Monday 19th

His back straight, elongated, his face toward the ceiling, Gruff was still lost on his dreams that preceded his total awakening. He no longer felt the sun on him as usual, but the fresh breeze that caressed his face through the open window was also nice, pushing back his mind to his sleep. The night was hot and Gruff was just covered with a sheet after having removed his undies for a better ventilation. No sensation seemed better. And nothing seemed able to broke that moment of bliss.

« Stand up, lazy boy ! »

Gruff waked up, the sheet torn from his bed at once by his uncle. Soon after, he throw it in the floor. 

« At least I see that a part of you is already up ! But let all your body follow ! Hurry up, you'll be late ! »

Gruff, who had slept naked, realized his hard-on and the fact than his uncle was not afraid by. He tried to hide it with his hand, with the usual protests. 

« But ! But !

- Don’t want to get your ass kicked ? So wake up in time, boy ! »

Mark left the room as quickly as he came in. Gruff took his breath again. It seemed to him he just had saw another man. Not a stranger. Mark’s tone was the same than the one he used when he was teaching at the high school. All those who had the bad luck to be on his classroom could had sweared on it. The gentle Uncle Mark was gone and Prof. Miller was on duty.

Gruff got up and got ready to go to class. It was only when he arrived at the high school and saw Dave’s angry eyes than he knew he would have to return to his morning routine, adapting it to let no one to guess what had changed on his life.

« Did you ate your clock ?

- I’m sorry, Dave, I overslept.

- Don’t worry about that. How was your week-end then ? By the way you could had warned me !

- To warn you about what ?

- Oh, come on ! What you did last thursday night ? You didn’t came the next day ! I’m sure your hangover was so huge than you broke your record ! »

Greg smiled widely to Dave, but his heart was not in it. He was just trying to hide his trouble, and to find a story.

« I was at home. In fact, I ate something rotten and I spent all the following day leant over the pan ! »

Gruff was hoping than Dave would buy that story. But his sight was not a good sign for.

« For sure... »

The bear smiled widely.

« I’ll say than I believe you, that way you will not try to lie to me more ! Keep your little secret, as long as Debbie is not a part of it, I don’t care !

- You’re still with her then ?

- Yes and no. We decided to take some time. I think it’s the strength born of despair, but if it must end, we don’t want to hurt each other. »

To his great surprise, Dave’s couple troubles helped Greg to change his mind. Quickly, he looked around the yard and saw than FJ was already in the hall. He would not have to find a story that day to explain why he would not bully him. 

The day passed without incident. Greg had quickly praised his teammates, saying to himself that the evening would allow him to invent new stories to tell them the next day when they would inevitably ask him in the locker room why he was gone all weekend. During the breaks, he saw quickly FJ in the hallway. The two boys had agreed to ignore each other the whole day. It would be their policy, at least until Greg has made his coming out. Assuming also that FJ would do it too. Otherwise...

FJ had hard to concentrate because of what Greg had asked him but he managed to hide his disorder to his friends of the Loosers’ club. It must be said that they spoke only about the future prom night. Some thought it was better not to go to save themselves the humiliation of going without a girl, others that they should, not to give the impression to duck even more. FJ choose that day to stay neutral, saying he didn’t already knew if he would go or not.

Gruff was a little late for the return. The day was at the end a quiet one. More important, it seemed than no one guessed his secret. The more the day was going, the more he felt better. He was now quiet, walking fast because he didn’t wanted to be on late. He heard then another step behind him and he knew than someone was following him. He turned and saw the guy trying to reach him. Fred had a sad face, ashamed. Greg felt all the bravery he had on him to have the strength to talk to him. He had still some ill will but Greg decided to give him a chance. 

« Hi Gruff... 

- Oh, it's you... 

- Yes, uh, listen, can we talk for a moment ? 

- I'm late. While walking. »

Greg walked again. He had answered a bit roughly but, hell, Fred deserved it a bit.

« I... I still wanted to apologize... I know I behaved with you like a bastard and you can not imagine how I am ashamed of what I did. »

Greg smiled for himself. Fred had guts, a soul and his first apologies seemed really true then.

« It does not matter. 

- I’m serious. I destroyed your family. You have been expelled because of me. » 

Gruff stopped. 

« Listen Fred... You're new here... I mean... »

Greg was searching a bit for his words. He was trying to express the complexity of what he felt about the evolution of his existence, and how he felt about the boy who had betrayed him to his parents.

« I blame you. Really. But I’m also aware about the reasons who made you act like that. It doesn’t forgive you, just explain. » 

Greg lowered his eyes.

« On the other side, I’m not the best person to talk about ethics. I behaved too like a bastard to FJ and some others. I’m sorry about. FJ forgave me, and I hope someday to be forgiven by the others too. So I know what are you feeling, Fred. »

Greg rose his sight and looked at Fred, who didn’t dared to stop him.

« True, normally I should knock you for what you did. It’s the worst thing than happened to me. But the fact is that because of you I have since some few days a much better life than before. I know better my uncle who is a great guy, I like FJ, who loves me too and I also saw how my parents... would had destroy me without me realizing. So yes, you have behaved like a bastard, but without the knowledge or on purpose, you've helped a lot. And I can not blame you for that, you understand ? 

- I think. 

- Good. But if you want me to be more formal, then I say : I forgive you. »

Fred was a bit surprised. Happy, but surprised. Only one word could follow.

« Thanks. »

Greg smiled to the boy and began to walk again. Fred followed him.

« I bet you spent all the weekend to fret, right ?

- I could only think about what I did. »

Fred was a bit more happy. But he managed to avoid again Greg’s sight. He felt he hadn’t that right yet. He wanted also not to talk about the gun, and he feared to say too much about that if he was too friendly yet. Another thing not to be proud of.

« Now you can take it more easy then.

- I think I will in the future.

- I hope so.

- Really ?

- Yes. I know too much what the pain is to see others to have more than their share. I hope you’ll learn to live with that.Me too. Even if I know I’ll have a cross to bear now. »

Fred couldn’t avoid a sarcastic smile to bright on his face. Greg was a bit amazed.

« Sorry, linguistic reflex.

- Why that ?

- I’m Jew. So for someone like me, to say these words...

- Sure. »

Fred was still smiling.

« It’s been years since the last time i put my feet on a synagogue so I think I have a kind of dispensation. And it’s only an expression after all !

- Are you ok with that ?

- About ? Being jew ? »

Fred’s voice was a bit curious. Also a bit scared.

« I don’t care about you being jew. About being gay. »

Fred became quiet again.

« It’s what I am. I make do. I’m not really unhappy being that way, I must say. What about you ? » 

Greg sighted, raising his eyes to the sky. He looked around him to be sure than no one else would hear him.

« I don’t really know in fact. I know since a while what I am. I didn’t wanted to be that way. I made everything not to be. But no one can escape to himself. And FJ broke my wall, I still don’t know how he did. I’ll say than I don’t regret his success. I’m feeling more... free. More true. Maybe it’s the reason why I decided to came out of the closet. You did it ?

- I have told to my mother.

- You said all ? 

- Well, almost. I did not said your name, nor that of FJ. I just said what I did. My mother went mad and I am grounded at least until I’m 30. Not because I’m gay, but about what I did. 

- She took it well, it’s a good thing.

- I though I would told her but in fact, she already knew.

- She knew ? How’s that ? »

Fred laugh a bit, thinking again about his mother’s words when he asked to her about. She had looked at him right on his eyes and said

« You’re truly like your father ! »

Fred said these words to Greg who opened his eyes wide.  

« Your dad is gay ??? »

Fred’s smile became bigger.

« It’s what I though too, before mom ended her sentence. »

Fred rose his fingers, making the quotation sign.

« Like him, you’re unable to erase the right way a browser’s history. »

Greg couldn’t do anything but to laugh.

« Man... How embarrassing... 

- You said it. I’m not the kind to see only vanilla movies. I didn’t knew what to do or to say. I was so ashamed than I wanted to melt and disappear under the ground !

- She took it well. What about your father ?

- He doesn’t know. Yet. Mom said to me it was not a good idea to talk to him about that. We never talked about that and we don’t know how he could react.

- Ever your mom ?

- I think he should be ok with that. But he spent the last 6 years in Central America. He’s not the same man I knew or I remembered. Maybe because I grew up too. »

The evocation of Fred’s father gave back to Greg the memory of what he had lost. He kept silence for a moment before to see that Fred took a different path. He had arrived on his way back. Greg greeted him and went on his way, to his uncle’s home. He entered the house and FJ did the same a few minutes later, going directly into his friend’s room.

In the evening, Greg, who held FJ entwined in his arms on his bed, felt that he had many things on his mind. 

« Because of what I asked you ? 

- Yes... And not only. Gruff I'm sorry, but I'm very worried right now. 

- I do not want to force your hand. I can come out without you. 

- This is not what makes me more scared. I fear for my father, Gruff. It gets worse. 

- How ? 

- He is more and more drunk and sometimes he stays for three days without coming back. I do not know where he goes or what he does. I do not even know if he still has a job. 

- That sucks. 

- It gets worse... I let mails on his desk. There are more and more returned unpaid bills. Before, daddy took care of regularly, but now there are reminders. I opened one. It has been three months since the rent was not paid. 

- Oh no. 

- I do not know what to do. I do more and more odd jobs for neighbors because dad brings back nothing to eat. »

The memory of the eggs in the fridge returned into Gruff’s mind. In his life he had never believed that something that is eaten could evolve in such a thing. Gruff gently kissed his cheek. 

« Do not worry. I'm sure my uncle will let you settle down here. 

- You think ? 

- Why should it be otherwise ? You are my friend. 

- And Dad ? 

- He... I do not know... And your mother ? 

- I have not heard from her for six months. You know, she left three years ago now. Dad never got really recovered. He loved my little sister. I never knew why they were gone, but they miss him very much. Me... I ever loved mom. But I knew, I always felt it was not returned back.

- Really ?

- Yes. I was aware after Lily’s birth. Everything changed when she arrived. I know than sometimes on a family, there is a more loved one. I just dunno if it was my fault or not. »

Gruff rose, motioning to FJ to stay on the bed. 

« I'll be right back. »

Greg went down in the living room, where his uncle tried to be interested in a comedy. Ed was next to him, and he kept looking at him while he was speaking, puzzling Greg a little.

« Unca... » 

Mark put down his beer on the coffee table.

« Yes ?

- I want to know... FJ does not seem to go well too. Could he stay tonight ?

- Is he sick ?

- No, he’s more depressed I think. »

Mark looked into Ed’s eyes. The two men did not exchanged a word. Ed nodded his head almost imperceptibly.

« Of course. But I want him to warn his family before, I don’t want them to call the police for nothing. »

Greg smiled, thanked his uncle and came up.

« It's good. You can stay here tonight, but my uncle told you to send a message to your father. »

FJ said nothing. He contented himself with kissing Gruff even more. Gruff enjoyed the time with great pleasure.

In the living, Mark looked at Ed straight in the eye. He had waited to hear Greg’s bedroom door closed before to question his husband.

« So ?

- It's hard to say. But I am pessimistic, Mark. It's a good thing for him to worry about his friend’s health but it is a fragile situation. What is not said is as important as what is said. I stay on my first position, Mark. Your nephew is still under the risk of sinking into a deep depression.

- I know that there is not a magic wand that will get him out of this situation.

- Greg is still a fragile boy. I fear that his current behavior is just a face for us and for himself. »

Ed hung his head.

« I saw dozens of boys like him in my career. They seemed to go well, they went back on their feet and no one knew why some ended up killing themselves. »

Mark scowled at the thought.

« I will never allow that to happen, Ed.

- Having opened your door to him had probably avoided the worst. You knew this rejection, Mark. It is an experience that I have not, this should help you to understand him better.

- I wish I did not have to do. I will never forgive my sister to have kicked him out. As long Gruff will need our help, we will give him ! »

Ed nodded in silence.