« You want me to talk about what, sir ? »

Fred was worried, and he tried to put as much respect as possible in his voice. He had heard of Mark’s methods from FJ’s mouth and then by others, but he did not though to have the misfortune to pay the price in his first hour with him. His concern was reinforced by the fact that Mark did not answered, rewarding him with a dark eye from time to time. He ordered with a firm hand to Fred to be placed between two rows of stands separated by a path devoted to health services on match days. There should be only two meters between each, making the location a confined space, the door of the infirmary being closed. An ideal place for a quiet scolding. Especially Mark’s wrath was palpable in his voice despite his efforts to remain calm.

« I hope you're proud of yourself. »

Fred looked at the powerful teacher, somewhat surprised, wondering what he could talk about.

« I... »

Mark did not left the young from his eyes. His eyes were fixed on those of the boy. His deep voice was tinged with bitterness and anger.

« What the hell could you had in your brain to act such a bitch ? Can you explain ? »

Fred was not sure what Mark was talking about. He looked at his interlocutor, flabbergasted. How could he knew ?

« But how...

- How do I know ? I'm on the front line in this story ! You can not imagine what was my surprise to see my nephew come and see me, his tail between his legs, begging for my help. You can not imagine what my reaction was when I knew that you had done ! »

Fred stared round. Gruff's uncle ? It made sense. He knew it was in him that Greg had taken refuge, while ignoring his name. Fred saw the physical resemblance now. He lowered his head.

« I'm sorry... You must believe me, I sincerely regret what I did ! »

Mark did not left his sternly face.

« Being jealous, it can happens, it happens to everyone, but do you know how much what your actions had consequences ?

- I know. You do not know how I...

- And stop repeating saying you're sorry ! »

Mark had a sustained tone. It put Fred more uncomfortable and made him more aggressive.

« What do you want me to say then ? I know I made a shit ! I confessed to Gruff !

- I know. He also told me that he had forgiven you. Damn Catholic morality... If you had tried to do such a thing to me, you shouldn’t had been able to get out with some few words, you can believe me ! »

Fred had hard to follow the conversation. Knowing the man, he had heard being the strangest because of his manners to sometimes motivate his students to be as close to the one whom he did the worst thing in the world troubled him much.

« I... »

Fred’s voice declined even intensity. He expressed all the shame now he could feel.

« I will never forgive myself for what I did. You can not imagine how much I'm ashamed of myself. Even knowing Gruff has forgiven me made no difference. »

Fred had a hand over his eyes, his head bowed. He was trying not to crack, but it seemed more difficult to contain his tears. Mark did not seem to be impressed, his voice keeping the same resolute tone.

« Greg's family was destroyed. Seeing how his parents are now considering him, it’s not a big thing. He had the guts to come to me despite all this time he ignored me. I have not hesitated to open my door because I know how much I suffered from not having anyone to do the same thing with me. »

Fred looked at Mark with a curious air. His eyes drove back a few tears. Mark had returned. His voice betrayed his emotion, but he did not wanted to show him his face.

« If I had not been there, I'm sure things would have gone wrong for him. He would have done the same as me or worse. He could had killed himself. I helped my sister to raise him when he was a baby. He is my nephew but I consider him much more than that.

- I... understand that...

- I do not think so. »

Mark had turned again to face Fred. Fred kept his head low aback by the remark.

« You must believe me... I know I've done wrong, I’m s... »

Mark's eyes dissuaded Fred to once again pronounce the «s» word. His voice was acid.

« Whatever you feel is nothing compared to what he suffered, and feel now. You can not imagine for one second all the devastation you caused ! »

The words and tone were especially sharp, Fred knew their veracity. Yet the remark somewhat revolted him.

« That’s not true ! I... You do not know what it made me realize what I did ! All the shame than over-melted me ! » 

Mark stared at Fred, his arms crossed. His voice was somewhat softened but the honey added on his voice lacked on the spoken words.

« What you could feel is no important. Your fate has no value compared to the drama that you caused. »

Fred's eyes were filled with anger. The sense of injustice became more meaningful. Fred had kept it in him the previous day, and he had sworn never to speak about. But the Professor’s words led him to open the Pandora's box. Without noticing it, the lock opened alone.

« It is not true ! You do not know what I felt, what almost happened to me ! What... I did !

- Nothing that you have done is interesting. »

Fred had regained some rage. He poured without restraint against the adult in front of him. He tried to contain, to exercise restraint and caution, but Mark had made him out of him. Now, Fred was also outraged.

« How dare you...

- Frankly, who is interested in a little bastard that breaks life for futility ? Everything you have done will have been that. Trivia. »

If Fred had lost more than his cool, he would have jumped at the throat of the adult to hit him. But he preferred to express his anger with words.

« I knew you were an asshole, but I did not knew how you could be a bastard ! You do not know what I did and after, you... Have pleasure in humiliating me ! Want to know what I did ? I was so ashamed of me, so bad, once at home, I took the gun that my mother thought well hidden. I went into my room, I screwed the barrel in my mouth and I shot ! I shot, fuck ! I wanted to blow my head off for good and I did it ! I pulled the trigger ! I pulled that fucking trigger ! »

Fred was holding his tears now. He turned and leaned his forehead and his fists on the wall and vented his cry. Mark stood behind him, and let the storm pass. 

Ten minutes passed with Fred begins to catch his breath, feeling his pain and his rage subside. But the tone of Mark remained unchanged.

« I don’t care. How important is it ? »

Fred swallowed his tears, even more shocked.

« Asshole... A complete bastard... »

The boy turned to face the adult. Mark's face showed only indifference and even contempt.

« I thought you were just jealous. But it is much more serious than that. You're just a little shit, unable to do things correctly. »

Fred wanted to replicate. But he could not express his outrage. Mark took the opportunity to continue.

« An incompetent. That's what you are. But the worst is that you're the most self-centered being I have ever seen ! » 

Fred's eyes expressed his dismay curiosity.

« Greg lost his family. His future is at risk and you do not manage to interest to someone else than you ? Have you thought for one second to anything other than your little one, tell me ? »

Fred remained silent. He did not understood what Mark meant.

« You seem to be an intelligent boy, but you seem being able to do only all the imaginable crap ! I can not understand how you can behave so selfishly with all that you did !

- Selfishly ? »

Fred breathed more and more quickly. He felt his anger rising again.

« You sent something to humiliate Greg to his father, and the only thing that seems to you to care in your eyes, it's your well-being ! Oh, I believe you when you tell me that you almost killed yourself ! But it is an act of great cowardice and selfishness !

- But.. How dare you say this ?

- Had you thought for a moment about the pain of your mother if she had found your body ? You must have seen a lot of movies on TV, right ? You know, a man who gets a bullet in the head is not having a small round hole between the eyes. I saw with my own eyes a man getting a bullet ! What you see is his head to explode into a thousand pieces. »

Mark had approached Fred and punctuated his words angrily, his index on the boy's chest. 

« There is nothing left of the head ! Nothing ! Your mother could never give you one last kiss on your cheek before closing your coffin because you would not have one anymore. This is what you wanted to give her as a last vision of you ? A bloody headless body on your bed ? This is what you wanted to give to your parents ? A lifetime to wonder « why » ? You're so selfish that you did not even thought about that ? » 

Mark’s words scandalized Fred. He could not believe that he can make fun of him. He also felt pushed himself into a corner. What made him even more uncomfortable was to know he was right. Before Fred pulled the trigger of the fortunately discharged gun, he did not weigh the consequences of his act towards his parents.

In what Hell he was going to push them if he had managed to commit suicide ? Fred was always angry against Mark, but a sense of shame began to be felt. And it was heard in his voice. 

« How dare you mock what I failed to do ? You do not know what I went through. I continue to think that now I’ll never go out of ! » 

With a neglected gesture of the hand, Mark swept Fred objections.

« I'm not mocking you. But I see that you continue to be amazingly selfish. Me, myself and I... Everything revolves around you ! You’re not concerned for a second by what Greg can feel ! You did nothing to help him after ! Do you think about others than you sometimes ? »

The boy's anger did not weaken. It was even greater knowing than Mark was right again. For the first time, Fred felt this rage turned against himself.

Mark was right, yes. He had worried about Greg’s fate, but for the most part, he had thought only to get out of. He had not tried to rescue Gruff. He had not asked to join him in his house, under one pretext or another. All his actions, his thoughts turned toward himself. 

Mark would not have done much harm if he had slapped him. His face had now a form of understanding. He kept his head down but his eyes had changed. Mark noted and gave the final blow.

« I do not like cowards. It is still quite difficult to be homosexual to afford to show as much selfishness as thou do. Can hold the greatest speeches, only our actions matter. You have the choice between change or remain the self-satisfied asshole you are today. You are solely responsible for the disaster you have caused. The worst is that now you can not do something to change things. »

Mark words were scathing Fred and hurting him in a unimaginable way. The worst thing for the boy was that he knew that these words again expressed only the truth. He leaned against the podium to not collapse.

« Greg has forgiven you. This does not really surprise me, because he was never spiteful as I can be. That does not make you a better person. Although I think you have a chance to become one. » 

Mark went away somewhat from Fred, regaining the field. 

« My job here is to make the weak strong. To push him to make him acquires more than one body in good shape, but also the mentality that will make him someone strong in his head, so he can have his chances once being thrown into active life. I do not know if you, you get there, and to be honest, I do not care to know. From what I see, Leonid need my help, so I'll join. Stay here and chose carefully the path you will take. You can finish your warm up and join the race when you're ready, if you become. If you go, I will not report you. But I'll make sure that next year you'll not be among my students because I do not like wasting my time with those who are not worth. » 

At these words, Mark left the driveway, leaving Fred alone with his thoughts. He walked slowly to the edge of the track or he saw his students cast a worried look on the still leashed lizard when they were passing current. From time to time, the Komodo was yawning its boredom and fatigue, and if a group of students stood nearby, it was encouraging them to accelerate.

« I'm still against the idea of using such schemes but I have to face facts. If I believe your records, half improved their lap times. »

The lion wondered why Mark did not render him a smile, taking the leash from his hands.

Mark was silent, looking straight. Leonid realized that Mark was waiting for something. He did not knew what, just that it was useless to ask him. Mark, if he wanted to, would tell by himself. He looked at his colleague then to some young students running before him. He remained silent for a moment before to note an additional student running with his comrades. 

There was a gleam of defiance mingled of rage in Fred’s eyes when he turned his head towards Mark. Leonid did not knew that Mark had told him, and he knew he would never know. But it had borne fruits, as always.

Mark was careful to begin to smile only when Fred could not see him anymore.

--

He looked at the two boys, sighing dissatisfaction while Greg and FJ looked around, a little worried. The crowd prevented anyone to say if they had or would cross an acquaintance. And it encouraged the boys to scrutinize around all sides, as young frightened children.

« Haven’t you done staring everyone like that ? It is the farthest shopping center from the school !

- This does not mean that we could cross a teacher or another student in our class ! »

Greg nodded to FJ’s words. He raised his head to see if in the two upper floors he saw Dave or another member of the team. The risk was very low, but not nonexistent. This somewhat exasperated Mark to see teenagers not listening to the voice of wisdom. Gruff and FJ were reluctant to come together to rent their costumes, but Mark was formal. Out of question for him to make the trip twice so far, and also out of question to go the next day too. Friday was for him a free day that year, he did not intend to waviest because of some pure irrational fear.

« So what ? You will just have to invent a dumb story to justify your presence here. These are not the reasons that are missing, right ?

- We know, but we're not quiet anyway. » 

Mark shrugged to his nephew’s remark. Teens reluctant to lie. Could he even believe that ?

The powerful rott ignored the juveniles complaints and pushed them to follow him to the second level, using the stairs. The building was large and almost naturally illuminated by the light which flooded the interior through a huge skylight. If there was no air conditioning pushed forward, it was almost possible to believe being in the open air. On each side of the avenue of light, the crowd was going from one store to another store, arms laden with packages and bags. Turning his head, Mark could see that the boys smiled imperceptibly every time their eyes met. He forced himself to keep his own inner smile. How lucky they were. Have not only found themselves, but have had their lives changed by this encounter, this confession.

Oh, of course it was not perfect, far from it. Greg had been kicked from his home, and FJ remained a freak for other students in his class. But this double confession had revived the dice of their destinies and Mark found himself wondering what their future would be now that their life had changed.

The male trio crossed the glass doors of a clothes rental shop. There were relatively few people inside, and you could easily slip between the radii of suits and dresses. A young panther, obviously too young to work, rested against the three men. Her shiny black fur was relieved by her gray pants and a peach bustier. It did not prevent her tail to move to the rhythm of her slow convolutions words.

« These gentlemen wish ? »

Mark looked at the young woman, not knowing if she was actually working at the store, considering her age. She should be barely older than the boys.

« I come to rent two costumes. To celebrate the end of year for these two students. »

Mark pointed his thumb to the two boys who tried to pretend they did not knew each other, wandering in the shelves. The young woman sized up their bodies.

« It should be possible. We have a few large sizes left. A favorite color ? Light blue perhaps ? » 

The idea of wearing a such color triggered the same reaction among Gruff and FJ, who chanted « no » at the same time. That made smile the young panther.

« I think we have some dark beige or black left. We will avoid silk, too ? » 

Mark nodded. It seemed that the young woman was as good observer than he was. The girl began to move towards a beam when a loud and authoritative, although also female stopped her gesture.

« Lorette ! How many times did I say do not bother the customers ? » 

Mark's gaze fell on the woman who had to intervene. Panther also, a less pronounced black fur but a more powerful bust, imprisoned in a pistachio dress. She looked at the trio, smiling.

« Please excuse my daughter, she knows the art of meddling in what does not concern her.

- It's nothing, ma'am.

- Two suits, therefore, is that it ? Wool ?

- If this is possible.

- Given the size of your boys, I think it will be. Everything in standard size is already rented at this time of the year. »

The woman slipped within and returned with two suits of black wool, she gave each one to the boys.

« The changing rooms are on this side. You have already made your choice for the flower ? We have very beautiful magnolias. »

Greg and FJ entered in each unused stall to see if it was the appropriate size. Mark and the salesperson stayed together.

« Thank you, but the problem of the flower is already set. »

Mark smiled, thinking about the unsaid.

« You will make the costumes back on Monday ?

- In the morning if possible.

- We open at 9:00.

- That's perfect. »

The clerk turned to her wandering somewhat daughter disappointed not being able to help as she wanted.

« Lorette ! Go back home and tries to have finished to unpack. »

The girl was obviously not pleased with the chore.

« And do not drag on the road. Ask your father to make us warm the roast. And make him does not forget the beans this time.

- Yes mom... »

Visibly upset, the girl left the store.

« There are so much to do, we just moved. Lorette will have her first day of school tomorrow. You know how teens can be... »

Mark knew that the woman took him for the father of one of the boys. The idea made him smile more openly.

« Almost, yes.

 -You will also need shoes ?

- Black, varnished.

- Ties ?

- We have, it's good thank you.» 

The panther took two boxes of shoes and gave them to Gruff and FJ to try them. The duo came out, wearing the costumes on their bodies. Greg and FJ were careful not to touch or touch any furniture for fear of staining or tearing their jackets. The panther gave them the shoes. Her expert eye enabled her to guess right on the first try the good size. Mark called and the trio left the store. But it was only once back in Mark’s pickup than the two boys finally relaxed.

--

The two boys looked nervously at each other in front of Mark’s mirror chamber. Both wore their rented costumes and the polished shoes. A white shirt emphasized the importance of the occasion. It just lacked something. A thing to put around the neck. Mark was rummaging through his wardrobe to find some remnants of past ceremonies.

« It's amazing what you can keep when you pay no attention... Ah, here they are ! »

Mark came out from a drawer a lot of ties. Some black, others had been. Some fancies one that Mark could not sincerely explain the presence.

« Choose. By the way, you can do the knot ?

- No.

- I've never wore some.

- It seem’s I’ll have to teach you everything then... »

Gruff and FJ were looking at them and departed all those who could harm their masculine image.

« What about those ? »

FJ had his hands on two ties still in their plastic. They were made of leather, but they were not black. They resumed the pattern and colors of the flag on the left of the cabinet.

« They were there ? I had bought them for a friend's wedding, but I've never been able to get them on that day.

- They look pretty.

- It is not silk ?

- Nope, leather. It is more difficult for the node but it is solid.

- Can we try them ? We thought to put a touch of color, not to believe we were going to a funeral...

- Give me, I'll attach them. »

In turn, Mark tied the two ties. Gruff and FJ looked at each other. The browns, whites and blacks stripes seemed really nice on their chest.

« It suits you very well.

- On you too.

- Can we keep them ?

- Of course... But you know the meaning of the flag, right ?

- Ed gave us some lessons, yes. You think... that we’re not enough... guys to be able to wear it ?

- They suit you really good... Your decision is made ?

- It's sold !

- For me too !

- By the way guys, how you intend to go?

- Walking. It is not far, we will take two different paths and once on site... »

Mark reached into his pocket and pulled out a small wad of cash. He gave it to Gruff.

« For you way back, I want you to have a cab.

- Why ?

- Greg, you and your friend, you’re about to see your life radically change. In good, but bad too. From experience, I know that it can go terribly wrong, even though I do not think it will happen for you both. You are not helpless and I know you will fight back if needed. But the courage and talent may not be enough. I want you to take a taxi back, whatever the hour, okay ?

- I promise then.

- It would bother you though... If I stayed around ?

- Uh, I think so, yes...

- So I do not insist. You know, Ed and I have a date that evening... »

Greg looked up at the sky. FJ didn’t knew the reason for the date, but seeing the reaction of his friend, he knew that he was in possession of an information that he would liked to ignore. He also refrained himself from asking any questions about it.

« And you’ll come home late ?

- So late that you should not worry if you don’t see us in the morning...

- So later than that ?

- Without a doubt. Anyway, and once will not hurt, we’ll let our cells on. The slightest problem, you call and we’re here, ok ?

- I promise.

- And once at home, you lock the door.

- Yes...

- And do not speak to me that way ! FJ, you can stay with Gruff but if you want to, warn your father before !

- Yes, sir.

- Now go and remove these clothes, don’t get them dirty. »

Gruff and FJ obeyed, leaving the room with their costumes. Once alone, Mark put his head in his hands and sighed.

A week of paternity, and he seemed to have already an ulcer.

Greg went to his room, followed by FJ. The two boys put back their usual clothes. Greg put his laptop on.

« Need to look for something ?

- We have not yet finished, FJ. We still need to choose two titles.

- How so, two songs ?

- I am the football team captain, FJ, I’ll have to open the ball. And it is up to me to choose the song that will begin the evening.

- It's true... I forgot. And we will have to dance on it... God... I would prefer to break my leg instead...

- And me ? Do you think I want to humiliate myself in front of everyone ? A brick dances better than I do. I crushed all my guests’ feet.

- This is so encouraging.

- We will choose something easy. »

Greg pulled himself away to let FJ read the screen.

« And the first slow should be selected from a list.

- And there's a slow, too...

- It is not me who made the conduct of parties.

- Well, what’s in the list then ? »

After that last rhetoric question, FJ looked at the screen and read the rather long list of available songs.

« That one. »

FJ designated a title in the list. Greg understood that choice.

« It is a good idea. But it seemed to me it wasn’t a slow ?

- They sure had made a slow version, I imagine. There are so many versions of each song now...

- You're probably right. »

Greg sent an e-mail indicating the choice.

« And about the opening title ? You have any idea ?

- I think so... There is a title that should suit. I like it, and as it is techno, you can dance no matter how above. Let me show you...» 

Greg left the keyboard to his friend and FJ entered a search. He clicked on the link most likely to match what he wanted, an amateur video showing two girls dancing on the chosen music.

http://www.dailymotion.com/video/x21h5b_groovy-girl-daft-punk-harder-better_sport 

Greg watched the video and more importantly, listened to the music.

« I agree... It is ideal for setting the pace...

- And we do not have to do all the moves...

- This is what I appreciate even more. Ready to spend the next hours to sweat and learn the basics ?

- Yes. The sooner we have learned, the sooner we will be rid of them. » 

Greg smiled at his friend, and hugged him again.

--

His day had been a continual back-and-forth between some form of euphoria, rebellion, resignation and guilt. He could thank Mark. Had it been possible for him to feel more uncomfortable, no doubt that this teacher would not have hesitated to push him further.  Something revolted him more against the methods of this stupid rott. It was the fact that he was right. On everything. This thought made Fred even crazier, and he gave a kick when a big enough pebble showed under his footsteps to help him evacuate his frustration. His backpack on his shoulders, he walked towards his home. Each step frustrated him more, because he knew that the worst was to come.

He tried to convince himself that he did so by his own will, and not pushed by the words and the ways of Gruff's uncle. Who he was, anyway ? He was nobody for him, just a teacher among others, the most hated of his short list. His job was just to sweat up the students. There was better and more rewarding, like teaching mechanics or maths. That story of preparing students for adult life, it was bullshit.

Fred turned to the left to engage in Nail street. If there had been no signpost, he could had turn the wrong way, getting lost. In this neighborhood, the houses were almost all the same, differing only by the colors of doors, curtains sometimes. Toys and bikes temporarily abandoned by their young owners running around. Fred noted the presence of his mother's car. He sighed. He had hoped to see her later in the day. After all, would it not be better to finish faster with all this ?

Fred groaned. To face his obligations, it was to show maturity. Demonstrate maturity, it was bear the consequences of his actions towards others. It was no longer evidence of selfishness. It was showing to that big asshole than he was right.

Fred looked at the mezuzah leaning against the lintel. He lowered his head, gently stroking it. A thing he rarely did. Through the small plastic case, he could see some Hebrew letters which had crossed the thin paper that formed a single word. ????. 

Courage. He had seen that word before. But for the first time, it has a meaning to him.

He went through the door and closed it quickly.

A smell of grilled pork and eggplant in the air, highlighted by the fragrance of a cream sauce being reduced. John was not Jewish, but he would not be the only one eating this dish. Daisy and Fred’s Jewishness was more cultural than religious, and it does not crossed the kitchen door. As usual, Daisy cooked enough portions to provide three or four consecutive meals. One way to save time, because she knew that leaving her husband or son trying to cook was too dangerous for her. Fred went upstairs to put his bag and went down, scratching the back of his head, hesitating.

« Mom ?

- Yes ? »

Daisy hung her gesture. The knife was going to cut the last eggplant, remaining suspended in the air.

« I wanted to tell you something. I...'m sorry I disobeyed. I should not had touched it. »

Daisy looked at her son curiously. Her face lit up when she realized what it was about. She began to cut the vegetables, turning her back to his son.

« You should never had, yes. »

Her voice was firm and Fred felt the reproach.

« I think I learned a lot of things today mom. And I want to apologize again, now that I see things much better. » 

Daisy stopped her act and put the knife down. She turned, smiling.

« Really ? »

Fred scratched his head even more. He often did that when he spoke about something he did not wanted to talk about.

« I acted like a fool, mom, and I apologize. To Gruff, and you and Dad too. I just wanted to say that I will never do this kind of stupidity again. » 

Daisy returned to her cutting board.

« I know. I gave anyway the weapon back to your father, he must sell it before returning home. I no longer need this thing now that he is back and anyway I do not want more that kind of crap in my house. It's too dangerous. I'm glad to see you come back to your senses.

- Me too, Mom...

- So I can cancel your appointment with the psychiatrist ? » 

Fred looked at his mother with curiosity. She called for an appointment for him ? Without talk him first ?

« I... I think not having need. Why did... »

A raised hand stopped Fred’s sentence.

« I saw the saliva on the barrel of the gun. I fully understood what you almost did. »

Daisy's voice remained equal. But her actions over the last vegetable betrayed her anger, her fear. 

« I know you better than you can imagine, Fred. And I'm glad to see you back to better feelings. Now go up to your room and do your homeworks. »

Fred said nothing and went to his room after giving one last smile back to his mother. Every obstacle he had himself erected on his way rose one after the other. That was enough to make him smile a little. To keep his good humor, he prevented thoughts than it was perhaps Mark’s words who pushed him to change.

Alone in the kitchen, knowing her son being on the first floor, Daisy put the knife in the board and put her hand over her mouth to stifle the sobs that were now sell her natural calm. While crying silently, she thanked God for having saved her son.