It was a special day today. No, it wasn't his
birthday. No, it wasn't Octo's birthday either. No, it wasn't their monthiversary
or whatever dumb advert on his Instaram feed suggested that he celebrated.

Actually, Kevin didn't know what made this day
special. He woke up on time, feeling fine today, and that was rare enough. No
headache, no backache, and his body felt fine. That was enough to make him feel
happy.

He met Esteban on the bus when the red panda was going
to work earlier in the day. He knew the red panda was handsome, but he never
saw him in the mornings when the red panda looked his best. They talked on the
bus, purposefully avoiding the fact that they met in that restaurant, then they
went their separate ways, all without any suspicious stuff mentioned.

Anyway, he managed to be relatively civil with his
brother when he was home last weekend, though he spent most of the time there
with his mother. Eh, maybe that, maybe also because Tom had been hanging out
with him, Octo had been romantic with him, although they hadn't had the chance
to meet after he was back in Barrowisle, Max had been relatively friendly with
him, and work had been rather forgiving to him.

Eh, whatever. For now, he was going to enjoy the day. He
was out to get a watermelon milkshake at his usual place. It was far from his
flat, a twenty-minute bus ride near the campus area, but he liked it there. He
found that hidden gem when he was out with Spencer to get to Izumi's place.

Pushing the store door open, he went inside and was
immediately greeted by loud noises. One loud noise, actually; he saw an
antelope lady protesting to the clerk very audibly. Her child next to him
gripped her clothes tight as he wanted them to leave already. Kevin furrowed his
brows and just stood up behind her and waited, playing with his phone in the
meantime.

“This is unacceptable. I demand a full refund!"

“But, miss, half of the cake has already been eaten.
We cannot give you a refund unless it's untouched or at least—"

“Then make me another! Don't you know you've just
ruined my son's birthday party?!"

“Mommy, let's go…"

“Not now, sweetie. You! I want to speak to the
manager!"

“She's not here today, ma'am. We can only give you—"

“Bullshit! I saw her just walking into the kitchen
earlier!"

“That wasn't—"

Kevin pocketed his phone back and let out a sigh,
crossing his arms. What was her problem, really? Her son looked like he was
just fine with the cake. The wolf glanced over her shoulder and found a
half-eaten cake that really looked delicious. She said it tasted bad? But her
son said it tasted delicious.

“I want to speak to the manager!"

He flinched at her loud voice. He looked at the
clerks; the one handling her looked shaken while the others around them looked
exasperated. Well, it seemed like he had to do what he had to do. “Excuse me,
is there anything wrong?" He said, coming into their view.

The antelope shot him a dirty look as if she were
offended that he was interfering with… whatever she was doing. The clerk
instead gave him an apologetic smile. “We're very sorry, please move over here
if you want to order. We're just having a small problem."

“Small problem?! You're saying it's a small
problem?!"

Kevin asked her, “What's the problem, ma'am?"

She finally looked at him. “This cake tastes horrible!
I want a full refund of this or at least another exact same cake!"

“But half of it is eaten."

“So what?!"

He turned to the clerk. “Is it possible for her to get
a refund or another cake?"

“We're sorry, sir, but half of it has been eaten. We
may provide a refund or another cake if it's not eaten or at least only eaten
for a little."

“It's only a little bit eaten!"

The red wolf let out a sigh. “Ma'am, how much was the
cake?"

“It cost 10 euros!"

“Mom, please, I wanna go home…"

Ten euros? All of this for just 10 euros? Kevin
furrowed his brows as he reached for his wallet. Was this woman stingy or what?
He took a 10-euro banknote and gave it to her. “Consider it your refund."

She looked at the money, then at him. “What is this?!
You wolves think I'm poor so you give me money?! I want another cake!"

Kevin took his hand back. That was unexpected and very
rude. “You want it or not?" he said, narrowing his eyes.

“Or what? You wanna bite and punch me?!"

Kevin's eyes went wide with surprise. “W-what?"

“You arrogant wolves only want to make fun of me,
don't you?! You just want to make me look poor so you can enjoy it! Well, guess
what, I'm gonna call the police!" She yanked the banknote from his hand, then opened
her mouth to continue speaking.

Kevin cut him before she could continue. “Ma'am,
you're in Barrowisle. If you wanna be a speciesist asshole, go somewhere else."

She just sneered at them. “Tch, wolves," she said as
he put the money into her purse. “always think they're the centre of
everything." She then walked away with her child in tow, leaving him bewildered
and very offended.

After he regained his composure back from the
speciesist remark, he turned to the clerk with lowered ears. “The fuck was that
about?"

“I-I-I'm very s-sorry, sir, it won't happen again." The
clerk smiled awkwardly. “May I take your order?"

Kevin now noticed that the clerk who was handling her
all along was a wolf, too. He had light brown fur. His ears were splayed, and
he looked shaken. From the looks of him, he seemed to be a university student.

The red wolf sighed. “Hey, man, don't think about it,
okay? Sometimes people say stuff like that."

“Y-yeah, sorry." He scratched his ear, then his voice
lowered. “I just… uh… I just never thought someone would speak like that out in
the open, especially here in Barrowisle."

He crossed his arms. “Don't think about it. People can
be shit sometimes. Don't worry, all the other species got their own
stereotypes, too, but you just gotta not think about 'em." He gave him a smile,
ignoring his own nausea.

“Y-yeah, but somehow I feel like some species have it
rougher than the others."

Kevin ran his hand through his hair. That was a topic
he didn't want to explore. The association of wolves, foxes, and lions as
“lesser natives" still lingered after these hundred years of colonisation. He
himself had been on the receiving end of some of the harsher remarks a few
times, and he was actually an immigrant, with his great-grandparents having
moved here from Ireland when it and South Iceland were still colonies of the
British Empire.

Sometimes, he wondered if Vilkas got the same
treatment because of his similarities to wolves.

But maybe he never got one. The southern part of the
island was a lot more tolerant than the north, especially given the stronger
national identity in the south. Barrowisle, for example, was founded by wolves
and lions and was one of the most comfortable cities in the country to live in.
It made Ausalt-on-Haye look like a barbaric city despite its modern
architecture. Back home when he was small, he could hear speciesist remarks
almost everywhere he went. Now, although it had been steadily decreasing, it was
still far from Barrowisle.

“Yeah, you may be right, but we got our own packs,
don't worry." He said, faking an easy smile. There went his good mood. Now he
was back to his usual annoyed mood. “Now, I want one watermelon milkshake,
please."

“Right away."

The red wolf crossed his arms, trying to push back his
anger as he waited for the milkshake. He heard someone talking about him, but
he held back from growling at them. Besides, they sounded like they sympathised
with him.

Now, he felt like he wanted to punch something just to
let go of the anger inside him. Maybe he should go to a gym later today and
punch some punching bags.

“Here's your milkshake."

“Thanks, dude." Kevin took his phone and opened Owo to
pay, but the clerk covered the QR code before he could scan it.

“Thank you, but it's on the house." The light brown
wolf said. “We're… sorry for earlier."

“Nah, dude, it's okay."

“Really, it's on the house."

“Well, thanks, wolfy." He gave the younger wolf an
easy smile and took his milkshake. The clerk replied with “You're welcome!"
before he turned around and walked out.

Now, annoyed as he was, he wanted to punch something.
Maybe this time he could get Ivri to rile him up enough. Then, he could have a good
enough reason to punch that dumb hyena.

Ah yes, another episode.

Tom stared at the horizon from the balcony, sipping
his tea quietly. It still tasted bitter as usual, but somehow, his emotions
made it taste even bitterer. He wasn't sure if that was a good thing or not.

Why, after what he had now, was he still having
episodes?

He let out a quiet sigh. He had a life now. He had a
house, he had food, he had love. What more did he want?

That was a question only he could answer, but he could
not.

The wolf hugged his legs and looked at the evening
sky, slowly becoming darker and darker as time went by. He asked to go home
early today because he was so sensitive until he couldn't concentrate on
anything. He even almost screamed at a workmate for being too noisy.

Yes, it was better if he went away from everyone for a
bit. He could not hurt anyone when left alone. He always preferred this; he
could not hurt anyone when left alone.

“Don't tell me you're thinking about that."

Tom smiled a little. “Y'know, sometimes I miss you."
If anything, he could not hurt Lain because he could not get away from him.

“We've been talking this week, y'know. And why are you
talking to me loudly?"

He shrugged. “At least I can pretend that someone
understands."

Lain went quiet, then coughed a bit, well, not that he
could tell. “Damn, wolf you tryna get me crying or what?"

Tom only mrf'ed, then went quiet and continued
watching the sky.

They didn't talk after that. He was glad that Lain
could actually understand—not that they had a choice. They had been living
together in one body for as long as he could remember being sane. As a result,
they knew so much about each other.

Right now, he was glad that Lain knew he would like to
be left alone in silence and quietness. But of course, Lain would try to take
his mind off the depression. That was a gesture he really appreciated but can
be a pain sometimes. “Max should be home soon."

He hummed an acknowledgement.

“Aren't you supposed to cook something?"

“We still have this morning's wurst."

“And?"

“And what?"

“You really think wurst's gonna be enough for him?"

“We have rice." His ears swayed as he heard the main
door being unlocked, followed by someone opening it and grunting, but he
ignored it for now. Maybe it was just Max.

“Never knew rice goes with wurst."

Tom shrugged. Maybe he should really cook something,
but he didn't want to be overly clingy or protective. He should give Max space,
too, just as Max gave him space.

Again, understanding was key.

“Where's that other wolf you had a fight with?" asked Lain curiously.

“Kevin?"

“Yeah, him."

He let out a small sigh. “At home, maybe, or at work.
He says he works in the evening."

“Oh."

Tom sipped his tea again.

“Don't you miss him?"

“Can you just shut up for a bit? Right now, I'm
feeling so fucked up that if you were right here next to me, I'd choke you to
shut you up."

He sensed Lain's grin. “Is that jealousy I'm
feeling?"

Tom ignored him, letting out a deep sigh and leant back
on the glass window as he stared into the dark sky. The first stars were
appearing, and he could see Orion slowly coming into view near the horizon. He
smiled a bit, then it fell off and he looked away. Orion would be proud of what
he was now, then he would be disappointed by what he was feeling now.

A voice then called out to him. “Tom?"

He let out a dry chuckle, not turning to look at the
source of the sound. “Hey, Max."

“Are you alright?" The dog came to the balcony and sat
down beside him. “Lucas told me earlier today that you left early. Why didn't
you tell me?"

“Yes… actually, no, not really."

“Were you… talking to Lain?"

“Uh… yes."

“Oh," Max said with a tone of relief. “You were
talking to yourself when I came in, so… I got worried."

Oh, right. He had been talking to Lain loudly. No wonder
Max became worried.

“See? You made your big bad doggo boyfriend worried.
Go suck his dick."

He sipped from the cup. “Lain said sorry for making
you worry."

“Wha—"

“Um, tell him it's fine."

“It's fine, Lain."

“The fuck?!"

“Is there anything I could do to help, Tom?"

Tom sighed again and closed his eyes. “Not really, I
think. I just need to calm down for now."

“Really?"

“It's okay. Right now I'm just feeling like shit."

Max pulled him into an embrace. “Let's just order Over
Food for tonight, okay?"

“Nice, now grope him. He smells fine right now."

Immersing himself in the dog's warmth, he ignored the
teasing Lain said. “Okay." he said, then continued. “Can I get a hamburger?"

“Sure." Max caressed his shoulder. “Do you want to go
to a psychiatrist? This is the third time this month."

Tom sighed. “Maybe I should. I'll get in contact with one."
He closed his eyes, feeling the warmth coming from the dog next to him. “Please
don't leave me."

“I won't leave you." Max said, stroking his fur.

“Go fuck him, dude. You need it." Lain chimed in. Tom knew his suggestions were honest,
despite the mocking tone. Being close with Max did make him calm down.

He couldn't help but bite him back, though. “You
want to watch?"

“No thanks, I'm a."

Tom smiled a little, then leant on Max's shoulder as
he tried to comprehend why was there still a gaping hole inside him.

Tom couldn't sleep.

After spending about half an hour moving around on the
bed, he gave up and sat up. Max would probably coax him into sleeping again by
cuddling him close, but looking at the dog beside him, he was deep asleep. Tom
looked up at the clock that judged him harshly on the wall. Its shorter hand
was pointing at the space between one and two.

He quietly moved off the bed and stretched his body a
bit before walking to the kitchen. Quietly closing the bedroom door, he then
walked into the short hallway and turned the lamps on. The city was quiet, even
more so the flat. Even pouring milk into a glass sounded loud. Sitting down at
the small dining table, Tom drank the milk. He was wide awake, and as usual, he
would probably need an hour or so before he could go back to sleep. His mind
was blank now, but he knew it would be full of thoughts just five minutes after
he sat down.

A quick walk or cycle sounded nice.

Not giving himself a chance to ponder, the wolf put
the empty glass on the washtable and walked back to the living room. He grabbed
his jacket and the keys. Putting his jacket on, he unlocked the door and went
outside.

Stepping down the stairs with quiet steps of his paw
pads, he looked around. The building's lamps were still on, but there was no
one else here. Everyone was sleeping, making the building seem eerie. Deciding
that he would take a walk instead of cycling, he skipped the entrance to the
garage. He unlocked the main door to the building and stepped outside, locking
it back before walking away.

Tom pocketed his hands as he walked. He looked around;
having taken so many walks at night, he was no stranger to seeing the city this
empty. The street then ended and the road began, and with it, an empty tram car
in front of a stop sign that was sleeping for the night. He stayed on the
sidewalk as he walked, still looking around and admiring the scenery to keep
his mind from slipping away.

An idea of getting a pint or two flashed itself in his
head. He wasn't much of a drinker, but from time to time, a glass or two seemed
to help him go through his episodes. Sadly, the pub he frequented was quite far
on foot, and he wasn't really in the mood for a canned alcoholic drink. There
was a night market nearby, though.

He went into another street as a shortcut to get to
the market. Although the market wouldn't be open until later in the morning, he
hoped some shops were still open. There had to be one that sold alcoholic
beverages.

He also needed something to get his mind off the
depression and suicidal thoughts, ugh. When he could no longer hold them back,
he made sure to go away from everyone. He didn't want to hurt people any more
than he already did.

No… I have a life. I have people to lose. I have
people worth fighting for…

The wolf stopped, leaning on a wall. There, in the
empty street, he took a deep breath as the call of the void became louder and
louder and began to overwhelm his head. He wanted to fall to his knees but held
back. Ironically, when he was having an episode like this, he retreated into
himself, into the background, into that dark box in the corner where there was
only him, his self, and his tail. What brought him suffering also brought him
safety now: loneliness.

For now, alone, he let the thoughts overwhelm him. He
closed his eyes and waited as they each took a turn to stab him. He let them
and waited. And waited.

And waited.

And when they began to fade away, he slowly opened his
eyes. He was now crouching and gripping his head. His tail was wildly flapping
as if trying to help the thought escape his body. He looked up at the sky, then
back down, then at a lamppost across the street, then at a large clock on top
of a building which showed that it was now a bit past two in the morning.

Maybe Max was right. He should get in contact with a
psychiatrist again. The last time he had a therapy session was all the way
during the first semester of university, and back then, he was still diagnosed
with depression and mild psychopathy and afterwards given antidepressants. The
antidepressants worked well, which was why his sessions were stopped.

Or maybe not. This happened almost every three months
with varying degrees of intensity. At this point, he was even used to this, believing
that this was just his mind's way of making sense of itself. Having grown up
and been used to being wary all the time, maybe this was just his worry piling
up from time to time.

Thankfully, now that he was back to his senses, this
would gradually fade on the following days. He was thankful that he didn't
delve too deep into his thoughts like he did during university times. He still
felt sorry for Martin.

Now, though, he should probably go back. He'd been
walking for quite a while. Turning around, he went back into the road. There
was still no one outside, though that minimarket across the road was still
open. He contemplated getting a snack, but maybe not.

He finally reached the street to his flat building.
Before he walked into it, his gaze lingered on the empty tram car. It was still
there, unchanged.

His gaze lingered a few moments more.

He then looked away. Even it needed a rest. When he
reached his flat building, he unlocked the door and went inside, then locked it
back. Taking the stairs, he could hear a conversation on the first floor. There
was one door open and as he took the stairs to the second floor, a deer came
out with a lion following it. They looked drunk.

Shaking his head softly, Tom continued climbing the
stairs to the fourth floor. When he reached his door, he unlocked it and went
inside before locking it back. Taking his jacket off, he didn't bother to put it
back on the hanger and only threw it onto the sofa. He went to the bathroom,
and after washing his face, turned the living room lamps off and went into the
bedroom.

Max was still sleeping in the same position when he
left. Tom smiled fondly as he climbed the bed. He snuggled himself on the dog's
side, taking his scent in. Even without doing anything, Max brought him warmth.

“Thanks, Max." He said to himself before closing his
eyes, hoping that he could sleep again quickly.

Max shifted in his sleep shortly after that, moving to
lie on his side. His back to Tom, the wolf gave another fond smile and hugged
the dog from behind. He was thankful for what he had.

He was thankful.