Seeking forgiveness 

Finding One's True Self: Part 54 

By Xan Steel 

Daria had been wandering about the station for a few hours, since there wasn't much to do now that everything was settled with Tygera and her mates, as well as, Rubicant's mates. During her walk though is when old thoughts began to resurface again.   

She sat down in the arboretum deep in thought, remembering her sweet Danny, and how much time they had spent together before this life altering experience had changed them. In many ways, she missed it and wished she could have it back. However, she would never have gotten to see him truly smile like she did back then. She smiled inwardly because she had to admit that Tarusk was right. Julyna and Iris were very beautiful and treated him with all the love they could. Thing is though, her mind was still remembering the hate she had for Julyna, even though she had since moved on with her own life.  

“Mind if I join you?” A female voice said from behind her, as she turned to see who it was, and saw Julyna standing there. 

Daria quickly closed off her mind, and gave a welcoming reply.  “Oh, of course, please.” As she gestured towards a chair, as Julyna sat down.  

Daria noticed that her belly was getting bigger, and complimented so.  “Carrying your first youngling I see? “ she asked as Julyna nodded.  

Julyna smiled brightly, “Yes, and I'm happy that Altair is going to be here to help me raise them.  

“Them?” Daria asked.  

“Twins.” Julyna replied, and continued,  “We mated before the Kestrel was destroyed. Which was when we lost him.” Julyna reached over and gently grabbed Daria's handpaw. “Thank you for helping with that.” 

Daria pulled her handpaw back from her, which caught Julyna's attention, “Are you okay?” Julyna asked.  

Daria’s mood changed to a somber one as her eyes began to water. She spoke softly,  “I'm sorry, but there is something you should know about me.” Julyna paid close attention to Daria as she continued. “For the longest time I hated you, and this galaxy.” Julyna suddenly felt a tightness in her chest, but remained quiet. “What you don't know is that during our travels away from our home planet, Rubi fell into a few comas. At least that is what my medical equipment was calling it. It wasn't until he started telling us what he was experiencing that we realized he wasn't going into a coma each time.”  

Julyna wasn't sure where her hate was coming from, but continued listening. “My hate stemmed from that fact he was falling in love with you, and I could tell he wanted nothing more than to be with you.” 

Julyna began to realize something and softly spoke. “You were in love with him.” Daria looked at her in mild surprise for coming to that conclusion, but nodded in response. 

“Yes,” she started off softly, “I wanted to bear his younglings, I wanted to make him as happy as possible. However, after seeing him with both you and Lady Iris, I began to realize that I could never make him fully happy.” Tears softly streamed down her cheeks. 

Julyna reached over a grabbed her handpaw again while speaking in a soothing tone, “Believe me when I say, you do make him happy, and he would've loved to been with you. For him though, is always been about escaping his abusive past.” Julyna paused for a brief moment as Daria sensed that there was more . “It was the evening of the fourth day he had been on the ship when he finally got to see what happened to the three of you.” Julyna paused there to gather her thoughts as she began to remember that day. Daria closed her eyes and began to read Julyna's mind, which Julyna allowed. 

Julyna shared the important parts of his time with them. The happy times, as well as the sad. Daria realized that the funeral he had given the three of them is when he let go of her and moved on. She let go of Julyna's handpaw and opened her eyes to look at Julyna. Daria saw her eyes had soften from remembering those painful memories.  

Julyna, however, wanted to see things from Daria's view and peaked into her mind. Daria tried to stop her, but Julyna countered with wanting to understand her better. Julyna looked all the way back to her childhood, and then to the point of seeing her during Irina's possession. 

When Julyna finished, she stood up and looked at Daria.  Daria was now scared that after discovering everything that forgiveness wasn't possible. However, to her surprise Julyna walked over to her knelt in front of her and pulled her into a tight embrace.  

Daria broke down in her arms,  “I'm sorry, I'm sorry for these feelings, especially since I didn't know you like I do now.  

Julyna calmly spoke to her, “Shhh, its okay. You did nothing wrong.  You wanted to give him the best. No one can fault you for that, so don't take fault in it yourself.” as Daria continued to hold her in comfort.  

The rest of their evening together was spent getting to know one another, until Iris showed up and joined in with them. Remembering all the silly things that Rubicant did that made them laugh. Sharing embarrassing moments between the three of them. 

 As the evening progressed, everyone else on the station joined with them as they brought food and brew to drink. The evening had been filled within unending joy. Which was something that was badly needed for a number of them. In a way, Daria felt like she had found a new family in Julyna, Iris, Altair, and Mortora. Even Irina, who Julyna said was her Nefia. 

As the evening slowed down in the late hours,  Daria was walking Julyna back to her quarters. When they got there Daria gave Julyna another embrace and spoke softly, “Thank you for letting me feel like I have a family again.”  

Julyna looked at her quizzically before speaking, “What do you mean ‘feel like’ you have a family.” 

Daria explained, “I know that Rubi and I are not from the same family here…” 

Julyna stopped her by putting a finger on her lips, “What matters most is what's up here.” She said putting a finger on Daria's forehead. “You will forever be Te'dar's. That will never change, and with that being the case, you are apart of our family.” She finished with a cute smile. Daria embraced her again and thanked her. They said their goodnights and parted ways.  

Daria continued to walk through the station and eventually came to stand in front of the chamber Rubicant was in. She noticed his progress was steady and so far there was no complications with his physical transformation. According to the current progress, he still had another four months to go. She put a handpaw on the chamber and thought to Rubicant. ‘I don't know if you can hear my thoughts, but tonight I'm truly happy to be here, and it's all thanks to you. We have a real family now, one that cares for us in ways our last one didn't.’ 

She continued to smile and watch Rubicant in the chamber when a since of happiness overcame her, which she could only attribute to Rubicant hearing her thought to him. This was the first time in her life she could truly say, she was happy.  

Daria walked back to her quarters as Graphra was there to greet her. He sensed her joy as he walked over to her. They kissed softly as Graphra put his handpaws on her waist, as she in turn, put hers on his shoulders.  

“You seem to be in a delighted mood.” He commented while looking her in the eyes. She nodded to him while continuing to give him soft kisses here and there, which made him laugh softly. “Daria sweetie, giving me this kind of affection is turning me on. Are you sure you are ready?” He asked her. 

She learned back a bit too look at him. They had been mates now for six cycles now. Never once having actually mated. When he explained the mind blend that happened during this time, the thought of him knowing everything about her, and knowing everything about him honestly terrified her. However, tonight? Tonight she wanted her mate. She kissed him on the nose and spoke in a sultry tone. “For the first time I'm not scared to fully know you, but as much as I worry about you knowing me, I know that I want you, and that I want to give you a family.” 

He pulled her into a tight embrace and whispered in her ear, “Then we take it slow, and just enjoy one another.” 

*** 

As the night went on, Rubicant could feel the overwhelming happiness strongly, even in his induced sleep there was no mistaking it.