Once upon a time there was a mouse who asked me to make him some cheese. So I introduced him to a cheese grater. I guess he did not see that coming. Then again, blind men don’t see anything. Ya see what I did there? There was once a moon dropper. It was yo momma. “MOM! JERRYS STUCK IN THE TOILET AGAIN!” Toilet Transformer. If Michael Bay saw a vending machine blow up, he’d make a movie about it. Is there any hot dogs in that? Geez, I wasn’t talking about cooked dogs! … I wouldn’t mind eating something new though. Like cheese sticks with sweet n’ sour sauce. Oh my god my cheese tastes like mouse! I guess Tom would be jealous I actually caught a mouse. Lint catcher. Catcher in the Rye. I want to try shrimp fried rice. No, really. I want a midget to be fried. YOU’RE FIRED! FIRED! Fired! fired! fired. fired… Now get out of my hair. George once ate fur. It wasn’t a pretty sight for dentists. Hey, didja know that your teeth are food processors? I saw a processed dog once. ONCE. It was horrible. Like Jersey Shore, but you saw that- sorry Helen Keller. … DO THE HELEN KELLER AND SHAKE WITH YOUR HIPS. I love dancing, but I’d rather not. Dubstepping is pretty much going with the flow. Except there is no flow. I learned something new today from The Lion King: on some instances, lions won’t eat prairie dogs (what the hell is Timon?) or hogs if their uncle killed their father. Or that Hogwarts doesn’t exist. Damn. In other news, Ronald McDonald killed his friends so he’d be the star of his commercials. Or because It (you saw the movie right?) forced him to. Luke, trust the force. Or Isaac Newton, because that bitch sure knows how to make gravity HIS bitch. “I CAN’T TAKE A SHIT NOW MOM! THE TOILETS BACKED UP!” Back up the truck will ya? There are some mother fucking ducks on this mother fucking highway. Fuck. It’s like Snakes on a Plane again. Minus the plane. And the snakes. Hercules killed some snakes when he was a baby. He still does now. I find it a bit disturbing that I like Kids. By MGMT. PEDOBEAR. PEDOBEAR. DOES WHATEVER PEDOBEAR DOES. Ahh… Tanning yourself to the meat is certainly like being cooked, ain’t that right Snooki? Sometimes, I like to lie on the ground and pretend I’m on my bed. While there are cars zooming past me. I like the sound of crickets in the morning. Or was it napalm? Guitar Hero rocked. I once killed a penguin while I was skiing. It was black, white and red all over. “MOOOOO- oh, he’s flushed. NEVER MIND MOM!” My nostrils run. My feet smell. My ass smells too fucker. I am insane with sudden bouts of sanity. That was said by Edgar Allen Poe. I think. Thinking is for loosers. YOLO. .. That is, if you’re a cat. Cats are all over the Internet. Dirty hoes. Hose. Horse. What was the line again? I find it hard to draw a straight line without a pencil. I killed a tree to make a pencil. The vegans didn’t do a thing. PETA would certainly get me now. I smell like mice now. I love animals, yes, but I wouldn’t want to FUCK them for crying out loud. Baby driver license. Dun dun dun dun dun dun daaaaaa dun. I wonder how squirrel tastes. “MOOM! THE CATS STUCK IN THE TOILET!” I think the guy who’s shouting has a scat fetish. The dog pooped on the runway. Now dad’s gonna get mad at it. It the clown is its name, right? Stephen King really should get rid of slight gore fetish. Or not. PIKACHU USES PARALYSIS. STEPHEN IS ALREADY PARALYZED. But shit, it was 99 cents! Let’s all not give a fuck. Why? Fuck you, that’s why. I sometimes stop and think what it would be like to be Robert Downey Jr. Oh my god, is that the new Windows Phone? I wonder how I can get it to the Blue Screen of Death. THAT was not a good idea. I had all my porn on it! … Did I just say that out loud? “NO. YOU TYPED DOWN.” WHY ARE YOU RESPONDING! YOU AREN’T SUPPOSED TO BE SELF AWARE! The guy who was shouting then died while getting a colonoscopy. From an Amateur Surgeon. I play game, yes, but I believe my roommate is getting tired of the cum stains. Never have I been so wrong. I watched the Hobbit, so sorry if there is to many references to it. Though, the effects (or FX) were pretty darn awesome. Like yo momma. Sorry if I offended you. I’m just saying. So BABY, BABY, BABY noooo! BABY, BABY please don’t go, go. Go, go. I feel like I’m near a karaoke machine. TI 1000. He sang ‘Empire State of Mind.’ I decided to throw out the wrapper and keep the box office. Insanity is sanity fighting off morality and common sense. Whatever those two are. I just yawned and stretched. Being tired is a sign of a withdrawal symptom of sleepiness. You do get what I mean though, right? In horror movies, take the right. It’s always right. God, I hate that clown, do you? I once went to a carnival. Let me tell you, the clowns were corny. Shh… Be quiet. The corn have ears and the hills have eyes. “MOOM! I’M DEAD! WHERE THE HELL IS HEAVEN?” Oh god, can someone shut up Moon Moon? “OP OP OP. OPPAN GANGNAM STYLE!” That’s it, he crossed the- “HEY, I JUST MET YOU. AND THIS IS CRAAAAAAAZY. BUT HERE’S MY NUMBER. SO CALL ME MAYBE.” I have ma shot gun now (like a true ‘Murican) and I’m gonna kill him. AGAIN. “EVERY BODY DO THE HARLEM SHAKE!” BOOM! I killed him again! Like a zombie killer! Booh yeah! I am unstoppable now! Like that train! That was stopped! By Denzel Washington or someone like that! Disney ruined my mind. I want to lie now so I’d get a hot princess. If only that were true. I want to make three wishes: I don’t want to forget anything I see, I wish I was a potato, and I would be an invincible potato so I won’t get eaten. Vore took a small bite out of my sanity. Cubs are cute. LET’S GO OUT INTO THE OCEAN AND DO SOME WATERSPORTS! I own a slave: my conscious. So basically, I’m my own master. In other news, I saw fish. The Little Mermaid didn’t tell one thing to you after the ending of the last movie: mermaids ceased to exist because of that slut Mariel (something among those lines). Star Wars is gonna be awesome. It’s owned by Disney now. Just kidding, it’s gonna tell the same morals over and over again. I dunno what the hell is going on. I just heard a boom, and Moon Moon was gone. I also did not, I repeat, did not eat a mouse, a squirrel, a dog, a cat or anything like that. I was hungry as a horse and so I started to eat sugar cubes. Yum. Liver sounds nice now. I ran through Iran and bought some Turkey for Syria. I probably should delete that. Nah, later. I AM A RAGING HORSE COCK. YOUR ARGUMENT IS INVA- Oh, that feels nice. YOUR ARGUMENT IS VALID. Just kidding. ROUND HOUSE! Sometimes, it’s almost like he doesn’t want to move it, move it. Only put his hands in the air and shake it like he just doesn’t care. “I KNOW THE FRICKEN ANSWER BITCH!” “What was that?” I took a break. I think I need another one. The toilet called me. It said it can’t take any more of my shit. Because real cheese matters. Baa, baa black sheep have you any wool. I want to shave you and wear you. CAUSE IMMA THUG! I use, commas uncorrectly. Thats why I has failed English. “What are you doing?” “What does it look like Einstein?” “Discovering gravity?” “Of course.” I killed my past sel- ERROR 404 – PARADOX FOUND. … Looper was awesome. Food is my kryptonite. Or something like that. I want Morgan Freeman to narrate my life. Or a British guy (not the London one, the more stereotypical one that soothes us). Either way, my life would be awesome. “And he went to the bathroom to take a shit. Erm, dump.” Something like that. Oh my lord I found some elephants. They taste like chicken. PETA just sent me a text, saying they’d kill me. But… … if they do, wouldn’t that break the vegan code? SCOTT PILGRIM IS AN AWESOME GAME/MOVIE. I like all types of music, except rap. Sometimes I get a good feeling. It’s a feeling I never, never know. All I know is that it’s a good feeling. The 80’s were awesome. Even though I was never born in that era. … decade. MY HEADACHE IS GONE. THE BUGS AREN’T THERE ANYMORE.

And that’s why I never washed my socks again. :3