Memaw's Dark Secret

Finding One's True Self: Part 34

By Xan Steel

A full cycle had passed since Tarina had brought me back from
the brink of death on that day when I went to save her and the triplets. Things
were starting to settle in for us, and our five little ones, Dilna, Frin,
Ophelia, Omni, and Talina. Five months ago I rushed Tarina to the medical
center nearby as she went into labor at home. I called the doctor on the way,
and he assured me he would be there. They carted her in immediately when we
arrived, as I followed her in while holding her handpaw, and giving her words
of encouragement. They wheeled her into the OR as her doctor wanted to ensure
her, and the triplets safety should he need to do a caesarean. As he examined
her, I continued to encourage her breathing exercise, as he poked his head up,
“Would you like to have a natural birth Tarina?” Her eyes lit up with
excitement as she nodded that she would. “All right, then follow my
instructions.” She nodded as he began to tell her what he needed her to do.

After two hours I was holding all three little ones in my
arms. I know I’m ashamed of my thoughts that day, but I was honestly happy to
be holding MY younglings. Ophelia had my ears, Omni had my eyes, and Talina had
my tail. I was so overcome with joy that I broke down as they all called out to
me mentally ‘Pawpaw.' I handed them over to Tarina so that she could hold them
as she began breastfeeding them, it was a beautiful sight to behold. When we
got home and got everything settled in, I took Dilna and Frin into my arms and
just held them, for how long, I can’t remember. I just wanted them to know that
I did not love them any less, and I reassured them that I would do my best to
raise all of them in the happiest home that I could.

Over the course of a few months, and a few home checkups to
make sure Tarina and the triplets were doing fine. Her doctor gave them all a
clean bill of health and said they were safe for space travel, should she want
to go home and inform the rest of her family. When the doctor left, I asked her
if she wanted to go and see her elders. She thought about it for most of the
day as she was unsure, but by the end of the day, she told me that she was
going to write a letter to her Pawpaw to see if she could come home and visit.
I nodded to her and told her that I hoped that he wanted to see her and our
younglings, while she hugged me tightly.

A week passed as Tarina had received a letter back from her
Pawpaw stating that he would love to see her again and hear how we were doing
in more detail. However, her Memaw didn’t give an answer on whether or not she
wanted her to come back yet, so Tarina decided to chance it. We packed up
enough clothes for the both of us, and all five of our younglings. Tarina also
said that if I wanted to, I could visit Danora and clear the air with her. I
told her that for now, I was going to visit with her family first, before
seeing Danora.

I booked us a middle-class luxury cruiser for our trip over to
Travaina IV. While this ship was nice and had some amenities, it was not the
same class of ship we were on when we moved over to Valdoro. Once we got
settled into our room, we let the little ones watch a video on the screen as
Tarina took me to our room to talk for a bit. “Ohm, there is something I need
to speak to you about with Ophelia, Omni, and Talina.” I sat there quietly
listening to her as she continued. “Being that they are part Derlenian, their
intelligence level will be more advanced than Dilna, and Frin’s due to having
some of our knowledge imprinted on them when they awoke in my womb,” she
explained.

“Is there something I should be watching out for, or be
concerned with?” I asked her directly.

“I’m teaching them that being in a family, we help one another
in all aspects, to prevent a divide between them and I wanted your help in reinforcing
that with them.”

I gently reached up and stroked her cheek, “You know I’m
willing to help wherever you need it. If it helps them understand better that
we don’t forget anyone and help each other out. I will support you in that,
just help me out along the way, as I’m not telepathic.” I finished with a
reassuring smile.

“The last thing I need to talk to you about, is that day when
they blended minds with us, is the day they also knew everything about you, including
your past with Danora.” I sat there thinking as I remembered the first time she
blended with me. It’s an interesting experience to know someone so deeply and
intimately. When they blended though it was different, as they didn’t have any
knowledge that I didn’t already know about, but I could feel them drawing more
and more on mine.

“Sweetie, there are no secrets among us. If I need to explain
to them about her, I will,” I said.

“Even if it turns out that she’s innocent, and you want to
take her back as a first?” she stated in a saddened tone.

I didn’t need to be telepathic to hear her sadness in that
line. I pulled her into a reassuring hug, “Tarina you are my first, I would
never change that. If, and only if she is truly innocent, I would take her back
as a second, and only because she is Dilna and Frin’s Memaw. I know they love
you a great deal and have been doing everything they can to make you happy, but
I never wanted them to grow up without their real Memaw. That would mean she
would need to be innocent of any wrong doing on her part.” She sat there
holding me tightly at hearing my words, as I felt there had been some growing
worry in her mind about that, and hearing that I wouldn’t replace her as first
allowed her mind to relax.

After a week of traveling in space, we finally landed on
Travaina IV. I thanked Xanthy and Trey for bringing my transport down to the
spaceport, as we loaded everything into it. Once we finished and got into the
vehicle, Tarina told the Nav system where we were headed as I took off.

While I drove, I paid careful attention to the scenery around
us, and I’d be lying if I didn’t feel apprehensive as we kept getting closer to
her Elders place. The direction the Nav system was taking us was directly into
the heart of the slums in Trakry City.

We arrived at her Elders place after driving for about an hour
and a half, and even though we were in the slums, it was a nicer part of the
slums, and I know how contradicting that sounds. I parked my transport out
front as to not block the driveway and proceeded to get out with Tarina. I went
to the back and opened the storage compartment and pulled out the stroller for
the triplets as Tarina began to unfasten their harnesses and carefully put them
in the stroller. I turned to Dilna and Frin and asked them to be on their best
behavior when meeting their new Grand-Elders, as they said they would. I gave
them both a hug and a kiss on the cheek as I turned to the triplets and gave
them each a kiss on the cheek, before taking the stroller and pushing it along
as Tarina walked beside me with her arm wrapped around mine, and Dilna and Frin
to my left.

As we walked to the door, she mentally told me that, should an
argument break out with her Memaw not to interfere. I told her I would do my
best, but that I would protect her and the younglings by pulling them out of
the house if need be. She nodded in understanding and then knocked on the door.
After a minute, it opened up to reveal her Pawpaw. He looked us over for a
moment before smiling and hugging Tarina and turned to me with a hearty handpaw
shake. "I'm Shawmen, Tarina's Pawpaw." He said openly.

I returned my own greeting. "Nice to meet you Shawmen,
I'm Ohm, Tarina's first." I noticed a brief twitch in his jaw line, that
told me he was likely expecting someone younger, or another Derlenian. I kept
my pleasant smile as he invited us into the home.

I had to admit after taking in a quick look around, it was a
lovely home. He offered us a place to sit in the living room as he got us each
a drink from the kitchen. I sensed that Tarina was in a private conversation
with Shawmen mentally, about what, I could only guess. Perhaps my present was
disturbing? To be honest, this situation was new to me, because meeting the
family regularly happened well before you entered into a mateship. I know
Tarina wanted to work things out between her Memaw and herself, but something
told me that it might not be easy.

"Forgive me, Ohm, I keep forgetting my manners when it
comes to others who are not telepathic," Shawmen said in a sincere tone as
he sat in another chair in the living room.

"Oh, it's quite all right, I got used to it over the
years with working on the force," I said politely.

His tone denoted some mild surprise, "You're a police
officer?"

"Was. I used to work at the Central Agency as a detective
about five cycles ago. Then I got the promotion of a lifetime. I now work with
the Alliance in Internal Affairs on Valdoro." I responded.

"How did you and Tarina meet?" He asked as Tarina
answered for me while explaining that she used to work with me at the Central
Agency. She went on to explain that after the incident with Mr. Tavar that life
there became harder. I then explained that following a complication with my own
life, that I requested she come to Valdoro with me and help watch Dilna and
Frin.

"A Nursemaid?" He said questioningly while looking
at Tarina.

"Yes, to be honest, I felt honored, it was a complete
surprise to me, but since I hadn't heard from Memaw on whether I could return
home, I decided to accept his offer." She finished.

"From there, things blossomed between us, and I've not
looked back." I finished.

Shawmen changed the subject to the younglings as he leaned in
closer to look at them. "Now who are these cute little ones?" He
questioned in a somewhat playful tone. Dilna and Frin were a little bit nervous
but answered him.

"I'm Dilna."

"And I'm Frin."

Ophelia, Omni, and Talina answered him mentally.

It was at this point I saw a female come out from the hallway
with an outraged look. A few seconds passed as Ophelia, Omni, and Talina
started crying for what I could only assume was no reason. Tarina spoke to me mentally
her tone was serious, 'Ohm please take them outside until I call for you.'

'Your Memaw I take it?' She nodded as I tried to send the
little ones comforting thoughts to try and get them to relax, as Shawmen
brought Dilna and Frin. As we got outside, I turned to Shawmen just as he spoke
mentally to me. 'Please forgive Cia.'

I looked at him. "She never said anything to me, but I'm
going to assume what she said mentally was not good." The little ones
mentally spoke saying that she hates them and me, because of what we are.

Shawmen had a shocked look on him as he was talking aloud.
"Has the GrandMaster not restrained them yet?" I looked at him
confused as I had not realized that was necessary. He leaned down and began to
comfort them as he spoke to me mentally. 'The GrandMaster is supposed to
restrain their mental abilities and put a mental barrier on them to protect
them from any negative emotions until they reach their fifth cycle.' I could
hear him weep gently while trying to calm them down. This was something I
didn't know about as Phalynian.

I knelt next to him while gently petting each one of them.
"What happened to Cia in the past?” He looked at me in surprise for coming
to that conclusion.

***

Meanwhile, inside the home, Tarina finally had it out with her
Memaw. "Don't you ever call my mate or younglings 'Things' again! You can
hate me all you want, but you will not thrust that hate on them! They've done
nothing to you." Tarina said openly with anger.

"Is that what you think, that I hate you?" Cia
expressed in a raised voice.

"What else am I supposed to think. You've been this way
towards me for the last 10 cycles. Every little thing I did wrong and you throw
me out of the house to sleep on the street!” Tarina nearly yelled at her.

Cia stared at her Tarina for a moment as her face and muzzle
slightly scrunched up before she spoke in a slightly broken tone. "I'm
sorry, I truly am, but I never hated you."

Tarina's voice was still filled with anger, "Well, you
certainly don't love me, or you have a real funny way of showing it as I got
older!”

Cia's voice strained a bit more. "I do love you, but..."
she trailed off, as Tarina took a few steps closer, thinking she was finally
going to open up and in turn be honest with her.

"But what Memaw?" She said softly.

This is when Cia broke down and blurted out, "I just wish
you didn't exist!"

Tarina stopped and stared at her Memaw in disbelief, before
speaking as her voice became shaky. "Then why did you and Pawpaw have me?”

Cia struggled to find her voice again before speaking
"He's not your real Pawpaw."

Tarina did know a heart could break so much. "What?"
She said in a meek tone with her handpaws over her muzzle, as she turned from
Cia. Tarina spoke again, but it was evident this knowledge was causing her a
lot of pain. "Next. Next, you'll tell me, that, that you are," Tarina
was struggling to say the word 'Not,' as she then blurted out the rest,
"Not my real Memaw!" she finished as she fell to her knees weeping
deeply.

Cia went over to her and wrapped her arms around Tarina, as
Tarina struggled to get away from her, not wanting to hear any more.
"Tarina." Cia held on tighter, "Tarina! You are my youngling!
I'm sorry for what I said, as I never wanted you to know the truth, but there
is more I have to share with you, so you can understand why! Please let me
share!" Cia begged.

After a few moments of them calming down Tarina spoke but her
voice sounded as if she no longer cared, "Fine, tell your story."
This hurt Cia, but she continued.

"It happened when I was sixteen cycles old. I was walking
home from work later than usual, but nothing ever happened in the area where my
elders lived, but that night I was grabbed and dragged into a dark alley and
forced to mate with a strange Phalynian at knifepoint." Cia began.

Tarina’s mood turned to surprise as she turned to face her and
saw the look in Cia's eyes. Tarina immediately put their foreheads together,
"Show me Memaw. I want to see." Tarina demanded as Cia gave in and
shared everything. Tarina saw the alleyway, the attack, and the reaction of her
Elders.

Ohm told her Cia was in fact, as Mister Tavar would put it, raped
that night, and because she was only sixteen cycles old, she wasn't an adult,
and therefore it forced her elders to make the decision of whether not to
terminate her pregnancy.

"My Elders forced me to give birth to you, and raise you
as punishment for leading a male on," Cia explained.

Tarina was in shock, "You were the victim! How could they
not know that?"

"It didn't matter to them. All that mattered was making
sure I was responsible for my actions, and you are a constant reminder of that
day. When I heard about what you did with Mister Tavar it made these memories
resurface, memories I thought I was finally over, but it made me think he was a
part of you and acting through you in an odd sort of way, and I just couldn't
handle it." Cia finished.

After hearing and seeing everything and finally understanding
her Memaw, Tarina leaned in and put their foreheads together again, and began
to remove the memory from Cia. When it was said and done, Cia looked at her
still weeping, and saw Tarina, with her own tears. "Why?" She asked
softly.

"Because we both have suffered long enough, and I want my
Memaw back. I want her to be able to hold her grand younglings and to get to
know my first like I do. Not to mention, you've lived long enough with that
nightmare. No more. Like what Mister Tavar did for me, I'm forgiving you and
freeing you of punishment." She finished in a more upbeat and happy tone.
Cia grabbed her and pulled her into the tightest hug she could give while she
wept in happiness.

***

Outside Shawmen is playing with Dilna and Frin while I was
changing Ophelia, Omni, and Talina. When Shawmen spoke with some excitement,
"She did it!" Shawmen said excitedly.

"Did what?"

"She healed Cia, maybe now happiness can return to our
home," he finished. I finished changing the little ones, then turned
towards the front door after hearing it open and saw Tarina and Cia come out.
They walked over and joined Shawmen and me, as I turned around holding all
three little ones. Cia walked up to me as Tarina took Shawmen off to the side.

Cia spoke softly to me, "Please forgive me, I said a
terrible thing to you and the younglings, and I'm sorry."

I smiled at her as Talina started to reach out to Cia.
"Well, only they know what you said, and it looks as if Talina wants to
hug you," I said as I handed her over as Ophelia and Omni followed their
Te'dar.

"They are really are, beautiful." She said softly
while holding them.

Tarina and Shawmen got farther away, she turned to him with
tears still running down her face and muzzle. "I just found out that
you're not my biological Pawpaw," she said softly.

He looked at her with a sad look before speaking, "I wish
I were Tarina, but I'll understand if that makes a difference to you."

She shook her head. "It doesn't matter to me, as you came
in during my fifth cycle, and did your best to be a good and decent Pawpaw, and
because of that I can truthfully say, you are my Pawpaw." She finished
with a cute smile while wiping away her tears of happiness. He came in close
and wrapped his arms around her, as she wrapped her arms around him, while he
softly wept in happiness.