar.” Brady said, grinning.

“I’m sure I don’t know what you mean.” Jake replied, in a mock-posh voice, giggling at the end of the sentence.

“I’ll find out, and then I won’t be so…ah, lenient. Just tell me her name. I probably don’t even know her.” The older wolf bargained, watching his brother’s face get redder and redder. Little brothers, hours of fun! He thought. Jake scoffed.

“Why should I tell you? None of your business anyway.” The younger wolf replied. Brady held a paw up to his chest, gasping.

“Why this betrayal?” Jake just rolled his eyes. “I told you I was gay, surely a girlfriend isn’t nearly as bad.”

“You told everyone you were gay.” Jake replied plainly.

“Yeah, but I mean I told you first.” He countered.

“Ugh.” The teenager replied, retrieving his phone and unlocking the home screen. After a moment however, he paused, seemed to think of something before locking the device and putting it back down on the table. He stared at Brady for a minute, just studying the elder brother’s face.

“What?” He asked, already suspicious.

“Nothing.” Jake replied.

“Just say it.” Brady said, his face totally unamused.

“Say what?”

“Whatever it is you’re about to say, dickhead.” Brady added, already frustrated.

“So are you seeing Max or what?” This time it was Brady’s turn to go red, stammering as he anxiously rubbed the fur on the back of his neck.

“I…I don’t know what you mean…I-I mean, we only had breakfast…not like…like a big deal or anything.” He tried to explain.

“Sure.”

“God damn you.” Brady said, climbing to his feet to go and deposit the empty milkshake containers in a nearby bin. When he returned, Jake had his phone out again, flicking through messages.

“Mum said she’s gonna be like another hour.” He said, without looking up from the device.

“Why?” Brady moaned, letting his head fall back dramatically. “This happens every time we come here! We hang out for a little while, and then she spends ages looking around bookshops or whatever.” He whined.

“I think she’s shopping for Dad’s birthday, actually.” Jake corrected.

“Uh, it’s not Dad’s birthday.” Brady said, trying to mentally check his calendar.

“Yeah it is, in like…a week or so.” Jake replied, climbing out of his chair, resigning himself to the fact they wouldn’t just be lounging on this outside setting for the next hour or so.

“Oh…shit. I had no idea.”

“Well done.”

“Um. I guess we should go look for something then.” Brady added, again rubbing the fur on the back of his neck, massaging the muscles that were located there. Jake nodded his agreement, and the two wandered into the shopping centre together. They spent half an hour or so browsing stores, until Brady had picked out a DVD he thought his father might like. He never really knew though, buying for his parents always seemed like an impossible task. When asked, they always said stupidly sarcastic things like ‘you being around is the best present I could ask for’. As they were wandering out of a shop, the older wolf double checking his bag and receipt, making sure everything was still there, the two were interrupted by a voice calling out to them.

“Jake?” It asked. The two brothers looked up to see a teenaged otter standing there gawking; he was dressed in blue shorts and an orange t-shirt; he seemed about the same age as the younger Carter brother. Jake cocked his head, looking somewhat awkward.

“Oh…hey Aaron. How are uh…how you doing?” He asked, as the otter wandered over. The kid had his paws stuffed deep into his pockets, looking between Jake and his older brother.

“I’m…good, feels like it’s been ages since we’ve hung out though. How are you doing?” He said.

“Oh, fine, busy I guess.” Jake replied awkwardly.

“And you’re Brady then?” The otter asked, turning to the older brother. The wolf nodded, outstretching a paw to shake the otter’s, but Aaron just ignored the gesture. Uncomfortable, Brady pulled his paw back, stuffing it into his own pocket.

“I uh…I am. Nice to meet you Aaron, I’ve heard lots about you.” The teenager looked like he’d been slapped, taking a step back and staring at Jake in something that looked close to horror. The younger wolf was quick to hold his own paws up in defence.

“All good, it’s all good stuff. Don’t worry.” He reassured, freaking Brady right out. It was so painfully awkward and he had no idea why.

“Uh, okay.” He said slowly, unsure how best to act next. Aaron nodded, smiling almost sadly.

“Yeah. Uh, I gotta get going I guess…my Dad is waiting. It was good seeing you. Nice meeting you Brady.”

“Yeah…you too.” The sixteen year-old replied, before the otter turned and left, walking away without looking back. Jake quickly gripped Brady’s upper arm like a vice, pulling his older brother along quickly.

“Uh, whoa, what?” He stammered, being forced along out of the shopping centre and into the fresh air. Jake walked over to a small bench, sitting down and breathing heavily. Stunned, Brady wandered over, his DVD store bag swinging listlessly in a paw. “So…what the hell was that all about?” He asked, trying to sound casual.

“I just didn’t expect to see Aaron here is all.” Jake said, as if that explained everything.

“You wanna tell me why it was so damn crazy in there…what the fuck? You guys both looked like you’d seen a murder or something.” Jake smirked, shaking his head.

“No, no nothing like that.”

“Fight over a girl?” Brady guessed.

“No, worse than that. Way worse.”

“Did you both…”

“Brady!” Jake snapped, quickly jumping to his feet. “Just drop it okay? Fucking hell. Let’s just go find Mum and go home.” Brady watched his younger brother storm off for a moment, before quietly following. Jake wasn’t the kind of fur to often blow up like that, so something must be really wrong. But just what the hell was his problem?

The two quickly caught up with Lilly, who’d just about finished her shopping. She quickly caught on to the fact that something had happened between the boys, they weren’t chatting and joking as per usual. Ignoring whatever problem it was (Boys fought, it happened, nothing she hadn’t seen before), she made them carry some bags, quickly packing up the car and driving home. Brady sat in the front and chatted to his mother, while Jake sat sullenly in the back seat, practically pouting. He was quiet for the rest of the day, and Brady just let him be, waiting until everyone was in bed. Once the house was quiet, the older brother slowly crept out of his room, dressed in a loose cotton shirt and pyjama bottoms. He silently crept up to Jake’s door, knocking lightly before pushing his way in. He let out a small noise of surprise upon seeing that his brother was standing in front of the window, fully dressed. The younger wolf turned to the older one, looking rather sheepish. He looked exactly like a teenager about to sneak out.

“So…” Brady began, clearing his throat. “Uh, where are you going?” Jake swallowed the anxious lump in his throat, casually leaning against the window sill.

“Nowhere.” He said.

“Nowhere? You just like to wear shoes around your room in the middle of the night?”

“Sometimes I like to…I dunno, just walk around near this time, you know? It clears my head.” He lied. Brady nodded, empathising. It was the kind of thing he’d done as a teenager too, it was often difficult not to go crazy in this fucking town.

“So. I thought maybe we should talk about Aaron.” He said, sitting down onto Jake’s bed. The younger wolf sighed, falling into his nearby office chair.

“I don’t really want to.” He said softly.

“That wasn’t normal, today. That was super weird. What happened between you two? Didn’t you used to be best friends or something?” Jake bit his lower lip, rocking back and forth, rubbing his paws on his jeans fervently. He made a light whining noise, a small sound that came from deep in his throat. “Jake? What the fuck dude, what happened?” Brady pressed.

“I dunno, we can’t…we made a promise you know, not to tell anyone.” Brady’s attitude instantly went sour, it wasn’t the kind of thing he liked to hear from teenagers. That they ‘had’ to keep secrets. He narrowed his eyes.

“You need to tell me right now, or I’m gonna wake Mum and Dad up, and make them get it out of you.” He threatened. Jake looked up quickly, panic in his eyes, paws out desperately.

“No, no don’t do that. Fine, fine I’ll tell you, okay? But you have to keep it a secret.” He said seriously.

“Fine. I will.” Brady said, with the full intention to break the promise if it turned out to be something that needed telling.

“Ages ago…back when we were…hanging out more. We were super bored, and we kept trying all this new stuff to do, okay? Aaron found this recipe online, how to make these like, little…I guess….bombs.” Brady felt his eyes widen, this was not the kind of answer he’d been preparing himself for.

“Oh? What…how did he even…?”

“Like I said, he found it online. It had a bit of piping, some matchheads and a bit of gasoline, that’s all really. We were able to find most of the stuff we needed at his Uncle’s place. We’d take them out onto the property and blow up like…tree bits and stuff. It was…fun.” He explained, his head hanging, face red. Brady let out a very small growl from his throat; Jake ignored it and kept going.

“We kept making them, started out real small, but we got really good at it Brady. Aaron, he was just so good, it was amazing. They were really cool.” He stopped, sniffling a little.

“Uh-huh.” Was all Brady said, resting back against the bed’s head board.  

“I mean, I didn’t know…it just happened. One day he was making ‘em, and it just…went off, right there.”

“Oh shit.”

“Yeah.” The teenager wiped away a tear with the sleeve of his jumper. “We didn’t mean for it to happen…but his paw…”

“Is that why he wouldn’t shake my paw? Is he…is he missing fingers?” Brady asked hesitantly. Jake just nodded.

“I ran away. I was so scared we were going to get in trouble. He kept crying, and all the blood…and I mean he kept saying how we were gonna get criminal charges because they were explosives…” He said, staring at his feet.

“You just left him there?”

“I called an ambulance before I did.” Jake said, the fur around his eyes wet. He wasn’t crying, but he had teared up a little. The boy was clearly upset about it all. “He didn’t tell anyone I was there.” He said solemnly, before growing quiet. Brady let out a deep sigh, clicking his tongue.

“Fucking hell.” He said after a minute, staring at the ceiling. The two brothers then sat in silence for five minutes, each thinking their own thoughts. Jake found some tissues and wiped away his tears, already embarrassed that he cried in front of his big brother. Brady couldn’t care less, thinking things over. Possible outcomes, options he had, what was the right choice? What was a ‘responsible adult’ like himself supposed to do here? Was he a grown up first, or a brother?

“Fuck.” He eventually said again, climbing up off the bed. Jake lept to his feet, jumping in front of his brother and putting his paws onto the older males chest.

“You’re not gonna tell Mum and Dad right?” He pleaded. Brady hadn’t yet made up his mind, but after looking at his little brother’s face he had.

“No. I won’t, not for now anyway. But…you gotta be nice to Aaron. Okay? It’ll be fine, just…talk to him. And don’t you ever fucking mess with exploding shit again.” He warned, letting a slight growl seep through, before leaving the room and returning to his own bedroom.