The light buzzing of the lamps gave the room a small amount of white noise. It was early morning, and the offices of Dr. Leslie had just opened minutes before as I patiently waited. Although I had no new changes since my last visit, I figured being a month and a half between visits now should be a perfect time. 

"Lyall?" The nurse called out to the empty room.

I quickly got up and followed her to the scales. I was weighed and measured all the usual beginning activities for a visit. I was led to a room where I was asked to remove my remaining clothes. This was quick as beyond my shirt, jacket, and shoes, and I was already what you would call naked.

"The doctor will be with you shortly." The nurse said as she closed the door. 

I could hear only a few footsteps outside the room, but they moved about the offices. I tried to be patient, but minutes seemed to drag on as I sat alone in the quiet room—all the same posters on the wall, the same pattern on the floor. Everything was still the same as ever, and nothing new to at least read through.

Footsteps seemed to be approaching the door, and with a click, the door swung open. Leslie walked in and sat down a large binder of papers. She opened the first page and read as she began to speak.

"Mr. Williams, you've had an interesting past few weeks. First, you get into a coma, some mild head trauma, and you become the first avian hybrid to try that inhibitor." She said as she looked up from the papers. "No changes, though?" She asked.

"uhh, none that I could see," I said, looking down at my body.

"I think knocking yourself out may have been a good thing, minus the skull fracture, of course." She said, looking at her papers again. "According to what you had said before, you only passed out when you had one of your hallucinations, right?"

Thinking back, I the dizziness I felt, the fall. I must have been going into one of my episodes. But sitting high caused me to fall hard.

"I think so?" I answered, unsure.

"Well, it's hard to do anything when you are entirely unconscious." She flipped a few pages in, "But once they started to wake you up, your brain lit up like a Christmas tree. Did you have one of your hallucinations then?"

"I had one, and it was vivid. I swore it was real. But night came, and I think I fell out of it?" I said.

Leslie again dug deeper into the binder. "Three doses, all separated. It seemed to have snapped you out of the trance. Did you feel any different after?"

"I felt.... disconnected? Like I was unable to function. I couldn't balance right, my eyes hurt, and my breathing was hard. But I didn't feel him in my head either." I said quietly, trying to remember the odd sensation.

"The inhibitor did that. It blocks most of the instincts caused by the changes. But the flip side is it can also stop some of the most fundamental instincts." She pulled a sheet from her binder pocket and handed it to me. "I can get you into the trial if you want to try it. It has been shown to stop all changes, but it can take a while to get used to the side effects."

It seemed almost too good to be true. Possibly stopping all changes forever, or at least until I stop taking it. But I would have to feel like I did after waking up. The stumbling, the vision, and even blinking was troublesome. 

"I want it," I said to Leslie. 

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

It took a few days before the pills arrived. I was given a massive packet of paperwork to fill out. The drug was free, under the condition that I answered any questions about my experience. But once they did arrive, it felt like an early Christmas gift, and by early the day before still counts. The savior pill to save my humanity, or at least what is left of it. I happily took the first pill and would repeat the same each day indefinitely.

The house was getting ready for Christmas Day. Late, but I can't blame them after what I put them through. Benji insisted on having a tree in the house, and Matthew wanted to try and accommodate as well as he could. This led to a small plastic tree being assembled and decorated by Nash and Rylie. 

Benji was the most excited of the group about Christmas. Odd for how you would expect someone in his current situation to act. But maybe Matthew was right, and maybe Benji did look forward to the trip. I wanted to talk to Benji about it, but all he would do was thank me for going and ignore my questions. 

We attempted to take a Christmas photo as a whole, but without a proper tripod for the camera, the angle was off, and the stack of books prop the camera left a funny pitch. The photo was acceptable, and after almost an hour of trying, we knew continuing was futile. Benji ran off to go to bed, leaving the rest of us alone.

"Merry Christmas!" Westin said, pointing to the clock, which read a quarter past midnight. 

"Merry Christmas, I guess," Rylie said. 

"Merry Christmas," I said quietly.

Nash turned to look at me, "How's the miracle pill?" He asked.

"Dunno hasn't kicked in yet. Maybe tomorrow?" I said.

"What's the chance you got the sugar pill?" Westin said, "You know the control group?" 

"Knowing my luck? One hundred percent." I said, trying to smile. 

"Luck? Lyall, we all know why you changed so quickly." Rylie said.

In unison, we both said, "You fight it too much."

"I know, but maybe this can help. You know?" I said, looking for someone to agree with.

"Yeah, sure," Rylie said. "I'm only saying this because I care about you. But you can't rely on that pill to save you."

She was probably right. Maybe I am putting too much faith in it, but If it can do to me now what I did before. It would be well worth the try. I could handle what was coming; it couldn't be worse than the alternative.

Everyone slowly broke off and went to their separate rooms. Westin was staying on the couch instead of driving home, just to drive back in the morning. I lay in bed and closed my eyes, hoping things would improve tomorrow.

"Lyall!" I heard my mom call. "It's time to wake up!"

Opening my eyes, I was in my room. The smell of cooking filled the air as I quickly got up and ran down the stairs. Mom was in the kitchen cooking what looked to be pancakes. The small table was set up for breakfast, and my school bag lay on end, almost ready to fall from the edge.

I sat down and ate the food. My lips got covered in the syrup as I rushed to eat. I tried to wipe with my hand, which I then wiped on my pant leg. The blue jeans have a slight streak down the side now. As I worried Mom would be upset, I tried to hide it.

Getting up stepped out to catch the bus. While standing at the edge of the driveway, I saw something on the ground. Reaching, I picked it up and held it in my hand. What looked like a long leaf was a feather. Holding it in my hand, I looked at the slight rust color and its neat and orderly vane. The school bus honked, scarring me as I jumped.

My eyes flung open, unable to focus at first. The light on my desk gives the room a light glow. I got out of bed and tried to stand. My balance was difficult, but I was able to move forward. Making it to the stairs, I slowly climbed down them. Arms gripped the railing as I tried to stay upright. 

Once at the bottom, I heard Benji call out. "About time you woke up!" 

Everyone sat on the couches as per usual. I joined in, slowly stumbling over. While trying to sit, I sat on my tail and felt the pain up my back. Standing, I use my hand to guide my tail into the couch forcibly.

"Pill start working?" Matthew asked.

"Yeah, it should get easier, though. I just need to give it time," I said.

"You're not required to take them if you don't want to, right?" Nash asked.

"No, I can stop any time I want to. I'm just required to let them know if I do." I responded.

"Does it still feel the same as before in the hospital?" Rylie asked.

"I don't know," I said, thinking back to the hospital stay, "It felt a little more disorienting then, but that may have also been from waking up."

The disorientation I had this time wasn't quite as bad as before. But it was making things more difficult. The number of things my body did on its own that wasn't human was staggering. Even down to my tail, assisting in balance was a huge change. There is the possibility I will adjust to the changes, but there is no guarantee. The small sacrifice for slower or no future changes was a huge bonus.

"I think we should start cooking if we are going to have dinner early," Matthew said, looking my way. I asked Matthew earlier in the week if we could make our house dinner earlier so I could make it to the family dinner at home. He agreed to try and motivate everyone, which was not always easy at the house.

Matthew, Rylie, and Nash walked into the kitchen, carrying on some joke from earlier, leaving Benji, Jeremy, and myself behind. Wes was supposed to arrive before dinner as he was with family in the morning. Matthew called out from the kitchen for Jeremy, and quick as lightning his head turned to face the doorway.

"Errrh?" Jeremy called.

"Just get in here, mate!" Matthew yelled out, laughing.

Jeremy stood up and walked to the kitchen, grumbling the entire way. I looked at Benji, who was busy looking at the tree. The flashing lights enamored him, and he was not sure if it was Benji or the toucan who had the easily distracted mind.

"Benji?" I tried to get his attention.

"Yeah? What's up?" He asked.

"Are we going to talk about this week?" I asked the young toucan.

"I dunno. Maybe we can, but it does not really matter, ya know?" He said, still looking at the tree. "We are gonna fly down, probably have an emotional moment, aaaaand I'll be gone."

I can't fault him for probably calling out the proper course of events. But he sounded way too laid back about the situation to me and sounded like was hadn't given up but instead was giving in. But Benji also seemed happy about it.

"And why did you choose me and not, like, Nash?" I questioned.

"I can only take one person—their rules, not mine. And I figured it would be fun to take you to the place." Benji said.

"Fun?" I said, confused.

"Yeah, fun. Maybe not fun? I don't know." Benji said, "It can be sad if we want it to be, I guess. But why get all worked up about it?" Benji turned to face me, swinging his massive beak around.

"I....don't know...." I said, stumbling, "Because it is sad?"

"I get why you say it's sad. But I'm ready for it! Why delay what's coming anyway? I'm done with it." Benji said seriously.

Benji had no other emotions in his voice. The tone was as if you asked his favorite color, with no sadness, no worry. Just ordinary, Benji.

"I don't know if you see it, but it's going to happen to all of us. Damien seems happy, and I'm not; the only difference is that he let himself finish." Benji said, looking sideways slightly. "I'm just ready to move on to whatever happens. I don't want to fight it anymore. I'm happy we are going there to let myself go."

I couldn't imagine thinking that way. To me, finishing seems like glorified death, and surrendering myself to the hawk always seemed like giving up on living. But maybe it's different when you get to be like Benji.

Benji turned on the TV and started watching the Christmas movie that was playing—still seeming content, happy with his statement. I joined him, and we watched the film until dinner was ready.

Dinner was quiet, with small conversations here and there but nothing too grand. Midway through, Wes arrived and joined in, sitting down and dishing himself a plate, and he brought some discussion with him and helped to lighten the mood. After dinner, everyone started to clean up. It was getting close to the time for my dinner at home, and I said my goodbyes for the night and left out the door.

My cousin Arron was supposed to pick me up from the AA house. We have seen each other for over a year, and outside my mom, he would be the first family member to see me as I am. I stood out in the very light snow waiting for him to arrive. Temperatures are cold enough to catch your breath.

A car pulled around and into the driveway. I approached the door when the windows rolled down, revealing a young man with long blonde hair behind the wheel.

"Yo Lyall! Is this the birdhouse?" He said.

Looking back at the house, I replied, "Yeah, that works," as I opened the passenger door. I sat down in his passenger seat as best as I could with my tail.

"So you look different, facial hair or something?" Arron said, pulling out of the driveway.

"Did my hair up different, too, you notice?" I said, running my hand through the feathers on my neck.

"Wouldn't be so bad if you would dress modestly," Arron joked. "Not everyone has the stuff to show off to the ladies."

"If only you knew," I said quietly.

Arriving at my mom's, many distant relatives greeted me. A mixture of shock and surprise started every conversation. Ranging from surprised at how far gone I was to others surprised I could speak without lips. It all depends on the person, I guess. I tried to answer as many questions as possible, but it still did not help getting asked the same questions tens of times in a row.

Dinner was uneventful, and I didn't eat anything myself. Afraid of the show I would be putting on trying to eat the cooked food, I was better off just skipping the meal. Lots of side glances and stares from around the table, and I knew that they could not help it. It's not every day you not only see a hybrid but sit at the same table as one. Occasionally someone would break the silence, asking how college was, what my plans were, what career I was trying for. It seemed awkward to keep telling them I had no plans for the future. I could make plans, but I don't think the plan of living outdoors and hunting small animals would sound pleasant.

After dinner, I tried to involve myself more, afraid this could be the last time I see some of my aging relatives and possibly some of the younger ones. Some began to warm up to me. Maybe they realized I was still the little ole Lyall they all knew, just... different looking. My uncle bombarded me with questions, starting each one with his classic "If you don't mind me asking....", which I didn't mind. Just getting to interact with different people and other voices was worth the repetitive questions about me. 

My aunt Ashley had been eyeing me, and her look told me she wanted to ask but was too afraid. "Aun-Ash? You look like you have something to say." I said to her, sounding confident with all these simple, basic questions.

"Umm, you are a hybrid, and you said you already had some internal changes." She asked hesitantly, "If you are changed like that, and you...umm, you were too uh." She kept rephrasing the start of the question, everyone now waiting to hear what the seemingly difficult question was. "If you fully change, would you find a partner or something?" She asked, sputtering.

I didn't completely understand what she meant by the question. "I don't think anyone would be open to dating a complete hawk," I said, chuckling a bit. "I think that's pretty frowned upon as well. I couldn't even, Uhm," I said, looking around for young ears, "I couldn't do anything for a person. I don't have the same parts anymore," 

Her husband jumped in, "Ash, I don't think Lyall is all too worried about finding a date. Relationships with other people aren't something a hawk will ever think about." 

"Ok, but what about another hawk? Wouldn't that be best then?" She asked. 

I had a sinking feeling in my stomach. I couldn't begin to answer the question of what I would do. From going through basic questions to this suddenly being thrown into the air, I couldn't tell if I was embarrassed, confused, or offended. I know she didn't mean any harm, but everyone eagerly awaited my confident response. 

"I don't think about that," I said quietly.

The rest of the night carried a slightly different tone. I couldn't help but think that the lingering questions of my future were on everyone's minds. I didn't have it all figured out, but at the same time, if I didn't figure out my future. The hawk would.

My mom drove me back to the AA house, and our drive was quiet. Heat blasted as the car drove through the freezing December air. Reaching the house, my mom stopped me from leaving.

"Ashley didn't mean to surprise you with that question, and she meant all the best." She said.

"I know. I'm not upset. I just never thought about what really was gonna happen. I don't want to worry about it, you know?" I said to her.

I walked into the house and went to bed. Everyone else was already in their rooms for the night, and I may as well turn myself in.

The rest of the week leading up to the trip was hectic. I had only flown on a trip once when I was young. So trying to remember everything I needed for the airport was a crazy, last-minute endeavor. I worked on getting my bag into Nash's car while everyone else talked with Benji. 

Benji seemed happy, while the rest of the house had a quiet and depressing vibe. For everyone except myself, today was the last day they saw Benji as he currently is. After everyone said what they needed or wanted to say, we left the house for the airport. 

Benji sat back seat while Nash and I sat n the front. There was no talking during the drive, and the drive seemed to drag on. Once we arrived, Nash navigated the car to the departures. Odd looks were given as three hybrids climbed out of the vehicle, especially when seeing one was uncommon. Nash talked to Benji for a moment before hugging him and sending us off. I feel bad for Nash having to make the trip back to the house alone.

At the airport, I drug my lone bag to the check desk, and Benji was carrying only a small drawstring bag with a few personal belongings. Matching our faces to our IDs led to a slight delay as my photo was not only old but also fully human. After some convincing, they took the bag and went to print our passes.

"I have a round trip for a Lyall Williams and a one-way for Benjamin Vann. Is that correct?" The desk agent asked, looking at us with some disgust in their voice.

"Yeah, that's correct," I said in response.

"Well, your gate is A23, and you will want to use the north security checkpoint." The attendant said, handing me the paper slips.

We walked to the checkpoint and got in line. The line wasn't long, but there were many curious people. No one asked anything, but we did get a bunch of stares as we waited. I started to get used to the eyes, and perhaps it would feel more strange not to be constantly looked at by strangers.

Security gave me a hard time—something about the rule saying that sharp body parts must be bound for safety. My beak was the problem, but not Benji's massive beak. After some slight pushback, I was eventually let through with a warning about future flights. 

Boarding the plane was chaotic due to Benji's beak. The long, inflexible object required careful thought before walking down the plans isle and sitting into seats. Although not meant to, the flight attendants were becoming irritated by the amount of space Benji needed. Benji and I took up three seats together, with Benji's beak crowding my personal space.

The flight was Benji nervous at first, but falling asleep somehow got him through the flight. I spent most of the time with Benji's beak knocking into my head to the rhythm of the turbulence. But being just this one time, I didn't say a word to him, and it's not like he could heal it, to begin with.

Arriving at the final destination, we exited the plane and picked up my bag from the baggage claim. I was calling a taxi to the rescue's address written in my small paper notebook. I tried to take photos of Benji as if it were a vacation. Even though the photographs are all smiles, the final result didn't seem to call for them.

The Taxi driver arrived, and we drove to the building for the next 15 minutes. The sign on the building read in large print, "Thomas Kate aviary and rescue. Open to the public, Tuesdays and Thursdays". Dropping us off at the door, we were met with a young man who looked to be of similar age to me. 

"Benjamin?" He asked, looking at Benji.

Benji nodded his head. "Are you Austin?"

"It's great to get to see you finally!" Austin said before turning to me, "and you must be... Lyall?"

"You bet. Assume you and Benji have been speaking a bit?" I asked Austin.

"Austin is who organized me staying here," Benji said.

"Oh, alright," I said, not knowing what to say next.

"Benji and I need to handle some things before Benji can enter the aviary. We won't be long if you want to hang out here." Austin said.

"Oh, uhh, sure, I can wait,"  I said as they walked off and down a hallway. 

I waited in the closed lobby for almost an hour before Austin and Benji came back down the hallway. Upon reaching me, Austin held out his hand and dropped a small ring with letters pressed into it. He closed my hand around it and nodded. 

Looking at the ring, it was small in size, much too small for a finger. Pressed into the surface was "HA628" with the "HA" gold colored. Austin then walked us up to the door labeled "Aviary."

"I'll wait out here for you, Lyall. But Benji did ask that you go inside with him." Austin said softly.

Benji nodded as he pushed the door open. I followed him into the small man-trap room. The light was red on the next door until the door behind us closed, and the light turned green. The door clicked as it unlocked. Through the small window, I could see green vegetation inside the room.

"Are you sure about this, Benji? We can still go back if you want to," I whispered to Benji.

Benji answered loudly, "I'm sure. I've been ready for this" he pushed the door open with his shoulder.

Walking into the aviary from the lobby gave me an idea of how huge this place was. The ceilings were massive, and the walls went beyond what I could see due to the trees and brush. The building was roughly the size of a football field but maybe some extra width. The excitement as Benji walked in for the first time was like a kid on Christmas morning. As he looked around, his head bobbed up and down with excitement. As it did, more feathers sprouted from his head and neck. 

"Benji! Your head, dude!" I said to him loudly. 

He turned to face me, his head looking more toucan-like and less human. "It's ok, Lyall. I want this remember?" He said as his eyes shifted into dark black orbs. "This is where I'm meant to be."

We walked deeper into the aviary, following the gravel path into the small forest. As we walked, we could see various parrots of many colors: blues, reds, and even some bright white birds. Benji looked in amazement at all of the space and other creatures living inside. I heard a flapping sound near my head, and turning to look, a bright blue and yellow parrot had landed on a tree branch within 10 ft of me. It preened itself and then adjusted a gold and black band around its leg before taking off again.

"Hey, Benji, the bands, what do they mean?" I said, looking over at him again. This time he was noticeably shorter, maybe 6 inches shorter?

His head turned sideways with one black eye facing me as he spoke, "It has info on where they came from. Some colors mean different things. I'll have one soon. That way, they know who is the real me." Benji said, lifting his leg toward me.

"Hmmm," I said as Benji brought his foot to rest again.

We sat and listened to the sounds of the birds, standing alone in the aviary. Benji closed his eyes and nodded his head. He opened his eyes again and said proudly. "I'm ready, Lyall."

Having spent as much time with Benji as I have, I know he can sound confident even when he isn't. But this time, there was no doubt he was entirely sure of what would happen. He wrapped his wings around me, his height inches shorter than just moments ago. 

"Thanks for coming all this way with me," Benji said, his voice sounding raspier. "You are like the brother I never had"

Not knowing what to say, I patted my hand on the kid's feathered back. More feathers fill out the gaps on his head and face. His head slowly shifted, his neck lengthening as black feathers covered the new openings. Benji made a quiet croaking noise as he lost another 3 inches in height. 

"Glad I could be here for you, Benji," I said before he let go of me. He took a few steps back, his body now looking like a large toucan. His balance shifted as his torso completely changed. His tail flicked, giving his wings a small flap before folding them again.

"Stay out of trouble, yeah?" I said, trying to keep calm.

Benji croaked and gave a brief nod. He looked away and back to the trees as his height shrunk further, now less than four feet tall. At this point, Benji was indiscernible from a Toco Toucan without a size gauge. He stopped at around a foot and a half in height, and he stopped shrinking. The bird looked at me again, his head bobbed, and he gave a little jump. He held his wings out wide, and with a leap and a hard flap, he was in the air.

He went up into a tree, turning again to face me and give another head bob. After, he jumped from the branch and retook flight—this time out of my sight, somewhere into the forest. I could hear him calling out, but eventually, his sounds became one with the mass amounts of sounds from the various birds. Along with the sounds, he was now one with the aviary.

That was the last time I saw Benjamin Vann, the young hybrid toucan.