Memaw's Dark Secret

Finding One's True Self: Part 34

By Xan Steel

A full cycle had passed since Tarina had brought me back from the brink of death on that day when I went to save her and the triplets. Things were starting to settle in for us, and our five little ones, Dilna, Frin, Ophelia, Omni, and Talina. Five months ago I rushed Tarina to the medical center nearby as she went into labor at home. I called the doctor on the way, and he assured me he would be there. They carted her in immediately when we arrived, as I followed her in while holding her handpaw, and giving her words of encouragement. They wheeled her into the OR as her doctor wanted to ensure her, and the triplets safety should he need to do a caesarean. As he examined her, I continued to encourage her breathing exercise, as he poked his head up, “Would you like to have a natural birth Tarina?” Her eyes lit up with excitement as she nodded that she would. “All right, then follow my instructions.” She nodded as he began to tell her what he needed her to do.

After two hours I was holding all three little ones in my arms. I know I’m ashamed of my thoughts that day, but I was honestly happy to be holding MY younglings. Ophelia had my ears, Omni had my eyes, and Talina had my tail. I was so overcome with joy that I broke down as they all called out to me mentally ‘Pawpaw.' I handed them over to Tarina so that she could hold them as she began breastfeeding them, it was a beautiful sight to behold. When we got home and got everything settled in, I took Dilna and Frin into my arms and just held them, for how long, I can’t remember. I just wanted them to know that I did not love them any less, and I reassured them that I would do my best to raise all of them in the happiest home that I could.

Over the course of a few months, and a few home checkups to make sure Tarina and the triplets were doing fine. Her doctor gave them all a clean bill of health and said they were safe for space travel, should she want to go home and inform the rest of her family. When the doctor left, I asked her if she wanted to go and see her elders. She thought about it for most of the day as she was unsure, but by the end of the day, she told me that she was going to write a letter to her Pawpaw to see if she could come home and visit. I nodded to her and told her that I hoped that he wanted to see her and our younglings, while she hugged me tightly.

A week passed as Tarina had received a letter back from her Pawpaw stating that he would love to see her again and hear how we were doing in more detail. However, her Memaw didn’t give an answer on whether or not she wanted her to come back yet, so Tarina decided to chance it. We packed up enough clothes for the both of us, and all five of our younglings. Tarina also said that if I wanted to, I could visit Danora and clear the air with her. I told her that for now, I was going to visit with her family first, before seeing Danora.

I booked us a middle-class luxury cruiser for our trip over to Travaina IV. While this ship was nice and had some amenities, it was not the same class of ship we were on when we moved over to Valdoro. Once we got settled into our room, we let the little ones watch a video on the screen as Tarina took me to our room to talk for a bit. “Ohm, there is something I need to speak to you about with Ophelia, Omni, and Talina.” I sat there quietly listening to her as she continued. “Being that they are part Derlenian, their intelligence level will be more advanced than Dilna, and Frin’s due to having some of our knowledge imprinted on them when they awoke in my womb,” she explained.

“Is there something I should be watching out for, or be concerned with?” I asked her directly.

“I’m teaching them that being in a family, we help one another in all aspects, to prevent a divide between them and I wanted your help in reinforcing that with them.”

I gently reached up and stroked her cheek, “You know I’m willing to help wherever you need it. If it helps them understand better that we don’t forget anyone and help each other out. I will support you in that, just help me out along the way, as I’m not telepathic.” I finished with a reassuring smile.

“The last thing I need to talk to you about, is that day when they blended minds with us, is the day they also knew everything about you, including your past with Danora.” I sat there thinking as I remembered the first time she blended with me. It’s an interesting experience to know someone so deeply and intimately. When they blended though it was different, as they didn’t have any knowledge that I didn’t already know about, but I could feel them drawing more and more on mine.

“Sweetie, there are no secrets among us. If I need to explain to them about her, I will,” I said.

“Even if it turns out that she’s innocent, and you want to take her back as a first?” she stated in a saddened tone.

I didn’t need to be telepathic to hear her sadness in that line. I pulled her into a reassuring hug, “Tarina you are my first, I would never change that. If, and only if she is truly innocent, I would take her back as a second, and only because she is Dilna and Frin’s Memaw. I know they love you a great deal and have been doing everything they can to make you happy, but I never wanted them to grow up without their real Memaw. That would mean she would need to be innocent of any wrong doing on her part.” She sat there holding me tightly at hearing my words, as I felt there had been some growing worry in her mind about that, and hearing that I wouldn’t replace her as first allowed her mind to relax.

After a week of traveling in space, we finally landed on Travaina IV. I thanked Xanthy and Trey for bringing my transport down to the spaceport, as we loaded everything into it. Once we finished and got into the vehicle, Tarina told the Nav system where we were headed as I took off.

While I drove, I paid careful attention to the scenery around us, and I’d be lying if I didn’t feel apprehensive as we kept getting closer to her Elders place. The direction the Nav system was taking us was directly into the heart of the slums in Trakry City.

We arrived at her Elders place after driving for about an hour and a half, and even though we were in the slums, it was a nicer part of the slums, and I know how contradicting that sounds. I parked my transport out front as to not block the driveway and proceeded to get out with Tarina. I went to the back and opened the storage compartment and pulled out the stroller for the triplets as Tarina began to unfasten their harnesses and carefully put them in the stroller. I turned to Dilna and Frin and asked them to be on their best behavior when meeting their new Grand-Elders, as they said they would. I gave them both a hug and a kiss on the cheek as I turned to the triplets and gave them each a kiss on the cheek, before taking the stroller and pushing it along as Tarina walked beside me with her arm wrapped around mine, and Dilna and Frin to my left.

As we walked to the door, she mentally told me that, should an argument break out with her Memaw not to interfere. I told her I would do my best, but that I would protect her and the younglings by pulling them out of the house if need be. She nodded in understanding and then knocked on the door. After a minute, it opened up to reveal her Pawpaw. He looked us over for a moment before smiling and hugging Tarina and turned to me with a hearty handpaw shake. "I'm Shawmen, Tarina's Pawpaw." He said openly.

I returned my own greeting. "Nice to meet you Shawmen, I'm Ohm, Tarina's first." I noticed a brief twitch in his jaw line, that told me he was likely expecting someone younger, or another Derlenian. I kept my pleasant smile as he invited us into the home.

I had to admit after taking in a quick look around, it was a lovely home. He offered us a place to sit in the living room as he got us each a drink from the kitchen. I sensed that Tarina was in a private conversation with Shawmen mentally, about what, I could only guess. Perhaps my present was disturbing? To be honest, this situation was new to me, because meeting the family regularly happened well before you entered into a mateship. I know Tarina wanted to work things out between her Memaw and herself, but something told me that it might not be easy.

"Forgive me, Ohm, I keep forgetting my manners when it comes to others who are not telepathic," Shawmen said in a sincere tone as he sat in another chair in the living room.

"Oh, it's quite all right, I got used to it over the years with working on the force," I said politely.

His tone denoted some mild surprise, "You're a police officer?"

"Was. I used to work at the Central Agency as a detective about five cycles ago. Then I got the promotion of a lifetime. I now work with the Alliance in Internal Affairs on Valdoro." I responded.

"How did you and Tarina meet?" He asked as Tarina answered for me while explaining that she used to work with me at the Central Agency. She went on to explain that after the incident with Mr. Tavar that life there became harder. I then explained that following a complication with my own life, that I requested she come to Valdoro with me and help watch Dilna and Frin.

"A Nursemaid?" He said questioningly while looking at Tarina.

"Yes, to be honest, I felt honored, it was a complete surprise to me, but since I hadn't heard from Memaw on whether I could return home, I decided to accept his offer." She finished.

"From there, things blossomed between us, and I've not looked back." I finished.

Shawmen changed the subject to the younglings as he leaned in closer to look at them. "Now who are these cute little ones?" He questioned in a somewhat playful tone. Dilna and Frin were a little bit nervous but answered him.

"I'm Dilna."

"And I'm Frin."

Ophelia, Omni, and Talina answered him mentally.

It was at this point I saw a female come out from the hallway with an outraged look. A few seconds passed as Ophelia, Omni, and Talina started crying for what I could only assume was no reason. Tarina spoke to me mentally her tone was serious, 'Ohm please take them outside until I call for you.'

'Your Memaw I take it?' She nodded as I tried to send the little ones comforting thoughts to try and get them to relax, as Shawmen brought Dilna and Frin. As we got outside, I turned to Shawmen just as he spoke mentally to me. 'Please forgive Cia.'

I looked at him. "She never said anything to me, but I'm going to assume what she said mentally was not good." The little ones mentally spoke saying that she hates them and me, because of what we are.

Shawmen had a shocked look on him as he was talking aloud. "Has the GrandMaster not restrained them yet?" I looked at him confused as I had not realized that was necessary. He leaned down and began to comfort them as he spoke to me mentally. 'The GrandMaster is supposed to restrain their mental abilities and put a mental barrier on them to protect them from any negative emotions until they reach their fifth cycle.' I could hear him weep gently while trying to calm them down. This was something I didn't know about as Phalynian.

I knelt next to him while gently petting each one of them. "What happened to Cia in the past?” He looked at me in surprise for coming to that conclusion.

***

Meanwhile, inside the home, Tarina finally had it out with her Memaw. "Don't you ever call my mate or younglings 'Things' again! You can hate me all you want, but you will not thrust that hate on them! They've done nothing to you." Tarina said openly with anger.

"Is that what you think, that I hate you?" Cia expressed in a raised voice.

"What else am I supposed to think. You've been this way towards me for the last 10 cycles. Every little thing I did wrong and you throw me out of the house to sleep on the street!” Tarina nearly yelled at her.

Cia stared at her Tarina for a moment as her face and muzzle slightly scrunched up before she spoke in a slightly broken tone. "I'm sorry, I truly am, but I never hated you."

Tarina's voice was still filled with anger, "Well, you certainly don't love me, or you have a real funny way of showing it as I got older!”

Cia's voice strained a bit more. "I do love you, but..." she trailed off, as Tarina took a few steps closer, thinking she was finally going to open up and in turn be honest with her.

"But what Memaw?" She said softly.

This is when Cia broke down and blurted out, "I just wish you didn't exist!"

Tarina stopped and stared at her Memaw in disbelief, before speaking as her voice became shaky. "Then why did you and Pawpaw have me?”

Cia struggled to find her voice again before speaking "He's not your real Pawpaw."

Tarina did know a heart could break so much. "What?" She said in a meek tone with her handpaws over her muzzle, as she turned from Cia. Tarina spoke again, but it was evident this knowledge was causing her a lot of pain. "Next. Next, you'll tell me, that, that you are," Tarina was struggling to say the word 'Not,' as she then blurted out the rest, "Not my real Memaw!" she finished as she fell to her knees weeping deeply.

Cia went over to her and wrapped her arms around Tarina, as Tarina struggled to get away from her, not wanting to hear any more. "Tarina." Cia held on tighter, "Tarina! You are my youngling! I'm sorry for what I said, as I never wanted you to know the truth, but there is more I have to share with you, so you can understand why! Please let me share!" Cia begged.

After a few moments of them calming down Tarina spoke but her voice sounded as if she no longer cared, "Fine, tell your story." This hurt Cia, but she continued.

"It happened when I was sixteen cycles old. I was walking home from work later than usual, but nothing ever happened in the area where my elders lived, but that night I was grabbed and dragged into a dark alley and forced to mate with a strange Phalynian at knifepoint." Cia began.

Tarina’s mood turned to surprise as she turned to face her and saw the look in Cia's eyes. Tarina immediately put their foreheads together, "Show me Memaw. I want to see." Tarina demanded as Cia gave in and shared everything. Tarina saw the alleyway, the attack, and the reaction of her Elders.

Ohm told her Cia was in fact, as Mister Tavar would put it, raped that night, and because she was only sixteen cycles old, she wasn't an adult, and therefore it forced her elders to make the decision of whether not to terminate her pregnancy.

"My Elders forced me to give birth to you, and raise you as punishment for leading a male on," Cia explained.

Tarina was in shock, "You were the victim! How could they not know that?"

"It didn't matter to them. All that mattered was making sure I was responsible for my actions, and you are a constant reminder of that day. When I heard about what you did with Mister Tavar it made these memories resurface, memories I thought I was finally over, but it made me think he was a part of you and acting through you in an odd sort of way, and I just couldn't handle it." Cia finished.

After hearing and seeing everything and finally understanding her Memaw, Tarina leaned in and put their foreheads together again, and began to remove the memory from Cia. When it was said and done, Cia looked at her still weeping, and saw Tarina, with her own tears. "Why?" She asked softly.

"Because we both have suffered long enough, and I want my Memaw back. I want her to be able to hold her grand younglings and to get to know my first like I do. Not to mention, you've lived long enough with that nightmare. No more. Like what Mister Tavar did for me, I'm forgiving you and freeing you of punishment." She finished in a more upbeat and happy tone. Cia grabbed her and pulled her into the tightest hug she could give while she wept in happiness.

***

Outside Shawmen is playing with Dilna and Frin while I was changing Ophelia, Omni, and Talina. When Shawmen spoke with some excitement, "She did it!" Shawmen said excitedly.

"Did what?"

"She healed Cia, maybe now happiness can return to our home," he finished. I finished changing the little ones, then turned towards the front door after hearing it open and saw Tarina and Cia come out. They walked over and joined Shawmen and me, as I turned around holding all three little ones. Cia walked up to me as Tarina took Shawmen off to the side.

Cia spoke softly to me, "Please forgive me, I said a terrible thing to you and the younglings, and I'm sorry."

I smiled at her as Talina started to reach out to Cia. "Well, only they know what you said, and it looks as if Talina wants to hug you," I said as I handed her over as Ophelia and Omni followed their Te'dar.

"They are really are, beautiful." She said softly while holding them.

Tarina and Shawmen got farther away, she turned to him with tears still running down her face and muzzle. "I just found out that you're not my biological Pawpaw," she said softly.

He looked at her with a sad look before speaking, "I wish I were Tarina, but I'll understand if that makes a difference to you."

She shook her head. "It doesn't matter to me, as you came in during my fifth cycle, and did your best to be a good and decent Pawpaw, and because of that I can truthfully say, you are my Pawpaw." She finished with a cute smile while wiping away her tears of happiness. He came in close and wrapped his arms around her, as she wrapped her arms around him, while he softly wept in happiness.