Cutting to Deep

Finding One's True Self: Part 1

By Xan Steel

The year is 2169 and the people of Earth are in a desperate struggle for control. Several world leaders had allowed religion to get a foothold around a hundred and twenty years ago, and it has been an all-out war that has continually escalated over the years.

Many of the non-religious who didn't want to be a part of these 'Holy Wars' began fleeing their home countries, in search of a new home. Belgium would be the safe haven everyone went too. They accepted everyone who wanted no part of these wars, that after fifty years, had turned into a bloodbath once these religious factions got their hands on military weaponry. Because of this Belgium started setting up a defensive barrier around the whole of the country.

This is where the story of Daniel Jenkins begins. A thirty-year-old with a PhD. in Mechanical Engineering, who would in some cases rival his peers with his ideas, while also being an average Astrophysicist. Daniel was born in America with his sister Maria, during the height of these wars.

Luckily it never came close to them while they went to school. The only major thing they had to worry about was their abusive parents. Growing up they were forced to attend church with them. Daniel, however, saw through the smoke screen at a very early age. Which would land him a beating or two a day when he would question the teachings. Maria was much like Daniel in that aspect, because she wouldn't believe in it either. She also would be beaten unless Daniel was there to take her beatings upon himself. Defending the only one that, in his eyes, ever loved him. In this aspect, they were very close to each other. Once they graduated from high school, they were invited to Harvard, and against their parent's warnings they left never to return.

Daniel loved a number of different things in his life. He loved science fiction, movies and television of many different genres, music, comics, as well as being into the furry culture. A culture that allowed him to escape the realities of the world for a short time. He created his own character that was a hybrid of a wolf and a deer named Rubicant Tavar, and had a suit made in its likeness. He made a number of friends that were into the same things he was, which made him feel more welcome overall.

Maria, being only a few years older, wasn't really into the furry culture, but saw how much happier Daniel was because of it. Maria's job unfortunately kept her busy most of the time. She was in an advanced medical field with her two Ph. D's in Bioelectric Engineering, and Baseline DNA Constructs. So, her workload was always heavy, even on the weekends.

With as close as they were with each other, they shared a small one bed, one bath home not far from their jobs. They put their single beds together to give themselves extra room in the tiny bedroom, and took turns using the shower every morning. Daniel went first as he was always up before she was, and once he finished made them both a fresh pot of coffee. Which would wake Maria up, as she came out in a robe and would give him a kiss on the cheek and give him a good morning hug. This was the way of things for the few years they lived there. Their evenings would have them sitting down and having dinner together while watching television to catch up on the news outside of Belgium.

Things, however, changed one day, as Maria come home from work and found that he had separated their beds. She found him sitting on the small porch like area out back and went to greet him with a kiss on the cheek and a hug, but all he gave her was a quick friendly hug. She asked if everything was ok, and he said it was, but his eyes betrayed him and shows a sadness she had never seen before. She let it go for now, but would keep an eye on him just to be sure.

A few months later, things took a darker turn. Over the course of a week Maria would either be met by or receive a call from one of Daniel's friends with concerns about his sudden reclusiveness, and increasing unhappiness. She assured them that she had talked with him, and that he said everything was fine, but she would talk with him again.

One night, when she finally got off of work and made it home is when she noticed things weren't right. The outside light that would normally come on automatically never turned on, and the inside lights were off. After parking the car, she got out and headed to the door with her little flashlight in hand and unlocked the door.

Upon opening the door Maria flipped the light switch hoping the lights would come on, but they didn't. 'Did we lose power?' she questioned herself and looked back out at the street. Everyone seemed to have power but them. She wondered if they forgot the to pay the power this month. She shined her light around as she stepped in and closed the door.

Upon closing the door is when she noticed a worrying scent heavy in the air. Metal. She immediately reached in her bag and pulled out a tourniquet kit. She began to frantically search with her flashlight, her voice gave away her panic, “Danny! Where are you?" As she passed the kitchen to the back of the home is when she noticed the scent getting weaker. She turned back around and checked the kitchen, and became a witness to a horror scene. Daniel was lying in a pool of his own blood. His right arm sliced opened from wrist to elbow. She rushed over to him while screaming at him. “DANNY, WHY!?!"

Through her tears of pain and fear, she tied off his arm and checked his pulse on his left arm. It was extremely faint but it was there. He was breathing faintly but he was out cold due to the blood loss. She called emergency services out to their place and had him taken to the hospital.

A few hours passed since they wheeled him in. Maria's nerves were shot as evident to her constant pace back and forth in the waiting room. A nurse came out to talk with her. Sandra, her closest friend and colleague, worked at the hospital part-time in the emergency room. “Maria?" She called out to her.

Maria was lost in her own worry's and thoughts but heard her name, and turned to face the one calling out to her. “Sandy?" She said before it clicked that she was here working. “How, how is he?" Her fear was evident in her voice.

Sandra came over and gave her a tight reassuring hug. “You got him here in time sweetie, he's going to make it." She said in a reassuring tone, as Maria broke down in her arms. Sandra did her best to comfort her, but in her mind, she wondered what would cause him to go through with such an act.

Daniel was everything to Maria, and losing him, in her mind meant losing her entire world.

Sandra took her back to see him in ICU, while getting a reclining chair and blanket for her. Maria saw his arm in a device that Sandra explained was accelerating the healing process and should be finished by morning. They were also using his blood that he had been donating for a transfusion since he had a rare blood type. Maria hugged her again and thanked her for being there for them. After which Sandra left to let her sleep next to him.

As morning came Daniel woke up and looked around confused as to where he was, and suddenly realized what had happened as a stab of pain courses through his right arm. He went to lift his left arm and felt a weight on it. He turned to look and saw Maria there sleeping next to him. He gently moved his left hand to the top of her head and started to gently weep.

Maria woke up to feeling something on her head and the sound of someone crying. As she looked up she saw Daniel awake and crying. She leaned over and wrapped her arms and cradled his head in her arms. “It's okay Danny I'm here." She said in a soothing tone, while her own tears fell gently.

Daniel spoke through a strained and cracking voice, “I'm sorry!"

Maria continued to hold him and gently kissed the top of his head. “It's okay Danny, everything's going to fine now. We'll just take it slow, okay."

He spoke again, but at this point he was having a harder time, “No, I'm not okay." He broke down in her arms, “I didn't want you to find me and bring me back!" He confessed to her.

This hurt her deeply, not because she didn't feel that he didn't love her, but because she didn't know what was causing his unhappiness, and was losing him. "What's wrong?" She softly asked. He didn't answer and only wept harder in her arms. "Danny, help me, help you, please. I can't lose you. Is it something I did?" She pleaded with him.

He shook his head in her arms to answer her. "No, I'm just not happy on this planet anymore." He said while trying to work his right arm. "Work damn you!" He started to yell, as he brought over his right hand that had a crumpled paper in it and gave it to her. She took it and began to read it. It was from their father and completely covered in profanity. He wrote that he hated them, and blamed them both for their mother's death when they tried to have more kids to replace them. He swore that if he ever saw them, he would kill them. To him, they were useless good for nothings and would never amount to anything worthwhile.

The letter cut deep, but she pushed back her growing anger and tossed the letter into a biohazard incinerator. She turned back to Daniel and kissed his cheek. "Is that what's been bothering you?" She asked calmly. He nodded as he leaned back into her arms again. "Well, you don't have to worry about a stranger. I've been living with the idea we never knew our parents, and grew up in an orphanage together. Always looking out for one another." She replied softly to him as she continued to hold him. That idea made him feel a bit better.

"Thank you for being there." He said.

She replied sweetly, "I'll always be there for you if you need anything. I love you, Danny."

I love you too sis." He replied as he tried to wrap his arms around her softly.