Ritual

Finding One's True Self: Part 28

By Xan Steel

It had been several weeks since Rubicant had been released from Medical with a clean bill of health, and began working with Feros in Engineering. The amount of learning that was involved made Rubicant feel like he was back in school again, while at the same time Feros taught him how each system needed to be balanced, otherwise one system out of balance spelled disaster. At the end of Rubicant's third week in training, he started feeling a bit down. Mainly due to the fact he still hadn't found closure for the deaths of Maria, Sandra, and Mathew. He wanted to have their remains, which medical had, cremated and allowed to put their ashes into urns and kept safe until he could find a suitable place to bury them.

During his training, Feros told him to keep his relationship with Julyna and Iris a distant second while on duty, and to never cross that line. Because like all Captains, their position came first and would not hesitate to end their mateship to keep their career. Not because they didn't love their mates, but because their mates had crossed the line too many times, and it would show a sign of weakness on their part. Rubicant told him he would do his best to remember this. 

Later that evening after his shift ended both Julyna and Iris arrived in Cargo Bay 3 where he stayed, simply because there were no other quarters for him to use. In a way, being in someplace familiar was more relaxing for him. He greeted them both lovingly and welcomed them in to sit in the small dining area with him, as he started preparing dinner for them. Once the Duplicator finished making their meals, he brought them over for them, and then brought him over and sat down next to them. Throughout the meal, he listened to them on how their day went. Most of their day was pretty routine for them. Iris was still learning more from Dr. Mortora with a few new experiments. Julyna mentioned that this cluster of stars was nothing more than a resource field for the Alliance which they needed badly, but wasn't making her job any easier with finding some new homes for colonists.

Throughout their meal, both Julyna and Iris started picking up on the depression that Rubicant had been hiding from them. Iris questioned him about it. “Rubi you've been quieter than usual tonight. Is everything ok?" 

He looked at her before answering. “There is something I've wanted to ask." 

Julyna leaned on him and gently spoke. “You know, you don't have to be scared to ask for something. I know you've had something on your mind for a while now." 

He gently wrapped his arm around her and gave a gentle hug. “I need closure on my Te'dar, and friends. I'd like to hold a small quiet funeral for them if it's possible." He finished. 

They looked at him with an odd expression as they never heard that word before. So he sent them both a mental image of what a funeral was which made them a better understanding Still thought it odd that it was so somber, were as Derlenian's celebrated the life of a family member or friend that had passed in a grand celebration. He told them that there were some, on the world that he left that did that sort of thing, but since he was the only one, it was kind of hard for him to do that. For the most part, all he wanted a small quiet remembrance for them.

Julyna said it was fine, and that she would help get it arranged for him in the cargo bay, but asked if it was alright if others could attend, because seeing someone else's way of honoring the departed was a unique experienced not normally seen. Rubicant agreed because if he knew Maria, she would have allowed it, as she always liked big gatherings. So for the rest of the evening, they talked about how they were going to set it up, as well as what would typically happen afterward. After they had finished with all the details, Rubicant cleaned up the table and then proceeded to the private room that he converted to a full-size bedroom for himself, as Julyna and Iris followed him. 

Once inside he closed the door while they removed their clothing for the night and cuddled up to each other as they put Rubicant in between them. He loved it when they slept with him, because those were the nights he got the best sleep. Being between them in total warmth, and softness of their fur always felt like a small bit of paradise. They also got used to his snoring as it let them know he was sleeping deeply while his dreams would sometimes drift to them.

Over the next few days, Julyna had announced that Rubicant was going to be holding a gathering to honor the passing of his Te'dar and friends, and all were invited, but it was not mandatory to attend. Doctor Mortora talked with Rubicant about what to do with their remains, and he requested they be cremated and put into the three decorative urns he had replicated and brought with him. Later that day Iris came in with a small pad and asked Mortora if the urns would fit on them nicely. As it happened, they did, and Mortora asked why it was important to her. 

Iris then showed her a small crystalline object that she inserted into the front of the pad, which caused the three urns to dematerialized, as the crystal gave off a faint blue glow. “A micro transport pad, and storage crystal?" Iris nodded at Mortora's question. “That's impressive," Mortora added. 

“I just hope he likes it, because you can hang the crystal on a chain and wear it. I figured this was better, in case something happened to the urns, causing them to break. This way they won't break, and he can use this pad to rematerialize them whenever he wants." Iris finished.

Julyna walked around the corner in medical overhearing Iris. “That's sweet of you to do for him." 

She looked at Julyna with a smile. “Thank you," she replied.

The next day at around noon time is when the funeral began. Rubicant sat in the front with Julyna on his left as Iris was finishing up with a few late comers and getting them seated, she then took her place on Rubicant's right side. Feros and Mortora showed up as well as they were interested in seeing this ritual. 

Throughout the quiet somberness, there was some gentle piano music playing. Julyna decided to allow everyone else feel Rubicant's loss as she shared it mentally with everyone else. His memories of Maria, and his friendship with Sandra, and Mathew. He wept silently as both Iris and Julyna leaned their heads on his shoulders as he hugged them tightly in comfort. It wasn't until the music stopped playing that he began to hum the song Amazing Grace. As much as he didn't like religion, this was the only song that ever made sense to him, not in a religious sense, but more as a way of letting go of a loved one. His hum was just loud enough for everyone to hear, but sadly it got to him as a lump in his throat began to form causing him to stop eventually. However, Julyna and Iris both picked up on the tune and continued to hum it for him. The thing that surprised him though was everyone there began to follow suit, as the song grew louder. It was the most beautiful thing he had ever heard causing him to completely let go and finally weep his heart out for them, as both Julyna and Iris wrapped their arms around him tightly.

After a few moments, he quieted down and looked up at the urns. Iris leaned in and whispered to him that she had a small gift for him. She let go of him as she walked up to the urns, and took off the neckless she had been wearing. He watched her put the crystal pendant into a slot as the slightest click sounded, and the urns dematerialized before him, and the crystal started giving a faint glow. She then brought the neckless and pendant over and put it around his neck. 

She whispered again to him, “This will let you keep them close to you, and anytime you want to see them, just put the crystal into the slot again." She said with a smile. 

Rubicant grabbed her and pulled her into the tightest hug he had ever given her. 

“Thank you." He whispered to her. 

After a moment or two, he stood up, turned, and thanked everyone for sharing in this with him, and told them that food and refreshments were waiting in the mess hall. He stayed behind a bit with Julyna and Iris and was honestly surprised by how many showed up. The ship only had a crew of a hundred and fifty, but if he had to guess it looked like there were about fifty individuals there. After everyone had left they also followed suit and began to head to the mess hall for something to eat.

As they arrived everything was going smoothly and a bit more upbeat, as a few crew members that he saw from before greeted him and thanked him for sharing the experience while offering him their condolences. Everyone sat down to eat and share their experiences with each other, and it wasn't too long before Julyna mentioned that there were a few crew members that were thinking of asking him to share some stories of them, as they wanted to get to know them more. 

Iris explained that it was their way of feeling connected to them, and wouldn't you know it, Feros stood up and asked him to share a few stories about them. So Rubicant did his best at the start until it got easier for him to do. He shared the good and a few of the bad times that happened between him, Maria, Sandra, and Mathew. Everyone was fully enjoying the experience that even he could tell from the outward flow of emotion in the room.

The stories he told gave a few laughs and a few tears, but all in all, it felt good to be able to have the closure he needed. In the end, he thanked everyone for coming and helping him get passed this moment in his life. Julyna had everyone come together for a final thought and toast. “Dear friends, we came together to help a friend and mate find closure in the passing of his Te'dar and friends." She raised her glass as everyone else followed. “To those we love." There was a small chorus of 'Here Here' along with the tinkling of glasses. 

Everything began to settle down after the toast as Daniel noticed Julyna looking very tired, and went over to her as one of the crew members was walking away. 

“You doing ok hun?" He asked. 

She turned to and smiled. “Yeah, I'm just getting tired is all." She replied hugging him. 

“Listen everyone is slowly heading back to their quarters, why not go and get some sleep yourself." He said hugging and nuzzling her softly. 

“Are you sure?" she asked. 

He nodded to her, “You both have done so much for me today that I can't thank you enough, so go and get some rest." He said kissing her cheek as she returned it. 

“I haven't seen Altair in a while maybe I should see if I can send him off to sleep tonight," Julyna said.

“If you are able too, be sure to send him Iris's and my love as well." She nodded and gave him a deep kiss this time and headed off to her quarters for the night. As she left Iris came up behind him and wrapped her arms around his waist. 

“How are you feeling hun?" She asked. 

He turned to her after watching Julyna leave the mess hall. “Much better. I can't begin to thank the both of you enough for this. It was so much more than I could've imagined." He said pulling her into a tight hug and kissed her deeply. They walked hand in handpaw back to his quarters in the cargo bay for the night.

Once on his ship, they removed their clothing and continued to his room. They laid in bed just cuddling up to each other. It didn't take long for him to fall into a deep sleep as evident of his snoring. Iris relaxed hearing him snore, because it meant his high level of stress had finally gone away as she laid there next to him for a while before drifting off to sleep herself. 

Iris didn't know what time it was, before she was gently woken up by Julyna who was sitting on the edge of the bed. She spoke softly, “Hey, why don't you join us?" As she gently ran a handpaw up Julyna's arm. 

Julyna quietly spoke, “I will, but I need to talk with you for a bit." 

Iris gently got out of bed and followed her out to the small eating area after she closed the door to the room quietly. As they sat down, Julyna spoke in a whispered tone. “Listen there are somethings you need to know, and for the time being I need you to not tell Rubi about it, at least until I have more information." Iris nodded. “First things first, Rubi carries the protein our species needs to survive." She paused there to let it sink in. 

A look of surprise came over Iris as she shook her head. “No, I will not give him up, I don't care about how society looks at me." while Iris's voice was quiet, it was filled with defiance. 

Julyna continued to explain, “We're not going to as the GrandMaster has a plan, but we are going to need to protect him as best we can because the Alliance is looking for him. For now, I've managed to throw them off the trail with the weapon your Ex used on him." Iris gave a visible sigh of relief. 

Julyna continued, “There is one other thing, and this is the most important one he should never know until an appropriate time comes." Iris looked at her. “It's been confirmed after numerous sensor sweeps and cross referencing recorded data from today to as far back as forty cycles that his Te'dar may still with us." she paused to gage Iris's reaction.

Iris looked at her confused. “How?" 

“Through an extremely rare form of Radiation know as Aurorian." Iris shook her head as she had never heard of it before. “I'm not surprised you've never heard of it, but it's rumored to have the ability to separate one's consciousness from their body before death." She paused again to gather her thoughts. “It's also possible that his friends might also still be with us as well," Julyna said while looking down and sitting back, putting her handpaws into her lap.

“How do we know this is true though?" Iris asked. 

Julyna looked at her before answering, “There have been three major spikes on the sensors. All have been in the area where he is, as well as us." 

Iris's eyes went wide. “The frost and ice." she quietly exclaimed as Julyna nodded. 

“She or they may have found some way to communicate with us when we need it the most, not to mention today at both the funeral and in the mess hall was the largest spikes that Zalina has recorded, to where the computer was confusing it with a life-form reading." Julyna finished. 

They sat there in silence for a moment when they suddenly heard something flop to the floor from another room. They went to investigate it, and came to one of the small rooms with a bed in it, and saw a book on the floor. Iris picked it up and looked at it. On the front cover was written, 'The Diary of Maria Jenkins.' Iris sat down on the mattress as Julyna joined her, as they began to read it. 

This book went from the time she could write to just before her death. The beginning held a lot of pain from when they were younglings themselves. The pain they already knew from Daniel having shared it with them. Then her jealousy came about him having these dreams of Julyna and this other place. The love she had for him and wanting to bare his younglings and save him from the death that was coming to him slowly with his brain. 

Iris turned the page again, only to see what looked like a hastily scrawled message. 'Please take care of him.' She closed the book and leaned on Julyna a bit. “She's still watching over him," she said as Julyna hugged her gently. After a few moments in silence, Iris placed the book back on the bed as they returned to the bedroom, as Julyna removed her clothes and cuddled up with him on his left side, as she gently fell to sleep.