FJ opened his bedroom’s door and Gruff entered, following the boy. His mind somewhat anesthetized by all he just lived, he barely looked at the room. A messy one, as all teen room seemed to be in the world. It is said than we can know a boy by just looking at the place he lives in. Gruff knew than that said was true. FJ tried to keep the place clean, even if it was obvious than some corners needed to see the broom more often.

The one sized bed was near a desk. On it, FJ’s laptop. Gruff could see a pile of old and used laptops in the ground. Most of them were sundered. Some screwdrivers and some connector plugs were near the laptop. Gruff quickly understood than FJ had to build his how laptop with pieces coming from all the others computers, probably coming from the neighborhood. Gruff had a new one. It was obvious than FJ didn’t had the money to buy his own. He had to learn how to built it, and to fix it to save a money he didn’t had. Gruff sat on the bed, ashamed. He often yelled about his life, but now he had on his sight a boy who had really good reasons to do. But he never heard him complain at all.

The trouble he felt seeing the room for the first time became shame. And for years now, he made him his favorite target for his dumb jokes. The feeling to had act as a wretch became stronger.

FJ was looking into his closet and came back with some old pants on his hands. Gruff couldn’t help to smile seeing that. FJ coming out from his closet...

« It should suits you. I don’t wear it since two years but I think it’s your size. »

Gruff stood up and removed his pants, keeping his t-shirt. He did without thinking, showing his jockstrap to FJ who tried to keep breathing seeing the sexy undies and the big bulge under it.

Gruff looked at him.

« It’s all soaked. I must remove it or I’ll soak your pants too. Do you have something to wipe it ? »

Gruff removed his jock and FJ had to force himself not to kneel and he struggled to keep his tongue on his mouth, seeing the rott’s big cock hanging on his massives balls. Gruff had his jock on his hand and he didn’t noticed FJ looking at his privates.

« It’s the biggest load I never made... »

Used to be in lockers rooms, Gruff had act without thinking about. Male nudity was a really common thing for him.

« That kiss was really so good ? »

FJ was fascinated by Gruff’s nudity. So fascinated than he didn’t though than that sentence could piss off Gruff.

« I’M NOT A QUEER ! DON’T MAKE FUN ABOUT THAT ! »

Gruff was screaming, but he avoided FJ’s sight, ashamed by what he felt. Angry, he throw the jock in the ground and sat again on the bed, hiding his eyes on his hands, trying to catch his breath, to put his mind the straight way. He felt than he was near the nervous breakdown. He calmed him down a bit and opened his eyes. His cock was becoming hard again. Gruff tried not to note this new hard-on.

« I’m sorry. I’m a complete asshole. You want to help me despite all I did to you... All these years... And I yell at you. It’s just... It should not happen to me. What’s wrong with me ? »

Gruff’s voice was breaking down. FJ came closer, still bare chest. He sat near him and put an hand above his shoulder.

« You’re fine, Gruff. It’s just... »

FJ couldn’t talk anymore. Gruff let him hug him. The naked arm of the latter was so good. It made him have a stronger hard-on. FJ saw that, but didn’t talked about that, knowing than Gruff could not like that.

« You don’t know how ashamed I am now. Because of all I did to you. To some of your friends too, all this time. You’re better than me, FJ, I can see that now. I’m nothing. »

Gruff felt his mind becoming more and more shattered. Trying to keep his mind, he though than to lay dawn could be a good way to not to sink. He moved a bit and put his head on FJ’s knees, on his back. His cheek touched FJ’s zip. Gruff felt the hard-on under it. He said nothing and didn’t moved. FJ noticed he was hard and blushed, hoping than Gruff would not complain about that. The rott said nothing and sighed, blushing a bit. FJ was blushing more.

« I don’t want to...

- Please, can I stay ?

- I... Sure. »

Gruff began to breath more easily. He kept his eyes on FJ’s sight.

« Don’t think if I’m rude asking you that but... You... It’s not me who... I don’t give you that, right ? »

FJ swallowed, not knowing how to say to him than he... He didn’t wanted to ashamed him more than he was. He blushed more. Gruff understood. He put a weak hand on FJ’s chest and removed it quickly, ashamed and happy at the same time.

« You’re... a really cute boy, Gruff... And I... »

FJ could’t end his sentence. When he said « cute », Gruff stood up and began to overlap him, his legs apart of FJ’s body, chest on chest, his hard cock rubbing on FJ’s belly. He hugged his as strong as he could.

« Thanks. »

Gruff could’t say something else. He hugged him, crying a bit. To put his cheek on FJ’s was the final blow. Gruff’s mind exploded then. Years of lies, of hiding, of comedy ended and all these were wiped in one second. Gruff’s mental fortress was turned into ashes. He removed his cheek and took FJ’s head on his hands. He looked at him a last time on his eyes, trying to find a prohibition, a lid.

But FJ didn’t wanted to forbid him anything. He put his lips on FJ’s and they shared a passionated kiss, their tongues moving around each other on their mouths, sighing of ease and of mutual desire.

They both knew than the time had come to end their childhood.

--

Laying on his side, naked, FJ was smiling, his eyes closed. He was feeling against his chest Gruff’s muscular back, the boy being also naked. His arm was lying on his belly, his fingers softly touching his partner’s soft hair pubes. Gruff was smiling too, his eyes opened. He liked the feeling of FJ’s warm body. Never, until that day, he would though than a fatty belly was so soft and enjoyable. A male belly. Gruff felt FJ’s fingers running around his navel. He put his hand above the donkey’s fingers and embraced the phalanges. Those thick fingers were pleasant, soft, sweet and rough at the same time. He moaned his pleasure while FJ was kissing his neck. No other sound could be heard in the bedroom.

Gruff wanted to say so much things, so much feelings, but it seemed to him than silence was the best way to say it. He didn’t wanted to seem rude, and let his partner believe than he felt nothing about what they did.

« I... Never felt a so nice thing...

- It was really good, yea.

- How it was for you ?

- Never felt something better before.

- I’m as good than the others then ? »

Gruff was a bit mocking.

« Wait, who are these others ?

- I dunno, those you had before. No offense... »

FJ understood than Gruff didn’t wanted to let him thing he was a slut.

« There was no other, Gruff.

- How’s that ?

- You were my first. »

Gruff was a bit surprised. He turned a bit red.

« I... I had a lot of parties, FJ. But I’m drunk so often than I don’t remember what I did. But I think than...you’re also my first. »

FJ looked at Gruff.

« So we... we were... our first, it seems.

- It seems, yea. »

Gruff smiled more.

« We were both virgins. Man, It’s not often, it seems... »

FJ began to smile more too.

« I though it happened only in bad porn movies... »

Gruff turned around and faced FJ, hugging him, kissing him more. He looked away, a bit shy.

« FJ. I’m… sorry.

- For ?

- For everything. All this time. For what I said, what I did. I shouldn’t have to. I don’t know why I did it. Since the first day, I felt than... There was a link between us. I don’t say than I loved you or wanted you at the first sight, no, but there was something. In one way or another, it should have been a link between us. I think than I misunderstood about that link. Then, later, I began to fight against what I was.

- Against what you were ? »

FJ knew what Gruff was talking about. He was just curious, wanting to see if the rott would admit what he was or not. Gruff was more ashamed, then, he looked at FJ right on his eyes.

« I can’t deny it anymore. I don’t want to do, even if I’m worried about what will happen now, about my family, my friends. How they would react ? »

FJ knew what Gruff was feeling. Nobody knew about him. Except Gruff, now. He didn’t came out to anyone. Not even to his Losers’ friends. He was afraid to lose their friendship. They were his only friends, and he wouldn’t lose the only social link he had with them. Gruff sat on the edge of the bed, he stood up, proudly.

« I’m homosexual. I can’t deny that. I did it too long. I know I’ll have troubles, but I can’t deny it anymore. If God made me that way, he had a good reason to do, right ? »

FJ was on his elbow.

« I think so. I think He’s wise enough to know what He does. »

Gruff smiled.

« I’m a man, but being with another one is so... It’s so powerfull... I understand now the gap between those who had sex and the others. »

Gruff rubbed his ass, his lips showing a bit of pain.

« Even if these ones can sit in peace... »

FJ laugh.

« I can’t judge. I never had that luck.

Would you let me... Be your number one ? »

FJ was looking at Gruff lustfully.

« Of course. »

Gruff was looking at FJ’s fat body, still laying on his side. And the more he saw him, the more he wanted him.

A powerful ring tone was heard then. It was coming from Gruff’s pants, near the bed. Gruff smirked. The tone was saying than the message was coming from his dad’s phone. A bit worried, he bent over to read it. FJ saw him becoming worried reading the text.

« Any trouble ? »

Gruff gave his his cell and FJ could read the text.

« COME BACK NOW ! »

FJ swallowed.

« It comes from dad. I think than someone was aware I skipped some classes. He doesn’t like when I do that. »

Gruff began to dress.

« I must go, I’m sorry. If I’m not grounded, I swear to come back at once, ok ? I will... If you want, of course.

- Of course I want you to.

- Thanks. »

Gruff hugged FJ a last time before to exit the room.

« I will come back anyway, I must return your pants back. »

Gruff closed the door and left the house. Alone, FJ was wondering if he didn’t dreamed. Seeing Gruff’s jockstrap fully soaked of semen in the ground, he knew he didn’t. He was still a bit shocked, reminding about all happened these last hours. He shook his head, thinking how badly that day had begun. He seems to him than it was only noon. He looked at his watch and he saw than it was later than he though. They skipped afternoon classes too.

He put a short and took the soaked jock to put it in the laundry before to reach the kitchen, to eat something. A light laugh was heard from the couch. Sit on it, a beer on his hands, Fred was smiling at him.

Three other empty cans were along those who were already here, and the way Fred was talking... FJ knew than he was drunk.

FJ though then than he and Gruff had forget him.

« What a surprise... »

FJ tried to stay calm, acting as if nothing happened.

« What are you talking about ?

- I knew than that fat dumbass was a closeted cocksucker. I could bet about. But you... I just believed than it was my weed who made you act silly. You surprised me. The right way.

- I...don’t understand...what are you talking about...

- Whoooo... You’re so sexy that way... »

Fred was looking openly at the almost naked body he had in front of him.

« I heard you. I heard him when you came to visit him by his rear entrance... You know how to deal with, you lucky bastard. »

Fred’s voice was stammering, and his breath smelled alcohol. He came closer, removing his t-shirt.

« I hope you didn’t wasted all... »

Fred’s aim was clear, but FJ was not in the mood to have sex with him. Knowing him drunk, he knew he could react the wrong way if he rejected his offer too badly. FJ was living with an alcoholic father, so he knew how to deal with that.

« You should sit before, you would feel better. »

Fred smiled, going back to the couch.

« You surprise me more. You’re not a sub, you like to order it seems... I think I like to obey... And don’t be afraid, that fat ass will not come back for a while. »

FJ walked with Fred to the couch. He planned to make him sit and to talk to him enough time to see his lust fade away, or to see him fall asleep.

« He’ll be back soon, he must give me something back.

- He’ll be busy the next hours. »

Fred patted FJ’s leg, patting his own belly, becoming hard.

« With the pics I sent to his father, we’ll be quiet. »

FJ felt his heart stop to beat.

« Pics ? »

Fred showed his cell in the table.

« Don’t worry, I let you out of the scene. All he saw was his dumbass son sucking some random cock, and enjoying it ! You let your door opened, so... »

Fred stopped to talk, seeing than FJ had took the cell on his hands. He looked at the diary and saw than Fred had really sent the pics to Gruff’s father.

« Oh no... »

FJ had hard to breath. The same time, he was afraid for Gruff, who was running right into a trap, and angry toward Fred, who obvioulsy didn’t knew what he did. FJ stayed mute and get back to his room to get dressed.

Seeing him mute and decided, Fred began to think. His foggy brain began to work again and he began to understand what he did.

« Holy shit... »

FJ came back. He looked at Fred again and saw than the latter feared about what he did. No more lust, just fear and shame.

« I hope you’re proud of you ! »

FJ tried to stay calm but he couldn’t really. Fred remained mute and lowered his eyes, ashamed. FJ came into the kitchen and took a basin and filled it with water. Curious, Fred followed him.

« What are you doing ?

- What dad taught to me. »

Before Fred could answer, FJ throw some cold water to his face. Fred, surprised, yelled at before to calm down. It was a success. Fred was now fully ashamed.

« What I’ve done... God...

- You did the biggest shit you ever made ! I hope you can see it now !

- I’m sorry...

- Don’t say that to me, you’ll have to say that to Gruff ! Because, you’re going with me to help him right now !

- Of course. I sure will do. But how ? »

FJ didn’t knew what to answer. He knew where Gruff was living since the day he heard him giving his address to a friend for some random party. By cons, he didn’t knew his phone number. He couldn’t call him.

Fred was thinking, and he reminded than Gruff had gave him his phone number. He tried to call him but Gruff’s phone was turned off.

« He doesn’t answer. »

Fred looked at the pics again.

« I don’t know. Maybe I could say they’re photoshopped ? »

With his angry eyes, FJ looked at the pics.

« You really think they could buy it ? »

FJ had zoomed on Gruff’s mouth. The pic was clear, very detailed.

« They will not believe you. It’s obvious they’re not photoshopped.

- I’m afraid you’re right, FJ. If you knew how much I’m sorry... »

FJ said nothing. He left the house, making sure than Fred would follow him.

--

Gruff closed FJ’s door and began to walk back home. His sight moved to look at the sky, and a light wind was blowing from the south. Some large white clouds were beginning to stay in the sky and Gruff knew it would rain a bit before the end of the day. It was not a real important news, but his mind was looking for something to focus on, to stay away from what he just did.

He was, for a part of him, still amazed of what he did. He just had sex with FJ. And more, he liked that, and he wanted only one thing. To do it again. And again.

Another part of his mind was still trying to deny about that. He wasn’t that. He just felt in a kind of trap. But that voice was fading away. These last years, he had to listen to that sound jarring with his inner being. He had a lot of girlfriends, trying to convince himself he just had to find the right one to convince himself than he was normal.

Normal...

He groaned at him. He didn’t though he was abnormal. He was not straight, that’s all. His walk made him pass near a truck with a mirror on its side. Gruff looked at him in it.

He saw nothing else than he was. A boy, well built, with a strong mind, looking really manly. No one could though because of a color, or a fabric, he would love to have sex with another boy.

He knew then than he looked at him since a full minute, not really thinking about what he was looking at. He was doing everything to avoid to have to return early at home. Deep inside him, he was pretty sure than the come back order was not about the skipped classes. He did it twice that year, and never his folks yelled at him so much.

Why he would had that order ?

In fact, how they could had knew ?

Gruff tried to close his mind to have some rest but he couldn’t fully succeed. At the corner of Hammer Street, he sat on the edge of the sidewalk, in front of his house. He put his head on his fists and tried to calm him down. It seemed to him being a convict about to be beheaded. He tried to tell himself than they couldn’t know. At least, not yet. He didn’t succeed. He heard then the sound of someone walking to him. He looked on his left and saw FJ running to him, followed by Fred.

The game was over. Gruff knew than it was really about that. Why to run to him, being so worried ?

FJ made Fred to walk in front of him. He didn’t talked to him, but his sight was meaning. Trying to avoid the consequences, Fred ended to go to Gruff, and sat near him, lowering his eyes, keeping them to the ground.

« I’m sorry, Gruff. »

The ladder didn’t answered, lowering his head too, somewhat dismayed. He didn’t knew what to answer. These words were the final blow. Fred had hard to find his words.

« When I saw you in the courtyard, bullying FJ... I was bullied sometimes too before, Gruff, I think it’s why I knew I had to help him if I could.

- How did you knew ? »

Fred avoided Gruff’s sight.

« I didn’t knew. I though than you were, that’s all. I don’t know why, don’t ask me why. Maybe because I wanted you to be. A wish become true. FJ didn’t knew, I swear it, Gruff, he didn’t knew. I’m the only one to blame. »

Gruff was running nervously his hand on his short hairs.

« Why did I... It’s not really important after all. »

Fred was about to cry. Of shame, and anger against himself.

« I’m so sorry, Gruff. I never should have done that, never ! I don’t know... I don’t know what to do to help you. I just wanted FJ. He’s so cute. I fully lost my mind, I never did something like that before, I swear. I was jealous, I think. Seeing you both doing...Having... Knowing you gay, I had my luck to help FJ, and, that way, to seduce him. But it’s useless now. You’re the one in pain, and I’m sorry to had did that. »

Gruff remained quiet. Knowing than Fred had enough time to talk to Gruff, FJ came closer and sat near to Gruff.

« I’m not someone to complain easily but... I wished than things would happened another way...

Same for me, Gruff. I would had hoped something else. »

Gruff took his head on his hands.

« I’m a complete asshole. I should had known. With all I did to you, and some others, than I had to pay for all that. I couldn’t think it would end that way, anyway... »

FJ lowered his head.

« Even if I don’t agree with what he did, I understand Fred. Because of you, I had terrible moments, Gruff. But now, I don’t care. I just don’t want to see you suffer.

- I don’t deserve your mercy, FJ. I always knew what I did was wrong. But I couldn’t stop. I never been in your shoes. I didn’t knew what you could feel. And now, I know. I’m sorry for all that. »

FJ moved a bit and put his hand on Gruff’s one, who removed his.

« I don’t want to force you, FJ. »

FJ said nothing, and put his hand again on Gruff’s one. This time, he kept it on his.

« You don’t force me. I want to do. I know what I am since years. And if there is someone I want to be, it’s you. »

Gruff smiled shyly at FJ, who gave his smile back. Both knew than Fred stood up and walked away, still looking at the ground. No one tried to keep him back. Gruff didn’t cared about him and FJ had what he wanted. A full confession, and sincere regrets.

« I can’t let my ass in the ground forever. »

Gruff stood up and wiped the dust on his pants, walking to his house. FJ doubted, and followed him. Gruff let him came. Being alone or not would not change something.

In front of the door, Gruff took his key.

« Thanks, FJ.

- For what ?

- Being here. »

FJ could not answer because Gruff hugged him and kissed him on his lips. FJ returned the kiss. No one were looking at the opening door. From the house, Gruff’s mother was looking at the couple with her disbelieving sight.

When her sight found her son’s eyes, her voice didn’t changed too. She spoke with a unchanging tone who worried Greg more than ever.

« I didn’t wanted to believe it... But he was right... »

Gruff broke the kiss, keeping FJ on his arms, looking at his mother, afraid. He didn’t knew what was the most frightening for him. Being caught or to hear his mother’s droning voice, without any feeling on her tone.

« I told him than we would wait for your return to know all about that. The depraved seed can then grow in the most fertile compost. Cursed seed. Cursed soul. » 

FJ was holding Gruff’s hand and he felt all the scare and the fears than the boy was feeling. All the growing stress. What he was hearing was disgusting him but he felt he had not the right to talk yet.

Gruff seemed to be about to talk but his words died on his throat. His mother’s words were cruel, but it was the tone who harmed the boy. He barely noted than the door was now closed in front of him and it took some seconds for him to remember her last words.

« I would had aborted if I’d knew. »

Gruff remained stupidly in front of the door, not knowing what to do or say. Still barely noticing FJ’s hand on his.

« Gruff... »

The boy was still looking at the door, he just couldn’t react.

« Gruff ! »

FJ’s voice was louder. He was looking at him.

« Maybe you should come back. I think there is an old mattress in the cellar. If it can help... »

Gruff lowered his eyes, sighing. FJ was a bit amazed seeing him speechless. He though about a nervous breakdown. Maybe it was his way to deal with stress. Gruff just nodded, shocked by what he just heard.