A Lead Crown Contribution: A Mother's Prayer

    The sun was already giving its last rays of light for the day by the time I got home, it was a strange feeling going back to an empty house after work, especially after all those years I had lived with my pup; oh, I miss him so much, my little Roland, though he's not so little anymore, he's a grown up wolf now, attending the University and such, but that doesn't stop me from worrying, and I know of no mother who would ever stop worrying about her children's safety, even the constant stream of letters he sends me every now and then do little to quench my worry, but how could it be quenched when he's in such a big city as Newport? It must be so full of troubled, he could be picked on by other furs or humans, he could be eating scraps, or spirits forbid he could be into drugs.

     I quickly shut the door behind me, taking a moment to relax and to discard the idea of hitting the road to Newport first thing in the morning, I had to let my pup live his own life away from me, no matter how much it hurt, or how empty the house felt without him, I guess I just never expected this to happen so soon, maybe I never really wanted him to leave home, yet I didn't had the heart to tell him to stay. Without Lucian and Roland, the house just didn't feel right no matter how much time I spent tiding it up, like I was doing right now to distract myself, I just missed my pair of stubborn males, our awkward family dinners on the old but sturdy table, where they would eat like starved wolves every time and their peculiar scents, which had covered the whole house just a few months ago.  

      Slowly, I made my way around my usual routine: finish tidying up the house, taking care of my little garden, taking a quick bath, eating a small snack, reading some letter from my boys, and then, nothing...there was nothing else for me to do, when once I was met with countless things that had to be done, now I found myself with huge amounts of free time that I didn't know what to do with, I didn't feel like reading a book, nor doing an inventory of the herbs I had left, or visit one of my friends. For close to twenty years I had dedicated my life to my son and my husband, always putting Roland's need before my own, spending sleepless nights watching over him when he got sick, reading him bedtime stories, teaching everything I could so he would be a great wolf when  he grew up, sharing as much time as I could with him, but it wasn't until recently that I realized that I depended on my family as much as they depended on me, so much that the memories where overwhelming me as I sit here in this living room that I no longer recognize, the usual sofa where we would talk after dinner now just looked wrong, the low mahogany table that once held 2 or 3 mugs with hot tea, now showed a bizarre lonely mug, and the old rug that Lucian had bought to me for our fifth anniversary, and that Roland hated because it looked like a monster, was no longer getting the cautious stare from a lovely hybrid. 

         This house was like a treasure full of precious memories, I could still remember clearly the first time I saw it, it was a couple of days after I wed Lucian, the wolf I had fallen for and that I had been seeing for almost 4 years, the whole affair had been simple yet extremely beautiful, Lucian had gone out of his way to make me feel like the luckiest fur in all the world, yet the moment he presented me the house with a ¨I hope you like it dear, that's our house¨ I was so happy that I couldn't hold back the tears, which he took as a bad sign, continuously asking me to forgive him  until I told him I loved it, sure it wasn't the biggest house in Vallara nor the biggest in Leshunia, nevertheless it was ours, our little haven where we could forget about the world and just focus on our love for each other, that was more than enough for me.

       Three years later we got a pleasant surprise, the Gods had blessed us with a pup of our own, a sweet little thing that would become the greatest joy in our lives, Roland. The first time I held him in my arms I was beyond static, he was the most beautiful cub I had ever seen with a healthy black fur, a pair of curious little ears, a set of cute small paws and his short tail, he was everything I could have expected for my baby to be like, plus being one of the quietest cub I have ever seen, spending most of his first weeks sleeping or eating, and doing some cute noises from time to time. It was strange how quickly he had grown into me and Lucian, having just being with us for a couple of weeks, but I could not imagine what life would be without him, I really loved him with all my heart.

       A couple of weeks later my mom moved from the little town she had been living to a place close to ours all so she could  ¨spoil her grandson more often like any self-respecting grandma should do¨, it was a surprise for both of us, but more to Lucian that had thought he had ¨escaped¨ my mother's influence, yet he also appreciated the gesture as he now would be able to work without worrying too much about me and his son, even if he said that I knew that he would be worrying nevertheless, he's that kind of wolf.

      In a matter of months we had adapted to the new presences in out house, my mom took it upon herself to take care of my little boy whenever I had to work and Roland seemed to loved all the attention he was getting from the old husky, or that's what I thought his bright blue eyes said when he looked at her. On the other Hand Lucian's trading company was growing by leaps and bounds back then, something about a new contract or something like that had provided a better income, but it also  meant he had to travel more frequently and longer, leaving some times for weeks on end, only to returning bearing gifts so my mom wouldn't give him one of her renowned 5 hours sermons and spent the whole time bragging to any living soul about his son, to the point almost everyone in town knew my son as much as he did.  

       The next nine years passed by like a blur, Roland kept growing up strong day after day, changing from a little ball of fur that slept most of the day to a bigger furry ball that was unbelievably kind and curious,  asking questions about anything that caught his attention, thought he was shy around strangers and only had a handful of friends he played with. The only thing that worried me at the time was my mother, her health had been declining fast for a few months, and she could not spent as much time with Roland as before, telling him stories of old and reading him books, but no matter how many times I tried to convince her to see a doctor at Newport, she never budged, blaming her sickness to her old age. However, be it to sickness or age, she died shortly after winter fell, it was a quick and painless death during her sleep, yet it hit us all hard, especially Roland who had found her like that when he went to visit her. It was a memory I could never forget, the way  my little pup barged into the store screaming ¨grandma doesn't wake up mom, grandma doesn't wake up¨, his usually bright blue eyes were frantic with desperation, breathing heavily with tears barely contained and the bag I had sent him with clenched tightly in his right paw, seeing him like that a sense of dread invaded my very core for I realized two things: The first, my mom was most likely.....dead, and the second was, how I was going to explain that to my child, he was barely 9 summers old, he was still a sweet innocent thing, how could I ruin him by telling him the hard truth.

             In the end no answer came to that question, and I had to check my mom to verify if what I feared so much had really happened, I took my little son  by his paw and walked with him towards my mom's, each step that got us closer to her place the foolish hope that I had for finding her alive was disappearing, my legs felt heavier and the only thing that kept me from breaking down was my son's paw, the same one that was gripping my so tightly, reminding me he needed me now more than ever, he needed the comfort only a mother could give so I did my best to remain as calm as I could. When we finally arrived at the house, my fears came true, she was already cold and breathless, there was nothing I could do, there was no herb nor medicine that could cure death, my knees suddenly got weak, so I quickly knelt on the hard wooden floor while I hugged my pup tightly, explaining between sobs that his grandma was with the spirits, and that she would be watching over him from now on, thought that did nothing to prevent the endless torrent of tears that came from his eyes, in that moment I realized that he didn't want to understand what those words meant, for they hurt too much, they hurt way too much his fragile heart.

              After that day, a dark cloud seemed to be following our family, the whole funeral and mourning was a quick affair that I quickly forgot, focusing instead on my child, who had taken his grandma's death the worst., he grew very quiet the following days, distancing himself from everything as his hollowed eyes read some of the story books mom had given to him, he was so sad, so broken, but he wouldn't talk with anyone or let them in, he just wanted to be left alone,  he was suffering so much, and I  had no idea of how to take it away from him.

             Things went on that way until Roland was 13 summers old, by then he was no longer the little pup he once was, he grown up a lot since then, he rarely smiled anymore, or held long conversations, he had become sort of a lone wolf, ghosting around town reading his books without paying attention to anyone else. Yet the situation took a turn for better after he met Adrian, the robust tiger son of a small family and the eldest of three, he was also considered one of Vallara's misfits, odd by anyone's perception due to his non-stopping sarcasm, complete lack of tact and a obsession with improper subjects that always got his parents in trouble. I have no idea of how they became friends, nor do I understand it, the only thing I cared about was that somehow he managed to get some of my little boy back, and that he was smiling more often, which was more than enough for me given the circumstances, however Lucian didn't see it that way, he saw Kyle as a threat to Roland, a virus that would slowly erode his mind and turn him against his family, he was worried that he would get between Roland and his studies, branding him as a hindrance rather than a help.

                 It was only a few years later that the ¨incident¨ happened, but before that Lucian had become more overbearing with his son, often in regards of his plans for the future and the family business, they had gotten in multiple arguments, and after ¨that¨ day, things were no longer the same between them, they started to see each other in only a ¨need-to¨basis, avoiding each other as much as they could and when they couldn't, they just plainly ignored the other like two stubborn canines fighting for dominance(which in a sense they were). After that they didn't talk much after my pup left for Newport, Lucian wasn't even here to see him safe to his destination, he just hired some sell swords to do the job, and as far as I know they hadn't spoke to the other in years, though both of them keep a constant stream of correspondence so I don't ¨raise the dead by worrying too much¨, stupid mutts, like I could ever stop worrying about either of them, I love them too much for that.